Sending a newborn alone to be circumcised.

Merry - posted on 05/24/2012 ( 24 moms have responded )

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So, circumcision is an elective surgery.

And most places are more then willing to have mom and or dad accompany their son through the ordeal.

But I hear people say, I didn't want to watch.

This seems cruel, to send your son to an elective surgery all alone because you can't stomach watching what you've chosen to do to him.

Why not go and stand by his side?

Basivly, if you can't watch it, how can you do it to your baby.





Edited to be less dramatic ;-)

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Mrs. - posted on 05/25/2012

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I find I get very anxious about my child or my dog getting shots or having any painful medical procedure done. That would be fine if it just affected me, however, it seems to influence their anxiety level as well.

With both my LO and my dog, we have learned the hard way that my husband should be the only one entering the room. I am not allowed. My daughter and my pup cry more, have more of a rough time and take more coaxing when I am in the room. This was especially true when my daughter was a baby and had nothing to go on but body language and the anxiety level of her mother (or father).

Sometimes, it is just a better idea, for the child to keep things matter-of-fact/in and out. If one of the parents or both of the parents make it worse of the baby by being there, because of their own anxiety rubbing off....I think it can actually be a smart choice.

Krista - posted on 05/25/2012

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Mary, I know that your medical knowledge is superior to my own, but I really don't know if you can accurately compare circumcision to having a mole or a skin tag removed. Those are very minor procedures. Not to mention that moles and skin tags are deviations from the norm, whereas the foreskin IS the norm. Plus from what I understand, surgery is usually defined as cutting into the skin to gain access to the body’s deeper tissues or organs. So you could call mole or skin tag removal a procedure, sure. But with circumcision...it's a lot more invasive, frankly.

First, the amount of foreskin to be removed is estimated. The foreskin is opened via the preputial orifice to reveal the glans underneath and ensure it is normal. The inner lining of the foreskin (preputial epithelium) is bluntly separated from its attachment to the glans. The device is placed (this sometimes requires a dorsal slit) and remains there until blood flow has stopped. Finally, the foreskin is amputated. Sometimes, the frenulum band may need to be broken or crushed and cut from the corona near the urethra to ensure that the glans can be freely and completely exposed.

Denikka - posted on 05/26/2012

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My son is circ'd.
It wasn't done in the hospital, we had to go find our own Dr to do it. The one we chose happened to be the Dr I had had throughout my childhood. I trusted him and his judgement.

He not only asked us to leave the room, he highly recommended that we leave the building for a few minutes. So we did. And I feel comfortable with that choice. There was a reason behind that. He had had experiences where, as the baby started to cry/last minute, the parent has freaked out (for whatever reason) and barged into the room. Anyone with a scalpel should not be startled. Luckily this Dr. hadn't had any botched circ's, but it was a risk he wanted to avoid as much as possible.
That I could respect.
I would have liked to be there. If I have the option if I have any more boys, I will be there. But I can understand why that doctor asked us to leave. And by the time we got back, a few minutes later, my boy was happy and giggling at the Dr. So I don't think he was too traumatized having to go at it alone for a few minutes through that experience. :)

Mary - posted on 05/24/2012

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I'm by no means a pro-circ person. If my daughter had been a boy, I would not have circumsized. However, the tone of this OP is really a bit dramatic, OTT, and dripping in judgement.

First of all, it's a bit of stretch to call it "surgery". Procedure is a much more accurate term. After all, when a person has something like a mole or skin tag removed, no one refers to that as surgery - it's a procedure.

Kaitlin is absolutely right - not all mothers are physically able to accompany their child a day or so after birth, and not all babies have an involved father, or one who didn't have to leave immediately after birth to not lose his job. These procedures aren't typically scheduled for a set time. Where I worked, the OB's would typically call over to the nursery and tell the nursery nurse to apply the numbing cream to whichever babies were going to be circ'd that say, and they would be over in 45 minutes. That could have been at 5am, or 9pm - it was whenever the doc was free, and in the hospital to do rounds.

There is also the very common issue that many a parent simply cannot stand to see anything medical/surgical in nature without either fainting or getting sick. A dad that passed out during labor or birth? Even if he had some half-hearted desire to be there, the staff would strongly discourage him from doing so. After all, how much "support" are you going to be to anyone if you are out cold on the floor, sitting down with your head between your legs, or off hurling in the trash can?

Rosie - posted on 05/26/2012

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i guess i didn't know i could...i've never been able to go to any surgery my children have ever had, or any surgery that anybody i know,why would i think i could when it was not mentioned?

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Ann - posted on 05/31/2012

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We were not allowed to go in. Unfortunately a circ has to be arranged with an appt over here which can take a few weeks. I had my first son done at 2 and a half weeks and my second son was done at 1 week. It was over and done with fast. They place a small ring on the penis here and the whole think drops off after a week. Was very easy and tidy. And I just placed my sons on the boob after they came out. My second son apparently didnt even the cry which the dr found extremely funny as the child before hand was screaming. But I guess if I had been allowed in I probably would have gone.

Stifler's - posted on 05/27/2012

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I have no trouble taking my kids for their vaccinations . I don't cry either. We go in and do what needs to be done and be done with it. If I'd gotten Logan circed I would have been in the room. But I'm against it so he isn't done.

Denikka - posted on 05/26/2012

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My son was about 2 months old. We had a hard time getting any information about who would do the procedure, how much it would cost, etc. And then actually booking an appointment was a nightmare. We had it done pretty much as late as they would allow, excluding medical reasons.
Okay..so probably not actually giggling or whatever, but he was not upset, he was happy when we came back into the office.
We knew what we were getting into. I did my research and understood the procedure. We actually asked to stay and watch the procedure. Our doctor explained the situation and made a recommendation. We followed his advice and everything was fine.

Like Mary N said. it's a LOT different knowing about a procedure and actually watching it happen to someone you love. Just like it's a lot different training to be a soldier and getting dumped in a warzone. Or training to be a doctor and then actually cutting into a human body. You can understand the process inside and out, but until you are actually there, doing it, you can't really say how you will definitely react.
Besides Laura, even though you didn't freak out, not everyone reacts the same way in any given situation. Maybe one of the parents was on the fence about getting it done and panicked when it became *real*. We just don't know.

Rosie - posted on 05/26/2012

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so, if you watched your owns son surgery and didn't flip out, why do you think others will change their mind or something?



also... perfectly said mary! my sentiments exactly.

Mary - posted on 05/26/2012

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Laura, the mindset that parents have to see "what they are doing to their baby" sounds scarily similar to a lot of the legislature that a few states have recently either passed or proposed that requires women to "see the baby" via US before they can have an abortion. Again, I am not pro-circ, but I just cannot condone this approach. It reeks of an attempt to punish the parent for what you believe is their "wrong" choice. It's a rather transparent approach in which you think if you make it as absolutely painful and unpleasant as possible, then maybe they'll change their mind.

It also seems as if you are implying that even though you circ'd your own son, you are somehow marginally absolved, or somehow a more caring mother just because you were with him when it was done.

I also have to disagree with the thought that reading up about the specifics of the procedure, or having viewed a video ahead of time rules out the possibility that a parent will not be scared or freak out. First of all, I've seen plenty of nursing students who have studied about childbirth pass out or get sick the first time they watched a delivery (vaginal and operative) - not to mention the scores of support people with a laboring mom who have attended the classes and watched birthing videos who have freaked out or hit the floor when seeing it in real life. Throw into this equation the fact that you are talking about a woman who has either just gone through an enormous physical and emotional event involving varying degrees of blood loss and the inevitable exhaustion in the aftermath, and the chances of her not coping well go up substantially, no matter how "informed" she is about the procedure. A lot of dads aren't much better - most of them haven't slept much, and are overly emotional as well.

I'm a freaking nurse, but I have to say that watching anything even remotely painful being performed by another on either my child or my dogs is really difficult for me. Molly is actually easier for me than the dogs. All she's had done so far are shots and one blood draw, and that didn't phase me in the least (and it really doesn't seem to bug her all that much either) When my one dog had to have an IV put in and get put to sleep for an MRI, I was a complete fucking mess, and so teary and upset that my husband (who was both shocked and just a bit annoyed with my unexpected meltdown) made me leave the room, since it was making the dog even more distraught. The dog was much less anxious once I was gone. Familiarity with a procedure doesn't necessarily help when it's your loved one it's being performed on.

Merry - posted on 05/26/2012

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How old was your son??.
Idk, I was there holding in my sons pacifier the whole time, and my husband stood beside us actually watching the surgery and we didn't flip out.
Again, if you don't know what's going to happen you shouldn't be doing it to your baby.
I'd think parents should see a circ done or at least read through what it entails before every choosing to do it to their baby. That way they know what's going to happen and they're not going to freak out or get scared.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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My daughter had to have her adenoids taken out at age 3. She was put under general for this surgery. It was only a 15min process but I could not go with her. She was soooo scared. I was in pieces. I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't sit still. I was sooo happy when it was over and I was able to meet her in the recovery room. Unfortunately, something that is typically a day surgery, ended in an overnight stay. She swallowed an enormous amount of blood and could not stop throwing up. So, we ened up having to spend the night, so they could watch her.



It really was a traumatizing experience for me, she doesn't remember anymore. I am not sure how I would do it again. This is one of the reasons (amongst, I didn't want him to go through it), I was not willing for my son to get ear tubes. I knew I would have to leave him. Fortunately, I found a way to get him away from getting ear infections when he started to get a cold. I was able to cancel the ear tube surgery and he has been doing excellent since (it is amazing what some nazal saline spray and a flovent puffer can do for ear infections). Now when he starts getting a cold I immediately put him on the regimen and he clears up in 4-5 days.



So, I would definitely have to go in during a circumcision. I just need to be a witness to anything that my children are going through. Of course, if it is against the rules, I can't go in. So, I do my best to ensure, they really really need it done.

Merry - posted on 05/26/2012

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I guess I feel like if it's so upsetting that you can't go with then why are you choosing to do it to your baby.
I mean shots or necessary surgeries are on thing. They're needed or strongly recommended. Circumcision isn't even medically recommended. It's purely a personal preference surgery.
So if it's so worth it to do it to your baby you should hopefully be familiar with the procedure and comfortable with what's going to happen

Becky - posted on 05/25/2012

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If we'd had it done on our boys, it wouldn't have been done in the hospital anyway, they don't do it in hospital at birth here. You have to find one of the 3-4 drs. who do it and make an appointment. Which probably contributes to a lot fewer people doing it here! Anyway, we were going to have it done with our oldest, and I think (but am not entirely sure I remember correctly) that the dr. told me the parents could not be in the room while it was being done. I didn't like the dr. and didn't like the idea of my baby being tied down and cut while he was conscious, so we didn't end up doing it.
When my second son had to have surgery on his testicles, they wouldn't let me be in the room during surgery of course, but they did let me go into the OR with him and hold him until he was out. It was really hard for me, but I felt like I had to be there.

Janice - posted on 05/25/2012

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Thank you Laura. We are much happier now. I really didnt realize how strongly I was against circumcision (which my entire family is for) until a few days before I delivered.

Merry - posted on 05/24/2012

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:-/ sounds like a rock and a hard place.
Idk what I'd do personally but I gotta say it's tough that your son had to have that done to keep things together.
I hope you and your husband are doing well :)

Janice - posted on 05/24/2012

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I was never given the option to go. They just took him. Honestly, I didn't want it done (daddy's decision) and I cried and after 15 minutes I went looking for him and wanted him back in my arms ASAP. I think if I had gone I would have probably changed my mind and my hubby, who was home with our daughter, would have been pissed off when he came to get us later. Our relationship struggled through the surprise pregnancy and was finally getting back to normal shortly before I delivered. I wasn't willing to rock the boat.



So I agree with you Laura but for my FAMILY it was better I didnt go.

Sherri - posted on 05/24/2012

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I went for my first and third. For my second I was very sick and I couldn't be there and for my fourth I was in surgery and could not be there. I had zero problem with it.

Merry - posted on 05/24/2012

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I'd assume anything where you're removing a body part with a scalpel would be a surgery.

Dramatic? Sure. Why not. Is a dramatic topic.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/24/2012

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I do agree Mary. For me, I guess, I just can't get passed the while idea of circumcising for "just because" reasons. Then, leaving the child's side.

Although, it is true, that some people just can't stomach it. I also agree it is a procedure, rather than surgery. Surgery would require a general anesthetic.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/24/2012

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I agree Laura, I would not be doing this without being able to go with. However, I would not be doing it anyhow, unless it was a serious need of my sons, due to some infection or medical problem.

Merry - posted on 05/24/2012

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I guess if it were me I'd wait on the surgery if I wasn't able to go with. Or send the father.

Kaitlin - posted on 05/24/2012

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to be fair, some women can't go with their child, if their labor was especially difficult. This was not the case for me, but for many it is.

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