should I be angry if someone smacks my child?

Kylie - posted on 07/27/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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someone posted a conversation on disciplining other people's children. I started to post a comment and it turned itself into a new question so I want to ask this
Should I be angry if someone smacks my child......
the reason I ask is this - when my eldest son was about one he was playing with a cuboard door which he knew he wasn't allowed to touch. My brothers girlfriend who is now 18 smacked him, not knowing I was only a few steps behind her. now When I disciple my boys I always get to their level and at such a young age (because they are still learning) firmly say no or Oh oH and remove them from the situation and destract them. I was absolutely furious as I, their mother can not even smack my boys myself, nor would I do that to anyone elses child. So I spoke to my brother as I did not want to approach the girl myself.
To this day nearly 2 years later this girl takes it upon herself to "act as mum" and jump in when I am trying to, or on my way to discipline my boys, who are relatively well behaved anyway.
At the same time I know us mums dont see everything but I would prefer people to tell me so I can deal the situation the way I see fit
Would love to know other peoples opinions on this....

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18 Comments

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JL - posted on 07/28/2009

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I would have lost it on her..no one should be smacking your child unless you have giving them specific direct permission to discipline your child in a way that you see fit. She would have got and ear load from me and possibly a smack as well.

[deleted account]

Well, here's what I think. The first time she smacked your son, she would have gotten an earful from me. "We don't hit in our home. Never do that again please" basically. And probably said with fire coming out of my eyes and in strained politeness. If she ever did it again, she would no longer be welcome in my home until she agreed to do things my way with MY child. What a person does to their own child is their business...but when it comes to someone else's child, there is no way in hell that anyone has the right to hit anyone else's children. I don't care if they are related to you or not. Unless you have given someone specific permission, then NO ONE has permission.

Kylie - posted on 07/27/2009

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You Ladies all have very similar thoughts to me. I spoke to my brother about the situation purely because I so wild at the time and had to walk away coz I didnt know what I would be capable of (at my grandparents house) and didnt want my boy to see an argument. She has never smacked him again or my other son but she still pisses me off, and yes I agree my brother should have ditched her A LONG time ago.....

Christina, I knew you did not mean smack to your post I was going to say that I try not to discipline other peoples kids if they are there but a child is in a dangerous situation then I would step in. My reply ended up turning into another question and I didnt want to veer people off your topic :-) wasnt a go at you - promise.

Some people are just physco though. MY hubby was at the park with my eldest a few months ago and this mans kid (who hubby says looked about 8 years old) hit my 2 year old so my hubby asked the older boy to play nice as our son is quite young. the father then stormed over to my hubby trying to start a fight..

Thankyou for your opinions and comments guys at least I know I am not the only one thinking like this...

Charlie - posted on 07/27/2009

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i would be fuming , i would never hit my own child , let alone let some one else hit him .
she obviously has boundry issues and if i were you i would be giving her a good talking to .
Especially since she is taking it upon herself to continue to mother your child !

--- - posted on 07/27/2009

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no one should smack your child. if you choose to use corporal punishment as a means to discipline that should be done so between you and your spouse. I was thwe one who posted about disciplining others kids and I did not mean smack I meant to say their actions were not appropriate and to either stop saying dirty words or to remind them to be careful around smaller children. I absolutely think that other people should jump in to discipline a child if the occasion is appropriate. for example if you and I are in a room and your child throws a block and hits my child on the head and you sit there and do nothing you can bet I am going to say something to your child.

Amie - posted on 07/27/2009

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Least I'm not the only momma who thinks the way I do. =) It's supposed to say... have her OWN freaking children. LOL.. typos.

Amie - posted on 07/27/2009

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I haven't read the replies but here's my take....
I had a friend do the same thing to my oldest when she was 8 months old. I flipped right out. She never touched my child again and was a lot more hesitant on "stepping in". Telling another's child no is one thing, hitting another's child is completely inappropriate. I'd be having a talk with her. If she wants to be mom so bad tell her to have her one freaking children.

Kylie - posted on 07/27/2009

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I would have tried to have her arrested or at least thrown out of my house. Nobody hits my children! especially my one year old....its disgusting behavior..your brother should have dropped her years ago. next time she goes to tell your kids off for being kids tell her to back the fuck off or get out...sorry this makes me really mad.

~Jennifer - posted on 07/27/2009

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If I had been you at that moment, I would have ripped off the cupboard door and beat her with it.



(but that's just me)



NO ONE has the right to lay a hand on my child. If someone smacked my child, that person would soon know what it meant to REALLY get smacked.

[deleted account]

NOBODY has the right to lay a hand on your children! This lady has some serious boundary issues.

Jessica - posted on 07/27/2009

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I probably would've turned around and smacked her and see how she liked it. We use spanking as a form of disicpline in our house but not often and not for something as small as playing with a door. Unless you had a hand in creating the child you are disciplining you might want to think twice before you take action. Even if I use spanking as a punishment on the rare occasion it absolutely does not give anyone else the right to do so.

Esther - posted on 07/27/2009

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Yes, I'd be SERIOUSLY pissed off if someone else smacked my child. Especially some 16 year old (you say she's 18 now and this was 2 years ago). I would make that very clear to her too. If I don't smack my son, some other woman SURE AS HELL won't either without getting an earful from me.

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2009

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I would be furious if anyone smacked my kids! Even if they were in danger.....i would rather they just pulled them away or something. Smacking is a punishment not an intervention. I don't smack anyway, but even if i did i wouldn't expect any one to take it upon themselves to hit my child.
I've looked after my best friends children loads of times since they were babies and she's looked after my two and not once have either of us had to smack each others kids. You just say 'NO'.
:)

Anna - posted on 07/27/2009

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Considering that I do not smack my own children, yes I would certainly be upset and I think you have every right to be. I think I would have handled that situation right there and then w/ your brother's girlfriend. She probably did not mean any harm, but I would just let her now how you discipline your children and what you feel is appropriate. She may just not know any better, especially if she doesn't have children of her own. There are plenty of ways to discipline and teach a child right from wrong with out using a smack, pinch, etc. I certainly do not think it is appropriate for someone else to "hit" my child at all, no more than I like other people offering my children food or candy without asking my permission first. I think the wise thing to do in that situation is to tell the child no, remove them from the situation if possible and notify the parent.

ME - posted on 07/27/2009

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I think I was mostly agreeing with you Kylie...I was just pointing out that if it was my mom or one of my sisters, and the circumstances where sufficient to require some sort of serious response, I would fee differently than if it was someone else. I think you have every right to be angry, and I would certainly confront this woman and ask her to stop interfering where she has no place.

[deleted account]

Yes. I would be angry too. This person has no right to smack your child. She should have just moved your son away and told you about it.

Kylie - posted on 07/27/2009

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Yes I absolutely agree with you! If mine or somone else's child is in danger I would also step in and remove them, but I could never smack someone elses child. My point is I was in the room I had not left her to babysit or anything, and to this day (nearly 2 years later) she still finds it her place to tell my children off when I have literally just opened my mouth to speak or started to walk over to them.

ME - posted on 07/27/2009

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...this is a tough question for me. I would not want someone to smack my child for something as minor as a cupboard door, but if he were putting himself in danger, and i was not around to do anything about it...I would be ok if my Mom, or one of his aunts felt it was necessary to swat his bum gently to get his attention. A stranger or someone who's parenting skills I do not know...I would be pretty upset about this, I think.

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