Should i call cps on my friend ?

Yza - posted on 09/01/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My friend has to kids and the father of the last kid lives with her. While the other father of the first kid gives her child support and he only sees the kid on weekends. My friend and her last baby daddy arent doing so well specially since he is very violent and doesnt like her first childwhich is 6 yrs old.I am very concern about the first child because she has told me her doesnt really care for him.The child has told me that he has seen his mom cut herself and i also think my friend does drugs when she is not around the kids.The father of the first kid is pretty stable and doesnt know about this.

Should i tell him and let him figure it out ? or should i call cps on her since her doing drugs concerns both childen? im just scare cps will take her kids away and not let any of her family members keep them.

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Allison - posted on 09/22/2012

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I don't know where you live so I'm only referring to what happens in my state. They do investigate on hear say. All someone has to do is put in an anonymous call and they will follow up regardless of concrete evidence. It is a double edged sword because its hard for an outsider to gain concrete evidence that points to guilty because people are so good at hiding it from others. However, they're many situations where someone calls out of spite or wanting to cause trouble for someone. Its a sad thing that someone would do that just to be mean, but it happens. However, here OCS (I'm in the states) they investigate all calls heresay or not.

Amy - posted on 09/02/2012

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This is a sensitive situation. CPS will not do anything without anything concrete. They do not investigate on hear-say...which that is what it is in this case. Unless you have witnessed something with your own eyes or heard it with your own ears, unfortunately CPS cannot help. Talking to the father of the first child and letting him know your suspicions is a different approach. He needs to know your suspicions so he can be aware of the possible environment his child is in. If the mother is doing drugs when she is not around the kids then there is nothing you can do about that. They are not in direct danger. Unfortunately, that's the law. But definitely talk to the father. He has the right to have the situation checked out because it is his child. It is refreshing to know that there are people out there who pay attention to things. It sucks that there isn't much you personally can do though.

Tracey - posted on 09/02/2012

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2 kids in a house with one violent adult and one drug taking adult. Call Cps before something bad happens.

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Katie - posted on 09/28/2012

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if the child has witnessed her mother cut herself then i would call cps thats not healthy for a child to witness.

[deleted account]

oh, and to agree with Kristi, CPS in Arkansas will investigate on hear-say too. they did with my mother and brother and it was a pretty bad time for them. although they didn't end up any better than they started out...

[deleted account]

tell the father but you may stir up way too much by calling cps just yet. if the boy shows up with bruises then call cps but really until that point or if the older boy's father doesn't do anything and the drug abuse persists, it's a family problem.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/24/2012

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My first step would be talking to the father and letting him know the situation. If he doesn't know, he could intervene and deal with this on his own including trying to get full custody. If he fails to do anything, then maybe calling would be a good idea, but give him a chance to be a father before getting a government agency involved. That is what I would do.

Kristi - posted on 09/24/2012

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CPS (in NE) will investigate on hearsay. If the child told you point blank that he's seen his mother cutting herself, I would take that very seriously. Cutting is not likely something a 6 year old would know about, let alone make up a story about it.



I might suggest waiting until the weekend when dad comes to pick him up. Once he has the boy, talk to him about your suspicions and tell him what his son said. This would be helpful for two reasons. 1) By waiting until dad has picked him up, you will avoid a potentially explosive situation. For example, if you tell him now, he could go storming over there screaming and yelling about her being a cutter and a drug addict and she's never going to see his son ever again and it would all go to hell from there. There is additional risk if the boyfriend is there. If he is already violent and he feels like he and his are being threatened, chances are better than average that he will go on the offensive and attack baby daddy number one. That would not be good for anyone. 2) Once dad has physical custody of him you don't have to worry about CPS putting the boy in a foster home.



Then I would call CPS with your concerns. They will probably want to talk to the little boy and if he is with dad in a familar environment he won't be as intimidated or as scared to talk to the social worker. He may even tell them more than he's told you as long as dad makes him feel safe. My daughter didn't tell me what was going on at her dad's because she was scared that she would still have to go back over there even after she told me. Long story short, circumstance provided an opportunity for a tell all conversation. Needless to say, she never went back.



Depending on what happens, dad could be awarded immediate temporary custody. If not, he could just keep his son and make her take him back to court for custody. When my ex came knocking at my door to pick up G for his scheduled visitation I wouldn't let her go. He brought the cops back (he told them I lost my parental rights but he was trying to be nice letting me see her and now I wouldn't give her back.) Well, I showed them the custody order, proving we had joint custody, at the time. The cops apologized for disturbing us, told him it was a civil matter, call your attorney, and be glad we don't arrest you for false reporting. I'm not saying it would happen the same way for him but I have been told by the cops and my attorney that unless there are extreme circumstances the cops won't get involved in a civil matter.



Anyways, I digress. This would at least, get the primary trigger (of the boyfriend's anger) out of the house safely and with little chance of any disturbance. Hopefully soon after, CPS will remove the other child from any danger. I don't know where they would place the 2nd child. But if these things are going on, almost anywhere else would be better, not to mention safer.



****If you there is immediate danger...CALL 911!**** If things seem under control for the moment but you don't think you can wait until the weekend call the dad and one of the two of you call CPS. Remind him, that without a doubt, he must not fly off the handle. If he behaves inappropriately, CPS and/or the cops might deem him unstable or unfit and just put the boy in foster care to be on the safe side. Good luck! I will pray for those poor kids and for you to be able to make the best choice possible. xo

Sally - posted on 09/05/2012

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Do what your heart is telling you. If it be the Daddy or cps. Just keep in mind that the daddy can only protect one of those little-uns. In this ,Id rather be proved wrong than let it go. Its hard at the end of a pc to know the whole story,so its hard to make a call. As someone doesn't have a clue who you are,who mum is etc , look after the babies.

[deleted account]

i would say go to the kid's father first and mention it. give him some time to figure it out on his end. if you are concerned the child might be seriously injured or the father isn't taking it seriously then go to cps, but not as a first resort. i would also tell your friend about your concerns

Tabitha - posted on 09/01/2012

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Unless you have concrete proof any of this is happening i wouldnt go to cps just yet. I think talking to the father would be a more reasonable approach at this time. However if you see her doing drugs or hurting herself or her kids it would be your duty to call cps and let them do the investigating.

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