Should I let the bio father be involved?

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2012

Selfish bitch. That is all. If I say anything else, I'll end up booted from this site. You make me SICK.

Payola - posted on 04/06/2012

Jeez ya know, I haven't said I'm not responsible for getting pregnant. You don't understand what I've been through with him. My whole pregnancy he messaged me asking for information he had no right to, ultrasound pictures. Those are my medical records and my husband came with me for those appointments. And all this while I'm trying to reconcile with my husband. But eventually I gave him a few pictures after he repeatedly harassed me for them, trying to make me feel guilty. I didn't have to do that. And then he went on and on trying to emotionally blackmail me into making a parenting plan with him after I already told him there's no point in that if he doesn't live HERE. He doesn't follow through with anything. I offered him a visit in our home to see her when she was a month old and he cancelled saying I was taunting him and rubbing it in his face that my husband is on the birth certificate and living here with her and is being more of a father because he painted a room for her. He's jealous and blames me because things aren't easy for him. That's it. And I still have an outstanding offer for him to come see her. That's why I said he should've worn a condom. I'm just saying he is angry with me but he only thinks about himself and how he's affected by all this and doesn't realize this was all because of his decision to not wear a condom. Yes, I could've not had sex with him but I loved him and wanted him to be happy. I even told him I would have his baby. I changed my mind. That's all I'm saying. Not saying I didn't play a part in the pregnancy.

Rebecca - posted on 04/06/2012

By the by, my father was kept from his father for the most part, until the age of 18. Her was raised by his grandmother, who has great, but died when he was quite young. After that, his mother went from marriage to marriage, but my father was not allowed to be around his dad. His dad was not the best father, but he did want to be involved in his own way. My father, to this day, does not see much point in spending time with his mother. That's what happens to kids who are kept away from a parent. All of those husbands my grandmother had, they never made up for it.



Now, I'm thinking this might not be real...I'm hoping it is not. Still, if it is, you might want to think about what kind of relationship you want with your daughter a bit later in life.



I mean it sounds like you'd rather your husband had been the father of your daughter - he is not. No matter what you do, that will never happen. I don't think, if your husband is a good step-father, I don't think a little girl can have to many men in her life who love her.

Isobel - posted on 04/06/2012

and...I think you're punishing him for not following you.

Stifler's - posted on 04/06/2012

Yes I disagree there are other factors to consider than you wanting to deny that you had a baby to someone else and play happy families. Your daughters father has a different medical history to your husband and she will sooner or later find out that you tried to keep him away he will be part of her life no matter what you do.

Isobel - posted on 04/06/2012

I can't imagine why he doesn't want to go to his ex-girlfriend's husband's home to see his daughter...that wouldn't be awkward or horrible at all. I wouldn't agree to it, and I think it was an insulting offer.

Charlie - posted on 04/06/2012

Your little girl will find out what you have done one day and she will resent you.

Best you start working on solving this issue by accepting the only problem in the equation is you.



From everything I've read, I feel it would be in your daughters best interests to be in the care of her father.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

What a joke. Seriously, your whole condom thing is making me so angry that if I even address it again I will go off.



If your husband wants to be the father so bad, he can adopt, as long as the bio father gives up his rights. I hope to god he gets legal consultation. Infact I hope he gets his legal consultation from the Navy, cause then you are screwed.

Rebecca - posted on 04/06/2012

I'm hoping this isn't real, just someone making shit up to piss people off. If there is a real little girl in this situation, that's a shame.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/06/2012

Your little girls self esteem is going to be more negatively affected, if she does NOT get to know and have a relationship with her bio father than if she does. It will affect her self esteem poorly, to wonder why he never tried (she will look at it this way, since she would probably never know he did!) to know her. She may inflict onto herself for why he left and never wanted anything to do with her. Thinking it was all her fault. Unless, you are willing to lie to her, which I can actually see someone like you doing. Which, BTW, wouldn't be very smart. He knows her name, he could find her later, when you would have absolutely no say.



The end of the story is, he deserves a relationship with her, even if it does not abide by your "criteria" and she deserves one with him. You're being very selfish and honestly, you are not thinking of this little girl or the man you once cared about.



I would be very careful though. If you decide to deny him, like other's here have said, he could take you to court. He could in essence, take her from you, if he decided that your manipulation is too much to properly raise his little girl. He would have a fairly strong case, you did fraudulently have her birth certificate signed. That right there, could be enough for some judges, then to deny him. Well, that may just be the icing on the cake.



Time to back down sweetheart. Face what you started and make it right for the two people you are trying to screw, your daughter and her bio father. ;)

Karla - posted on 04/06/2012

I have been following this thread and decided to chime in now.



”I left him and I was with the bio father for a year. My husband does not like the bio father and doesn't forgive him for this.”



Wow, you are lucky he doesn’t seem to realize you left him for another man.



”Like I said the bio father knew the risks and he should've worn a condom. I didn't use birth control because I don't want to risk side effects.”



The biggest side effect for not using birth control is…. A baby… yup.



I find it disturbing that you seem to hold no responsibility for these decisions you made. I very strongly suggest you get some counseling as soon as possible.



These are questions you could explore with a counselor:

Where was your son during all this coming and going? What about his self-esteem? As for your daughter it will be good for her self esteem to know her bio dad CARES. Are you sure you don’t just want to hide the fact that you left your hubby for another guy?



It’s okay to have a long distance dad and a close step-dad, it happens all the time!

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2012

How can he show you he is committed if you will only let him be involved on your terms (ie, uprooting his entire life and moving there, which is not necessarily possible if he is in the Navy). Give the guy a BREAK! Stop asking him for the moon. SO WHAT if it is only once a month for a couple of days? That works for millions of people in the world. You aren't even giving anything a chance!

Sally - posted on 04/06/2012

yes there is and you seem to be the one trying to fuck it up

Payola - posted on 04/06/2012

I haven't said he can't see her, ever That's why I'm here asking everybody's input. To make up my mind about how he should be a part of her life, if at all. He hasn't shown me he is committed. There is a little girl's self esteem at risk here.

Dove - posted on 04/06/2012

Sorry... just read the last part of your post. No.... making a baby doesn't just make you a dad... but making a baby doesn't just make you a mom either. Doing what is best for your kid does and you are doing everything in your power (even breaking the law) to keep this man from having any chance at being a dad. Quite frankly.... that makes him more a dad than it makes you a mom.

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2012

Um, your background story makes the situation no different in my eyes. There is a man out there who is the REAL father of your daughter and WANTS to get to know her and you are trying to deny him that and YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT. My GOD you just don't get it do you? This isn't about YOU or YOUR HUSBAND. This is about the fact that you have a daughter who has a father who WANTS to get to know her, and both of them have that right to a relationship with one another. LEGALLY, they have that right. The courts will give them that right.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/06/2012

Ummm - no, sorry. I do not feel any better.



I am not only thinking of the little girl, I am thinking of the father. He has every right to be a part of her life. It is simply not your decision. It just isn't. He is trying and wanting. You should have kept your fucking legs closed or used protection, if you couldn't handle a long distance relationship.



You said you left when you were 3 months pregnant and it had been a year together. Are you saying that after being with him for 9 months, you realized he was good enough to make a baby and then you changed your mind during those first 3 months of pregnancy? That makes no sense and it is how it sounds to me. ;)



Actually, what you just wrote, makes me even more certain, you are just not stable. Sorry. Why did you leave your now husband, in the first place, if he was so great? Why would you have a son with him, then leave him and get pregnant by someone else, then go back to your sons father? Yeah, a little messed up if you ask me.



I understand things happen. I understand people make mistakes. It is just not a very smart choice to make a mistake when your children are involved. Your daughter deserves to know her bio father and he her. End of story. He is a good guy, why be so cruel?

Dove - posted on 04/06/2012

Nope. Doesn't change a thing.... actually just makes you and your husband look worse. Unless he's a violent, drug abuser.... him and your daughter have a right to a relationship. You and your husband need to suck it up and deal w/ it.... or I hope bio dad takes you to court.



The fact that you blame bio dad for not wearing a condom speaks volumes. If you didn't want a baby w/ this man you should've either insisted he wear a condom.... or not have sex. Period.

Sally - posted on 04/06/2012

You are the most messed up self centred ,selfish women i have evr came a cross. You have said nothing in your last post that has changed that opinion. YOU broke the law, you both should be charged and if he wants to see his daughter he should.

BTW are you and your husband happy to let him pay for his daughter.

Payola - posted on 04/06/2012

I didn't want to bore everybody with a long story. I think I need to say more and maybe everybody won't be so mad about this.



I have a previous son with my now husband. He is not a new man in my life. I left him and I was with the bio father for a year. My husband does not like the bio father and doesn't forgive him for this. But he does not hold it against my daughter. He doesn't want him involved but accepts that he might be involved. Like I said we have offered him a visit here in our home so he can see his daughter. He signed the birth certificate because he is my husband. After leaving him for the bio father I am not going to do anything to insult him more like telling him I don't want him on the birth certificate when he has promised to raise her with me.



The bio father had plans to be with me and move here with me because he didn't want to be responsible for taking a kid away from close access to both his parents and I probably wouldn't have done that to my son anyway. So yes, he is a good guy. But he is also extremely angry with me for the way this has turned out and I don't want my daughter to pick up on any negative feelings.



I broke up with the bio father because like I said I couldn't handle the long distance relationship anymore, especially being 3 months pregnant. There was a man here, my husband, who was always a good father to my son, and he was willing to take me back and not let some other man take me away from him. I thought it best for us and wanted to be with him again and we had more history. Like I said the bio father knew the risks and he should've worn a condom. I didn't use birth control because I don't want to risk side effects.



I'm concerned for my daughter's self esteem. Having a man in and out of her life makes me angry and worried about her. That's all I"m trying to say. Isn't it possible that she will be happier without the complication of an extreme part time dad? I'm not leaving her fatherless. I have a father right here for now, my husband. Like I told the bio father, just because he made a baby doesn't make him the dad.

Sally - posted on 04/06/2012

I hope this man takes you to court and i really hope he has both you and your husband charged for sighing the birth cert. If your husband wants to be on a birth cert get him to stop using condoms. I really hope that reading all these posts of women agreeing your wrong(not something that happens often on com,lol) you will start working with him.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

Excellent point MeMe about the conveniences of modern technology. They can skype so the daughter can have a visual of her dad. Her BIO dad.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/06/2012

BTW Payola, my Dad lives across Country from me. I saw him last year for the first time in 12 years. Before I moved across Country, he lived 12 hours away from me. The entire time I was growing up he lived that far.



I did not see him often. He was not the best Dad back then, he was even abusive when I did live with him until I was 5 (and for a year when I was 11). He is a completely different man and Dad now. Since I have grown, him and I have gotten much closer. You know how? Via Phone and email. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. Distance does not depict how close someone can be with their parent.



If my Mom had taken me away from him and she had every right to - he was abusive and an alcoholic - I would be very angry with her (I am anyway but that is because she IS emotionally abusive and has not changed). Especially, since I have seen how much he has changed as he has aged. He is an awesome man, now. I would not ever want to live without him in my life.



It is just simply not fair to a child to be rejected their bio father, that is very important to their life and growth. It is a much different story if the bio father has never come back and was not trying or was a convict (like my ex) and drug addict (like my ex). If that was your case, I would have a much different opinion, as I believe most other's here would too. It isn't though, so you need to bite your tongue and let him see his little girl.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

Worth the read.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

It is the 5th post on the first page. It is there still, guess you just passed it.

Isobel - posted on 04/06/2012

I didn't see any of Payola's posts saying the things you quoted...or did I just miss something?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

Who's post got deleted? And Payola I would love to hear back from you. Love to hear your thoughts on peoples responses. I would also love to hear about this husband of yours and how he HONESTLY feels about this.

Isobel - posted on 04/06/2012

I hate it when people delete their posts. I agree with everybody else. Good job ladies.

Jaime - posted on 04/06/2012

you know...the more i think about it, the more this situation throws up a ton of red flags for me.



first of all, why did you let it be a long-distance relationship? he was just in the navy, it's not like he wouldn't go on leave once in a while, or wouldn't have enough money to support you and the baby. there are a ton of parents who have spouses in the military and they do just fine.



secondly, why would you break up with him after you got pregnant with his child if he's an okay guy? from your OP he doesn't seem like he'd be a horrible father, just not what you want because you want "stability" and apparently military fathers can't give that. pffft...



thirdly, and the most confusing part about all of this, why would you have some other guy sign the birth certificate??? husband or not, unless he's the biological father his name should not be on the birth certificate. and if you broke up with the other guy after you found out you were pregnant, how did you have time to build a healthy-enough relationship with some new guy that you are okay with him taking care of your daughter??



sorry, this all seems kind of fishy to me.

Rebecca - posted on 04/06/2012

The more I read the more angry and disgusted I get!!



"Even if that's true, why should a little girl have to suffer the confusion of somebody like this."



I'm pretty sure YOU are the one that created the confusion, not him. You stated he wanted to be involved from the beginning and ISN'T because of you. Sounds like the flake here is YOU.



And how do you know your current husband isn't going to better-deal you in a few years anyway?

Rebecca - posted on 04/06/2012

OMG -- I was trying to be polite with my first response, then I read the OP's later comments! "When it's convenient for him"!!! Lady, didn't you just say he's in the NAVY. I'm pretty sure he can't just jump off a ship in the ocean whenever he wants to visit.

Rebecca - posted on 04/06/2012

Like it or not, he is her father and he has a right to see her. Unless he is abusive, she has a right to have a relationship with her biological father. I think you are putting your own desires and the desires of your husband above the interests of your daughter. It's not about either one of you -- it's about your daughter.

Lady Heather - posted on 04/06/2012

Plenty of dads have jobs that keep them out of town a lot but that doesn't make them bad dads. Dude - just imagine if you had a kid and someone just decided for you they you didn't get to be in that kid's life. Devastating, right? And I don't think your daughter is going to thank you for this one day. I'm guessing she'll actually be pissed off at some point.



I think unless the bio dad is abusive or on drugs or something he should be involved somehow.

Dove - posted on 04/06/2012

Everyone here as already said more than enough.



My ex barely sees his kids, but he chose to move away from the only home they had ever known when our youngest was little. I chose not to uproot my family to follow around a man choosing to walk away from his kids.



I don't deny him his rights to visitation whenever he can make it though. Whether it's once a week, once a month, or once a year. It is his right to see his kids and, more importantly, it is THEIR right to have a relationship w/ him. Yes, it's minimal, but they love Daddy very much and I'd never be so heartless as to take that chance away from them.

Johnny - posted on 04/06/2012

If he was to ever decide to take you to court, which is very possible if you deny him access, you will have very little ability to defend your actions. You committed fraud on the birth certificate. You are denying a biological parent access for no legal reason. Also, if he is in the military that will be considered an excellent reason why he could not relocate, as it should be. The court will not view your actions favorably at all.



This seems to be all about you. So look out for your own best interests and give him proper visitation before a court does it for you. Or even considers giving him some custodial rights...

Cathy - posted on 04/06/2012

You've the right to feel any way you like but your DECISIONS are going to come back and bite you in the ass.



You have committed fraud by putting your husband on the birth certificate. If your Ex petitions the courts for a DNA test to gain access, that fact is going to be proven and you'll look bad, not him.



How do you think that'll play out? Your Ex isn't a common criminal, he's an upstanding member of the military and you have CHOSEN to deny him access because of his posting. In the military you can't just up and move as and when you like.

Sapphire - posted on 04/06/2012

I think your decision is purely selfish on your part and tells me that you do not put your child's interest first. You are immature and have no clue what the real world is like.



You made a baby with a man. HE is the baby's father, NOT your husband.



Your husband might be in your baby's life on a daily basis, and she may look up to him as a father-figure. But he is not your baby's bio dad.



The bio dad has every right to have a relationship and bond with his child. I hope he takes your ass to court and demands visitation and the removal of your husband's name off the birth certificate.



Your child will grow up to hate and despise you when she is old to enough to learn, "Oh, your daddy really ISN'T your daddy and I just stuck his name on the birth certificate becasue it was easier for me."



Grow up, go through family counseling becasue you have to figure out a way to incorporate her bio dad into her life. The sooner the better. It doesn't matter if he is away in the Navy (and that just puts him on a higher pedastal in my eyes for simply serving his country)- HE made this baby with you. NOT your husband. If you want to put your husband's name on a birth certificate, then go and get knocked up by him! As you already figured out, you don't need a condom.

Rosie - posted on 04/06/2012

you should never keep a child from seeing their father (unless of course he is abusive). if i found out that my mother denied my dad seeing me i would be furious. it is better to have your child figure out who the man is- whether he's worthless as a dad or not- on her own.

living so far away from your child makes it harder to see his daughter. especially if he's in the navy...that's not just something you can "quit" and move thousands of miles away. if you would've stayed with him, he would've been absent alot as well.

i understand how you feel your husband is your daughters "father"-at least in a way. my sons bio-dad split i was i was 10 weeks pregnant. i started dating my husband when he was 18 months old, he's now 12 and is the only father figure he's ever known. i consider him my sons father and is he for all intensive purposes. just like your husband has taken on the role of father for your daughter. however in my case my ex doesn't want anything to do with my son. it silently enrages me when i see a man WANTING to be given access to his child, and the mother denies it. my son will grow up knowing his bio-dad wasn't able to stay cause he's just not enough of a man to try to take care of his responsibilities, but has a wonderful man stand in and take over loving and caring for him. your daughter will grow up knowing her mother kept her father from her. i know which one i'd rather have cause i've been through it (my bio-dad split when i was 2 and never looked back). don't do that to your daughter, please!

Bonnie - posted on 04/06/2012

A lot of you have already said some of the things I was going to say, but did he refuse to wear a condom? If he did, than maybe you should have refused to have sex with him. Obviously you didn't.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

"especially since she is frightened of strangers and doesn't know him"



Your fault that he is a stranger to his own daughter.



"What if he flakes on her and she feels worthless? "



What you have done to your daughter already is going to do just that.



"Shouldn't he uproot his whole life and move here, rights or no rights, if he really cared? He's known about this for over a year now and he is still not here"



Why didn't you move near him? To inconvenient??? If so, he is where his job is. YOU could have moved.



"All he can say is he doesn't have the money and network to just pick up and move here at the drop of a hat and still be stable. Even if that's true, why should a little girl have to suffer the confusion of somebody like this. I just don't think it's about him. It's about her."



No, you have clearly made it about what YOU want. You have NOT considered your daughter. This is about YOU.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

"I know it sounds mean but he knew the risks with our relationship and he should've worn a condom. "



ARE YOU SERIOUS????? What about YOU using birth control or putting the condom on for him? Didn't want to be inconvenience with that either?



YOU could have moved to be with him. I bet you are gonna be one of those mothers that tries to pass the step father off as the bio father. And when she finds out the truth, she will resent you. Rightly so.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2012

I completely 100% disagree with your decision. You have absolutely no right to exclude a father from their child especially if they want to be a part of their life. YOU could not handle the distance. That is your right to terminate the relationship. But you didn't even let the bio father sign the birth certificate? I hope he takes you to court and gets his rights as the bio father justly put in place. Seriously, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is all better for YOU. YOU clearly don't want to deal with the inconvenience. I NEVER met my father. Did I want to? Can I NOW? NOPE...WHY? HE IS DEAD!



Once again, I disagree with your and your selfish choices.

Janice - posted on 04/06/2012

Considering that in less time than it took to "cook" a baby, you had already found a new man to MARRY, If anyone is a flake its you! I feel so sorry for your daughter. A father has rights and I think what you are doing is 100% wrong!

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2012

First off having your current husband sign your daughters birth certificate knowing full well it is not his child is fraud and a crime. Your daughters bio dad can take you to court to have dna testing done and petition the court for permanent custody of his child and they may very well give it to him because you have already shown that you are not willing to share. When he says he wants enough time with her to make the visit worth his money I get it. I would want to be able to spend the whole week or two weeks with my child not just an hour or two when you deem it is ok for him to see her especially if he has to fly across country to have his visits, also the court will give him access and visitation at the least and you will have to help to make sure those visits happen and she will have to be flown out to see him no matter where he lives. So I would be going out of my way at this time to let him be involved as if he does make a commitment to see her even if it is a few times a year eventually yes he may flake but he is then the bad guy not you, and if he doesn't you haven't deprived her of a loving father.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/06/2012

The bio father does not sound like a "bad" guy to me, from what you have explained. Sometimes things happen in life, it doesn't mean he should be denied having a relationship with his daughter. It is HIS daughter, as much as she is yours. What if the roles were reversed? What if he was there when she was born and when you split HE got custody of her, then denied you from seeing her? Imagine how that would feel.



He is trying to make it work, you are making it difficult and that is just plain mean. You had just as much of an involvement with making that little girl as he did. Why didn't YOU make him wear a condom? I am sorry but for you to say he should've worn one, is one of the stupidest things I have heard. Seriously, you had just as much of a responsibility as he did.



That little girl deserves to know who her bio father is, if he is a good person. End of story.



Now, my daughter has never ever met her bio father (she is going on 14). Why? Because he has never ever tried. He left when I was 4 months pregnant and he never looked back. I wouldn't even know where or how to find him (I tried, years ago). He has been to prison a good 10 times for up to 3 years, two of those times. He was hooked on hard drugs (probably still is) and is a complete waste to society. He has a damn good career, he is an awesome artist, he makes awesome money, I have never seen any of it. He learnt how to do this IN prison! He is 11 years older than me, I was 22 when I met him and got pregnant, I was young and very stupid. I was looking to party. When I got pregnant, I changed my entire life for her. He has 6 other children (probably more now), I didn't know this until after I was pregnant. So, there is a lot of damn good reasons for why my daughter has never met him. He is NOT on her birth certificate but NO ONE is but me.



However, I can say, my daughter has asked several times over the years about him. I have never lied. I have had to tell her exactly why. Which, I am sure, hurt her. I have had to do my best to help fulfill that gap. My husband, takes on the role of being her Dad. Which, any child really needs.



Honestly, you are not protecting your daughter. You are setting her up for despair. She is going to wonder who her bio father is, when she is older. She will go through every single reason in her head, of why he never saw her. These reasons, will not be "happy" reasons. They extend from anything of blaming herself, to blaming you, to blaming him and everything in between.



I think you are DEAD wrong to keep him from her. It is rather selfish of you. You are not considering your daughter or her bio father. You are in a dreamland, if you think you are not causing more harm than good.



I hope you see this soon and allow her bio father to have a relationship with her. If he flakes out, well tis a part of life. At least she then would know, it was HIS fault, not hers or yours. ;)



To add though, if he isn't willing to pay child support, than I would be making sure he agreed to, before moving forward. That is a part of being a responsible father. You must own up to everything, not just having a relationship. Which, is the most important part but he needs to also help provide.

Jenni - posted on 04/06/2012

I think the other ladies covered this question well enough.



But I will reiterate; you have no right to deny your child's father visitations. It is not fair to him and it is not fair to your child. If my husband's daughter's mom had done this, you better believe he'd have taken her to court.



One day your child will be old enough to ask you: "Mommy, why is my real dad not around?"



Will you tell her the truth? That you cut him out of her life, for no valid reason?

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2012

You say that he should pack up and move to be near his daughter but did you ever think of moving nearer him when you fell pregnant? You were having a long distance relationship and not using birth control, you knew that falling pregnant was always going to be a possibility.



Why should he be the only one having to make an effort to see his daughter? You should probably come to a compromise and meet half way. You are making it so hard for him and then bagging him for not seeing her.



You have no right to deny him seeing her or making it hard for him to see her.

Toni - posted on 04/06/2012

I agree with Jodi, if he wants visitation give him visitation even if it's only one month a year or once a month or what ever. Your daughter will hate you when she's older and she discovers that her dad isn't her dad and you stopped her bio dad seeing her, it'll be you she hates, it'll be your relationship that will suffer. Let him see her, you have to give him the chance,if he flakes then you need to be there to support her and remind her that he may not be there but her stepdad has chosen to be her dad and wants her more than anything.



You cant just assume he will flake and not follow through on visitations, that's not fair on your daughter, she deserves the chance to know her dad!

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2012

Oh, and if you have done all these underhanded things and denied him access or made him jump through hoops the way you are, it won't look good for you if he has been trying to get access and decides to haul you off to court for visitation. Because he WILL get it.

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2012

You know, my husband is here every day for my son too. Doesn't mean he should deny his biological father, nor should I. He has seen his father twice in the last 10 months. My step children are every day with their step fathers, but that doesn't mean my husband should be denied. Your logic is flawed. You have NO RIGHT to deny the biological father his daughter OR to deny your daughter knowing her father. You DO NOT HAVE OWNERSHIP OVER YOUR CHILD.



Sorry, but I totally and utterly disagree with you. I will also be blatantly honest and find your point of view and actions reprehensible and believe you are being unreasonable.



You felt this guy was good enough to have a relationship with at some point, and obviously good enough to sleep with. He wants to be involved in his daughter's life. Who do you think you are to deny him that? You are her mother, but that does NOT give you any more rights over her than her father should have.



"I know it sounds mean but he knew the risks with our relationship and he should've worn a condom. "



Are you fucking kidding me?