Should you dress to impress? Whenever you step out of the house?

Jenny - posted on 05/12/2012 ( 121 moms have responded )

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Im always changing my mind about this. One minute i think yes it is important to look neat and tidy, change from your home clothes when you go to the shops, put on some make up, straighten your hair.

Then other times I think, why the hell should I care?
So sometimes I go out in my trackies and no make up and I just couldnt give a damn, especially if I had a rough night. I'm not really the type to care to dress up anyway.
But if I stumble into someone I havent seen for a while, that is the one time that I do think, if only I'd put on some mascara! lol.

What do you think about straighening your hair, putting on make up and dressing above average whenever you go out to the shops, especially being a stay at home mum.

Do you look down on thoes mums who don't bother or do you find them more real and relatable to?

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Krista - posted on 05/18/2012

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Good point, Johnny.

And I was the one talking about the guy in the restaurant. Trust me, I didn't let it ruin my night. I just noted it, and happened to remember it now that we're actually ON this particular topic. It hasn't been haunting me or anything. But yes, I was a bit piqued at the time. I had put in effort to look nice, to show consideration to my dinner company, and to the restaurant itself, which has carefully cultivated a lovely atmosphere. And he couldn't even put on clean shorts. To wear what he did was, to my mind, sartorially akin to dumping a bunch of ketchup over a gourmet meal that took 5 hours to prepare.

And frankly, I don't really agree with you, Jodi. I think that if somebody dresses in a grossly inappropriate manner, it can be rude. If someone wore a hot-pink, skintight dress to a funeral, I would think that rude. If someone wore a white lacy dress to a wedding (when they're not the bride), then that is pretty universally considered to be rude. If a date was taking me out to a nice restaurant and dressed like a slob, it would be rude.

If what you wear is wildly inappropriate for the setting, then yes, it IS rude. It's not just about the clothes. It's about the MESSAGE that you are sending, which is basically, "I don't give a fuck what you think, and my comfort and/or self-expression is the only thing that matters to me" It's one thing to be self-confident. But there comes a point when such behaviour isn't self-confident -- it's self-centred.

Johnny - posted on 05/16/2012

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I'm not talking about a lunch at the local diner, a trip to MacDonalds, or even the Olive Garden (where I've eaten once, and will never tread again). To me, those are places that as long as you don't smell, you can wear whatever the heck you wish. I may prefer to have a certain appearance, but I don't sit around on a daily basis judging people for the way they look. I don't see the point and I tend to assume that we all have our reasons for our own choices. Now most of my family lives rurally, and I have never been in a restaurant with any of those farmers when they smelled badly. Perhaps this happens some places, I really don't know, but regardless of how they are dressed, most wash and attempt not to choke their fellow patrons.



I am speaking of white table cloth establishments with wine stewards, places that get highly rated in Zagat, and that you have to make a reservation a month in advance. If I'm going to fork out a carload of cash for one of the best places around, I expect that the trustfund brat sitting next to me will at the minimum not smell and hopefully find some footwear more suitable than crocs. If you don't want to be judged, try not behaving and acting like an ass. I don't doubt that if any one of the farmers that you are speaking of were to go to these establishments, they would put on their Sunday best and scrub behind their ears. The only people who don't dress appropriately for such places are entitled jerks.

Johnny - posted on 05/20/2012

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"I know I've worn much less than my best (read, clothing I have mowed the lawn in or weeded my garden) out to eat. Spur of the moment stuff happens."

It takes me 5 minutes to change my clothes into something clean and wash my face and hands. If that's too much effort, order in or go to MacDonalds. Seriously, how lazy can you get?

Krista - posted on 05/20/2012

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So, expect away, why si so goddamn burdensome for me to not give 2 hoots what someone else wears or looks like and debate my side of the issue?

I am simply taking exception to the fact that you are acting as though I am some sort of terrible judgmental snob, simply because I think it is ill-mannered for people to wear filthy clothes out to a decent restaurant.

Krista - posted on 05/20/2012

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Jodi, for the love of Mike, this isn't about us being clones of each other. This isn't about quashing someone's individuality. You can still express your individuality while being occasion-appropriate, you know. People manage to do that every single day, believe it or not.

Why is it so goddamn burdensome and awful for me to expect someone to wear CLEAN clothing to a decent restaurant?

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Samantha - posted on 05/21/2012

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I'm a total hippy and I wash my hair twice a week with Dr. Bronner's and an ACV rinse, and I comb it and just let it wave up naturally, I don't wear makeup and it's a chore to remember sunscreen (I live in HI) I try not to dress like a total slob, I wear nice shirts, black yoga pants or jeans (I'm 8mos pregnant so its hard not to look like a beached whale) or sundresses and sandals or mary janes....I try to look presentable, but I don't do much in terms of makeup or fashion.

Stifler's - posted on 05/21/2012

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I don't think having a shower before you go ot for dinner is about money. If you don't have a shower why are you spending $35 a head on food instead of saving up a bond to rent a house? This argument has gotten ridiculous. Last time we went out for tea it cost like over 100 bucks I don't think I'd be dining there if I was homeless.

Jenny - posted on 05/21/2012

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Im not going to agrue that its not the right thing to do to go out clean. I think that yes, you can expect people to dress nice in a fancy restaurant. I think most people do this. I would not be bothered by the one person who for some reason unbeknowns to me is wearing dirty paint splattered ripped clothes.

My husband just told me the other night that him and his mates have been to Fasta Pasta for lunch in their dirty paintsplatterd ripped work clothes (they are painters). I think that's a nice restaurant and I would think most people want to dress nice to go there, but if someone wants to have a treat during their lunch break at work, well then I don't see why the hell they cant.

And when I'm refering to keeping up with the Joneses of course i'm not talking about not being able to be clean and wash your clothes!!! I'm talking about not being able to afford to go to the hair dressers to get your hair done for a wedding, not being able to afford to buy a complete outfit that matches, dress, bag and shoes. I'm talking about not having the time or money to troll the shops for the perfect fashionable outfit.

If you are saying that you dont care what people wear to the mall, in response to my OP, well then that's awesome. I'm glad there are people out there that will not think you're less of a mum if you go to the shops wearing trackies instead of jeans and a cute top with matching cardigan.

That's the part that I can't keep up with, I cant keep up with some of my freinds that wear very nice fashionable clothes to the mall, and they look down on me for it. I was wondering how many of these type of people are out there, hoping not a lot.

These are the type of mums that make comments about other mums looking frumpy, wondering why thoes people cant put in more effort, saying "oh it just takes me five mintues to get ready" when you know it must have taken them more than that to straighten their naturally curly hair, apply their make up - eyeliner mascara, lipstick, foundation and powder -, pick out an outfit that is cute and matching down to a T, and "coincidently" having their kids clothing matching theirs. That I just can not keep up with, and it saddens me that you get looked down on for anything less.

[deleted account]

I like to get out of my pajamas in the morning, straighten my hair, and clean up. But I'm a jeans, t-shirt and sneakers woman so I guess I don't dress up. The only person I usually dress up for is my husband, and of course special events, but I don't wear makeup, never felt the need and it's usually bad for sensitive skin. I don't wear heals because it isn't really good for your body either. I don't go out to the store in sweatpants or looking messy, but I don't blame those who do, you never know what kind of day, week, month, or year they're having. Plus at least they got off their butts and got out of the house, there are a lot of days I don't manage to get that far. Interesting question, thanks, it's fun to participate.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/21/2012

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You know, I was on Social Assistance for 7 years in my 20's. I did not have money to buy any new clothes. I got hand me downs from my mother (of whom was WAY bigger than me). I couldn't afford to go to a decent restaraunt BUT when I did get to go (because someone, like my Mom paid for me), you didn't see me wearing dirty ass clothes or any with rips and the sort.

I was aware of where I was going and I was aware of the social rule of what was appropriate. I did not have the nicest clothes by a long stretch but I most definitely, did my best to be presentable. There were times I couldn't afford to wash my clothes in a washimg machine. You know what I did? I washed mine and my daughters clothes by hand in the bathtub! I was still sure that we both had clean clothes. So, no one can tell me some people that can't keep up with the Jones have the inability to wear clean, unstained, unripped clothing because they most definitely are able.

Now, as I have posted previously, if it is just a public venue such as the mall, Walmart or any store or fast food joint. I could careless what anyone is wearing. If they want to go half nude, that is their choice. If they want to wear their pants down to their knees and show us their underpants, fine by me. It looks stupid but I could careless, that's their problem. However, if it is a decent establishment, have some respect for yourself and everyone else and be clean, unstained and unripped!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/21/2012

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Jenny---Why not? Because some people cant afford to keep up with the joneses or their looks are not a priority for them, and why should they have to pretend to be someone else just to be treated with respect?



It has been said numerous times already, this has nothing to do with money. It has to do with self respect and common decency to ohers. All of us have said, it has to do with cleanliness. Are you trying to say that people that have little money do NOT know how to wash their clothing and body? We ARE talking about ignorance here. If you are going out to a decent restaraunt have the courteousy to either take a damn shower/wash your face and hands, put some fucken deodarant on AND some clean clothes that DON'T have rips all in them (or spattered paint or any other huge stains)! Is that really too much to ask? If that is too much to ask, there is something seriously wrong, .

Jenny - posted on 05/20/2012

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Why not? Because some people cant afford to keep up with the joneses or their looks are not a priority for them, and why should they have to pretend to be someone else just to be treated with respect?

It may not be about trying to prove anything, it may just be who you are.

Jenny - posted on 05/20/2012

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I think it's completely irrelevant to anything that really matters. I don't care what people wear.

Stifler's - posted on 05/20/2012

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I don't personally care but for arguments sake.... why NOT? dress up to go out somewhere good? What are you proving by not. Or refusing to adhere to the dress code at someones wedding or the requested clothes for a funeral? If there's no "specified" dress code at a wedding then so what what are you proving by rocking up in jeans and a t shirt? why NOT wear slacks and a collared shirt/a dress or nice clothes if you're a woman? isn't that just common courtesy?



Plus I like to use any opportunity to dress up rather than wear everyday clothes out for lunch/dinner.

Jenny - posted on 05/20/2012

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"It's ok to go out in pajamas, etc.



Oh my lord...seriously?



No, it is not okay to go out in pajamas. And it is not okay to wear filthy, paint-spattered clothes when going out to eat at a nice restaurant.



I can't believe I even have to argue this. "

- Krista E



I marked this post as funny because I do see where you are coming from and I do think that its silly that someone has to be told that its not normal to go out in pajama pants.



The reality is that some people DO go to the shops in their pajama pants, some people DO wear filthy, paint-spattersed clothes when they eat at a nice restaurant.



My point is that we can't control what anyone wears, unless there are rules in place, and if there are no rules in place, then really, what is the point in even thinking "he shouldn't be here dressed like, how rude". He should be here dressed like that because he is here(obviously it was allowed), and you do not know why he's dressed like that so you don't know if he's actually being rude.

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2012

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No, I wouldn't do that MeMe, but I also wouldn't smoke, or drink anymore. There's a million and ten things I wouldn't do that millions of people *would* do...what *I* would do should not impact what someone else should do. I make my own decisions, and I don't feel the need to think everyone should do how I do something.

Beth - posted on 05/20/2012

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I was talking about normal daily activity, not specific occasions like dining out. Of course there are situations where dress is important. Is anyone here truly against you on that?

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2012

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I should add, if I do get dirty doing yardwork (which would involve something along the lines of putting in a new flower bed) or doing home repair, like shingling, or residing the house, I won't wash up for each meal, because I'm just gonig back out to get dirty again, then again, on those days I dont' really have time to go "out" to eat, so it's in my own home. *I* would take a shower and wear fresh clothes to go out if I had actually gotten dirty or sweaty or anything...but if someone elses chooses not to...that's their perogative, and it really doesn't bother me. If their so stinky it bothers me, I would have no issue asking to be seated elsewhere. I have done that before, although it was so that I didn't have to sit next to a drunk, beligerant man, not because anyone was stinky. lol

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/20/2012

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Ok but that is you, Jodi. What about the ones that do get sweaty, dirty and the whole nine yards and have the same mentality as yourself? So, that is OK for them to go out to a decent restaraunt and sit beside others that have taken the time to be clean? Would you do that, being sweaty, dirty and stinky?

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2012

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Maybe it's a rural thing...but plenty...and I mean plenty of people do just that around here. (Although I don't know anyone that spit shines their hands...never even heard of it!) And I don't know what kind of yard work you do...but I don't get sweaty weeding my gardens, I wear garden gloves, so at most, I have some brushable bits of plant and mulch on my pants. As for mowing, I have a small yard, I sweat more bringing in my groceries than mowing my lawn (small lawn is thanks to my many gardens!). So, when I say yard work...it is not equatable to farmwork or something, it's pretty simple stuff.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/20/2012

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I do yard work. If my husband comes home and says "Mom and Dad are going to babysit, come on lets go out", I say "Perfect, lets go, just let me throw on some different clothes and wash up". It takes me all of 5mins. If you can't take 5mins to get clean to go in public, than I think there is something wrong with you. Just sayin...

I don't know anyone that jumps up from the digging in the dirt, wipes their hands on their pants or spit shines them and says "Lets go"...unless they are just running to get more dirt! Most definitely not to go out to a restaraunt.

Krista - posted on 05/20/2012

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I guess part of it is also just the cleanliness aspect of it. I would feel so gross if I sat down to eat after being all dirty and sweaty, even if I was eating in my own home. If we're doing yardwork, and it's time to eat, I will still go grab a 5-minute shower and put on a fresh t-shirt and jeans before sitting down to eat. I want to be able to smell my food, not the dirt and sweat that's all over me.

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2012

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"If that's too much effort, order in or go to MacDonalds. Seriously, how lazy can you get? " We don't have a fast food joint in my little town, and there's no place to "order in" from either. At the absolute best, I woudl have to call in an order and still go into the establishment, and every time I've done I've had to stand in the restaurant waiting for at least 5 minutes. I'm far from lazy btw. I'm a very hard worker, I get a lot accomplished and when I do something, I do it well. But if it's time to eat, and I'm hungry, and I just mowed the lawn or weeded the garden...yup, I'll go out just how I am. (Although I wash my hands before I eat regardless of what I'm wearing.)

"than you choose for others to judge you. It is going to happen, it doesn't matter if you think it shouldn't matter." No shit huh? What I think DOES matter to me, whether or not anyone else cares...not so much. Clothes are of no importance to me, I don't understand why others let someone else's appearance bother them, but if that's your perogative, nothing I have to say will change that.

And Krista, if you're feeling like what you have said here makes you sound like a snob, that's on you. I have absolutely never even implied that you are a snob, I have referenced snobby people I have seen out and about who have acted snobbish. My saying that it shouldn't matter what someone else wears is not a reflection on your character unless you choose to make it so.

[deleted account]

If a dress code is specified then the polite and respectful thing to do is follow it as best you can.
No dress code specified, then it's no one else's business.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/20/2012

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The fact is most people care about how they present themselves. Yep, there are going to be a few here and there that just don't care. I am a part of the majority, that has self respect and common decency to take others into account when going out. You know, it is one thing to just think of yourself but it is a whole other, to think about those that will be in your presence.

Whether you care or not of how your appearance affects the ombience of where you are, the fact is it DOES. So, if you decide to look like you just crawled out of the dark alley behind the establishment, than you choose for others to judge you. It is going to happen, it doesn't matter if you think it shouldn't matter. We are social creatures and there is a certain line of how one should and shouldn't dress when going to certain places. There is a line for anyones demeanor, when out and about, as well. Like it or not, it doesn't matter. There are social laws and if you decide to not even try to follow them, then you are extremly inconsiderate of others. Period.

Krista - posted on 05/20/2012

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It's ok to go out in pajamas, etc.

Oh my lord...seriously?

No, it is not okay to go out in pajamas. And it is not okay to wear filthy, paint-spattered clothes when going out to eat at a nice restaurant.

I can't believe I even have to argue this.

Beth - posted on 05/20/2012

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I think there's a difference between "not caring" and just looking disgusting. It's ok to go out in pajamas, etc. as long as they aren't horribly stained and ragged and make you look like a homeless person. And it's certainly fine to go out without makeup. I rarely wear makeup at all anymore. For my day-to-day, unless I'm sick or I have to get my husband or son somewhere really early, I like to be showered and have my hair somewhat decent looking, and I like my clothes to not have stains and holes, but I dress down, jeans and tees. I used to go to college classes in my pajamas and baseball cap, and now I see those young girls and I think they look foolish, but that's the shallow side of me. They really don't look that bad. I think there's certain people who will judge you for what you look like, and it's just up to you to decide if you want/need to interact with those kinds of people, or if it doesn't matter.

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2012

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You can expect what you like Krista, but I know I've worn much less than my best (read, clothing I have mowed the lawn in or weeded my garden) out to eat. Spur of the moment stuff happens. So, expect away, why si so goddamn burdensome for me to not give 2 hoots what someone else wears or looks like and debate my side of the issue?

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2012

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life would be so dull if we all were all little clones of each other though. ;) Which is why I stand up for those who don't follow the norm so to speak. Their clothing isn't harming anyone, if it offends you, that's on you (general you).

Krista - posted on 05/19/2012

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And to think that everyone should follow what you think is proper dress code for anything is arrogant in itself.

This is about basic behaviour in a society, though. We don't live in a vacuum, where absolutely everything is relative. It's a pretty well-understood social construct that if you are going to a "nice" place, you wear decent clothing. Like I said, I wasn't expecting the guy to wear a suit. But I cannot fathom that you find it just way too much to ask, for me to want someone to not look like a frigging hobo when they are entering a nice establishment.

No, it's not fair that we are, to a degree, judged on appearances. But life's not fair. And if I see someone in a nice restaurant who is dressed like they just rolled out of a dumpster, then yes, I'm going to put on my Judgy McJudgersons hat and will infer, from their choice of clothing, that they are lacking in manners and in common sense.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/19/2012

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Yep, I am serious. If you are going to be friggen rude and disrespectful, I am hoping you get it back 10 fold. I have no problems admitting that.

Yep, I will laugh (quietly), I never said it would be in their face. However, I do judge people and I could careless if they judge me. I have enough self confidence to get past that. I am also not trying to look like a fool or trying to go against the grain, just because I can.

I have already said my husband and I are people watchers. I find it interesting. You can actually learn about how people interact differently in certain environments. I actually find it very interesting. However, if there is some odd ball, that it is obvious they know they are completely going against the majority, yep I snicker and roll my eyes. Then I move on to finishing my Caesar and yummy supper. ;)

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2012

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First off Krista...simmer. Holy moly! lol I never said you were a snob or anything of the sort, I have said that you (and everyone) really shouldn't be so concerned about what other people wear on their body. And if you want to go out wear your shit kickers to a 5 star...go for it. Who knows, you might even find it liberating.; ;)

MeMe, I know nobody here said it was a snag or a loose thread. People here have said it's rips, or dirty or disgusting. My point was that to my relatives, a snag or loose thread would be the equivalent of a rip, that having been worn once would make it dirty and unsuitable for fine dining. Follow?

As for laughing at people, that's pretty low and petty. Dont' care what it's over, unless they were trying to be funny or are laughing themselves...well, my daughter knows better than to laugh at people who aren't trying to be laughed at. And to hope someone spits in their food?! I wouldn't hope that for anyone...seriously?

Everyone is arrogant. And to think that everyone should follow what you think is proper dress code for anything is arrogant in itself. (general you) Arrogance is a part of human nature.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/19/2012

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Jodi---To them, clothing that isn't new, clothing that might have a snag, or a loose thread...could very well be considered "disgusting".

Ummm - no. Nobody here said it was a snag or a loose thread. lol I seriously wouldn't ever notice something like this.

We have all stated it has to do with, rips, tears, paint splattered all over them.

Jodi---If someone wants to wear ripped, dirty, smelly clothing...let them. You dno't have to wear them.

Oh I do let them and I have a grand time, laughing my ass off at how damn rude and disrespectful they are. I actually hope, the cook spits a great big hawker in their food, for being such arrogant, self righteous, scumbags!

Jodi---I've seen people dressed to the nine treat their waiters like shit, snub their nose at others around them, and demand the world bend their whim...those people offend me more than anything they could wear. (Not that people in everyday clothes, work clothes, or what not can't be assholes too.)

I too, have witnessed this from all walks of life. They deserve no more respect than someone with ripped, dirty, stinky, clothing at a nice restaraunt. I hope someone is spitting in their food too. ;)

I guess, for me what it comes down to is self respect, self dignity and self worth. Most people that have this, like to be clean and wear suitable clothing when out. If you could careless about how you are preceived, than there is some arrogance within. Since it is human nature to want to be of the norm, not the only different one in the entire establishment.

Have you ever looked at the "Walmart People" photo's? Come on, these people are just looking to be laughed at. Seriously, I do my best to make sure I at least do not end up in one of those photo's, circling the globe via internet!

Krista - posted on 05/19/2012

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Oh for crissakes, Jodi. Seriously. There ARE limits. I'm talking about clothes that actually ARE dirty -- that have visible filth on them.

I'm rather annoyed that you're making me out to be some sort of insufferable snob, simply because I think people should wear clothing that is clean and in good repair when eating out at a half-decent restaurant. I didn't give the guy dirty looks, I didn't say anything under my breath. He was utterly unaware of my presence. So I'll just ask you to ex-fucking-scuse me for having the damned OPINION that people shouldn't walk into a nice restaurant looking like they just came from doing 5 hours of yardwork. In fact, the next time I go out to a restaurant with no dress code, I'll be sure to wear some sweatpants and my manure-stained rubber boots. After all, who gives a fuck about anybody else, right?

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2012

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"Honestly, I'd rather they stayed home, if they have an attitude like that anyhow." That's exactly how I feel about what everyone else is saying here. To them, clothing that isn't new, clothing that might have a snag, or a loose thread...could very well be considered "disgusting". Now, this is among their social circle. My relatives come from very humble origins (dirt poor farm children) and dont' judge people on what they wear. But this is exactly what I'm saying. What's disgusting to you (i.e. ripped, dirty whatever)...by their standards, I can guarantee your clothes would be considered just as disgusting in their circle of friends. Have you worn it before? Then it's dirty and disgusting. If you or I walked into one of the restaurants they frequent, noses would crinkle and whispering would ensue, and that would be in the fanciest clothes my credit card could buy.

If someone wants to wear ripped, dirty, smelly clothing...let them. You dno't have to wear them. If you dont' like...go to the pub next door or go home. It works both ways. People are too caught up in what other people wear. I've seen people dressed to the nine treat their waiters like shit, snub their nose at others around them, and demand the world bend their whim...those people offend me more than anything they could wear. (Not that people in everyday clothes, work clothes, or what not can't be assholes too.)

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/19/2012

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Jodi--So, you can judge people who wear clothing "beneath" you, but there's ALWAYS someone above you, heaven forbid you find yourself in their presence, ignorant of how they expect you to dress and feeling bad because of the nasty looks and snide whispers.



I am not sure what you are trying to say here but no one said anyone was beneath or above anyone. I have said it is not the cost or type of material or whether you got your clothing at salvation army or some top clothing store. It IS about not walking into a decent food establishment with clothing that is completely disgusting!



I could careless if you saved for the past 10 years to go to this restaraunt. If you can't wear clothing that is not ripped/dirty/smelly/etc, then go next door to a pub OR stay home!



As for your very rich relatives, yeah, I have those too. My Aunt owns 15 Subway restaraunts. They have mega money. What I wear actually, is just as nice, if not nicer than what she wears. ;)



As for whether RICH, arrogant, bitchy, stuck up's want to go to OPA or not. Honestly, I'd rather they stayed home, if they have an attitude like that anyhow. Just because they have money, does not mean they have respect or anyone elses, for that matter. And they are most definitely not above anyone in the food chain. They just have money, which means squat to me.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/19/2012

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Sorry Jenny but "mini" skirt means just that - "mini". It does not mean just above the knees, that is just a skirt.

Johnny - posted on 05/19/2012

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This isn't about not dressing in avant garde fashions, wearing something really quirky, choosing eccentric ensembles and such. This is about looking like a mess. Not bothering to even change out of dirty clothes. Not bothering to make sure you don't have a rip in your ass. There is a big difference between being "out there" and being inconsiderate.

Now, I will say that I don't generally have an issue with mini-skirts or more "creative" fashions. Obviously I didn't really love it the day I was eating sushi and some dumbass teenage girl came into order, dropped her bank card, and flashed me her whole coochie when she bent over to pick it up. But generally most people aren't wearing them like trashy sluts.

And really, it is extremely rude in some cultures to show up to funerals in bright colors. It may seem just "socially unacceptable" to you, but for some people for whom cultural traditions hold emotional sway to be confronted with the socially unacceptable in a time of grief is just rude and upsetting. Know your audience and have just a modicum of compassion. For my funeral/memorial, I could care less what people wear at all and I know my family would feel the same way. It's not going to be a formal affair and people are welcome to wear hot pink mini-skirts if that's what they feel like. But for other people, it is important. Don't go if you can't even show basic respect.

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2012

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If people didn't dress innapropriately at one time or another...we'de all still be wearing victorian clothing up to our chins and down to our toes and down to our wrists. And no, I don't think wearing any type of clothing to a wedding is "rude", it may be socially unacceptable, but that doesn't make it rude IMO, it makes society unused to such an incident. Wearing hotpink to a funeral, here's what I don't get...everyone says "Oh, I want my family to celebrate my life and remember the happy times etc etc." But yet, we're supposed to actually be mourning your death by wearing dark and somber colors. Pick a side. I would have absolutely NO problem wearing bright and happy colors to a funeral. i have seen it time and time again and never batted an eyelash. It's clothes for goodness sake!

I think there only need to rules for clothing if a place feels they need it, or costumers. If a restaurant wants to only project a certain image, and it's customers only want to be around certain attire, then by all means, make rules. But I have incredibly rich family members, if we were all subjected to dressing in a way THEY find appropriate, most of us would be broke. And I highly doubt that this Opa restaurant would qualify as even "nice" in their world and what you wore to it would probably be disgraceful for a family dinner in their home. So, you can judge people who wear clothing "beneath" you, but there's ALWAYS someone above you, heaven forbid you find yourself in their presence, ignorant of how they expect you to dress and feeling bad because of the nasty looks and snide whispers.

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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well suppose there re places more appropriate than others,
i wouldnt wear some of the stuff i go out in at nights to wear to drop kids off in

I suppose there are. But i think there are also exceptions where sometimes for whatever reason you are caught wearing the inappropriate thing in the inappropriate place. Life happens and we cant always be dressed perfectly for the occasion.
Should we at least try? Yes, maybe, but don't judge someone for what they are wearing, who know it might end up being you one day for some un forseeable reason.

anyways, me going off to bed. good nite.

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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dont get me wrong, there are things that will catch my eye while at the mall because i'm just not used to seeing them but I make it a habbit to not care, not judge, live and let live.

If I see a teenage girl at the mall with her midriff showing it might catch my attention, but I dont think anything of it. I say to myself "whatever, its where she's at, at this point in her life"

If I see a family walk into subway bare foot, I think "wow, funny how they're bare foot and aside from that being different, it doesnt really bother me at all" it actually makes me smile.

I rearly get bothered by what people wear wherever they may be. I think coming out of a strict religious community and deciding not to want to be like them is a big part of why I try to change that attitude in me.

Im telling you that it would honestly not bother me if I went to an upper class restaurant and there was someone there dressed like a bum. I would initially start to wonder why in the hell...but then I'd say to myself something like "whatever, he's got his reasons, he knows why he's in here dressed like that, I have no clue why, because I dont know the guy and as long as he doesnt try to harm me I'm not going to care."

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2012

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well suppose there re places more appropriate than others,
i wouldnt wear some of the stuff i go out in at nights to wear to drop kids off in

seamed stockings, i think stockings just get looks anyway
and i dont mind, thnk we all dres to be admired to some degree

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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you're only of double standards if you judge the mums that chose to wear a short skirt while dropping their kids to school, when you decide that it is okay for you to wear a short skirt in the places you deem that as acceptable.

hahah about the seamed stockings! really making me laugh, how meaning less is a seam in a stocking and why the need to get looks for it? lol.

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2012

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in garment shops i see girls and ladies wearing short skirts, and it suits the place they work in
Sometimes i may be of double standards. Example
I have worn skirts that are very short when going out to night club. but woudlnt wear one on school run, if that makes sense, but i get what jennie is saying
revealing or titalting clothes will get looks, seamed stockings i had on this morning when shopping got looks and some comments
also had low tops on, or gone braless, and know i get looks. suppose it is the place when wearing them.

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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"What's next -- saying that it's okay for people to pick their nose and eat the boogers while sitting in a business meeting, because there are no express rules against it?"

What if the booger was really bad and it was making your voice go all nasaly and no one could understand what you were saying and that was the only way to get it out. lol.

I dont know what's next. I don't get how these silent rules work. I honestly feel like i've missed out on these rules growing up and don't always know what is meant to be appropriate and what is not. If you parents never tought you these things and no-one is kind enough to tell you politely instead of judging you behind your back and laughing, then how the hell is someone expected to know except through trial and error and observation.

Maybe that man wearing those clothes never again dressed like that to a nice looking restaurnt becaue he noticed that no one else was dressed like that. Or maybe he will dress like that again in a nice restaurant because no one said anything to him the first time around, so he thinks it must be okay, even though it was not the norm?

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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Man, I've seen so many hipocrites about short skirts that I can't get my head around it.

I had a freind that im just getting to know and she did surprise me one day when I caught her just as she was about to head out with her husband to go to the mall. Her skirt was short by the level of standard the community she comes from would judge as short. So I thought, good on you for making your own choices and not following blindly.



Anyway, me and that freind went to the mall soon after that and while we were watching my kids play at the mall playground, there was a new store right behind her and I caught her attention about it. There was a lady there dress in a short skirt as the sales person but it honestly was not inappropriate from my view, it looked fashionable and suited the garments the store was selling. Well my freind turns around and whispers, I cant believe how short her skirt is, it would be no wonder with a skirt like that if she's inviting someone to pounce on her, and then she pleads that it was rape. WTFFFFFF???? I could not believe it, the poor lady's skirt was just as short or if not a tad longer than the one my friend was wearing the other day. What kind of bull crap is that to judge people like that?

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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And no, I don't think that all the men would gawk at you if you wore a mini dress and nor should they.
I understand if its a really short skirt you will get looks, but if its a skirt above the knees I do not think everyone will stare.

I think that's a conditioned response.
An example of what I mean here is when my brother visited me from interstate. Me and my husband took him and his wife to a church we had been frequenting during that time. The main worship lead was female, slightly up on a half a meter stage, and I thought she had a beautiful voice.
As soon as we got back into the car after the service my brother exploded with "Man, I can't believe they let her up there in a mini skirt." I was so shocked, I had not even noticed the skirt. I went there to worship and that's what I did, I did not go there to be curious about what is acceptable dress wear in that church. It was the topic of the debate for the night and I asked my husband if it he had noticed the skirt. He said no, and he could not see what the big deal was, to him there was nothing immodest about her attire.
I see that as my brothers conditioned response to the way someone is dressed. And I don't think its right to judge someone like that.

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2012

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I gave that as an example because one of the reactions to someone looking out of place is that people will stare, so I was just giving another example of when people would stare. So what if people stare? If all they're doing is saying mean things behinde your back and staring then so what.

"No one should require education on appropriate dress"
- MeMe

I don't think this is true. If you come from a family of nuditsts, you might just require this type of education, you should be expected to have it. If you come from a family of hipies you might require this education. If you come from a family who believes against complying to the social norm in behaviour you will not naturaly understand why your dress will be upsetting anyone.

I do think there may be some circumstances in which dirty/ripped/extremly casual attire can be excused, if not appropriate, for a nice eatery.

The mini skirt incident is taught in australian schools as part of history in relation to fashion. It was not accepted as appropriate attire at the races in that day, it caused a huge disturbance and the lady was reprimanded for it by her sponsers (she was a supermodel). Not only was she in a mini skirt, but she did not wear a hat or gloves to the event and it was not deemed appropriate. The supermodel had been working in london where the length of her skirt was acceptable in that society, she had assumed Melburne had moved ahead but she was wrong.

This is what she had to say was going through her head when chosing to wear that outfit:
"The day of the races was a hot one, so I didn't bother to wear any stockings. My legs were still brown from the summer, and as the dress was short it was hardly formal. I had no hat or gloves with me, for the very good reason that I owned neither. I went downstairs cheerfully from my hotel room, all regardless of what was to come."

This is the criticism she was met with by the self rightieous people that day.
"The incident immediately spilled over into the media, and leading the attack was former Lady Mayoress Lady Nathan, who described Shrimpton as "a child" and accused her of having bad manners. Claiming that Australian women dressed as well as any in the world, she said that "if Miss Shrimpton wants to wear skirts four inches above the knee in London, that's her business, but it's not done here. I feel we do know so much better than Miss Shrimpton ... we all dress correctly here."

As for the "mini skirt" it was deamed one back in that day, but I don't think you would call what she was wearing vulgar. Its an example of how times move forward though people pushing boundries and getting rid of self righteous attidues as disposed in the above speach.

Krista - posted on 05/19/2012

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If it is a high class restaurant it will have a dress code and will not allow people in ripped jeans and crocks or thongs in. If it does not have a dress code then really anyone can come in dressed as they please, no?

Meme's right. VERY few places in Atlantic Canada have a dress code. Evidently it's because we trust people to use some damned common sense. And for the most part, it works just fine.

Good lord, is this what we've gotten to as a society when it literally has to be WRITTEN OUT for us in order for us to not go to a nice eating establishment in filthy, grubby clothes? What's next -- saying that it's okay for people to pick their nose and eat the boogers while sitting in a business meeting, because there are no express rules against it?

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/19/2012

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Jenny---I may go to a nice restaurant and having not being exposed to fine dining or the art of the cutlery, I may pick up the wrong fork, I may attempt to drink water from something i'm meant to dip my fingers in, I may use my hands when I should be using a fork and knife or I use the fork and knife the wrong way around (lol), I may rest my elbows on the table, and people will stare because its inappropriate. So what? Do I not deserve to be there? Am I really being rude?

Not being educated on the art of fine dining is not the same as being disrespectful with presentation of one self. Everyone has/had to start somewhere for how to "act" when dining in these places. No one should require education on appropriate dress.

Around here not very many places have a dresscode. This is because us Maritimers are 1.) laid back and 2.) like to give everyone the benefit of doubt that they have some damn brains and respect for everyone and everything.

I agree, everyones perception is different for what is "nice" wear but I do not believe that anyone thinks dirty/ripped/extremly casual attire is appropriate for a nice eatery.

As for the mini skirt, well I do think they are inappropriate. If you want all the men gawking at you (which btw, is why they accepted her attire at a race) and all the other women talking about you - go hard! Although you will more than likely be judged in some negative manner.

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2012

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i do make an effort, cant stand jogging bttoms and baggy tops when out
so at least will be good cut trousers and top or skirt blouse or top, or dress

Jenny - posted on 05/18/2012

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I may go to a nice restaurant and having not being exposed to fine dining or the art of the cutlery, I may pick up the wrong fork, I may attempt to drink water from something i'm meant to dip my fingers in, I may use my hands when I should be using a fork and knife or I use the fork and knife the wrong way around (lol), I may rest my elbows on the table, and people will stare because its inappropriate. So what? Do I not deserve to be there? Am I really being rude?

"If you don't blend in." lol. i hope you dont hate yourself too much for saying that.
So if you don't blend in, then you're being rude? Must we all blend in then? Will that make everyone happy? Feel safe?

And can anyone address my previous post about Jean Shriptom wearing a "mini skirt" to the races back in 1965 in Melbourne Australia even though it was highly inappropriate, but which lead to a higher level of tolerance in what a woman can wear in public?

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2012

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If you don't blend in. There I said it. If you go to a nice restaurant and you're dirty and there's a white table cloth, and you're putting your dirty elbows in it people will stare. It's inappropriate.

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2012

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I agree with krista and johnny if it's wildly inappropriate it is rude to fellow diners and funeral/wedding guests.

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