Siblings of Guests at Birthday Parties

Erin - posted on 06/11/2012 ( 58 moms have responded )

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A few weeks ago my 5 year old son was invited to a birthday party for a girl in his class. Some of the other parents brought their other kids along with them - younger and older, and stayed for the whole party. The "uninvited" siblings played all the games and in the bouncy castle, ate the pizza, cake and juice and shared in the treats from the pinatas. One of the older brothers (I am thinking he was 10 or so) even pushed the guests who were all 4-6 years old out of the way to get the full size candy bars from the pinata (and his mom praised him for getting the candy)

It got me wondering if I was the only one who thought that unless the invitation/parents said that siblings are welcome, it should only be the child invited to attend. It has happened at other parties my son has been invited to as well - actually now that I think about it, when my son had his party I had one mom who showed up with two kids - one that we invited and his younger brother - and expected both kids to take part in everything. The younger brother even asked me where his treat bag was when we were handing them out at the end.

It just seems to me that unless it is a family members party where usually the whole family is invited, or a close friend - siblings are not counted. My son's party was at a indoor playground so I could only have a certain number of kids or I would have had to pay extra - of course not everyone we invited showed up so I did not have to pay extra for the brother, but what if I had been over the allowed amount.

Do you think it is different for an at-home party vs. one that is at someplace where you pay for a certain number?
Am I the only one who thinks this - I am a bit out the loop sometimes :)

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Jennifer - posted on 02/26/2013

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I'm struggling right now with how to word the invitations to my son's upcoming 6 year birthday party. Most of our friends throw huge bashes and invite the entire family. The dads all hang out and the moms all visit and the kids have a blast. But we just don't have the space in our tiny house to host events that way so we usually opt to go somewhere. Last year we had it at chuck-e-cheese's and since our whole family is aways invited to their houses for kiddo's birthdays they all came, too. Having them there was great, the more the merrier, but I had the same issue a lot of you are having. I had parents coming up and asking where their other kids tokens and goodie bags were. Why didn't we get enough pizza and soda for everyone? Maybe they didn't realize we were paying for each kid or maybe they just think we're made of money, but I was really shocked. I ended up divying up the stuff I'd brought for MY kids so every child had something. I just didn't have the guts to stand up to those other moms, especially since I think they thought I was the one being cheap and rude. So this year, we're having it there again (per my son's request) and I've included an insert in the invites saying we encourage families to join in the fun, but since we are paying per guest, that if siblings attend please come prepared to provide them with tokens and drinks. Pizza and cake will be provided for everyone. Did I do the right thing? Am I being a nitpicky, cheapo mom? Any thoughts?

Conniger - posted on 09/24/2013

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I am planning a bday party for my daughter .. What if my guests bring their siblings .. Am I responsible for gift bags for them too ?

Melissa - posted on 04/04/2013

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I think it is extemely rude and inconsiderate to show up with uninvited siblings. I am not talking about "family parties", I am talking the friend party. Yes birthdays are suppose to be fun, kid friendly, easy going, etc. but parents need to be respectful and stop mooching off of others. I have two children, a 10 year old daughter and 7 year old son. We have run into this a many times. I have been polite but too the point. We are not paying for uninvited children. We had a party at Chuck E. Cheese for my son and some parents brought siblings and expected us to foot the bill. I politely said no. My daughter had a party at a local place where you paint your own pottery. A lot of parents brought extra siblings and expected us to pay or include them. Again I said no. My other pet peeve, is when parents drop their children off with out asking. My husband and I are not babysitters while people go shopping, stay and watch over your children for goodness sakes! Ridiculous!

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2013

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I don't think you're out of the loop at all. We purposely plan small, quaint parties so we can do reasonably elaborate things. My daughter invites HER friends, not her friend's siblings.

There has to be a point where parents put their foot down and teach their kids that they are allowed to have individual identities which include individual friends and that your siblings don't have to be included 100% of the time. I take these self-invites as an insult to my kid in all honesty...its not her job to entertain her brother 100% of the time so why would I assume that its ok for her to haul her little brother to a friend's birthday?

My son was upset at my daughter's party because the girls went to the theater to see a movie without him, but it wasn't his party...it was hers. He survived and got over it.

Entitlement is an issue these days and I think this is a perfect illustration of how parents are exacerbating the issue! Siblings are not entitled to join the party. If the invite is extended, ok, but to make that assumption is rude as far as I'm concerned.

Lynn - posted on 01/11/2014

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It is so rude to invite or just bring siblings to parties to which they were not invited. What are we teaching our children? As adults would you ever just bring people along to a party when they were not invited?
I just had to pay twice as much for a party because people showed up with siblings or asked at the last minute putting me on the spot! Parents need to do a better job teaching etiquette and it begins with social situations as children. The siblings are not my child's friends but the rude request or imposition of parents creates a difficult situation. As a hostess you feel badly or dash around at the last minute pulling together goodie bags for everyone. Birthday parties are not a babysitter for all of your children!

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Patte - posted on 04/30/2013

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Oh my God- without even reading anyone else's comments, I am so happy to read this! For the third year in a row, my daughter's birthday was screwed up by parents bringing their younger children to the party and assuming it was all fine, when my daughter did not know them from a bar of soap. My daughter turned eight last Saturday, and after several years of having uninvited sibs dropped off at her parties- even obvious pay-per-head parties at kiddie gyms and fairy princess venues (!), she asked for a home party this year so we relented. It was a Mexican themed party, and we invited 16 girls. I would never distribute invitations at school in order to avoid hurt feelings, so I always send evites and the evites were addressed only to the child who was invited. You'd think that would eliminate any confusion as to who was invited, right? Well, darlings- you would be wrong. Because there were so many children invited, and because we played a 'Yankee Swap' gift exchange (we are Americans living in Australia), the lolly bags were all personalized, and I only had enough gifts for the gift exchange. Having three younger siblings tossed into the mix was very disruptive and embarrassing for us, because we didn't have enough gifts or lolly bags (and at the end of the party they demanded lolly bags!), and what was even more nervy, was that the mom who brought TWO extra kids asked if she could take home an extra plate of cake! "My girls have been good as gold, and would you mind if I take home a plate of cake?" Oh, yes- good as gold they were! The invited one poured an entire pitcher of icewater on my daughter's chair so she couldn't sit down at dinner. He two littlies tore the decorations down both in the front and the back of the house, and scattered crepe and tissue all over our property. Adorable! What do I have to do? Send invites that say,"No Sibs, Please?" "Invited Guests Only, Please"? How do I do this without sounding like a witch? I am up to HERE with rude, inconsiderate parents!

Julia - posted on 04/04/2013

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Many of the posts here make me feel very blessed for the wonderful group of parents at my sons school. Most welcome siblings at parties but the people with multiple kids rarely take people up on the offer. We do have a few who are chronically late RSVPers but overall everyone is respectful of each others situations. However it is a very small school with only one class per grade so you are with the same kids K-8 which I think is different then schools with 100 kids per grade and the class changes a little each year. I'm surprised to hear about people having issues with parents dropping off and not staying with 6 year olds. My son is 7 and I have yet to see a kid dropped off at a party and parents not stay. Occasionally a parent might help out another parent by bringing their child in some cases to avoid the issue of needing to bring a sibling, but then that parent is there and accepts responsibility for the child who came with them. Maybe in 3rd grade but I rarely leave my son even for play dates unless it is a parent I know well and we are trading Childcare more so than an actual play date.

Amanda - posted on 03/31/2013

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Id say yes to siblings if they were family or family friends however outside of that then no siblings shouldn't be there if they're infants though I wouldn't mind.

Amber - posted on 03/29/2013

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I am having my don's 6th birthday party at a park they love. it is a bit out of the way and I have been asked why so far (not meanly, just curious). I put on my invitations "no child drop offs please". I have no problem trying to accomodate everyone but if you plan on bringing siblings include the names/number of people in the RSVP.If there is a problem or the party planning parent has a problem with it I would expect said parent to have the spine to speak up. the only party my son has been invited to I responded with 'my son, infant daughter and I will be attending' (by name of course

Julia - posted on 03/12/2013

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I'm wondering if part of the issue here is that kids parties have gotten a little out of control. Parties used to be a cake and a couple of kids at the birthday kids house. Now you are seemingly obligated to provide serious entertainment beyond a swing set in the yard and piñata. Sometimes the parties seem to be about impressing the parents. Maybe we should all just agree to do what we can afford and call it a day. Last year a friend had a huge blow out with 30 kids. This year she said she wasn't doing it again it was too much and she invitied the whole class which led to kids her son didn't even like coming. This year she invited 4 kids with their siblings went to Chucky Cheese then had cake and cheaper better pizza at the house after. One of the best parties and the company was good because the moms of the close friends all have gotten to know each other over the years. Same with weddings. The best wedding I ever went to was a destination wedding with only a few guests but they were the people who were really closest to the couple. It was great.

User - posted on 03/12/2013

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I have always stated on invitations, "siblings welcome" or added a "clause" with information to parents on pricing, etc. should they or other sibling want to attend the party venue (like Chuckie Cheese) so parents know in advance that I am not 1) Paying for them or ALL their kids or B) Baby sitting ALL their kids while they go do whatever. I will be responsible ONLY for the kids that were invited PERIOD! You are not wrong on this, but people can be downright rude sometimes and party's are expensive!! My child wants to party with HIS friends not his friends brothers cousins neighbors boyfriends little brother.

Sal - posted on 03/09/2013

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I think a lot is knowing the family's you are inviting, and wording your invite clearly, which can be hard, where we live it is often quiet a treck to house parties so it is a given that mum and siblings will usually stay as its too far to go home, when i plan a party i assume at least some siblings will come, and usually have them at a park or pool,last time my daughter had around 30 kids and 15 parents and shs only has 6 kids. In her class!! my 2 girls are very close in age and have ways gone everywhere together usually invites include both of them, but if it were a sleep over party or a pay by head party I wouldn't stay and wouldn't take a child on the invite, if I did choose to stay I would pay for the uninvited child's food entry etc...but I live with sensible families, my last party was at the pool, I asked the kiosk to keep a tally of entries for me to pay for.. When I went to pay every person who attended had payed their own entry

Julia - posted on 03/08/2013

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At 5 years old kids are still to young to be dropped off at a party so parents must stay. While it is rude to show up with a child who you didn't include in the RSVP it is equally rude to expect a gift and for the parent to pay a babysitter. I only have one child but I have had parents ask if they could bring a sibling and I have always obliged. I compensate by only inviting the boys from his class. I know who has siblings and I anticipate them in my count. This is hard in K when it is usually a new school and you don't know who will come but next year you'll have a much clearer idea of the usual group.

Amanda - posted on 03/04/2013

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I'd be pretty upset if someone brought youother kids to one of my (future) kids birthday parties. I'd understand and wouldn't care if they had to bring a infant sibling though.

Lauren - posted on 03/04/2013

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I agree with all those who have said it's rude. I don't expect my other children to be entertained, nor do I expect to have to entertain others, especially if it's an older child inhibiting the activities of younger children.

Unfortunately, as you showed, some parents don't get it, and some kids will be upset because they haven't been taught what's appropriate--these are the kids I feel terrible for. Perhaps if another parent's extra child is getting involved, you could politely say something to the effect of, "If you wouldn't mind, I'd prefer to have siblings watch on the side to ensure the other kids get to participate in the activities designed specifically for their ages. However, I do have this [book], [game], [craft], etc. that I've set aside, so if he/she would like, he/she is welcome to play with that."

It's certainly not your responsibility to have a back up for extra kids, but it's one way to do a small amount of extra work (or pull out board games or coloring books you have, whatever) to avoid a bigger hassle that could ruin your child's party. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to compensate for others' rude behavior!

Tina - posted on 03/02/2013

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@ Jenniffer Miller.....I think you did the right thing. You may be throwing a birthday party, but it is not for the whole town to come to, its for YOUR son and his friends. You should not be expected to provide for the extra kids that were not on the invite list, this way the parents can decide if they really need to bring that extra child or leave them at home. Your son and his friends should not have to give up what is suppose to be for them...pizza, drinks, tokens and goodie bags to accommodate those extra kids. I am not sure I would pay for pizza for the extra kids and parents, I think the parents can pay for their own as well. You are not being cheap, just staying within YOUR budget, and people don't know what your budget is, and they should respect that.

Jamie - posted on 02/26/2013

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Shirley, my honest advice... Only pay for the ones you invited. Parents not being able to find a babysitter or wanting to include all their children isn't your fault or your problem. I ran into this a couple years ago with my daughters birthday.. I went from a $50 party at McDonalds to like $150 party because I was too nice to speak up. Almost no one even thanked me, I was so upset and broke at the end and it sucked!

The parents need to understand, we aren't made of money and if the situation was reversed that you would expect to pay for your uninvited children. Don't feel bad about, just explain you only budgeted and paid for the children you invited. If they are respectful, they will understand and not be upset. If they are upset, then it isn't worth your stress.. enjoy your daughters big day! The smile on her face will make it all worth while! :)

Jamie - posted on 02/26/2013

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Jennifer, I do not believe you have done anything wrong! It is expensive enough to host a party for the children you DO invite. It is INCREDIBLY rude for the parents to expect you to buy tokens, goodie bags, food, etc. for the siblings you didn't invite.

I am hosting my daughters 5th bday party this weekend.. I invited around 20 kids and HOLO 18 of the 20 RSVP'ed!!!!(I invited about 10 last year, and only 1 showed up and my daughter was heartbroken!)

There is nothing wrong with only accomodating who you actually invited.. siblings and additional family members are not your problem! Being a parent around ALL holidays is expensive and not everyone can afford elaborate bashes with treats and food for the whole family.. I know I sure can't!!!!

If those other parents don't like it, politely tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine.. sometimes kindness isn't the way to go (unfortunately some people make you learn the hard way :( and it is very sad!) Don't let them get you down, birthday parties are a fun time!!

Shirley - posted on 02/25/2013

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I am in this dilemma now I invited 15 kids from my daughter 1st grade class to a pay per child jungle gym for her birthday. I budgeted for this, the food, and treat bags. As the RSVP are coming in, everyone is asking to bring at least 1 sibling and some 2 extra siblings to join. It now has tripled in price. I find it infuriating that some parents don't have the manners to offer to pay for the uninvited guests. Now I have to send out a second note or call each of these parents back to ask them to pay for the extra child. It just hope it doesn't put strain on the party.

Jamie - posted on 02/24/2013

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I agree Tina, it is inappropriate and I would raise your concern with the parents. My daughter's party is next Sunday and fingers crossed I don't have to deal with it. If so, in future... I will put no siblings or extras allowed lol! It is addressed to a specific child for a reason!

Tina - posted on 02/24/2013

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I just stumbled on this web site because I was looking for an answer to the same question. My daughter had her birthday party yesterday, and one of her friends brought her younger sister, which threw me off....I had no goodie bag for her or was not informed she would be coming. I think it was very inappropriate for the younger sibling to come. The parents just dropped off the girls, did not even come to the door and verify if it was ok that she stay. I don't believe it is any different where the party is at, it should be for the invited guest only, unless you talk with host about bringing a sibling or friend.

Jamie - posted on 02/23/2013

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I am in total agreeance that only the children invited should show up. It is inconsiderate of parents to bring the siblings with them. Parents put a lot of planning into a party, buying the exact number treat bags, size of cake, games, etc... and if you go to a location where only a certain # is paid for then it is even worse!

Cecilia - posted on 01/08/2013

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I havn't had to deal with that in that way. When my children where younger, around 1st and 2nd grade. we would invite the entire class. the one year we had it at burgerking (only place in town with the play area and with 30+ kids invited i was not having them all in my house) One woman brought her daughter and asked if i minded if she stayed because the drive home wasn't worth it. She had her older child with her. They sat in a bench away from all of us. I felt bad and told the girl she could join us too. The mother offered to pay for her meal and i told her we had extras ordered.

Later in years we had smaller- closer friends parties at my house. If a sibling wants to come also the parents always ask. My kids usually knew the siblings so i would agree. As I said they were closer friends and the kids went to each other's houses and knew the families by this point.

I personally do not let siblings join in on the parties. My son for example's best friend has a sister, who is friends with my daughter. The friend invites my son to his parties. Every time i go to pick him up, he ends up telling me he's sleeping over. At that point my daughter asks to stay for a bit. I tell her she has to go ask the mother.

I would find anything else to be rude. Maybe people don't realize it's rude. I might tell them when it comes to things like pay-per-child places, sorry but I didn't know he was coming so he isn't paid for. If you want him to attend you need to pay for him.

Tracy - posted on 01/08/2013

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I haven't had to deal with this except this last birthday party for my daughter (turned 3). We invited one of the kids from her preschool and his older sister came with both parents and participated. I didn't mind in this scenario because 1) it was one kid and I don't do favor bags/gift bags, etc... and 2) it was at home so no extra cost other than an extra hot dog or hamburger, of which we had plenty. However, the one experience I've had aside, I think it is very rude to expect that because ONE of your kids was invited that ALL of them were invited. I know in the past, for my son's birthday parties, I only allowed him to invite as many kids as I intended on "babysitting" so I didn't expect parents to stick around. In fact, I think it would have been weird for parents to stick around (other than close friends and family with whom I *wanted* to visit with).

So, if you don't trust the family, don't let your kid go, obviously. Otherwise, drop the kid and let them have a ball. Don't take siblings unless they are invited OR you at least make the situation clear and then ask permission to bring them.

Mommy - posted on 12/31/2012

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My husband's daughter is with us every other weekend. She is 7 and my daughter is 2. If my daughter happens to have a party to go to on one of the weekends she is here, I will ask the parent if she can come along. I feel bad leaving her home when my daughter is going to a party and coming home with a goodie bag. They have always been agreeable to me bringing her along. I wouldn't, however, just assume and bring her. That is very rude. Unless it's a house party, but even then I would ask.

Evelyn - posted on 12/31/2012

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Most birthday parties my kids got to go to were mostly family and there fore all the kids came. My best friend of over 20 years has kids the same ages as mine. She had a birthday party for her oldest when our two new babies were just a couple of months old. We brought the babies anyway. As time went on though things changed. My idea of a birthday party was to have the family come, my parents, sister and niece, a family friend, and sometimes the kid's friends if they could attend. I had no invitations, it was by phone or word of mouth.

But I would have to agree that if a child in a family unit is invited and is the only one to be there unless it requires a parent to go along, that its that child only. To show up with the rest of the brood is just rude. I would say they could stay but the parent would have to fork over the money if it was a venue that required certain number for the party etc. There would not be goody bags for the extras as that was not planned for.

I also think that anymore birthday parties have become more or less something the parents want rather than the kids. What happened to a good old fashion birthday cake and ice cream kind of event with some games and prizes. Maybe some goody bags.?

Helen - posted on 12/30/2012

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wow - can't believe how rude that 10 year old, and his mother was!

I have 2 boys, 26 months apart. Back end of last year the daughter of one of my friends had her 3rd birthday, and even though both my boys know both her children I still double checked who the invite was for (invite sent by text, so no name on envelope) before the party. If, for some reason I had to take both to a party only one had been invited to, I would check before hand, and although they might both want to take part in the party (depending on venue, and it's pretty hard to explain to a 20 month old that they can't join in) I would not expect the 'extra' to be given a party bag, and would be upset and cross if they asked for one.

We are planning our older sons' 4th birthday party for Feb and are planning on inviting 6 children - there will be 2 sets of siblings as all 4 children are friends with both my boys (and I expect both mums to stay) and the other 2 will be friends from school, if I can get names from my son, and I don't expect siblings (except babes in arms) to attend, especially as there will not be room in our house for any extras. I am guessing that the parents of those children will be staying as well, as I don't know any of the families from school yet.

I think that next year I will start leaving my older son at parties, depending on venue etc, and for some parents to leave their children at DS1's 5th birthday party.

Vesna - posted on 08/24/2012

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We don't live in the USA and in our country it became a habit to celebrate children's birthdays indoors. Our playgrounds usually accept between 20-25 children and you have to pay extra for each child on top of that number. Since I have two children (a boy(9) and a girl(6)) it was sometimes an issue if only one of them got invited since my daughter always wanted to go. It started happening when our son started with school at the age of six and met new friends who's parents we didn't knew before. These parties started becoming children only parties and she would sometimes get really sad because before all the incites to their parties and vice -versa were mutual friends various ages and the parties were adjusted accordingly. I never took her to a party when she wasn't invited. But I did embrace the opportunity to explain to her that when she grows up she will also have her friends which he doesn't know, and that it would be out of place for him to attend parties of her friends. They would also probably be bored because of completely different interests. I know that it's sometimes hard to take one child and leave out the other(s) but if the event takes place indoors than it's usually a mall or a similar place where you can take your other children by yourself and entertain them for a period of celebration. If it's a house party you can always take one child and go somewhere else with the others, because I presume that people do not invite 2 year olds to attend the party on their own. It is extremely rude to push yourself into a birthday party, not to mention additional children. There is always a way. What we do sometimes is, one of us - mothers takes care of the uninvited children, and one goes to a party to attend to invited children...and we take turns. There is usually a circle of children who associate with each other so we get to know the other parents in time.

Kathy - posted on 08/20/2012

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It's rude.

If a child is invited to a party, that child goes and no one else.

If the child is sufficiently young that a parent is expected to stay with the child, then I go.

I would bring a very young baby with me if needed (they are usually free to all events - and all they eat is me, lol). I would accept the invitation letting them know that Johnny and I would be please to attend - however, Johnny's six week old sister still needed to nurse regularly - could she come?

**Jackie** - posted on 08/19/2012

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That is so rude!!! I would never ever ever do that!! I mean if I had a party and someone brought their other children, I'm not going to tell them to leave....they're kids. I would sure as hell talk sh*t on them lol

I can't believe that! The only thing close to your experience that has happened to me was my daughter's 1st birthday, someone brought their infant. I mean it's an infant so no big deal.

Roxanna - posted on 08/19/2012

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Let me start this off with my disclaimer: I am very opinionated, upfront and old school. With that said...
I grew up around cousins...lots and lots of cousins....My Maternal Grandmother was one of eleven, of which those eleven had an average ofge of 6 kids who turned around and had an average of three kids..do the math! We never got seperate invitations because we were all related. My best friends in school...were my cousins! We are all about 6 to 8 months apart, and super close. Did I mention we are Hispanic? What, the numerous children didn't give it away?! LOL!!
Okay, back to the subject. Parties for my oldest daughter were celebrated in family. I flew back home for her first and second birthday becasue I didn't have any friends at our duty station (hubby was military, I couldn't relate to these women, they weren;t family). Her third birthday, my folks came down to celebate. fourth, fifth and six, by her choice, dinner at a restaurant. Then it got interesting, after moving to the southwest, I had a few friends and they helped me with her 7th birthday party. 12 kids all together, no extras. This went on for a few years and when I remarried, my husbands family showed up to a few parties and then stopped (good riddance! Bunch of rowdy disrespectfuls I have ever seen, and that was the adults!). I never had issues with her parties only because I guess people outside of my family let the ONE child invited to come to the party alone.....GASP! I was floored when I saw that, or when Ley was invited to her friends parties and they would dismiss me and tell em to come get her in a few hours! But when in Rome... My youngest, Abby, is a major social butterfly, and since she was six, she has been dropped off and then picked up at the appropriate time. Parties held at our house are a bit more relaxed, we have several friends with children of different ages adn we always make room for them, because I expect them to bring all thier kids. One year, one of my friends, D got a ride from her best friend, S and at the party, in front of S, asked me if she could stay with her three children........HUH!!!??? Before I got a chance to say anything, S, ripped D a new one about abusing my friendship and that D better find a ride home because she wouldn't come pick her up! My manners kicked in, and S and I became great friends. Main reason...we don't like kids...especially bratty ones!
I cannot tell you how many times I have had parties where I have told parents, you can bring your kids, but I have a dog and he is a member of our amily, control YOUR children. My house is not child proof, control YOUR children. If you cannot do that and I need to tell you rchild more than THREE times to behave, you will have to leave. And I have done it, alot.
Erin, your parties, your rules. Be specific and stand your ground. Finances are really bad, why should you have to pay for someone elses ignorance?

Alahnna - posted on 07/04/2012

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I think ity is really rude to show up with uninvited guests. Now that being said, as a single mom, I have had to bring my other child along as well if the host required me to stay, so I would call in advance to RSVP and I would explain that if I came, I would have to bring my son and that I would pay for any extra costs incurred by child. I would also make it clear before we went that the child who was not invited was not to get a treat bag unless offered one, so there would be no asking for it.

Vegemite - posted on 07/04/2012

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Ummm I wouldn't go to a party i wasn't invited to or hadn't RSVP'd to so why would I teach my kids it's ok to do so. Having said that if one was invited and I couldn't leave the other with my husband or someone else I would talk to host parent before hand to see if it was ok to bring both. If it wasn't ok then I would just have to respect that. If it was a per head place I'd offer to pay for the extra child. If I had an older child (mine are 21mths apart) like the said 10yr old you bet that kid would behave a be mindful of the younger kids or there would be consiquences for them. A 10yr old at a little kids party should be offering to help the host not make a nuscance of himself.

Stifler's - posted on 07/03/2012

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Alisia I would have said something to the 10 year old. I always tell other peoples kids off LOL if they don't like it then we aren't suited to be very good friends.

Alisia - posted on 07/03/2012

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My daughter recently turned 4 and we had a Rapunzel party at home. We also had someone bring their 10 year old son along, which I didn't think anything of since I do invite whole families. BUT I must say he was being rough in the jumper and I had kids complaining to me that he wasn't being very nice, including the birthday girl herself who was upset at his behavior. I would have said something to his mom, but I know they went out of their way to be at the party. I also know she was already feeling embarrassed and even left early. If someone does have invite only type party, then yes it's rude to bring uninvited kids especially somewhere you have to pay per child. That being said, I personally think it's rude not to invite the whole family to an at home party since they will feel unwelcome if they can't find a sitter.

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2012

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I would never dream of showing up with my 6 kids to a party that only one was invited to! If it is a parent I don't trust to keep up with only the child invited, and I can't go, then neither does my child.

Now that my kids are older, it isn't a problem for me getting to a party, BUT I did have a pool party once, I invited 8 kids. I had to pay for the lifegaurd, and one lifeguard was allowed 10 kids. Elevan kids meant two lifegaurds. One mom shows up with her 4 kids and two that she was baby sitting!?!? She was told to go home. Sorry, but my other kids didn't even get to attend the party, her's were not going either! I still get a bit steamed about it.

If I know their are other kids in the family, and they will have something to do, and not cost me buckets extra, I invite them. Most of my friends and family do the same. But if it is not spefified, they are not invited!

Sherri - posted on 06/20/2012

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I have found most people ask ahead of time if siblings can come but do so privately so you would never know if they had already been okayed to bring them. I always ask if I can bring my younger ones. If they can't go most times then the one invited can't go because I am not hiring a sitter to stay with my other kids so one can go to a birthday party.

Jakki - posted on 06/19/2012

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When my kids were little ie under 5 we always went as a family to all the parties, as did everybody else. It was a bit of a shock when the eldest got invited the first time on her own, and we had to deal with this issue.

I think around here, the break really comes when they get to about Year 1 (turning 6 and over) when only kids are invited and no parent/siblings go along at all.

Frankly I'm a bit sad as the kids get older because I often quite enjoyed hanging out with the other parents and chatting while the kids raced around. That's all over nowadays for us with our youngest being 7.

BTW It would be a complete no-no to take a 10 year old to a 4 year old party!

Dhanya - posted on 06/18/2012

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i was recently at a birthday party where one the parents brought along their annoying snobby 6yr old to the 4yr olds party. the host had special loot bags made with the RSVPed kids names on it and the rude 6yr old threw a tantrum she didn't get a loot bag. Well Hello its not your party to be at! the mom had to bribe her with a new toy from Toysrus to shut her up, i think that's just bad judgement.

Becky - posted on 06/12/2012

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Yeah, I'd be fine with it if they asked - although if we had a limit on how many kids we could have at the venue, they would have to pay for the extra ones. But just assuming is rude. I don't even assume it's okay to bring my 4 month old infant along if only my oldest is invited. My oldest was invited to a birthday party at the zoo a couple of months ago, and the invitation specified him and my husband (because at 4, they still want a parent to stay!) My friend explained that she didn't think I could leave the baby yet. He was not quite 2 months yet, so she was right. I was a little surprised that he wasn't welcome - it wasn't like he was going to be eating any food! :) But it wasn't a big deal. My husband went, and since it was a nice day, I took the baby and 2 year old and we just hung out at the zoo while they had their party.

[deleted account]

Yeah, I'm pretty easy going if someone has problems and asks to bring other kiddies along. It's the assumption that bothers me, the bad manners that they think it's ok to just bring other kids without asking first. After all, I am the one footing the bill, and making sure there is enough for everyone.

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2012

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I don't think I'd mind if they RSVPd and said " look my partner is working and i can't get a baby sitter is it ok if I bring my other kid". I wouldn't say no. But to just show up is rude. We didn't invite any kids to our wedding but we said if you can't get a baby sitter esp. if you're traveling then let us know and well organise something for the kids.

[deleted account]

I agree that it is very rude to show up with unexpected extras. That said, in my area, it is rude to not invite siblings unless there is a pretty major age difference or it is a very gender oriented party.

I only have one child, so I never have to worry about bringing an extra guest to someone else's party, but I imagine it would be difficult for those with multiple kids, especially if Dad works on weekends. Sitters are pricey and hard to come by on Saturdays, so I usually don't mind if siblings come along as long as the mom mentions the siblings when she RSVPs. In most cases it shouldn't be a big deal as long as you have notice--the parent should pay the sibling's admission if you are paying per child, but if yo are having a home party, there is almost always extra food anyways.

It can be a big deal if you have older siblings ruining the fun for little ones. If a mom wants to bring a significantly older sibling, I would tell her that he/she would probably not be included in organized games because it would be unfair to the smaller ones, but the sibling would be welcome for cake and such.....I don't really like those games anyway. Perhaps I'm just lazy, but they never seem to want to stop playing and it's a pain in the butt to get them all organized, so I just skip it.

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2012

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The only kind of parties we have for the kids are where our friends are invited and their kids so far as well. But when they are older and we invite kids I'm not friends with the parents of I will find it tacky and rude to bring the other siblings and expect them to be involved and get loot bags and join in games.

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

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I can see bringing the whole family to parties of family friends, or family members. Most times the invitations for those are for both of my boys and when I am inviting friends, it is for all of their kids.
There was one time my 5 year old was invited to a party at a McDonalds with a huge play room. It was the middle of winter (we live in Canada, and I am against being cold lol) and not much else to do, so I did take my 3 year old, but he did not take part in the party other than to play in the structure with them. He didn't really care to take part in the party anyway, he was just super happy to be at Mcdonalds and actually go inside and play. When it was time to eat, I bought his food, and we sat away from the party so they could do their thing. The other mom did give him a cupcake when the party was over, but there was ton left over and she insisted. To me, that is not quite the same as expecting all of your children to take part in the activites whether they were invitied or not.

Don't get me started on the moms who stay or invite themselves to parties too...

Jodi - posted on 06/12/2012

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So far, our parties have been for whole families, because that's who their friends are, and vice versa. But for my daughter's 3rd birthday, she really wanted a princess theme, so we invited ONLY girls, and I made sure to let everyone know that so I didn't have a bunch of really dissapointed boys! lol No one was upset, only the invited guests showed up. Once my kids are at an age where their friends can be here without parents (probably 1st grade) then it will be friends only, not siblings of friends, not parents, friends only. And I will make sure my kids attend by themselves to parties around that age. I dont' recall EVER attending a party with any of my sisters, or them with me. That would have just been downright weird.

As for the 10 year old, it would have been hard to keep my mouth shut I think.

[deleted account]

At the moment I invite friends siblings to parties but that's because they are friends too, they all play together and I haven't had a pay for a number of kids party yet. When i do it will only be friends invited and participating in the party.

I have no problem if a parent has to bring siblings to the venue (if it was a soft play area for example) but they will have to pay for them/ feed them, and they will not be involved with the party. Likewise if a mom has a baby in arms I have no issue with them bringing them because they are too young to affect the party. When my children are invited to parties individually I will try to take only the one but if I have to take both I will pay for and keep the other away From the party.

Dove - posted on 06/12/2012

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I've always invited whole families (only a few) and we've never had a party at home. In general, I agree with you that only the kid/kids invited are to attend without special permission from the host.



My girls have been invited to several parties at the beach. Sometimes I've dropped off, sometimes I've stayed (with my son). But... it's the beach. ;) I bring snack/lunch for US and plan on entertaining my son myself. If the host makes a point to include him, then he's included.



Just this Saturday my son was invited to a birthday party and I had to bring his sisters since I had no where else to put them. Due to the location of the party, they were not included in an hour and a half of the 2 hour party (they got to eat cake... there was still half a cake left..lol), but they had to be there... and sit and watch. They didn't mind at all since the party WAS at their favorite place in the world. ;)

Kaitlin - posted on 06/12/2012

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my kids are only 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 so at this point, we go to the parties too, but if I was planning an extravagant party (or even just one for a slightly older child) and everyone showed up and ate/got prizes, I would be grouchy.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 06/12/2012

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Yeah, unless each my kids were invited, only the one invited would be going. It is a party for the invited not anyone else. Then my other kid(s) would get their chance when they were invited.

I would have never allowed my older child to even partake in most of the games and if they did, they would not have been getting to run for the candies/prizes. I would have been angry if my son, at age 10, pushed other kids to get the best treats. He would have been giving them all back and sitting out! That's outrageous.

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2012

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My kid is only 2 so all the parents eat the food at their birthday parties and the baby brothers and sister are welcome but it's not like they eat anything or need a loot bag. I still leave Renae home just so it's more fun for me HAHAHA.

Janice - posted on 06/12/2012

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Bringing uninvited extras is rude. My kids are only 6 months and 2.5 but I would never bring one of them to a party uninvited, unless it was a close friend or family member and I cleared it with the host ahead of time. It doesn't matter where the party is, its just not right to do.

Last year when my daughter turned 2 it was an indoor party and we had limited space. The guest list was limited and I was so relieved when my cousin who has 3 daughters was able was able to leave 2 older girls home with dad.



I can't believe that one mother praised her 10 year-old for 'stealing' candy from little kids. If I was hosting that party I would be pissed off! There are often older children at my family parties but they are asked to help the little ones.

Amy - posted on 06/12/2012

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If a parent doesn't specifically say to me that my sons sister is included she stays home. I don't think it matters if the party is at your home or a venue. My sons birthday is in February he turned 6 this year and we had it at our house but because it was winter the guest list had to be limited because it was inside. Thankfully no one brought siblings, I think that's rude of people to do that. As a parent who stays at a party I don't even eat whatever food they're serving.



I have to say at one occassion my husband had to bring our daughter along to my sons friends party. It was at a science museum and he paid for himself and my daughter.

Becky - posted on 06/11/2012

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No, I agree with you. If the invitation is only addressed to one of my children, then only that child goes. (And one of us, because our kids are only 4 and 2) I generally figure that it's because it's at a place where they are limitted to how many children they can have or they pay per child, so it would be rude to bring another child along. If it was at the house, and a family all of us knew well, I would think it was odd that they only invited one of my children, but whatever. It's their party.
So far, we've done parties where we've invited the whole family because the boys were young and so their friends were too young to just be dropped off without a parent here. This year my oldest will be 5, so I think we'll probably start doing kids only (and thus, probably not siblings of friends). He wants his party at an indoor play place, so I know we'll be limitted on the amount of kids we can have there.

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