Single people with kids moving in together!

Julie - posted on 12/23/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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People with underage children should or should not move in together? Why or Why not?

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Sharon - posted on 12/23/2010

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A person with young kids needs to take time before shacking up with other people.

With all the tragedy in the news of boyfriends and psycho step moms killing kids... REALLY? You wanna take that chance?

Honestly, people take care of themselves first these days without considering their kids except as an after thought.

She's already made the decision, now, how to fit the kids into it.. Nice.

Charlie - posted on 12/23/2010

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"Someone posted a comment: Two single people should not live together if underage children are involved."

That is ridiculous two adults adults are capable of making a decision to move in besides this is the twenty first century , some people need to get with the times .

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[deleted account]

I don't think that she should move a man in her house that her children do not know and are unfamiliar with. They should introduce eachother and take is SLOW! I am not against people living together before marriage, I actually prefer it! I think you learn things about people from living with them that you would not know otherwise and I would personally want to know that before ever marrying someone...IMO.

Jenn - posted on 12/23/2010

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@Emma - yes, I've seen it too. :( One thing that needs to be done right up front is to talk about how things will work - who will discipline, etc. You have to find what will work for your family and go with it. It is different when a child "isn't yours" - but it doesn't mean that you can't build a meaningful, loving relationship. It's too bad that not everyone is like that.

Stifler's - posted on 12/23/2010

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I think as long as it's a family. As long as the male and female can parent each other's children it would work, but things foul up when one doesn't like the others kids and there is fights and "who are you to tell my kids what to do". I've seen it happen.

[deleted account]

I wouldn't live together w/out being married first. Just not an example that I, personally, want to set for my children (or myself), but whether or not I agree w/ it.... what another person chooses to do or not do w/ their family is none of my business as long as the children are well cared for. ;)

That's one of the MANY reasons the guy I started dating would never work out. I won't have sex or live w/ someone I'm not married to and won't even consider marrying again unless I've dated someone for at LEAST a year..... and that's not a concept he was capable of grasping. If I never find a man capable of grasping that concept..... oh well, I'm better off w/out them. Don't EVER want to get involved w/ another man that doesn't respect me and my beliefs. ;)

Becky - posted on 12/23/2010

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I think as long as they are committed to one another and to all of their children, they should do what they want. I don't think it's a decision that should be taken lightly or rushed into, because the kids do stand to get hurt pretty badly if it goes wrong, but I imagine it's not a decision that most people with children do rush into. In fact, the single moms I know are very, very cautious in dating and relationships.

Meghan - posted on 12/23/2010

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Oh, if it is a relationship thing? Defiantly think they should blend the families first. Why get married and THEN realize that your kids hate each other or the man is a serial killer and hides his knives in a trunk in the closet? (Ok, been watching WAAAAY too much Dexter)

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2010

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My husband and I moved in and lived together about a year before we got married and we both had young kids. So basically we chose to blend our families. That comment seems pretty silly to me.



However, you mentioned that the kids had not met the BF in this case? It is never a good idea to move in together until the kids and the BF have gotten to KNOW each other, and this takes time. it is something to tread carefully and slowly with if you want to be successful at blending a family. Blended families are one of the biggest reason the divorce rate of second marriages is 60%. They are hard work :)

Jenn - posted on 12/23/2010

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Well, I would have to say I'm not opposed to it since I did it and now have 2 beautiful daughters (my twins) plus a wonderful step daughter out of the deal.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/23/2010

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I don't know either Julie. So anyone that has been widowed or divorced, has young children, and find a significant other with children in the same circumstance should not date, fall in love and make a large family? Doi...that happens daily! What a silly judgemental thing to say.

Bonnie - posted on 12/23/2010

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I don't see a problem with it as long as the kids are still treated equally by their mother and as long as the relationship does not overtake the relationship she has with her children. If the boyfriend has children as well, they same thing should go with them. In the end, the children of both families will learn to get along together if they don't already.

Julie - posted on 12/23/2010

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I hope this helps: Elaboration:
Something I saw on another board. She states that her and her BF have taken the step to move in together.
She has kids. Kids are happy, they are happy and she wanted to know of advise on how to keep a balanced happy home. She states in her post that the kids never met him they dated in college before she had kids.

Someone posted a comment: Two single people should not live together if underage children are involved.

First I know this commenter obviously didn't read the whole post since she was asking for tips on something.
But what I don't understand is why one would think that having a BF and Kids and them not living together is a bad idea.

Tara - posted on 12/23/2010

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Not sure what you are asking.
Should two adults who are not with the other parent of their children move in together? Like blending their families?
Either way, I think that if two people love each other, and they are willing to take on the responsibilities of being a step parent, then hell why not?
Or were you asking if two people who have kids should move in together or not, do you mean move in together to share expenses etc. but not romance??
I'm confused, and that's not easy to do, congratulations!!
:)

[deleted account]

That depends on the children, the parents, the home, and the love. If the children haven't met or don't know each other then I don't think they should. If one of the adults do not truely love the children then never should they live with them. If the home isn't large enough to keep the "normal" life of the children then no.

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