Sister, 18 and pregnant

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

Okay, my sister is 5 years younger then me and so ismy brother by 6 years.

My siblings have had a much easier up bringing then me. Technically they are my step siblings (same mum,diff dad, im donor concieved).

My parents were extremely stricked on me, I never got to experiance what my sister and brother got to for example school road patrol, hanging out on the weekends/after school with friends.

I had to stay at home, raise my brother and sister when our parents were absent (for example when i was legal age for babysitting, they would leave at 9am and return late night 12pm-1am on the weekends never telling us they had planned to go out. In the mean time i had to clean the house, siblings would fight constantly so i had to clean up their mess otherwise id get introuble.

When ever they missed behaive- it was my fault, bcause of they way "i spoke to them". My parents have mouths onthem like sailors!

I know this may seem like normal treatment for the eldest child but comments used to get made about the way my parents treated me.

I was also used for credit as my parents had a bad rating.



Now to get to the moral of my story, I have just recently learnt that my 18 (going on 16) year old sister is 6 weeks pregnant. When I was her age, i was told that if i was got knocked up, my dad would throw me out onto the street and my mother would't support me either. my best friend fell pregnant when she was 19 and my mother said "oh well thats her life ruined now! i have no sympathy".

I dont talk to my parents, havent for almost 2 years and my sister rang me up to tell me that she was pregnant and that mum told her to ring. I hung up on her.

My sister doesn't realise the sacrafices I had to make for her and our brother growing up.

She has only been with the guy 12months, he has been in and out of prison and they have been off and on



The only positive thing i see out of this is may be now, my interferring parents may refocus their attention to my sister and her baby and leave me, my son and partner ALONE!

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[deleted account]

I'm so sorry to hear that Konda.



To Jeannette.

I tried to say no to my parents (in regards to financial matters) they would make me feel really bad. My Dad asked me to buy him and Mum a new bed as he had back problems, I didnt want to because I already had 3 things on credit for them, he said to me "do you really want your poor dad to suffer?. My mother said to me on one occaision " I had to borrow money from a girl at work because YOU wouldn't give it to me".



I used to love going to my grandparents place (for a night of freedom), only to come home to have two days worth of washing to fold and put away-throwen in my room.



When I left home, i learnt I was pregnant.

My Mother got my sister to call my partner's mums house (we temporarily moved in there so we could save for our own house-rent that is, we only lived at his Mums for a month). Then when the phone was handed over to me, My mother got on, told me that I had to move back because I had responsibilities back there (my dog), she changed the subject and told me that one of the cats had fallen pregnant to her (the cats) father (there were three cats withn this particular cat family (there were heaps of cats), Heineken, the Mum, Steinlager, the Dad and Buttons the offspring) and blamed this litter on us because we didn't keep Stienlager away from the female cats that my mother didn't get "fixed".

She then went back to the original subject-my respnsibilites- and I told her that i am and adult I and I'm not under her thumb anymore and she needs to let me live my own life.

She then tried to accuse my partner of sleeping with my sister. She said she had heard a rumour, I said to her since my sister lives under her roof if she had talked to her about it, she said no. This is how she tried to split us up.

I got off the phone from her and she started txting me. I then ended up telling her to stop her lies, that I didnt need the stress as I was pregnant. I said to her that if she appologised for the way she has treated me over the years and pay me back the money (over 6 grand in total) she owes me then i'll talk to her.

She then went on to tell my family and friends that my partner is controlling me.

Konda - posted on 09/02/2009

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I have a brother 4 years older than me, well 3 1/2....and I was the 'baby' for 15 long years...he and I were both adopted because my parents couldn't get pregnant and in the late 60's there was no invetro. So when my sister was born 15 years later she was spoiled plum rotten, but for the most part she was a really good kind-hearted kid. However, she got away with way more than we ever did.

In 2003 she died tragically in a car accident at age of 18. I understand your rant, but be thankful you have family....I lost her and my father in less than two years.

Jeannette - posted on 09/02/2009

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hmmm....I as a mother, never felt it was my eldest child's duty to finish raising her siblings for us. Neither did my husband, thank goodness! We had her in YMCA as a team leader when she was 13, when she was 14 we let her stay home by herself. At the end of the school year, we let our two younger kids stay at home with her during the summer. They were 11 and 9 at the time. She was never told to cook, or clean for them...they all had their chores and it was never her responsibility to dole them out. My husband and I would get someone to watch our kids if we went out, even when our oldest was 14. She didn't stay home by herself while we went on a date until she was 16 and even then, we worried. I know, we're weird.
During the summers we offered them all camps. Of course, they spent a couple of weeks with my parents and his. Plus we took vacation during the summer.
I understand your frustrations though.
I was never left in charge of my siblings. as I am the middle child, however, I was held to different standards than the other two.
I am also a more responsible person in financial matters and have had the most stable home life since I married in 95. Your upbringing could be what gives you strength if you don't let it break you that you were treated so differently.
Parents make mistakes...have you ever told them how you feel? I mean just talked not yelled screamed or accused.

[deleted account]

Amie, its a rant.

If you ever walked in my shoes then you would understand how I feel about my parents.

My parents would emotionally blackmail me if I denied them money or if I would get something out on credit for them (e.g Dad had sore back, they wanted me to buy a new bed, he said to me "do you want your poor dad to suffer?").

My parents would take my money and not give it back. My grandparents never did to my parents, what they did to me.

Sharon - posted on 09/01/2009

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My oldest has to watch his brother & sister but as the oldest he gets special gifts too. Being able to stay out till midnight at a school dance and things of that nature.



Your parents are/were being horribly unfair and are now seeing the consequences of their actions.



Her life is over. There will be no more fun & games - not if she becomes a real parent and not just some baby mama. For sure the excellent (sarcasm) sperm donor she choose won't be real helpful.

Amie - posted on 09/01/2009

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I'm not sure I understand if you have a question in there or if it's just a rant?



I got the eldest child treatment too. For me it started at 11, which sucked the big bunghole.



I will say this though, I have never turned my back on my family or cut off contact with any of them. I did act out from the age of 14-17. That stopped dead in it's tracks when I found I was pregnant. My parents were upset and disappointed but they came around eventually.



My parents had to work though to support 4 of us. My dad did not like that they had to rely on me so much. In the last year my parents have sat and talked with me a lot about it. I think it's because I have 4 kids now and they don't want me making the same mistakes. I had no idea that as they got older they started to reflect and were starting to feel bad. I could not hold a grudge though, I never could against my parents. Regardless of how things were, today is what is important. The past can not be changed and no good comes from dwelling on it.



I do see a huge difference in how I was treated and how my youngest siblings (even just my brothers compared to us sisters) are treated. It irritates me some, my parents laugh at how harsh I am with them. I give my siblings more lectures than my parents do. It's just become my role. They know I love them though and only want the best for them. I can not imagine not having them in my life. No matter if they appreciate all I do for them now, I know one day they will.

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