Smacking is 'good' for kids??

Sarah - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 114 moms have responded )

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/health...

What do you think??
My worry is that some parents will now use this study to justify smacking their kids on a regular basis on the grounds that it's 'good' for them.

I'm on the anti smacking side of the argument, tho i do understand that VERY OCCASIONALLY it could be warranted.

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Amie - posted on 01/17/2010

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Kendra I think you are mistaken. I've just read through this entire thread and that is your first post. You must be thinking of somewhere else.

In answer to your question though, when my children were babies they weren't around open sockets. I have an infant who is now walking (she's 9.5 months) and she doesn't get to the sockets. We have gates up where she shouldn't be, down the hallway is one of those places. The rest of the sockets are hidden behind furniture, shelving units, my computer desk, etc. Things she can not get around. Those baby socket plugs have always been a bad idea in my mind. If you bring attention to something a child WILL want to play with it. Ignore it and it's a non-issue, especially at that age. When they are old enough to understand (and do play with them) then you can explain it to them. Again a simple fix. I managed to teach my children not to do something, that said thing is dangerous and all without every laying my hands on them.

It's not an all or nothing debate. For some it is, I have conceded in some very rare circumstances I possibly can understand another parent having to spank their child. I have never had to so because of how I parent. I chose never to hit my children from the get go. Spanking used to be universally known as the best way to keep your kids in line. While it's still used more and more parents are using child based logic to get through to their kids.

After all I'd go ballistic on the person who thought they could teach me anything by swatting me and saying no. Why should a child have to put up with it?

Kendra - posted on 01/17/2010

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OK....ya all didn't like my post last time but oh well. Here we go again :o) First, both sides here are acting like an all or nothing. I am pro-swatting discipline so you know who's team I'm on here. But I also understand that you can raise well behaved, healthy, well adjusted children without spanking. And shockingly, you can also raise well behaved, healthy, well adjusted children with spanking. It's quite amazing if you stop to realize that this is one small piece of their childhood. The key is really more whether or not the child has consistent discipline and communication. Time outs could also be considered emotional abuse if you put them in the corner for hours at a time with no explanation. But people don't assume because you're using time outs that you're leaving them there all day long. For some reason when it's about spanking it's assumed we're all flogging our kids.

As I stated on my previous post, I doubt my kids could even remember because I used it when they were babies, as it was put. My eight month old, yes a baby, had a fascination with the electrical socket in the hallway. Yes it had a cover on it and yes he could get it out. It took him about 2 seconds to do. I spent numerous trips going up to him, getting down to his level, telling him "NO" in a firm voice and then picking him up and taking him to his bedroom, or to where his brother was, or his grandpa, or a new cool toy or by me or ANYWHERE but the hallway. And he would gladly play and sit and do whatever you were doing, but the minute you put him down or stopped entertaining him, he went straight back to that outlet. Got up and walked right over. So I eventualloy just sat down next to that outlet and every time he touched it I smacked or tapped his hand and told him "NO" and he looked at me and he touched it again and again I smacked his hand and told him "NO" and we repeated this process for about ten minutes until I won and he walked away. So to all you "no touching" parents, how would've you recommended teaching an eight month old not to do that? His hand wasn't red, no bruising, no bleeding, no tears until the anger set in when he realized I wasn't giving up. Seriously, that's abuse? Cuz he's under a year? You can't explain to him that it's dangerous, you can't ground him or take away his favorite toy, you could put him in time out but he's not going to understand that either. So honestly, if I'm so wrong, what should I have done? Because I believe I did the right thing. He never touched that outlet again and that made him a SAFE baby.

BTW, my son is ten now. Very polite, very friendly, top of his class, smarter than a whip, teacher's rave about him every year, never had a problem with him being aggressive in ANY way shape or form. Short of the fact that he is still stubborn as hell and thinks he already knows everything, he is all around a great kid!! By far my easiest!

?? - posted on 01/16/2010

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The people who are spanking on a weekly basis are going to continue spanking on a weekly basis - because they have no self control. They can't even learn to discipline themselves, their child(ren) sure isn't going to get the proper discipline they need.



It's all about the easiest way. Gettin things done in the fastest time. Not having to deal with it anymore because it's such a pain in the ass that just dealing with it is annoying. So if the discipline takes even more time, forget that, too hard - just smack em and get it over with.



There's some complete and total idiots out there that need to learn that BABIES ARE NOT HERE FOR YOUR CONVIENCE. They need TIME, PATIENCE, LOVE and AFFECTION. They need BOUNDARIES, RULES and DISCIPLINE. And they all work together. Smacking doesn't fit into ANY of those categories. Smacking isn't discipline - it's being a lazy, abusive, neglectful and mean parent.





And I am NOT talking about SPANKING every blue moon. I'm talking about the fucking LOSER MOMS who spank ALL THE TIME. Every week. Even twice a week. And we all KNOW exactly who I'm talking about - even though I'm not gonna name names :)

Amie - posted on 01/16/2010

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If you fail to enforce less aggressive forms of discipline at a young age and become reliant on the quick fix option, then how do you plan to break the habit when they get older and start answering back?


So what's the answer to this then Mel and Jean? If you already smack your kids now, when they are older and STILL not listening, what's the solution? Smack them harder? Or break out an object to hit them with?

I have one of the most head strong toddlers I've ever met. My friends can tell you what a terror she is some days. I'm so not kidding. If there was ever a child I MIGHT think of spanking it would be her. I have NEVER had to so though. I've gone almost completely mad some days because of her antics but I've managed to remain calm and cool and teach her, rather then turn around and smack her because she's not getting the message. It takes time and patience, I've had to walk away and give myself time outs to cool off, but it works. She says please and thank you, she's learning her alphabet (she's up to G so far), she can count up to 6, she knows how to clean up after herself, she knows she is not allowed to run out on the road, she knows how to put her dishes away after supper, she even helps me with house hold chores (all my kids do!), I have managed to teach her all this and more without ever smacking her. She's 2 and a half.

Krista - posted on 01/16/2010

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Dana's got it right -- a lot of people who spank do so when they're frustrated or at the end of their rope. I'm not completely anti-spanking, but I think it should be used only once in a very blue moon. When they're little, spanking is really a form of aversion therapy, which means that if you're using it to deter them from a very specific behaviour, you have to catch them right away (i.e. giving their hand a swat, accompanied by a firm "No!" if they reach for a hot stove). And it depends on the child. Some kids are sensitive, and just the "No!" would suffice. Other kids are a bit more headstrong or heedless, and a "No!" just goes in one ear and out the other. But spanking is useless if they're just generally misbehaving or not listening, because they have no idea which behaviour it is that caused the spanking.

Dana - posted on 01/16/2010

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Mel Donnelly
7:51 am I dont think its a sign of losing control. My child health nurse said as long as you dont hit out of anger it is ok. I think everynoes hit out of anger at some point usually when their child puts themself in a dangeros situation but we dont mean to
That's the point, people who spank their child *are* more apt to hit out of anger at some point, people who don't spank, never have that issue. You've just proved every one's point by that one statement.

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If you're having to resort to spanking more than once a week (even thats too much in my view) then there is weak parenting skills in play. Spanking provides an immediate reaction which is why some people view it as an effective form of discipline. It may stop the action but it isn't teaching respect. It only works up to a certain age, this study agrees that after 6 years old it begins to have negative effects. If you fail to enforce less aggressive forms of discipline at a young age and become reliant on the quick fix option, then how do you plan to break the habit when they get older and start answering back?

Mel - posted on 01/16/2010

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I dont think its a sign of losing control. My child health nurse said as long as you dont hit out of anger it is ok. I think everynoes hit out of anger at some point usually when their child puts themself in a dangeros situation but we dont mean to.

Mary - posted on 01/16/2010

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Okay, so I have to ask...isn't it a sign that you have lost control of the situation if you have to go to that "last resort" of spanking? I'm not finding fault here, just genuinely curious. My daughter is only 14 months old, so it (obviously) is not yet an issue/option in our lives.
My sister, whose kids are 5 & 7, is firmly in the anti-spanking camp, BUT, she told me that on 2 occasions, her daughter has pushed her to the point of frustration where she had tried EVERYthing, and, in desperation and anger, swatted her in the butt . She felt awful about it for days, which probably wasn't helped by my neice saying "Mommy tired to HURT me today" when my BIL came home. Point is, my sister knew that it was because she had lost control of the situation, and let her daughter "get to her", and she reacted emotionally, rather than rationally. Did it work, in the short term?...yes, but I also think it sent the message to my neice that she is capable of 'pushing mommy's buttons". Again, I have no judgement here, as I have yet to be there, but I do know that my sister saw it as a failure in her parenting, and her ability to maintain the upperhand. Other than those 2 times, she has never smacked them, and they are, to this day, polite, intelligent and well behaved children.

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I haven't read all the responses but it makes me mad when someone is told they are a bad parent because they smack their child. Their IS a differnce to how forcefull a smack is! we are not all "Jake the Muss here" (Once Were Warriors- Kiwi Film)

One thing parents tend to forget is- what works for some kids, doesn't always work for others.

Johnny - posted on 01/15/2010

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Amie,

I just wanted to say how nice it is as a mom starting out with her first kid to hear from moms who've raised great kids without spanking. So often, you hear all this bs about how if you don't spank your kid they'll be spoiled little hellraisers, and even if you know in your gut that it's not true, it is still nice to hear from someone who has lived it! I've got no issues with moms who occasionally (like less than weekly) spank their children for doing something dangerous or repeatedly (like for the millionth time) not listening to important instructions. But it is just not for me. I was spanked for reasons like the above, and I'm no worse for wear, IMO, but I don't think it really did anything to improve me. So I plan to just skip the spanking all together. And I sincerely do not believe that it will result in my child being any less well disciplined.


People who smack their kids in the ways that Jo listed are abusers however. That is not a discipline technique, it is an out of control parent who needs to get counseling, parenting courses, and respite. And to own up to their completely incompetent parenting skills. The only thing that they are teaching their children is violence. Not something to be proud of.

Amie - posted on 01/15/2010

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I'm with Jo and Sarah on this one. I can perhaps understand why some people in some situations would use spanking as a VERY LAST resort. This does not include the first time a child has done something, this does not include mommy had a bad day and can't be bothered with patience to teach, this does not even include babies and toddlers acting like normal babies and toddlers.

This includes the child's safety and/or those around them is in question. This includes using it sparingly. (Sparingly does not equal a few smacks a week or month either.) That is too much and those people need parenting classes. I am not kidding.

I may be harsh in my stance, I may offend a lot of people with this stance but I DO NOT care. I've managed to raise my children just fine by keeping my hands to myself. As I said, it's not rocket science.

As Sarah said, it's going to be the mentally inept who use this study to justify why they spank as a first and only resort to "teach". That is lazy parenting. People like that do not deserve children. Children are hard work and take a lot of a person's time. If you weren't willing to commit that well then you should have 1) Not gotten pregnant or 2) Given said baby up for adoption. Children deserve our love and respect, we are here to teach them, not to smack them into submission. Children can learn their lessons just fine without spanking. On the rare occasion that it might be warranted I would be ok with that. Even if it's not something I would do.

People who smack their children for the reasons that Jo listed need help. Serious life altering help so they wake up and realize what lousy parents they really are.

Sarah - posted on 01/15/2010

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Gotta agree with Jo! Smacking a child/toddler/baby because they won't go to sleep?? Messed up. Because they won't eat? Messed up. Stood up in their chair? Messed up.
They were crying? Messed up.

None of the above reasons warrant a smack unless you are incapable of dealing with your bog standard, run of the mill, NORMAL child!

While i can understand a smack being a LAST resort, and i don't condemn people for using it as a LAST resort, using it daily, using it to convey every message, is NOT going to work.

As i said before, the thing that scares me about the study is that people will now use that to justify spanking on a regular basis.

?? - posted on 01/15/2010

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There is a huge difference between giving a child a rare spank to the bare bottom after many other avenues have been exhausted and giving a toddler a smack because they don't listen the first time.



THAT is what bothers me about studies like this -- there have been people who have said before that they smack their child for the smallest infraction -- NOT EVEN INFRACTION -- just because the kid didn't do what mom wanted RIGHT NOW!!!



THAT is my issue with studies like this. It tells those STUPID PARENTS who use the EASIEST method because it gets an immediate end to the fuss that it's ok to smack the kid.



There is 1 particular complete and total idiot here who has said, time and again, they smack their kid because 1) they won't go to sleep 2) they won't eat 3) they stood up in their chair 4) they were crying. And now she is one of those complete and total idiots that is saying this study says that it's OK to hit her child because it's GOOD FOR THEM.



It's wrong. It's abuse. And it doesn't matter what way you wanna cut, slice and dice it -- it is absolutely 100% the WRONG way to make a child listen to you.

Veronica - posted on 01/15/2010

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Debates - gotta love them. I guess there is a degree to every aspect - and we are all in a different life, with different lessons, with different avenues/paths that we take, experiences that shape us. Im going to stop arguing and comparing.



I believe in MY own house that spanking has and does and will work - up to a certain age. I also use and believe there are other methods of discipline as well.



I do NOT think spanking makes me a bad parent - im still being just as effective with my child-rearing as those who dont spank. I do not feel that im inflicting fear or horrible pain on my children. Sure a slap on their bare bottom probably hurts/stings for a bit - but then they remember too, that when they get to that level with me, they know what is going to happen and they stop what they are doing before a spanking is warranted.



Another realization is that every child is different too. What works and is effective for the situation, is what i do, and consistently do, with all of them - at different degrees, and whats most affective to them individually.



If the quote about spanking with a belt was directed towards me - I am not advocating it at all - i was talking about my parents belting us - i do not view using a belt as right - i dont think a spanking should be so menace and have to leave wounds/marks to be effective (as when we were children, and got the belt, we had welts on our rearends.)

Amie - posted on 01/15/2010

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Alright I wasn't going to chime in. I'm pretty sure most know I am anti-spanking, of ANY kind.

My children are well behaved, responsible little people still. I have never laid a hand on them. My husband once tried it with our son, he was given an ultimatum after I tore a strip off his hide. That doesn't even go into the fact that it didn't freaking work! Our son did not realize what he had done wrong, he was too upset to actually hear what my husband told him. He did the EXACT same thing the next day. I saw him, brought him inside, he was grounded for 2 days and told exactly what he was doing wrong, why it was wrong and what would happen if he was caught again. He hasn't done it since.

In Canada (new legislation passed last year, I looked it up!) it is ILLEGAL to spank a child with anything other than your hand and they MUST be between 2 years and 12 years. Anything outside those parameters is abuse.

While looking this up I've also found out 24 countries have already out right banned spanking all together.

Being a non spanking parent DOES NOT automatically equal your children running around rampant. I've seen those children, they make me sick. I've also seen those children get to the point where their parents have had no other choice but to hit them because nothing else was working. Well gee I wonder why.

Instill rules and boundaries when they are small. Follow through every time. Teach them right from wrong, safe and unsafe, etc. All these things can be done without ever laying your hands on your child IF you start when they are small and teach them in a manner that is readily understandable to them at their age level. It's not freaking rocket science!

I have stacks of paper and notes from my children's teachers, leaders, CO's and coaches. They ALL say how much they love having my children being a part of their class/activity/sport because of how well behaved they are. They are personable, they like helping others, they listen, they work hard. They do because our outlines have always been clear with them.

I've been accused of being a hard assed mom because of how many rules my children have, that I'm "no fun". I'm not here to be fun, I am here to be their mother and raise them to adulthood. I am not interested in being their friend, I am not interested in being "the cool mom". My children have everything they could ever hope for in life, they have been given a great start. They also have a lot of material things, why? Because they EARNED them.

Theresa - posted on 01/15/2010

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This is a really delicate debate, and as a newcomer I thought I would add my thoughts to the mix for good measure :D

In my family there are five children in total, I was the second oldest of five. My older brother and myself were spanked - my brother more so than myself in fact - whenever we did something wrong. After the age of 6 we were 'grounded'. I have two younger sisters and a younger brother who were never spanked, ever. I just thought I would say the differences between us all are astonishing and I really believe that being spanked has something to do with it all.

My older brother who was not only spanked but received a good few slaps in the mouth for bad language now still lives with our mother (He's 26 by the way) and has no job, lives off the dole and has no aspiration in his life.

Myself, who was spanked to the age of 6 whenever I did something bad then grounded after the age of 6, I was a top achiever in primary and high school, I went to university, I have a full time job, two lovely boys, my own home and a stable fiance.

My younger brothers and sisters who have had virtually no spanking in their lives are under-performing at school - my youngest sister in fact refuses to go to school most days. An average school week for her is 3 days according to a report the school sent home to my mom. My younger brother does nothing for himself, he won't even cook himself a meal, he's 17 years old. My mom still runs around after the three of them, taking care of them and cooking them all individual meals, handing out pocket money when they should all be working by now.

It's interesting to talk about because I am actually very anti-smacking. I use the 'naughty corner' technique with my little one and it seems to work ok, granted he has not needed a serious row yet. I believe that talking is key with kids, because if they can understand why you are angry and what they have done wrong I think the whole punishment is much more effective.

I'm not a cushy mother either though, if things get out of hand and Nathan is throwing what I call 'a wobbly' and you just can't get through to him I do come down to his level and tap the back of his hand, but it's only ever to get his attention and to calm him down enough to explain to him why he is going to the corner.

I think there is some benefit to spanking - by that of course I mean responsible spanking and not abuse - but I always feel that studies like this just encourage people to adopt that method because it is the easiest one to get an immediate response with. Maybe I'm being cynical, I'm just speaking from my own personal experiences. I can see the advantages of both sides of the argument though, so I am very 'on the fence'.

Esther - posted on 01/15/2010

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And it never occurred to you that if you hadn't been abused as a child that maybe you wouldn't have been such a miserable teenager? Or that it would never have had to come to you digging your nails in? And I ABSOLUTELY think a slap in the face is abusive.

Mel - posted on 01/15/2010

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I SAID I AS NOT ABUSED A TEENAGER. Does anyone around here read posts properly. If you call a slap in the face here and tehre abuse then so I lied but I dont. My mum stopped hitting when I hit/bite/kicked/dug my nails in right back and that was when I was about 11

Esther - posted on 01/15/2010

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I haven't read all the latest posts yet because I just HAD to respond as I feel like I may explode. I cannot believe that being hit with a belt and caning are now being advocated as being acceptable methods of punishment. My GOD. Have we not learned and evolved at all??? Also, no spanking does not equal no discipline. There are other methods that do not use fear or pain as a motivator. And Mel(issa) - You say you were not abused?? Are you kidding me?? How many times have you told us about being dragged around the house by your hair? And your mom breaking your brother's collar bone? If that's not abuse - I am the Queen of Sheba. The fact that you cannot see that is exactly why so many of us worry about your parenting. If you can't see where the line between discipline and abuse is - you need to keep your hands in your pockets.

Dana - posted on 01/15/2010

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Whatever Veronica, it always starts off as simple discipline, what happens when they get older. My parents had plenty of reason, my room wasn't clean, I didn't do this or that, parents always have a reason for hitting/smacking their child, it doesn't mean it's right.



I was also replying directly to Mel's post about misbehaving teenagers, she was talking about someone whacking her with a cane. So, whatever I say to that is fair, take your argument to someone else...it doesn't float with me.

Sarah - posted on 01/15/2010

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Really annoys me when people assume that if you don't use physical punishment on your kids, that they are off running riot everywhere!
As long as there is discipline, they won't be misbehaving, discipline does not automatically have to mean spanking.

Also, when people say they are spanking they're BABIES, like under a year old and stuff. WTF can a BABY do to warrant a smack?? My youngest is 20 months, and not once has she done anything to warrant a smack.

Iris - posted on 01/15/2010

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I look at my children and my aunts. They are all generally the same ages - I spank, she doesnt. My children listen, are quiet when told, eat what is put in front of them, have manners, clean up after them selves, and are generally well behaved. Her children - cry and whine all day, she serves them each their own seperate meals, they dont clean up after themselves, they are rude and snotty, and noisy and dont listen.

Im not saying im the greatest mother in the world - but I think this says alot (and my children aren't perfect either - but i feel have more structure- which isnt all just because i spank either, but i feel it has a lot to do with it).




Sounds more to me like your aunt children are spoiled. I don't spank my girls or smack them, but I don't cook them a different meal, and the older one keeps her room clean and has her chores. Just like you said to Dana, there is a different between abuse and a spanking, there is also a different between spoiling your child and using non-physical discipline. If you give in to a child or tell them one thing and do another, you got a problem, that's just the way it is. If you have rules and discipline to go with it and you stick by it, you got a well behaved child/children. And that doesn't mean you have to use spanking or other physical methods.

Kerry - posted on 01/14/2010

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i only agree with smacking if the child has put themselves or others in danger. we tell r kids of 4 smacking us and other people but if u hit them on a regular basis how r they meant 2 learn that it is a bad thing 2 do. u shouldn't have 2 use violence 2 get ya point across 2 a child who carnt defend them self's.

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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Im with you there Veronica. If I had been handed everything I wouldnt be who I am either. If I hadnt had a rough start, I wouldnt be the women I am, the one who does her best to help her friends and family. I wouldnt have wanted a family and life partner from a young age, I would probably have been the typical teenager one who was stuck up and horrible to other kids. Anyways Im off to. Want a bit of a sleep before my girl wakes up lol

Veronica - posted on 01/14/2010

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And I think that is why spanking is a huge issue, because there is a difference between spanking and abuse. Its only sad when people who are abusing their children, use the excuse that they are disciplining - and that is where all the hatin comes in.

OR the biggest one I hear that i cannot stand is, "we never got what we wanted when we were kids, we got spanked too -- i will always give my kids whatever they want, and i will never hurt them" this annoys me - does anyone realize the kind of people that come out of this? Im glad my parents disciplined me and taught me manners, etc. Im a good person because of this. Im glad they didnt hand me the silverplatter - because although i have little materialistically - its ours because my husband and I earned what we have, and we are greatful for what we do have. And best of all we are independent. We dont run to mommy and daddy to buy us a car/house/toys/etc.etc.



This is getting off subject now - but its how i feel.

As for the article - what this debate is truly about - i do think that some people will take these studies the wrong way. Just like now they are saying that smoking may be good for you... now us smokers can justify ourselves now, right? no we cant -- and abusers cant either.

Its one of those things that is touch and go - you cannot judge the article - the main thing we can really do - is be a voice. If we think/see or notice something about a child that is clear signs of abuse - we should act on it. Id rather accuse wrongly, for the protection of a child - than to not say anything at all - and have that child suffer. This is what is more important - not judging/critisizing this matter in any other way. Whether they were to ban spanking or not - it is NOT going to stop abuse from happening!! Drugs are illegal - look at how many people do that?!



Anyhoo - im off to bed - have a great night - im exhausted on this topic!

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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I think it has to be done just the right way to be affective though. Too much and they will jst be scared of you and rebel when they are older, too litte and they will still muck up. It has to be in moderation and used after you have told them not to do something.

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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I really like your post Veronica and sometimes I wish others could see this reasoning for smacking/spanking rather then jumping on others. Ive also seen evidence of what you say. The kids who are smacked are well behaved and the ones not they do whatever they want, ive seen children sit there doing somer saults over the coffee table to have thier parent just go "aww tash dont do that". Ive seen kids as old as 4-5 tip a carton of milk over the floor just for the hell of it, climb the fridge using stacked up furniture, all sorts. Its ridiculous and could all be sorted out with a decent physical punishment. Thats the beauty of smacking once the learn you dont have to hit all the time they know by your look or by you saying it that they are not to do it, and they dont because they dont want to get smacked. I feel like Im banging my head against a brick wall when I try to explain this on this site because half of them dont listen they just instead say its abuse and that people should have thier kids taken off them. Your right Veronica theres a huge difference between smacking and abuse

Veronica - posted on 01/14/2010

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That really isnt fair to say Dana- being abused, and being disciplined are two different things. Abused is being beaten for no apparent reason, or "disciplined" (in some parents frame of mind) over the top. If you are leaving welts/bruising etc. while "disciplining" I would have to say that was abuse too.

Spanking to discipline is another story. Im personally not spanking my children just because, at any given moment, with no reason behind it. My intentions on spanking is like putting my final foot down on my children.

Children need love and support from us - you are right - but they also need discipline and guidance as well - and sometimes spanking can be the best remedy for that. I remember as a child, when we did something wrong - we already knew the consequence was my dads belt/hand -- so we didnt act up, or do things we shouldnt. We learned to respect our elders, keep a tidy home, and stay out of and away from things we weren't to touch/have anything to do with. I agree with Mel too - this I feel has a lot to do with kids now a days. I look at my children and my aunts. They are all generally the same ages - I spank, she doesnt. My children listen, are quiet when told, eat what is put in front of them, have manners, clean up after them selves, and are generally well behaved. Her children - cry and whine all day, she serves them each their own seperate meals, they dont clean up after themselves, they are rude and snotty, and noisy and dont listen.

Im not saying im the greatest mother in the world - but I think this says alot (and my children aren't perfect either - but i feel have more structure- which isnt all just because i spank either, but i feel it has a lot to do with it).

And Dana - Im very sorry to hear of what kind of life you lived, truly I am.

And you are right, too - times have changed - my mom got beat with a water hose, objects thrown at her, her hair pulled or ear twisted, and chased by the car with her mother going after her. Obvisouly these are abusive. (and doesnt include the namecalling that went with it). So yes, things do need to change, we need to be smarter, and treat our children better than that. But I still feel spanking as acceptable - as long as its used in the form that it should be used in - discipline, and within a limit -

(edited on spelling/grammer)

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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I guess we just have different opinions then. I wasnt abused as a teenager but I was a miserable teenager because I chose to be. I chose to be a bitch, a shop lifter to skip school because I liked to push the boundaries and I had no boundaries because I didnt care. So I wont change my views on this one. I am sorry to hear you were abused though my heart goes out to anyone in that situation

Dana - posted on 01/14/2010

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I was bad in school, I imagine it was because of the beatings I was receiving at home. I was a miserable child and teenager my whole life from being abused. So you just keep giving yourself excuses and I'll still say I'm right.

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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I disagree I think it has everything t do with it. Iknow I wouldnt havedared to step out of line in school if they were going to whack me with a cane thats for sure. Might have even graduated. My dad's really against smacking because of his upbringing but he agrees with me that they should bring physical punishment back in schools

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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Look at how our kids are today, compared to how they were back in the old days. Need I say more? btw I apologise if letters or spaces are missing in any of my postsmy keybard does not work well

Dana - posted on 01/14/2010

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I disagree Mel. Hitting your child only teaches them to hit others and makes them angry people. Why on earth would someone think it's okay to hurt their child who looks to them for love and support?

Mel - posted on 01/14/2010

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I havent read your article but I saw something on a program here in Aus too about how its good for children. I have to agree it teaches them a sense of responsibility and they end up much better behaved. The reason the world is how it is today is due to them stoppingthings like using the cane in schools. Now kids run around doing whatever the want because there's no physical discipline except at home and not all parents use it

Rosie - posted on 01/13/2010

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i do use spanking very occasionally in my house and i find it a useful tool, if i don't do it out of anger.however studies like these make some think it's ok to smack their kids whenever as disipline, which i don't find ok. my mother and father never hit me (my bio dad was abusive), and i was a very well behaved child, and teenager. i do recall the one time i mouthed off to my mom-we were in the car and i don't even remember what she said to make me mad, but i called her a bitch and she smacked my face i think i was 16. right then i went back to reality and knew that i should've never spoken that way to my mom. so, i do believe it works in appropriate situations, just not as a disipline tool used regularly.

?? - posted on 01/07/2010

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Smack and slap are an open handed hit intended to make an impact hard enough to make a noise, leave a mark (even if it is only a reddening of the skin) or harder.



A tap to me is like a tap on the shoulder, a gentle but firm touch that would get someone's attention.



A swat is like a swift swipe of an open hand that would graze a body part with enough contact to grab attention.



A spank is where the child is stationary, even being held in spot, and they are given an open hand slap to their body that leaves a mark (redness or otherwise) and is intended to hurt, whether it's a sharp stinging pain or a hard aching pain.



Those are all MY definitions of the different words in relation to 'spanking'



I tap Gabriel. I have swatted his diapered butt a couple times after him repeatedly (and by repeatedly I mean about 218301830912830 times) going to something and me having to say NO, or even yell NO and move, redirect, preoccupy, distract etc etc etc him about 394819081092389103 times so I swatted his diapered butt, by swiping my hand against his diaper, I hardly felt it, so I doubt he did at all, while gently moving him along away from the object - which effectly more turned into a more firm version of moving him rather than even swatting him.



I really don't care if mothers use their own version of spanking as a punishment. I will be tryin my hardest to make sure I never have to resort to that. I certainly will never strike, gently or firmly, my child out of anger or frustration.



There might be situations where I will slap his hands, more out of instant reaction of OMG DON'T TOUCH THAT, because I am very aware that GRABBING his hand could cause more damage than a soft but firm slap to the top of his hand.



I have a friend who broke 4 of her sons fingers because he went to grab something dangerous and she grabbed his hand and she grabbed too hard, and turned his hand just the exact wrong way to avoid him and her hands touching it and it ended up breaking 4 of his fingers.



I would rather him have a red mark on his hand from me accidently slappin his hand a lil too hard than accidently break one of his fingers in my haste to avoid a dangerous object.







I do agree that this study and studies like this will give people the wrong idea that SMACKING a child is GOOD for them. Some teenagers may need a literal slap in the face to 'get it'. But children are not teenagers. And I know, we all know, that there are a few people who have left, will leave and will continue to leave marks on their BABIES because of studies like this saying a good smack will do em some good.



BABIES and TODDLERS do not need any sort of violence to teach them anything. Smacking and slapping are violent. Spanking can be violent too if done by the wrong people with the wrong frame of mind.

Dana - posted on 01/07/2010

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Slapping is the same here too. I guess people do say the smacked their kid on the butt but, usually it's called swatting.

Dana - posted on 01/07/2010

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I agree Cathy, I just thought we should make it clear to everyone what smacking actually is in relation to where you're from.

[deleted account]

Dana, a smack in the UK (and australia i think) is the same as a spanking... a slap is open handed in the face ... the article relates to the first. I don't think anyone could think hitting a child in the face could be good discipline!

Dana - posted on 01/07/2010

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Okay, does smacking mean the same thing in every country? I'm not for hitting a child regardless but smacking here,in the US, means hitting someone with an open hand in the face.

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2010

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I just think smacking in the face is getting too close to that line of wrongful physical treatment of your child. I'm sure that at some point my son will say or do something that is so far over the line that I'll WANT to smack him, but frankly I hope I don't. If I DO however, that's the time to sit down with him and say, "I'm sorry, but you made Mommy very angry and I overreacted. Here's what's wrong with the way you behaved." I think the REAL issue here, since no one seems to be speaking in support of smacking, is to face the idea that some day any of us could react to our kids this way, and how to handle it then. My point with this is that (a) we know that smacking is NOT child abuse, so we don't need to feel like we're doing something like that, (b) of course it was probably not the best way to handle the situation, but according to this study we're at least not traumatizing our children, and (c) how we're going to handle it if the situation arises again.

Sarah - posted on 01/07/2010

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I agree with Veronica that the spanking debate has been done to death really! However, i thought this study was interesting because it implies that spanking will make your kids better grown ups, by that premise, those of us who don't spank are doing are kids some sort of injustice. (not that i believe that for a minute by the way, but it could be seen that way)

The other thing that i was interested in was the notion that some parents will use it as a 'valid' reason for spanking, that some people will have just read the headline and feel justified in their use of spanking day in day out, if that makes sense.

I'm anti smacking for me and my kids (tho i have smacked my eldest, but for a long time now i don't) i DO understand that a smack is a way to 'get results' i don't think every mother/father that admits to spanking is being abusive at all. It's not for me, smacking my eldest actually made life MORE difficult, but i do understand it's use VERY occasionally. :)

Veronica - posted on 01/06/2010

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Thank you Chrisy. I feel entirely the same, and the count has been another tactic that I have used before spanking as well. A verbal warning that if a certain behavior isn't stopped, there will be a consequence. When it hasn't stopped, then i take action - whether its a spank/time out/taking something away. And yes, i agree also , that some assume that ALL spankers are out of control - this just isnt true - just like anything and everything else - people do things at different degrees - but to label them all as one, isnt right.

Christy - posted on 01/06/2010

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Quoting Veronica:


I personally, am not out to please my children, the morals/values/discipline they are learning now, is for THEIR benefit - not to ruin their life. if they hated me, because i said NO , or because i spanked them to stop their behavior- then i feel that i am doing my job then. Im here to look out for the best interest of my children, and make sure they grow up with self-discipline, respect for themselves and others, and as their parent - this is the best way that I feel I can do that. Children need structure, education, and discipline - and we are the ones that are responsible for it.



this is 100% the way that i feel about spanking. my daughter is a much better behaved child than all of my friend's children, the only difference in our parenting being that i spank and the others don't.  i also agree with something Veronica said before about having an age limit. my limit will depend on my daughter's personality but i am reasonably sure that i will be done with the spanking somewhere around the age of 5 simply because by that age taking away a favorite activity or toy will hurt much more than a swat on the butt.



i wouldn't use this article to promote spanking but i think it's unfair to assume that all spankers will take it too far and use it out of habit rather than in necessary situations. i would never spank my daughter when i'm angry and always give her 3 warnings to stop what she's doing before she gets a spanking.

Kylie - posted on 01/06/2010

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I've seen some disturbing stuff where parents don't treat smacking as last resort punishment. They don't wait until they are calm and some dont see a few smacks a day as problem. There's a smacker in particular who thinks if you leave marks all over a child's body then thats when your taking the smaking too far. I think the danger of smacking is once these type of people start smacking it becomes habit and gets used when the parent is annoyed or frustrated or as a frustated last resort.
I'd much rather take something away than take the time to calm myself then force a child over my lap and smack their bare bottom.
So i still think there needs to be stronger laws against smacking because not all parents are educated and understand children and correct way to use smacking. Its a tool.. not a right.

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