Soap in the mouth for swearing?

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2012

"Kids seem to be getting worse and worse as time goes on, maybe we could learn from parenting styles of older generations."

Kids aren't getting worse and worse at all. They are just different because the environment in which they are being raised is different. EVERY generation talks about kids getting worse, and it really isn't factual. From my experience, most kids are pretty good. Teenagers and kids will be teenagers and kids, no matter the generation. It really bugs me when people assume this generation is the worst ever when there is absolutely no fact to back that up.

Charley - posted on 05/20/2012

WOW!!! I just posted about finding out my 13yrd daughter had used some pretty colorful bad language so when I seen this thread of course I just had to read it. I thought that the 'soap-in-the-mouth' thing was considered abuse at least in my state(TN) because I had heard that liquid soap could actually poison them.But I don't actually know that to be true or not. I do know that I have never done it to mine and I don't think I could.Then again I'm also a mom that's really just trying to make sure my child lives to be 18 and so far I'm barely keeping that up(sarcasm folks...I don't want anyone actually taking that serious. I'm still new here and I don't want a bunch of hate comments).Back to the soap....like I said I never did it to my daughter when she was young but either way I definitely think people should stay away from the liquid soap for sure!. Oh and I don't think "Oh My God" required any type of punishment like that or really any punishment at all. I am a Christian too. I just think that when you catch you child saying that or taking the Lord's name in vain that its more of a sit down and talk about it issue rather than a potential child abuse case or murder case issue. Accidents do happen so I stay away from the sorts of punishments that could accidently kill my child or scar them for life.~XOX~

Corinne - posted on 05/18/2012

Little fact, as long as the soap doesn't have bleach or other harsh chemicals the kid could drink the whole bottle and just get the shits like they'd never seen. Every parent has different comfort levels and every child has different levels of defiance. My daughter is such a tender heart if I say no sternly she's devistated. My baby cousin (who my parents have helped raise since day one) can take a spanking and scream "That didn't hurt!". My parents made me put Ivory soap in my mouth when I swore and knew that I was saying something bad. I learned my lesson. We did the same to my cousin, and after the third time he finally learned his lesson. My daughter however would just have to be corrected and she would learn that was not ok. My little brother was the same way. I've heard of parents using Fast Orange(exfoliating soap used for working on cars)... that's a little extreme for me.
Kids seem to be getting worse and worse as time goes on, maybe we could learn from parenting styles of older generations.

Janet - posted on 05/16/2012

I think children learn what they live, and I also think a 2, 3, 4, and 5 year olds are impressionable at these ages, so they pick up alot of heard words.

If your children are the age 8 and above, and they consciously swear, tell them they know better to use language like that and take the tv or computer away for a day. We don't have to get so harsh with soap in the mouth.

Barb - posted on 04/19/2012

Oh my god? Really I would think the word would been a curse word. Must of been super reglious. I teach myself not to say that in from of my boyfriends family and my daughter cause she picked it up from me. I don't think saying talk warrents getting soap in the mouth. I have never hear of that actually ever happening to a child even when I was young. Just the threat. Poor kid liquid soap shoved in it's mouth that could made the kid really sick or throw up. That's awful. I don't like that and would never do that to my kids.

Lora - posted on 04/15/2012

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to use bar soap or liquid for that matter for punishment. For a 6 yrs old is asinine. She better go get her soap. If the child gets soap with OH MY GOD. what's he going to get for SHIT or DAMN. The punishment needs to fit the crime. Also, the punishment needs to be a bit more updated. You know I think if a childs parent gets so out of wack when their child says a bad word then that's all the child wants to say. When a child knows that they can say a bad word sometimes then it's not such a big deal for them to say bad words.

Katherine - posted on 04/10/2012

Haven't read all of the responses, but I would say that for every swear word there would be a jar. Depending on the severity, allowance money would go into that jar. Toddlers you have to ignore, mine is 3, she said damn, I laughed and she kept saying it. As soon as I ignored it she stopped. 2 days later mind you.



But no! No soap in the mouth. Cruel and unusual IMO.

Aleks - posted on 04/09/2012

OMG.. all me and my other half did was tell our son that these words are for adults only. They are naughty words that adults can only use.... kind of like this is booze and only people with hair under their arms can drink. Fixed both problems pretty well.... :-)

Will wait and see if it works for our daughter as well....



If toddlers have used said language it is probably because they have heard it around the family so you only have yourself to blame.

If they bring it from school, obviously they are old enough to be explained why said language they heard at school from other kids is not nice, without the need to go to such extremes. And if they do it to your face on purpose after you have explained to them why its not appropriate, then obviously it is a attention seeking behaviour and you as a parent ought to pay attention and SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR KID (or just pay more attention to him/her).



:-P

Tracie - posted on 04/07/2012

Physical discipline is degrading and only teaches the child that they are not worthy of respect. There are 100 other more effective, more respectful ways to teach. Bad behavior shouldn't be tolerated, by children or adults.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/31/2012

True... unless your kid is a soap eatter like mine are. (my youngest takes a bite of Dove at each bath just because she wants to.) And I'd hope that if the child did get ill from the taste the other poster would feel bad.

Teresa - posted on 03/31/2012

Yeah, but how did she know her daughter wouldn't get violently ill from it? That was my point.... It COULD have happened and that's not exactly something you can take back.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/31/2012

Oh this was on What Would You do? Last night! A little girl was dropping the F-bomb! Most everyone just told her it wasn't a nice word and asked where she heard it. She said from mom.



My 7 year old has cursed before (not at me) just saying ass and damn. I just tell her those aren't nice words. Kimberly, why not just ask your daughter where she heard that word and explain that it's not a nice word to say.



Teresa, not in defense of the other mom, but everyone's gag reflexes are different. I've gotten dish soap and shampoo in my mouth by accident and just had an unpleasant taste, no where near wanting to gag though.

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2012

When a child is at an age where they are simply parroting what is going on around them (like when they are THREE), then absolutely NOTHING. I don't agree with soaping anyway, but a 3 year old? Totally unnecessary. There are many other ways to deal with it at this age. Like finding out where they are learning it from and managing that situation. Why punish a child at ALL for something they overheard but fail to understand?

Stifler's - posted on 03/31/2012

What good is the soap going to do anyway

Teresa - posted on 03/31/2012

Dang... I didn't even look to see the age of the kid. Now I'm even more disturbed... :(

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2012

Your daughter is THREE. She was simply repeating something she heard. I highly doubt she was cursing AT you.

Teresa - posted on 03/31/2012

Less than a drop of dish soap made me feel extremely ill for about an hour.... It was a tiny bit of a SUD (accidentally ingested) and I rinsed and drank a bunch of water immediately. I was still on the verge of puking for about an hour.



But no... forcing a drop of dish soap in a CHILD'S mouth is perfectly acceptable.... :(

Kimberly - posted on 03/31/2012

My daughter cursed at me one time i took 1 drop of dish soap let me reapet ONE DROP OF SOAP on my finger and put it on her tounge after a couple of seconds i gave her a glass of water. she never has cursed at me agin. now im not saying that putting a bar of soap or squriting a ton of soap is right cause that is horrible and i would never do that but one drop is nothing and she has never done it agin, if you think about it look at what they put in food and kids drinks now a days not to metion all the parents that go to mcdonals and every other fast food resturant out there. im just saying. and im not judgeing any one cause i go to all them fast food places too; dont take any of this the wrong way. :)

Toni - posted on 03/27/2012

There's a reason why laws prevent violence against children, yes we may have had it done and we are fine but what about all the others that wasn't fine, there are better discipline methods, there is no reason to use punishment! Children can be taught without the need to force crap into their mouths etc.

Stifler's - posted on 03/26/2012

Trolololol

Christina - posted on 03/26/2012

i will not lie i swear like a sailor. my kids on the other hand know i dont allow it. my 15 year old has slipped up when droppin a glass in the sink and it breaking. i can deal with a damn for that cuz i say alot more when break the in the sink. as far as the soap. all our parents would have dont that to us growing up. i know mine would have if she didnt just pop me in the mouth. how you handle it is up to you and how you feel fit. i know some ppl think its ok and some dont. but that is why parents have a hard time repramending their kids now a days. we cant do it the way our parents did but we cant do it the way we feel either. so either way its your choice and i guess it depends on the state you live in. me personally. i feel like i need to find another state to live in because im not suppose to do crap to my kids when they do something wrong

Jodi - posted on 03/22/2012

I don't think she has a clue this is a debating forum, it was her first comment. :(

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/22/2012

I agree, there needs to be a "Huh?" button... ;)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/22/2012

Damn, where's the button to mark a post utterly confusing when you need it?

Kate CP - posted on 03/22/2012

I think she took her ball and went home.

Kelly - posted on 03/22/2012

What do you mean, Betsy? This is a debate thread about whether soap in the mouth is an acceptable discipline, and whether or not swearing should be disciplined at all. What kind of tips were you looking for?

Liz - posted on 03/22/2012

Not great advices here.. We could use some great tips for our kids. Geez thanks.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/21/2012

Teresa that's because your ex really IS full of shit. And I don't use that word lightly ;-)

Teresa - posted on 03/20/2012

I don't like swear words coming out of anyone's mouth. Not that I have a say in how anyone other than myself and my kids talk, but I still don't like it. Though I must admit I got a kick out of it when my ex's ex best friend (and one of the pastor's of my church) told me IN church (after service) that my ex was full of shit. lol

Krista - posted on 03/20/2012

Exactly. It's all about time and place. I loathe it when people are out in a public venue and every second word is a swear word. It really DOES make them appear to be trashy. However, I am definitely a fan of a well-placed swear word, if it is not in an inappropriate venue.



With regards to my child, I will dissuade him from swearing, until he's older and able to learn how to turn it on and off, and to know when it is appropriate and when it is not. And at no point will swear-based insults be tolerated. So yes, if he hurts himself and hollers "FUCK!", I'm not going to chastise him. But if he tells me to fuck off? Let's just say that he better hope that his feet can run as fast as his mouth just did.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/20/2012

I agree Pearl. I have a friend who is always telling his son to sit on his ass. Some day he's going to say that and I am going to tell him that I didn't know they could have farm animals in the apartment.

Johnny - posted on 03/20/2012

I completely agree that the overuse of swearing sounds ridiculous and is totally inappropriate. I was more referring to people that believe it is inappropriate to swear ever. No matter how appropriate the context may be. Like I said, if my 10 year old broke their leg, I might expect some swearing. If they just wanted to drop rude words into every sentence as they do with the word "like", I would have a problem with that.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/20/2012

Absolutely Jodi!



And I completely agree Kelly!



I agree that there is a place and time for swearing. I agree that it just sounds terrible if it is used too often. It loses it's umph (so to speak).



I also agree that if you make it a very bad thing or keep your kids in the dark with it, then kids will be more prone to want to try it. Not all of them but on the most part yeah, I do believe so.

Kelly - posted on 03/20/2012

J has been inn school for two years now. We've never had a problem with him getting in trouble there for swearing. Again, I think it is because he knows they have no value and knows better ways to express himself, so, no need to use them.

I think if we'd have made a big deal out of it, he probably would have used them when he was approached by that bully because he would have thought they were powerful....but they're not.

Jodi - posted on 03/20/2012

Pearl, when I said that swearing makes one seem less intelligent, I meant excessive swearing. And a little swearing, especially when young, can lead to excessive swearing. I do not think that just because someone swears that they are in fact less intelligent...but they are presenting themselves that way to me. I was raised to articulate myself in a polite way in any company, that does not include dropping the f-bomb every other word. Swearing CAN be used effectively to emphasize something, to exagerate something, and be useful, appropriate and not make me think you're speaking a way that would reflect poorly on your intelligence. But yes, when someone is throwing a curse word into every single sentence, it makes me think they don't have an adequate enough vocabularly to fill in the blanks appropriately, so fall back on curse words. Swear words have their place, they have their time, IMO, never for a child, only for adults. And for adults, only in the right company and the right circumstances, and really, only in moderation. If someone swears left and right, I'm not likely to keep hanging out with them.

Johnny - posted on 03/20/2012

Damn, I don't even consider that as a swear word. But as an atheist, I don't believe in blasphemy, so perhaps that is why.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/20/2012

Swearing is for adults, period. I swear and my daughter knows it is not allowed until she is of age (she is 13.5). When she pays her own damn bills and lives on her own, she can swear.



I dunno but for me there is just something about my kids swearing. My daughter has never swore, that I have heard, I hear her and her friends talking, nope no swearing. I have read her text messages, nope no swearing. I have said this earlier too.



I can swear to high heaven, I have earned that right as an adult. My children had better not repeat it. Yep, in this instance what is good for the goose is NOT good for the gander. At least, not in my house.



However, I would not wash their mouths out with soap. They would get the "look" and be asked "what did you just say??". No real big punishment, just a good explanation that it is not acceptable and I do not want to hear it again.



There are certain things that are for adults and not for children. Swearing is one of them. I do agree that they are just words but they are all too often not used in correct context. I have heard many teens swearing, while I am out and about, I don't think they know how to use an actual word when they are talking.... ;)



"But you do it Mom!" "Yeah, that's right, I am your MOM, YOU are my child. End of story!"



Yep, I know some here will say, "well that's not right, you swear, you are teaching them it is OK". No, I am teaching them they are not to do as I do, in this instance. I have earned the right. I am of age. They are not.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/20/2012

I think the difference between ouch vs shit is just that one is acceptable anywhere and in any company, the other has to be chosen wisely when and where and in front of who you use it.

Kids often don't know how to diferentiate between appropriate places to swear or what people it's inappropriate to swear in front of.

Basically it's foul language, and if your a grown man or woman hanging with close friends and you all want to use foul language in whatever context then that's fine, I don't care. But in my life there's really no times where swearing is appropriate for me to say.

So first of all, I'd like to keep my kris from hearing swears as long as possible, and then after that keep them from saying them as long as possible until they're old enou to use proper context and know where it's appropriate to speak such words.

I personally never swore until I started working at various jobs and heard the other people saying it. But I still rarely did. Then when I became active on CoM I startedswearing more as I heard it alot here, but still the only things I slip up and say are shit or fuck or damn it. And always when hurt, frustrated, or angry but never at anyone. Even still I am trying to stop it as Eric could very easily start repeating me.

I also will 'ban' other words like stupid jerk idiot moron and pretty much any other words used to be mean to another oerson. And if my kids are hurt and swear I wouldn't go all nuts on them, but afterwords I would for sure talk to them and explain why that's not ok and what they should say instead etc.

I do think swearing makes a person look bad, it makes them look like they don't care what they come accross as, like they don't have a 'polite' face on. Like they can't control their mouth.

Among friends etc I see no big deal if that's how you all talk. But I really wouldn't be friends with someone who says a lot of swears because it makes me uncomfortable.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/20/2012

I have a cousin who once called our grandma to tell her that his dad had said a bad word, when she asked my cousin what his dad had said my cousin replied 'My daddy said SHIT!'



My older daughter has been pretty good about not swearing. She's 7 I may have heard her say something accidentally. But I just tell her it's not a word for a child to use.

Johnny - posted on 03/20/2012

That is true Joy. Hearing swear words come out of the mouths of kids under about 10 is a bit disturbing. Luckily my daughter hasn't done it yet. Despite my MIL saying "oh Shit" everytime anything happens.

Joy - posted on 03/20/2012

Kelly, one reason to teach children not to swear is because it will not be tolerated in school. I do kinda see your point about words just being words. But there is just something so wrong (to me) about hearing a child as young as mine (he's 4) say, "OH SHIT!" if he drops something, rather than, "AWWW MAAAAN!" I've always said though, that when he's older, like around 13+, I'd be perfectly fine with him telling me his math homework was a bitch, but that he'd better never call me or anyone else a bitch. I'd be ok with him saying, "FUCK" when he stubs his toe, but not if he told me or anyone else to "FUCK OFF". That's the difference to me. But it's a priviledge I see as being for when he's older, not when he's still so young.

Johnny - posted on 03/20/2012

The difference between shit and ouch. If you've dropped a can of tomatoes (the large one) on your toe, you say shit if you think you broke it and ouch if it'll just leave a bruise ;-)



The utilization of a well placed swear word is about emphasis. The only people I ever hear suggesting that it is a sign of breeding and education are people who are not really all that well-educated and want other people to think they are classy. Or people mentally stuck in a Leave it to Beaver episode. In literature and polite adult conversation, the very occasionally placed curse can be used for emphasis.



I do not really want to hear young people swearing left, right and center. I will discipline my child if she uses curse words inappropriately and she knows better. If she breaks her leg, I won't comment on hearing the f-bomb. If she's using it to make unpleasant comments on the girl in the next locker at school, there will be consequences. And those certainly won't consist of washing her mouth out with soap, lol. If she can use those words in an appropriate context, such as refering to a female dog as a bitch or to the war in Afghanistan as FUBARed. I'm unlikely to take issue.

Brittney - posted on 03/20/2012

A friend of mine's mom did this to her kids if they ever said a bad word, but age had a lot to do with it. If a 2 year old says something bad, you tell them it is a naughty word and not to say it. I think I had that done to me when I was little (haven't said a bad word since I really don't see the point).

Jodi - posted on 03/20/2012

Name calling is a huge no-no in our house. Unless it's a term of endearment or a nick name...any name calling is going to get you sent to your room, and probably a privilege taken away!



As for shit vs. ouch. It's kind of like nose picking...it's just not socially acceptable. THAT'S why it isn't acceptable. When my daughter gets hurt, i ask her if she has an owie, an ouchie, a boo boo...I don't ask her if she has a shitty or something. lol Sorry...that just made me giggle thinking of asking my daughter if she wanted me to kiss the shit on her knee!!! Bahahaha!

Kelly - posted on 03/20/2012

Thanks, Jodi, that is somewhat helpful, I was thinking that it would be equally bad to call someone a "bitch" as it would be to call them a "dog" but I wasn't sure. Around here, calling someone a "dog" seems to garner a lot less anger than calling them a "bitch" but they are both the same to me. It is true, there are lots of animals that get cranky during ovulation, but the term "bitch" doesn't refer to them, it refers specifically to dogs. In any case, that's fairly irrelevant-- I totally agree with you there--it is never okay to call someone something derogatory, whether the word is considered a curse word or not.



I still do not understand the difference between "Shit!" and "Ouch!". I know you said one is appropriate and one is not--I understand that, but I don't understand WHY one is appropriate and one is not. What is it about the word "shit" in that particular context that makes it inappropriate?

Jodi - posted on 03/20/2012

"(And actually, when someone uses it as a derogatory term to describe a woman (which I do agree is wrong), they are comparing her to the dog, as the term is used to describe women who are mean and irrational, which is characteristic of female dogs in heat, is it not? So is calling a woman a "bitch considered" worse than calling her a "dog in heat"? To me, both terms are equally offensive and "off-limits" J wouldn't get in any less trouble for using "dog in heat" than "bitch" if he were using those terms to describe a person.)"



Calling a woman or girl a bitch OR calling them a female dog in heat would both be inappropriate in my book. But when a person says "Son of a Bitch!" because they dropped something, or stubbed their toe, they are not actually referring or even comparing to a dog in heat. And when I call someone a bitch, I am not comparing them to a dog...there are many animals that get cranky, including humans, during periods of ovulation. It may have been derived from that, but things change meaning over time. Bitch is an insulting term, no matter how it's used.



Also, the difference between say "Ouch" and "shit" , again is appropriateness. I simply do not find it appropriate for a child to say shit, and really, it isn't really appropriate for an adult ot say either. Do adults say it? Of course, even I do, but I try not to. Have you EVER heard of someone call swearing a good habit? I havn't. It's always a "bad habit I need to break.". Swearing is something I wish everyone would try to eliminate from their vocabulary, but especially kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/20/2012

*****MoD Warning*****



Ladies, back off the insults and personal attacks, or this thread will be locked down. Play nice.



~DM Mod Little Miss~

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/20/2012

"shit, people still do this??? and everyone's worried about spanking??? sigh....



ETA: hahaa now i feel bad, just realized i swore in a thread about swearing...ah the irony... "



That's it Jaime, it's the soap for you. Now today we have some lovely dragon fruit scented Dawn dish soap or some nice fresh Dove for sensitive skin, take your pick. But if you take the Dove don't use too much because my 1 year old likes to suck on it during baths.



Jerusha, maybe you should educate your children to know that curse words are adult words and some people don't like hearing them come from anyone instead of just educating them not to curse in front of you and other adults. DH and I don't threaten our children with soap in the mouth (they like the taste, it would be counter productive) instead we educate them that curse words aren't necessary to get your point across. Heck DH and I may swear from time to time, but he doesn't play 'Duke Nukem Forever' in front of my 7 year old because the character in that game curses too much.



As for drinking, my family is Irish German and my husband's is German and French we allow children to have a small glass of wine during special occasions in my family. Not so much in his. And we also educate our older daughter as to why alchohol should be drank in moderation. I hope that was enough education. I need to head to the library.

Kate CP - posted on 03/20/2012

"Kate CP Capeheart, perhaps you are confused because you are uneducated? How about minors drinking alcohol? We know kids do it, but we don't want to see them drinking. Maybe you do, but most adults don't. The police know that minors drink, but they don't go out of their way to catch kids drinking. If they see a minor drinking, of course they will take action. It is like that. I hope you are educated enough to understand what I am saying. "



Okay, first of all, thanks for the insult. Great way to start my day. Second of all, that's the dumbest comparison I have ever heard. Police DO go out of their way to find minors drinking alcohol and they arrest them and whoever supplied them with the alcohol. But maybe you're just too busy being all pissed off about swearing to notice? I don't let my kids drink (obviously, they're 6 and 1) but when they're old enough to consume alcohol in their teens I sure as hell won't be telling them "Oh, it's okay to do as long as no one sees you doing it". What kind of message is that sending a kid? That's beyond stupid. That's reckless. Just because you're all peachy with sticking your head in the sand doesn't make it okay.



Do I swear around my kids? I try not to but it's a hard habit to break. My kids know what swear words are and they know they aren't appropriate to say in front of ANY ONE. THAT is the message you SHOULD be trying to send, Jerusha. Or maybe...you're just too "uneducated" to understand fucking logic.

Jaime - posted on 03/20/2012

But it's NOT okay for teens to drink alcohol at ALL. it is a mind-altering substance and causes many health problems, never mind the consequences since it's kind of illegal under the age of 21 (at least in the US). that is not a good argument at all.