Sperm Donors

?? - posted on 09/12/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I'm not talkin about guys that get a girl pregnant and leave - I'm talkin about guys that go to the building, get off in a cup and a woman chooses his donation to be the sperm she uses to help her have a baby.

Should that man be notified? Should he have a choice in knowing that child? If it's in his 'paperwork' that no he doesn't want to know, and later decides he does, should he be allowed to go forth and find that child?

If that woman who got his sperm donation were to become ill, or die, should the child become his responsibility regardless of whether he said he wanted to know or not, since after all, that child came from his lil dudes?

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Sharon - posted on 09/12/2009

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I'm talkin about guys that go to the building, get off in a cup and a woman chooses his donation to be the sperm she uses to help her have a baby.



Should that man be notified?



No, if he really cared he wouldn't donate any sperm at all.



Should he have a choice in knowing that child? If it's in his 'paperwork' that no he doesn't want to know, and later decides he does, should he be allowed to go forth and find that child?



Nope he shouldn't.



If that woman who got his sperm donation were to become ill, or die, should the child become his responsibility regardless of whether he said he wanted to know or not, since after all, that child came from his lil dudes?



Nope its not his responsibility.



I do think a complete profile about the father should be available to any resulting child so they can learn about their paternity and possibly any later diagnosed genetic issues.



I think there should be a file something like"



Donor # 145988BJG



5'10" dark brown hair, photo of hair, top of head, blue eyes (photo of a single eye)



all the normal stuff



plus...



child born Sept 9, 2002 M to #113abd

child born Jan 4, 1999 F to #349gvr



I think the sperm bank and donor number should be on birth certificates so these kids can avoid marrying their siblings too. maybe I'm over thinking it.

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[deleted account]

It depends on what is requested at the time of donation. If they specifically request to be informed of that sperm usage and involvement as a parent then yes they have a right.

If any woman wants an anonymous donor then they should choose as such, a man who wishes his donation to be known has nothing more than a number. Details of the man should be kept on record for medical reasons.

Men who opt to be anonymous donors have no rights to the offspring that resulted from that ejaculation. The information should remain so that once a child turns 18 they can find their biological father once the father has no legal obligations or rights to parenting.

[deleted account]

When donor insemination first started in my country, it was ment to be a "hush hush" thing, keep it from the kids.

Thankfully my Mother told me early on how I was concieved. And I'm glad I was told. Nothing worse then getting into your late 30's-40's to find out at a family get to gether with a drunken relative who says "Isn't your father lovely, raising another man's baby".

Now don't get me wrong, I think DI/Egg donation/surragocy is a great thing for those who have issues with infertility.

I didn't think any less of my father after I was told (he after all came on the scene when my mother's first marriage broke up).

I do appologies if I don't make any sense or if I'm on the defensive side but this is a sensitive topic for me considering my mother lied to me about my donor for 14 years.

Michelle - posted on 02/18/2010

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Jocelyn-- GREAT point!!! There are many different diseases where knowing how to contact the donor could become very necessary-- or even the other way around!! Were I a donor baby, I would definitely consider donating something like that-- he helped give me life, why shouldn't I save his if I can?

Konda-- It's not likely no, but theoretically it's possible. Much more possible than a guy who sleeps around because those children can at least know the name of their father.

No, I don't think the donor has ANY rights to the child. This topic is actually the only intelligent thing said in the entire "Legally Blonde" movie-- remember? If he wants to have anything to do with the donor child, then every ejaculation he has that does not result in a child should be treated as child abandonment. Donating sperm is not abandoning a child. But if we begin to give donors rights to the children, that is definitely a violation of the rights of the parents who raised the child. Everyone has a right to "know," but only as much as an adopted child. Your parents still have the right to keep you from your biological parents for your own well being.

Also, HE should not be able to contact the children, but they should have a way to begin communication. It's not him that deserves anything, it's the children. He signed something giving up any rights when he donated.

Lisa - posted on 02/16/2010

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If I were to use a sperm bank as a mother I would not want the man to know who I was of if it resulted in a child. I can't imagine sharing parental decisions with someone I didn't choose to share them with on a personal level. I think it is a wonderful service men do when donating their sperm but I was of the impression it was annonamos (SP), and that those men did so with the understanging that their sperm would go off and become a child without them lol. If a Man would like to have a child in his life but a partner isn't an option perhaps a better choice would be a surrogate?

Jocelyn - posted on 09/14/2009

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i think the man should be notified, and if BOTH parties so choose, he should be able to get to know the child. but he should have no legal responsibility towards that child. if the mom were to die (and she didn't have a spouse), i think that the man should have the choice to take responsibility, but it should in no ways be forced onto him.
i do think that both parties should remain in contact regardless, because if the child ends up with a health problem, the sperm donor could very well end up being a bone marrow match!

Konda - posted on 09/14/2009

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No, I don't think he should have responsibility if the woman dies or whatever, and i don't think that will ever come to be. First off there are 'couples' that may have to use a sperm donor, if something is wrong with the husband....so if the woman dies, should the donor get the baby instead of the father?? You would be opening the door up to that.

As for marrying your brother or sister, that is not likely, but regardless, sperm donor or not that could happen. There was just a young man in the news that has fathered something like 11 illegitimate kids, by different women. In todays 'world' and the casual sex and disregard for human life, there are a lot of kids that could be siblings.

[deleted account]

I was concieved using donated sperm and I strongly believe that any man who gives the gift of life should be notified of how many kids have been born with he help of his donation.



When couples are going through the donor process they are able to choose if they want a annonymus donor or a donor who is willing to have contact. I strongly believe that parents should choose a donor who is willing to have contact- but that is just mine and most of the donor offspring worldwide opnion.

If he has it stated in his paper work that he wants to remain annonymus then changes his mind then I believe he should be incontact with the clinic he donated at as everbody has a right to know where they came from. Also now depending on what country you are in, if you donate after a certain year (NZ its 2005) then you can no longer remain annonymus.



With your last question I would say no. The donor has no legal rights there (NZ Law), if the Mother is in a relationship then her parnter, be it woman or man, is the guardian. If that happened to my mother, I would not have that put on the donor.



I believe a child should be told if they were adopted or not, or if their parents used a donor to help them have you.

I was told when I was 9 years old.

This is some thing that cannot be kept from a child because no matter how hard a donor clinic tries to match the donor up to the social father, the offspring is never going to look anything like them, eg mum is blonde blue eyed, social father is blonde blue eyed, donor is blonde blue eyed, the offspring could come out blonde brown eyed.



When a man donates,his sperm is not kept to one city/country. And depending on what country he is in he can only donate so many times. I think in America its 10 times where's here in New Zealand up to 4 families can use your sperm.

Sharon - posted on 09/12/2009

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I can just see kids of the future now..



"my mom is #435tyg and daddy is #abk948, whose your daddy?"

Anna - posted on 09/12/2009

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This is very thought provocating. I think of it as him "abandoning" his "lil dudes" lol. I don't think he should have any rights to them unless otherwise stated in a written agreement with the sperm bank/or recipient. I however, do think he should be notified if someone has selected his sperm for use, in the off chance that he has changed his mind. I think he should be allowed to rescind his donation in that event, but if he does not I don't think he should be given any rights to the child. I also don't think the mother should ever be able to collect any child support from the father, he has no responsiblity to the child and therefore should not be entitled visitation nor custody.



That being said, by just donating sperm doesn't make you a father. It's more of selfless act or gift. You can't just take a gift back just b/c you think you "might" want it for yourself. I certainly don't think it would be fair to the child to have them come back years later and disrupt their life. I do think however if the donor agrees that once the child reaches say 18 or something that the child should have the option to seek the father. Also under extreme circumstances, like say the child is sick needs a kidney or a blood transfusion, then the donor should be notified in the event he is able and willing to help.



Even if the woman dies, I still don't think he should have any rights to the child, he gave up the rights when he "left" his sperm at the bank. The child should be with a caregiver that he is pychologically bonded to and not a stranger.

?? - posted on 09/12/2009

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I think that's a very good point Sharon about ending up marrying your sibling. Especially if the donors good are kept in one specific sperm bank - his lil dudes would be goin to women in the same town/city/county even and then those children could end up going to the same school, falling in love, etc.

I think it would be a wise decision to have the donor # available even just for the mother to double check (if she isn't going to tell her child they are product of a sperm donor) to make sure their child isn't going to end up in the same class with a child that could very well be their twin.

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