Stay At Home Mom / Working Mom

?? - posted on 07/04/2009 ( 34 moms have responded )

4,974

0

171

My maternity leave will be ending at the end of October :(

Devon and I have been discussing whether I will find a job or stay at home with our son. I want to stay at home simply because I do not want to miss a single moment of Gabe's life.



On top of that, all the jobs that are available in my area, chances are I would be working a job I hate, only to make enough money to pay for a babysitter/daycare, and more than likely Devon would end up having to pay some too. So it seems ridiculous really to have a job I hate to pay someone to raise our child when I could stay home with him and raise him myself and love everyday.



Devon is incredibly supportive of me staying home, and is also very supportive of the idea of me doing some courses online to be able to work from home but he is not pushing one way or the other - he tells me he wants me to do what will make me happy.



What is your situation? Do you think moms should stay home? Or should work?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

34 Comments

View replies by

ME - posted on 07/15/2009

2,978

18

190

I stayed home for the whole first year of my sons life. About 10 months after his birth we moved from CO to IL because we needed some family support. I started substitute teaching a few days a week while he stayed with my parents. I cannot make the kind of money in a full time job that would pay for child care...and even if I did, I don't know that it would be worth it to me. I recently was hired to work as an adjunct instructor at a small university close to home...I am thrilled, as this will give me something challenging and fun to do without really taking me away from my son. I will only be on campus for 6 hours a week, and Miles will stay with his grandparents again. It took me a long time to find the right fit for me tho, and I would never have done something that I hate for insufficient money. My husband and I simply stretched his small salary as far as it will go...and got lots of support from our family...

Jenny - posted on 07/15/2009

4,426

16

126

I also think there is no "should" on this question as everyone's situation is vastly different.





With my first I took my paid year off then went back to work for 4 hours a day while my MIL stayed home with my daughter. I did this for a year and then she went to a family friend and I went to FT hours. She got pregnant and was unable to handle daycare anymore due to illness. I went through about 8 daycares after that.





When I had my son I also took my year off and was plannnig on being a SAHM. My replacement for my mat leave was in an accident right when my mat leave ended and my boss begged me to come back. I'm a bookkeeper and set the books up from scratch for this company so he would not have been able to train a new person, it was either her or I to do this job. It was supposed to be for 6 weeks of PT so I could still take my daughter to school and pick her up but after 6 months I told him he needed to start interviewing my replacement.





I found someone and on my last day of work she quit! I was so upset. So we were looking through resumes again and he looked at me and said "What's it gonna cost me?" So I doubled my wage over last year and found a good daycare 2 minutes from my work. My new daycare has kids the same age as mine and they are happy there so so far so good for them.





I, however, am tiring of it. I do enjoy woorknig and am good at my job but, as expected, my partner did not pick up the extra slack of the housework, childcare and cooking. I told him from the get go if we are both working FT we are both splitting home/child duties. Now he has to go out of town to work for three months, 10 days on, 5 days off so I will be solely responsible for everything. Not sure what I will do in the future but I do not feel content in this situation. I'm leaning towards taking two kids into my home and do daycare or something maybe?

Sara - posted on 07/15/2009

9,313

50

584

Quoting Esther:



Quoting Traci:

I say stay at home, it's well worth it. My daughter's kindergarten teacher told me there is a HUGE difference between kids of SAHM's and working moms. In their behavior and in their school performance. She's been teaching for decades, so I'd say she's the one to ask! I could tell, too. I volunteer in her class and before I even knew any of the kids, I could tell from their behavior the kids whose moms did or did not work. It was quite obvious in their behavior. 







I think that's a sweeping generalization based on anecdotal evidence. I could very easily make the exact opposite case based on anecdotal evidence in my circle of friends. As I said in my previous post, I think we all try to be the best moms we know how to be and what is right for my family could very easily be wrong for another family and vice versa. Being a working mom does not make me any less committed a mom though and my son is definitely not lacking for any attention, nor is there any problem with his behavior.






I thought this was interesting:



 



http://www.nichd.nih.gov/news/releases/f...

Sara - posted on 07/15/2009

9,313

50

584

I don't think it's a "should" type situation, I think you have to do what is best for you and your family. If my income was only going to be enough to pay for daycare, then there'd be little point to me working. That is not the case however, and for my family at the moment, it is a necessity that I work. When I first went back to work after Rowan was born it was soooo hard. I hated having to be away and missing things. But, as time has gone on and we've established a routine, I've come to realize that it is good for both her and me to go to daycare and work. I wish I could only work part-time, which might happen in the next couple of years, but we've learned to make what we have to do now work and cherish the time that we do get to spend together. Doesn't mean I don't miss her, but you do what you have to do! I've also realized that staying home all day every day would drive me nuts, it is nice to have adult interaction once in a while. :)

Esther - posted on 07/09/2009

3,513

32

144

Quoting Kylie:

 [ ] I don't see how you can give 100% to your children, your husband, yourself and your full time work and keep your home running smoothly all at the same time....it's physically impossible and completely unfair on all parties. [ ]


I agree - I don't think you can either. So I give my all to my son, then my husband, then my job and for my house I have a cleaning lady. I do the best I can, but staying home would not be the right answer for me.

Kylie - posted on 07/08/2009

2,391

81

190

I'm in the same situation Jo, I could go back to work in a lower paid job as I have not finished my degree, and work to pay the day care fees and the extra money I would make would mostly be spent on transport and other work expenses.
My husband is very supportive of me being a stay at home Mum too..and i don't want to miss a moment of my babies lives, they are only this little for such a short amount of time. When my son is around 2 I plan to go back to university 3 days a week and get my degree so when both my children are at school I can be working full time doing something I love (art teaching)
What upsets me with working Mums are the ones who have a baby and put it in day care at six weeks old and have to put a camera in the nappy bag so the day care workers can take photos if their first milestones. I think the founding feminists sold us a crock of shit about being able to have it all. I don't see how you can give 100% to your children, your husband, yourself and your full time work and keep your home running smoothly all at the same time....it's physically impossible and completely unfair on all parties.
I think it's healthy to have a balance once children are 1+ going back to work part time can be beneficial for Mum and kids. I clean a doctor’s surgery on Saturday morning and sell my art and craft and other finds on eBay to make extra money.
I think children in large child care facilities do suffer, especially the younger ones. There have been studies into the cortizol levels of children in daycare compared to children who stay at home with Mum or Dad and it showed children in daycare are far more stressed. But if a mum really hates being at home and needs to at work then day care is better option of course. Kids can’t be happy unless Mum is.
It’s a difficult one. I’m thankful I can stay at home at this point in my life and enjoy it..most the time

Traci - posted on 07/08/2009

2,158

2

102

Quoting Esther:



Quoting Traci:

I say stay at home, it's well worth it. My daughter's kindergarten teacher told me there is a HUGE difference between kids of SAHM's and working moms. In their behavior and in their school performance. She's been teaching for decades, so I'd say she's the one to ask! I could tell, too. I volunteer in her class and before I even knew any of the kids, I could tell from their behavior the kids whose moms did or did not work. It was quite obvious in their behavior. 







I think that's a sweeping generalization based on anecdotal evidence. I could very easily make the exact opposite case based on anecdotal evidence in my circle of friends. As I said in my previous post, I think we all try to be the best moms we know how to be and what is right for my family could very easily be wrong for another family and vice versa. Being a working mom does not make me any less committed a mom though and my son is definitely not lacking for any attention, nor is there any problem with his behavior.






I'm not making a sweeping generalization, I'm just expressing what I have experienced in my own life ;) 

Jessica - posted on 07/08/2009

345

39

51

I would love to be a SAHM but there's no way my hubby could support an almost family of 7 alone. I don't like getting home with my kids at 5pm, having to fix them dinner, then divide about an hour and a half of time between four children, then bath and bed. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. It doesn't help right now that I'm pregnant and exhausted when I get home so I really feel like my kids are getting a raw deal.

[deleted account]

Quoting Christa:

IMy problem is many mothers I know who do work, do it because they value their career over being a mom. It is more important to them to be #1 in their field then to be #1 as a mom. Those women I feel never should have had kids in the first place. I am very sad for their children. (I'm not talking about anyone on here) :-)



This describes one of the principals I used to work with.  She was a few years older than me, maybe late 30's and had a 5 year old son.  I do know that her husband was an older man and he was a SAHD.  But this principal was a work horse!  She was there from sun up to sun down, and at least 2 weekends a month.  I guarantee she did work from home too.  I guess it's role reversal that the mom could be the workaholic and never parent her own kid, yet she ran a K-5 school of 600 kids!    Don't get me wrong.  I love working, and I am a career person.  I didn't work my butt off for higher education for nothing, and I do have my administrator's certification.  But I am nothing like this principal!  When it's time to get the hell out of school, I am out the door!

Esther - posted on 07/08/2009

3,513

32

144

Quoting Christa:

I do agree that if a mom is a SAHM they need to still socialize the child. Many SAHM don't do that and that does cause problems later in life. My mom was a SAHM but we went to preschool and VBS as well as just had play dates with other kids of SAHM. I think both ways can be good for the child as long as the mom keeps her child a priority over her career. My problem is many mothers I know who do work, do it because they value their career over being a mom. It is more important to them to be #1 in their field then to be #1 as a mom. Those women I feel never should have had kids in the first place. I am very sad for their children. (I'm not talking about anyone on here) :-)




Christa - I agree with that. There is a woman in my office who is very high ranking and she COMPLETELY puts her career ahead of her child. Her son is 8 years old and has a computer and actually has to schedule time on a electronic calendar with his mother. They send calendar invitations for breakfast on Sunday mornings. This woman even calendars sex with her husband (she uses a code word for it). I'm not kidding you. One time she had lunch with her son on a work day and he sent her a thank-you note for "making time" for him. The child is completely screwed up. He has all sorts of health problems that all magically went away when he spent the summer with his aunt and her family. Very very very sad. My job will never ever be a priority over my son. My performance has absolutely suffered since I had him because I will not put in the extra time that is needed to keep things at the same level they were before I had him and I will drop whatever I'm doing like a hot potato the second he needs me. It just is what it is. Fortunately I work with people who are completely understanding and supportive of that.

Christa - posted on 07/08/2009

3,876

14

209

That could also be said about some SAHM. I also know some SAHM that just plop the kids in front of the TV, while she's lazy all day. That's not good for the kids either. I think there are good moms and there are bad moms and whether or not they work is irrelevant.

Christa - posted on 07/08/2009

3,876

14

209

I do agree that if a mom is a SAHM they need to still socialize the child. Many SAHM don't do that and that does cause problems later in life. My mom was a SAHM but we went to preschool and VBS as well as just had play dates with other kids of SAHM. I think both ways can be good for the child as long as the mom keeps her child a priority over her career. My problem is many mothers I know who do work, do it because they value their career over being a mom. It is more important to them to be #1 in their field then to be #1 as a mom. Those women I feel never should have had kids in the first place. I am very sad for their children. (I'm not talking about anyone on here) :-)

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2009

5,465

31

331

I agree Esther. My eldest went to nursery and it helped her no end!
On the first day of school you could tell those who had attended nursery and those who hadn't. Cadence was not bothered at all about being left at school on her first day. Many other kids were crying and begging not to be left for weeks when they started.

I'm not saying that all kids who haven't been to nursery will be that way, but it's a good view of the other side of the coin.
There are benefits to mum's staying home, and there are benefits to kids going to nursery. It's not one rule fits all. :)

Esther - posted on 07/08/2009

3,513

32

144

Quoting Traci:

I say stay at home, it's well worth it. My daughter's kindergarten teacher told me there is a HUGE difference between kids of SAHM's and working moms. In their behavior and in their school performance. She's been teaching for decades, so I'd say she's the one to ask! I could tell, too. I volunteer in her class and before I even knew any of the kids, I could tell from their behavior the kids whose moms did or did not work. It was quite obvious in their behavior. 




I think that's a sweeping generalization based on anecdotal evidence. I could very easily make the exact opposite case based on anecdotal evidence in my circle of friends. As I said in my previous post, I think we all try to be the best moms we know how to be and what is right for my family could very easily be wrong for another family and vice versa. Being a working mom does not make me any less committed a mom though and my son is definitely not lacking for any attention, nor is there any problem with his behavior.

[deleted account]

I work full time. Long before I had my son, I was certain that I'd want to work out of the home, because I enjoyed working and found my career very fulfilling. Even in the weeks after he was born, I was anxious to get out of the house and back into my lab because I craved the adult interaction. But now, 10 months later, I'm no longer sure I've made the right choice. Even though I'm happy with our childcare provider, I feel like I'd rather be at home with my son full-time. There's no way we could afford for me to do that at the moment, but once I finish my doctoral program (~2 years away) I think I may leave the workforce and give staying home a try.

Traci - posted on 07/07/2009

2,158

2

102

I say stay at home, it's well worth it. My daughter's kindergarten teacher told me there is a HUGE difference between kids of SAHM's and working moms. In their behavior and in their school performance. She's been teaching for decades, so I'd say she's the one to ask! I could tell, too. I volunteer in her class and before I even knew any of the kids, I could tell from their behavior the kids whose moms did or did not work. It was quite obvious in their behavior.



Now, that's not to say all kids of working parents are brats or anything, but I think kids who don't get as much attention at home act out in order to get any kind of attention, good or bad. It's quite a sacrifice, but to stay home and raise your children is the single most important gift a mother can give to her child, which is time.



My husband has mentioned me going back to work once the kids are all in school, and I'm like.....Uh..NO. That's when it's even MORE important to stay home! I remember who's house we all wanted to hang out at when we were teenagers---the house with no parents home! I wasn't allowed there, and for good reason. I want to be there everyday at the door, watching my kids get off the school bus, with a plate full of cookies and juice and to be talking to them about their day. That kind of time is important to kids.



I understand there are many parents who must work, and actually, many of them would probably think they have to work if they made what we do, but it's worth that sacrifice to make sure my kids grow up right. Here's hoping! LOL :)

Esther - posted on 07/07/2009

3,513

32

144

Well, I guess I'm the odd one out. I work full-time and I suppose that if I cut enough corners I could stay home (definitely not in the home we are living in now, or even in the area we are living in now but it could probably be done). I make enough money for it to be worth it financially (daycare is about half of what I make). I enjoy my job most of the time, I like my bosses & my co-workers (many have become close personal friends) and I find a lot of fulfillment in my job. It also enables me to provide for my son in ways that I would not be able to if I was a SAHM. I actually think it makes me a better mom because it makes me happy and it gives me a balance between my home life & my professional life. I have completely stopped working overtime since I had my son (I used to work at least 15 hours a week of overtime) and I work from home as much as I possibly can so I can drop my son off at daycare later and pick him up earlier (I can't keep him home as it is impossible to get anything done with him there). We took a lot of time picking the daycare he goes to and we absolutely love it as does he. He is very excited to get there and he gets tons of love from his teachers too. I also think he has very much benefited from being there. They have a very structured day that I don't think I would be able to provide for him at home and they spend a lot of time doing things like music, singing, flash cards, reading, etc. In addition they have been a great support for me as a first time mom in helping me get him on a schedule, transitioning him from two naps to one, getting him off the bottle & onto a sippy cup, answering my questions on what to do about that runny nose, teething etc. I don't feel in any way that anyone else is "raising" my son. We do that. I'm a very involved parent in that I keep a close eye on what's going on at the daycare (they have a webcam), asking questions, knowing the teachers, the other kids etc. There is no question as to who the parent is and who the teachers are. If my son is sick, or just having a bad day, I keep him home (and I work from home) - no questions asked. If he starts to feel a little sick during the day, I call a car service and I'm heading straight home to go get him - even if they tell me it's OK for him to stay. As for firsts - we haven't missed a single one. So far, he has saved all his "firsts" for when he was home. Further proof that there is no doubt who the parents are - it takes that little extra boost of confidence you get from mom and dad to take that first step. Another example of that is that our son is raised bi-lingual. We speak Dutch to him at home (exclusively) and now that he is talking, his vocabulary is about 80% Dutch vs. 20% English so far (he's up to about 150 words in Dutch at 18 months). In short - I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all answer. We all do what's best for our families as a whole, and that includes mom.

Savannah - posted on 07/07/2009

552

28

48

I think that if it is feasible and you are wanting to do it that staying home with your kids is very good for them. I am a stay at home mom, by choice mainly, but also because I would not be able to find a job that would cover daycare, gas, and the other expenses of working. I would basically just be working to put my kids in daycare instead of take care of them myself. Not to mention that I just don't trust people around here with my kids.

I think both ways are equally acceptable if everyone is happy with the situation. I just know that for me, being with my kids is infinitely more enjoyable than any job I could get and it is just more affordable as well.

JL - posted on 07/05/2009

3,635

48

105

I think it is so great that some of you have your families close by to assist you. I wish I had famly close by but I am a military wife so I do not live close enbough to any family and my husband is hardly ever home but if he was home on a consistent basis and my family was closer I would without a doubt return back to work, because as much as I love being home with my kids I do miss the mental stimulation of working in a professional field that I love.

Jenni - posted on 07/05/2009

5,928

34

373

i am actually planning on returning to work in the next month... i am in a similar situation to you Jo where any job i'm going to find is going to be just enuff for childcare... but i am lucky that i have my family close to me, both on my husband's and my side... and they are all retired and willing to help out on days both my husband and i have to work... so that is why i am able to return... otherwise... i would probably stay at home like ur leaning towards... it wouldn't make much sense for me to return if i had to pay for child care and i also wouldn't like the idea of a stranger raising my child... if that were my situation i would probably wait until my son was in school before i returned...

although i do think it's really important to stay home with ur child for the first year, i understand it's not possible for *every* mom to do that... and of course if you can stay with ur child longer than that i believe that is the ideal situation... but like i said, not everyone can do that or wants to... i think every family has to make sacrifices in some shape or form whether it be financially or family time...

Tracy - posted on 07/05/2009

217

18

8

I have decided to stay home because the cost of daycare and the hours I would have to work would mean my son is in daycare alot. For me personally the financial gain was so little that we decided it was better to stay at home. I am studying at the moment but finding it hard to find time. Lucky its a flexible course,

Its a very individual what you choose. I feel Lucky that I had the choice. Some women have no choice but to go back to work.

Sarah - posted on 07/05/2009

5,465

31

331

I sort of did both with my eldest, i stayed home in the mornings and then she went to nursery in the afternoons (4 days a week) my husband would pick her up and put her to bed. It worked quite well.
With my youngest i've just recently got a job where i start in the evenings so i'm still with her all day and i'm able to pick my eldest up from school (which she thinks is really important). We just needed the extra cash really badly, so although i'm tired (lol) it's the best of both worlds (as Hannah Montanna would say!) because i'm earning a bit of money, but not missing out with the kids.
:)

Erin - posted on 07/04/2009

6,569

25

232

Well if you've quit smoking (yay!!) that's going to save you heaps of $$ for a start (that's another reason why I'm fighting so hard not to restart).
I've been looking in to Jimbaroo classes for Milla with the same objective. I'm waiting on a call back tomorrow but hopefully it will start sooner rather than later.

?? - posted on 07/04/2009

4,974

0

171

I plan on doing some online courses, as well as possibly an evening course (I only just started looking into the evening courses) but I have also been looking into what programs, organizations, groups there are available in my area that we can participate in so that Gabriel will get interaction with other children as well as me being able to interact with other adults too. The only thing that was keeping me from doing that previously was my smoking - now that I quit (almost 2 months woo!) I feel much healthier and happier and a lot more.. open to being out and about with other moms and children!



I'm really hoping that staying home will work for us. I don't care if it completely eliminates "luxuries" for us for awhile, I just can't imagine missing a day with my lil butt butt!

Lindsay - posted on 07/04/2009

3,532

26

266

I have been home with my kids through the day for the last year due to the economy and losing my job. I do take 3 night classes a week at a local college. I love the time with my kids but I do miss the adult interaction. We have decided that I will stay home until they are both in all day school and then I will be finished up with school and will go back to work. It really works for us. I went a little stir crazy at first because it was not what I was used to but now, I'm really enjoying being home! I hope this doesn't affect me too much when going back to work in a few years!

Christa - posted on 07/04/2009

3,876

14

209

Oh I forgot to address your question, sorry I got caught up in my rant. :-) I think you should do whatever you can afford to do. It sounds like you would prefer to stay home, so if you can afford that I say do it. Even if it means cutting out some luxuries, I would do it in a heart beat. :-)

Christa - posted on 07/04/2009

3,876

14

209

I have the best of both worlds. I planned ahead and chose a career that I could eventually work from home. So I work from home and have a part time nanny come and help so I can actually get work done. However if we could afford it I would quit in a heart beat and be a SAHM. I don't mean any offense, but it frustrates me to no end when I see mom's who could easily afford to stay home (my boss) but instead they have their children in full time daycare and are late picking them up everyday because their career is clearly #1. I think women like that should have thought twice about having kids. I had kids so I could raise them and play with them etc, not so I could be this amazing career women and pay someone else to raise my kid. Sorry it's a bit of a sore spot for me, because like I said I would give anything to be a SAHM but my husbands job will probably never allow that, so I really get mad when I see people who could and don't.

JL - posted on 07/04/2009

3,635

48

105

I have the same feelings on the subject. I worked up until the week before I had my daughter and had planned on going back then my husband got notice that he was going to have to go to Kentucky for 3 months then after being home from that assignment for a mere 2 months he was redeploying to Iraq. He had gotten back from Iraq a week before I had my daughter and was having to go again. I was a new mom who was going to have to do it all on my own so I decided to stay home.



Eventually I ended up going back part time to teach while also going back to school to get my Masters. I had planned on moving into a full time position once I had my degree and my daughter was in school but then the Army moved us, my husband was deployed a third time, and I found out I was pregnant with our son. So I decided to not go back to work and just finished up school and then stayed home with my newborn. Well I decided that I was ready to go back to work after my son turned one but there were no openings at the local university for history professors and what jobs were available paid barely enough to cover daycare.



Finally I got a job offer for a professors position starting next fall. I was excited to go back to work but then my husband got notice that he will be going to Korea for a year and will be leaving in Novemeber. He is not even home right now and has been gone pretty much the whole summer. He was in Alabama for officers training for 2 months came back for three weeks left to another training in Arizona in which he will not be back until the end of August and then he will turn around and leave in November. I realized that I am having a hard time right now doing all of this on my own with two kids and I am not working, so I don't know how I could go back to work and juggle all of this effieciently with no one to assist with the kids.



Needless to say I have once again decided to not go back to work. If both my kids were in school I would go back in an instant but my youngest is only 23 months and I don't want to stick him in daycare for too long. I will just focus on obtaining my PH.D in the meantime. Plus we can survive just fine without me working.



Personally, I think it is up to the mom on what is right or needed for her and her family.



Jo..If you do decide to stay home really look at going back to school. There are so many great online programs now and you can get a degree while at home with your kid. I got my Masters Degree by taking practically every class online so I could stay at home with my kids.BTW your hubby sounds just like mine :)

Erin - posted on 07/04/2009

6,569

25

232

I'll be going back to work sometime in the next few months (probably September) but only 2 days a week. I would rather be a SAHM but being single it's not really an option. I'm lucky in that Milla will be with my Mum and I won't have any childcare expenses - if I did have to pay someone to look after her I wouldn't be going back as it wouldn't be financially viable to do so. I think that needs to be a big factor in your decision.

I acknowledge staying home is not for everyone. Some people crave the adult environment/interaction. I don't - Milla is all I need atm. I'm already starting to stress about having to leave her and what I'm going to miss.

Erin - posted on 07/04/2009

6,569

25

232

I'll be going back to work sometime in the next few months (probably September) but only 2 days a week. I would rather be a SAHM but being single it's not really an option. I'm lucky in that Milla will be with my Mum and I won't have any childcare expenses - if I did have to pay someone to look after her I wouldn't be going back as it wouldn't be financially viable to do so. I think that needs to be a big factor in your decision.

I acknowledge staying home is not for everyone. Some people crave the adult environment/interaction. I don't - Milla is all I need atm. I'm already starting to stress about having to leave her and what I'm going to miss.

[deleted account]

I personally enjoy working and have always been a career person. During my son's 1st year, I was fortunate to find another teacher-turned-SAHM and she took care of my son 4 days a week. Then she moved :-( For the past 3 school years, I have taught on a part-time flexible schedule three days a week. During the past 3 years, I have had some concerns with my son's daycare facility. But he's only gone part-time and enjoyed his friends & teachers. In fact, even though I am off for the summer, I still send him twice a week for play time and socialization with his peers. I have also completed my Master's Degree + additional one year's worth of Educational Adminsitration coursework. I crave professional conversation and being in the work place. I give the utmost respect to SAHM, but it's absolutely not for me! In August I return to teaching full-time, and my son will be attending a new pre-school full time. I have to admit that I've never felt like I missed out on any of his growing moments or saddened that he took his first steps while I was at work. To me, I was happy to share those moments with his provider.



SAHM vs. working mom is going to be an issue that works best for each family. You have to be able to do the very best to ensure love, shelter, comfort, etc. If it's not financially worth it to bust your ass just to break out even with childcare expenses, then it is not worth it. But if you crave adult companionship a few days a week, then it's not a bad thing to work part-time. Perhaps you can find inexpensive child care through a Mom's Group. Good luck!

Jocelyn - posted on 07/04/2009

5,165

42

274

i am a stay at home mom, but not by choice. as soon as both my kids are in school, i will be right back in the thick of society lol. i am planning on going back to university and work. while i do like being able to raise my son myself (and our future baby due in october) but i find that i don't get enough stimulus to keep me "sane" (that would be as good a word as any lol)
i think that it totally depends on your personality if you are able to be a completely sahm.
it cost about $900 a month for daycare in our area, and i would only be earning maybe 1200 a month at the job i have now (i work one day a week) on top of that add a car payment (we only have one car right now and i would need one) car insurance, and gas. sooo not worth it financially for me to work full time. then after the next baby, daycare for 2 kids! haha yeah right
most of the time i feel like i am not contributing to the household. i know i am, i'm raising the kids, but just the same, i know that if i were able to work (with affordable daycare) we wouldn't be struggling financially (well at least not as much) and i wouldn't feel so "stuck"
that;s where i am now.

[deleted account]

I am in exactly your same boat. For one thing, I want to be the one to raise our son and I don't want someone else getting to see his firsts. Second, like you, the only jobs around here I could get would only pay enough to pay for daycare or a sitter so why bother? We just cut corners every chance we get and we don't blow our money on frivolous things. I always say that "We have all of what we need and some of what we want." I wouldn't have it any other way....but that damn winning lotto ticket would be nice! lol Then NEITHER of us would have to work....

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms