Sticks And Stones

Veronica - posted on 08/19/2009

I think words are hurtful from people you know and dont know. If you know them, its hurtful because you usually have some form of relationship with the person - and to hear something bad from them makes you wonder about that relationship and that person. When its from someone you dont know - the first thing is - you dont know me! the second thing is then you start taking inventory of yourself and worrying about the impression you make on people. Im self conscious in so many ways - but when you are told horrible things about yourself - from strangers - then you have to reevaluate and make some changes.



For instance, i was at a bar - we had to go to the b-room and there were a bunch of women in the bathroom. I was fine that they were taking their time - it was one toilet and a bunch of us were going in the bathroom together. SO I knew they were doing the same thing - and it would take time. Well my 'friend' decided to raise her voice and bitch about the time they were taking in the bathroom. They came out and chewed her out - and because i was standing next to her (my sister and i apologized for her behaviior) I was told that I had a bad soul!!! And the girl kept telling me that, and shooting me daggers all night at the bar!! Now i know there are people who can discern stuff about others - so that reallly was hard to deal with and i contemplated over it for a long time -- the good thing that came out of it eventually was getting my faith back, and working more on who I am and who I want to be -- being a better and more genuine person. Still have work to do yet, as many of you know (especially ones ive b*tched at) but sometimes those mean words can help.

It comes down to the context of it, how its said, and how you perceive it.

Heidi - posted on 08/17/2009

Words are not empty. They can be very hurtful. The only difference is you don't always see the hurt, and with sticks and stones you can see the hurt. I have been called every name imaginable by my ex, and its not nice. So I have to say they are both hurtful.

Emma - posted on 08/17/2009

oh gosh konda. i can definately see how that hurt.. they may have thought it was a simple joke but words can hurt alot..

Konda - posted on 08/16/2009

I'd say on a debate forum, people will not always agree AND are often very very passionate about whatever they are debating, therefore they may seem nasty. I have not agreed with several people on certain posts in the past few days, however, there are posts that I do agree with them on.



As for all the other 'words' that come in the form of 'written words'....for me they hurt just as bad. AGAIN, I am dating myself here, but when I worked for the police department, they did not have cell phones, we still had pagers, and one day one of the officers thought it would be cute to page me with numbers to weight loss place phone numbers. It wasn't even 'words' yet it stung more than any word could have.......hell I am a good 70 pounds heavier now, wonder where he'd get numbers to now, LOL.

~Jennifer - posted on 08/16/2009

Quoting Jo:

That makes perfect sense Jenn, I am generally the same way. So what do you do with the people who go back and forth between being nice and nasty? 1 post is nice, another post is nasty, the next post is nice again - do you put just as much value into all post or do you just ignore the nasty and accept the nice?

I want to make sure everyone knows, I am in no way talking about anyone on this forum - I am just talking in general since we all have seen posts that are moodier than the most wicked PMS swing ever.

I think all words have meaning and I take each word for what it's worth. Obviously if someone is ALWAYS mean or for the majority of the time, they are just a mean person and I don't put any value into what they are saying other than they are just a mean person. But, when we're encountering the same people in various conversations around Circle Of Moms you can see nice posts and mean posts from each member depending on what is being discussed and who is being addressed.

nice / nasty / nice / nasty......I've never had anything like that directed at me.  People usually choose one or the other.   I've seen it happen plenty of times, but it's usually directed at various people.  If it were something that was directed ATone person (being nice / nasty/ nice/ nasty etc.), then I would say that the one making the comments would still fall under my 'disregard' category.    I also abhor indecisiveness. (almost as much as I abhor blatent stupidity, but that's another thread -lol) Be a bitch or don't, but for the love of god,  pick one already.  If a person continues to make comments that are contradictory, I would question their honesty / integrity, and ....once again..disregard them completely.  Once I question someone's honesty, my 'relationship' with that person comes to an abrupt halt - regardless of who it may be.

?? - posted on 08/16/2009

That makes perfect sense Jenn, I am generally the same way. So what do you do with the people who go back and forth between being nice and nasty? 1 post is nice, another post is nasty, the next post is nice again - do you put just as much value into all post or do you just ignore the nasty and accept the nice?



I want to make sure everyone knows, I am in no way talking about anyone on this forum - I am just talking in general since we all have seen posts that are moodier than the most wicked PMS swing ever.



I think all words have meaning and I take each word for what it's worth. Obviously if someone is ALWAYS mean or for the majority of the time, they are just a mean person and I don't put any value into what they are saying other than they are just a mean person. But, when we're encountering the same people in various conversations around Circle Of Moms you can see nice posts and mean posts from each member depending on what is being discussed and who is being addressed.

~Jennifer - posted on 08/16/2009

Quoting Jo:

To all the women who have said words from strangers don't hurt or don't have the meaning behind the words - I have to ask - what is the point of being on a site like this if the words you read have no meaning?

What's the point saying anything at all, asking questions, responding to any single person specifically if their words have no meaning / your words should have no meaning to them ?

Do you think the (mean) things people say on here - whether intentional or not - hold any value? Or purpose? Or are they merely words on a screen, that have no meaning - UNLESS they are good words?

If you ask a question on here, and someone replies with words of support or advice from their own experiences, the words have an entirely different meaning.  Someone took the time to try to share something that helps, that shows examples that you are 'not alone' in your concerns, that they have had the same experience. 

If someone just replies to be nasty, vindictive or rude, there is more conveyed than words.  What that becomes is an insight into a personality that at first glance, ( to me anyway) that I would completely dirsegard. Once disregarded, I find no meaning in anything that person has to 'say'. To come to a site like this for the purpose of downing someone or insulting someone simply because a) it's 'online' and impersonal, or b) because it's a source of 'entertainment' (for what appears to me to be a very bored or angry person)  or c) because it's (sadly) just their personality, well, to me that just shows me someone whose' words' would never have mattered to me in the first place. 

I'm the kind of person that puts stock in first impressions.  Quite frankly, if my 'first impression' of someone is a bad one, I see no reason to continue conversation or interaction with them unless it's completely unavoidable.

?? - posted on 08/16/2009

To all the women who have said words from strangers don't hurt or don't have the meaning behind the words - I have to ask - what is the point of being on a site like this if the words you read have no meaning?



What's the point saying anything at all, asking questions, responding to any single person specifically if their words have no meaning / your words should have no meaning to them ?



Do you think the (mean) things people say on here - whether intentional or not - hold any value? Or purpose? Or are they merely words on a screen, that have no meaning - UNLESS they are good words?

Emma - posted on 08/16/2009

yes words hurt... but people dont think before they are so cruel..

Krista - posted on 08/16/2009

Words definitely CAN hurt you. It just depends on who they're coming from. I've had some experiences with my family members saying negative things about me and they REALLY hurt. However, if someone I didn't really know said negative things, it would just roll off.

Charlie - posted on 08/15/2009

They have actually asked teachers to stop using this , as it makes bullying seem trivial when in fact its a major issue and getting worse with the internet and cyber bullying .
Sticks and stones will break your bones AND words can sometimes kill.
The rate of suicide or bullycide ( as its been dubbed ) by teens has risen dramatically over recent years due to cyber bullying .
teenager's are very impressionable and amongst the highest risk of depression and to most teenagers it doesn't matter who is doing the bullying it still affects them n the worst way .

I think this quotes complete opposite is : The pen is mightier than the sword . And this sums up Cyber bullying to a tee.

Konda - posted on 08/15/2009

Words don't hurt...bullshit...



I am 39 years old, when I 17 a teacher that I had in the 1st grade, yes 1st grade, became my teacher in high school too. I remembered her immediately, I had done a poster for a contest in the 1st grade, and I won 1st place, however, when I was waiting to accept my award, I over heard this teacher tell another that it was a beautiful poster, but the work was 'too good for me to have done'. I was crushed and for all those years I had carried that around....can you believe a 1st grader....I did tell her that I had heard that all those years ago, she was so so sorry, of course she didn't remember, but it just goes to show how much words can hurt and affect a person.

~Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2009

I think it depends on who is saying them to you.



If a stranger on the street, or a customer in my bar says something nasty....seriously? Go fuck yourself, dude. You mean shit to my life.



If it's someone you know well, someone you care about, someone in your family, or a close friend.....well, these are the people that know you...the people you trust, or should trust. It probably means something. In the midst of an argument, some things may be said that you 'don't mean', but then, why did you say it? It's gotta have meaning somewhere.

If it's someone you look up to, it hurts.

If it's something that's repeatedly said, you start to believe it.

If you physically fight with someone - someone wins, someone loses - it's over.

Verbal arguments always stick in your mind, because it's always in the back of your head wondering "Is that what this person really thinks of me?"

I remember a tv show....where the woman was trying to explain to 2 sisters why they shouldn't say the things that they do, to each other. She got out a tube of toothpaste....she said "squeeze a little bit out"...so they did...then she said "now, put it all back".......It's a lot harder to do that, isn't it? So basically, once the words are out, you can never really 'take it all back'.

It's harder to make words 'go away', so choose them carefully.

Michelle - posted on 08/15/2009

words hurt so much. My first love said to me after 3 years together "Michelle i just dont love you anymore" Ouch!!! Worst pain i have ever experianced, i would much rather of endured the sticks and stones.

Sarah - posted on 08/15/2009

To be honest, i think i'd rather someone smacked me round the face than said something cruel to me! Some things people have said to me in the past still echo around my mind, popping up at weird times and making me feel almost as bad as when they first said.

Maybe i'm just a bit sensitive, but i find people saying cruel and hurtful things to me a really traumatic experience.

You can't take words back once they've been said........and unfortunately for me i have a LONG memory! :)

Sharon - posted on 08/15/2009

I agree with most of the women here,



1. words can hurt when they come from someone you love & trust

2. words can't hurt if you don't let them.

ME - posted on 08/15/2009

I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for 3 years...Words can hurt very much!

Alison - posted on 08/15/2009

Words don't hurt if they are being said directly to me. It can hurt if words are being said about me or if words are portrying me in some way, but I am pretty thick skinned. Sometimes the truth hurts too, but sometimes I need to hear it. Even then I can take it and move on, but thats just me. So NO, words don't hurt me personally, but everyone id different.

Charlie - posted on 08/14/2009

Words hurt more than physical wounds they heal quickly but words .....
I know i have been through both and its the words that stick , some stick forever .

Traci - posted on 08/14/2009

Words only hurt if they come from someone you care about. Strangers on the internet, or even old friends on facebook, acquaintences, they could say just about anything to me and it wouldn't hurt my feelings-like I care what they think...but close friends and family, that would hurt.

Jeannette - posted on 08/14/2009

I read a book several years ago titled "Angry Black Man". In this book the author explains to black men that anger is derived to protect us from physical assault. He said that words do not make or change or affect them if it isn't allowed by the reciever.

Anger, in essence, is a defense for physical assault.

Anger takes a lot out of you and will hold you back from productive tasks.

Okay, words can and do hurt. I think men have the advantage here. I have cried at work because of something someone has said. My husband, brother, father, stepfather, father in law...have NEVER cried because of something a coworker or boss has said. They are not as emotionally invested in the acceptance of those people.

I also know that now I don't cry because of something someone has said to me. A male coworker once told me, "I would never give them that much power"...and it occured to me then, I have the power of how I percieve things.

Sooo....I am not perfect, but I try to think things through now.

Maybe so and so is having a bad day (this could be anybody from a coworker to the sales associate at Rue 21) maybe someone was a real jerk to this person today....I TRY to keep things like that in mind.

Hey, we had a waitress, being a real jerk, not caring....near the end of our dinner I finally asked,"having a bad day?" she teared up and said yes. Her husband wanted her to quit her job so she could stay home and have dinner ready for him every night! That was an eye opener for me. You never know....

Lindsay - posted on 08/14/2009

I think words hurt worse than sticks and stones. Of course words have more meaning when coming from someone close to you and that knows you well. They may have less impact from a stranger but they can still hurt or make you smile. Words are absolutely powerful....with meaning