Surrogacy

Becky - posted on 09/08/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I had TLC on TV today and "The Little Couple" was on. I don't usually watch it, but I was in the kitchen, so didn't bother changing the channel. Anyway, they are pursuing have a baby via surrogate, and it got me to thinking about surrogacy.
So I'm curious. If you were unable to conceive or carry a child, would you use a surrogate? Would you ever be a surrogate for anyone else?

Personally, I think surrogacy is a good option for some people. Certainly, for this couple, I can see why carrying their own child would not be a viable option! For me personally, I'm not sure I could use a surrogate. Unless maybe it was a family member or very close friend. I don't think I could trust someone who was a virtual stranger to me to care for my unborn child to my standards. Kinda the same way I won't let anyone but family babysit my children! Yes, I'm a bit neurotic that way! And if it was a family member or close friend, well, I'd be worried that it would make the relationship weird afterwards.
My husband and I weren't sure we'd be able to have children because I have PCOS. We never went into a lot of discussion about how far we'd go to try, because as it turned out, I got pregnant very easily, twice. But I don't think we would have pursued any fertility treatments, beyond possibly fertility drugs. We had discussed adoption, and that's still on the table for us to have a third, if I have trouble conceiving this time.
As far as being a surrogate, nope, I couldn't do it. I think it would be a wonderful gift, but not one I could give. Pregnancy does not agree with me. I'm sick and miserable for 9 months. There is no way I'm going through that and not keeping the baby at the end of it!

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Serena - posted on 09/11/2010

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After having my third child, I was informed by the doctor that I shouldn't have any more children due to complications with my daughter's birth. I'm lucky in the sense that this was my third and unexpected child, so we weren't planning on any more anyways (my husband has had a vasectomy) but if this were my first child, it would be different. I don't know if I could honestly let another carry my child because like others have stated before the whole "control" issue, but I guess that would have been a bridge to cross if I needed to.
But with that being said, I have seen the devestation firsthand with people trying to conceive and not being able to. Its heartbreaking, so in that sense I would have been on board to be a surrogate if the circumstances were right...

Mary - posted on 09/11/2010

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During all of my infertility stuff, I never considered using a surrogate. I would have adopted before going down that road, although I think my ex would have preferred that, since he did have a hang up about having a biological child (unfortunate for him, since it turns out the issue was his).

I'm too old, and my sister and sil's all have kids of their own, but if this was 10 years ago, and I was 'done' having my family, I would do it for a sibling. I would not do it for a random stranger, but I would do it for someone in my own family.

On a sidenote, I am beyond relieved that this couple chose the surrogacy route. Had she gotten pregnant on her own, she would have delivered at my hospital. Our chief perinatologist specializes in little people pregnancies, and this couple consulted with her when they were exploring their options. Had she gotten pregnant, she would have come up to Baltimore for the latter part of her pregnancy for her care and delivery...and that would have been an unholy nightmare, considering all the publicity and crap. Caring for these patients is difficult enough, because of all the challenges they present (we have done a larger percentage of these pregnancies because of Dr Rossiter's experiencewith them)...but having to deal with the TLC, and the hospital's PR department micromanaging L&D during that....*shudder* !

Brandy - posted on 09/10/2010

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I could use a surrogate if I had to. I also wouldn't mind being one as long as the egg came from somewhere else. I actually thought about signing up for it once since I seem to have an easy time carrying babies and delivering them and everything I saw on TV made me see that it paid well so I thought, why not? I can make a living by carrying babies for other people. lol. Then I did a little research and in Canada, it is illegal to charge for surrogacy and most of what I had seen on TV had been on American shows. I would still do it if asked though.

Tah - posted on 09/10/2010

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i would be a surrogate if someone needed me to be. As long as i was sure they were coming to pick the baby up and i could have a epidural...i would help out..i dont know about having someone carry one for me...my family is blessed that we are a group of fertile myrtles..my parents have 7 and my oldest 4 sisters are a year apart each...41, 40 38, 37....then 8 years later is me...i dont know what happened in between that time frame..one aunt has 10..and so on...but i think i would have tried adoption first....but if it came down to it and a family member or someone close could do it for me...i may have gone with it.

Lyndsay - posted on 09/10/2010

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I don't think I would ever use a surrogate. If I couldn't have children I would probably take that as a sign that I wasn't meant to, and just embrace my career (which is working with children) and possibly foster kids or adopt. I was really sick during my pregnancy and although I had a really short labor, it was very intense and pretty much traumatized me, so I don't think I could ever be a surrogate.

[deleted account]

No and No.

I would consider adoption before all other options if I couldn't have children naturally.
I also couldn't give away a child I carried, with all the tortures of pregnancy, away. I know I'd get attached to quick.

[deleted account]

I was in a situation where I seriously had to consider my options as I have PCOS and a blocked Falopian tube and my hubby has very very low fertility, so we were never going to be given an esay way to have babies.

We discussed our options very seriously and came to the conclusion that first we would explore the options set out by the NHS, I had a laproscopy and ovarian drilling, it was then to be followed by IVF and finally adoption. Luckily I fell pregnant a couple of months after my operation so the IVF and adoption were not necessary.

We discussed surrogacy and decided against it as if I could not carry OUR baby then we didn't want the stress of using a surrogate. We also felt that as there are so many children who need a family to love them and we fully intended to adopt 2 or 3 children (a sibling group preferably). We also decided that we would never use donated eggs or sperm because if our child could not be both of ours we would rather adopt. My BIL and SIL would have been surrogates for us had it been what we wanted/ needed, although we would have never have took them up on their offer.

I could never be a surrogate because if I get pregnant again that baby will be mine and I could never give it up.

Julie - posted on 09/10/2010

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I'm not sure I'd have someone be a surrogate FOR me. I think it mostly comes down to control.

I did, however, tell my sister that I would carry a baby for her after a pap came back questionable and she was flipping out about it. Everything turned out ok, but I think I would do it, if she asked and I was able to do so.

Interesting topic to see others' thoughts on ...

[deleted account]

I would definitely have considered surrogacy if I was unable to carry my own child but thankfully that is not an issue. As far as actually being a surrogate, I would for my best friend if she asked, because she is like a sister to me. But I couldn't do it for anyone else.

Jenni - posted on 09/09/2010

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I think i would go the way of adoption. If we couldn't get pregnant i would take it as a sign that my purpose in life is to give a child without a family a home.
I doubt i'd make a good surrogate, i think i'd get way too attatched to the little life fluttering in my tummy. I think if my sister couldn't have children of her own i'd probably consider it though.

Tara - posted on 09/09/2010

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Had I not been blessed with being super fertile I would have considered a family member as a surrogate before I considered adoption. It would have to be a friend or family member who I was close to and who was willing to share her pregnancy with me.
I would also be a surrogate but only for a close family member or very close friend, and only if I were going to be in that childs's life from the start. I would even go so far as to say I would pump and donate my milk to the new mom so that the baby could still benefit from the nutritional benefits if mom couldn't induce lactation through pumping.
I would never do it for money or for someone I didn't know intimately. But in the case of a family member or my best friend I would do it. Not because I'm altruistic but because I would want that other person to have the opportunity to have a child who is genetically their own, and I would be honoured that they asked me to be the vessel with which it is given the chance to grow.
:)

Shayla - posted on 09/09/2010

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After having my daughter, I dont think I would be able to use a surrogate.... you miss out on all the wonder of having that little person inside you and being able to see It move.....but if i could have a baby, I still wouldn't use a surrogate.

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2010

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i would consider being a surrogate for my brother and his wife, or one of my SIL's but if my husband and i found ourselves wanting more children and unable to conceive, i would rather adopt

Morgan - posted on 09/09/2010

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I feel the same way, I think its great but I could never do it, to go through all that then just hand the baby to someone else would be to hard for me.
its also scary to me the laws behind it, I saw on Dr phil once that the surrogate changed her mind and wouldent give up the babies :( that would be just horrible!!

[deleted account]

I was fortunate enough to be able to have my own children and I don't know...I probably would have considered suragacy because I would have wanted my husband to have his own biological children...but I doubt I would have been able to have a stranger have my kid!

I would be a surrogate for my family members no questions asked! My sister is taking medications that she should not get pregnant on and she NEEDS these meds so its looking like she probably won't have kids. I don't think this is something that bothers her ATM but if she ever changed her mind...in the next 7 yrs or so, I'd def be a surrogate for her! It wouldn't bother me to carry and deliver my neice or nephew because I would always be in their life regardless, they are family! I wouldn't view it as being MY kid either...MY neice/nephew sure, but NOT my kid!

Joanna - posted on 09/09/2010

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I would probably adopt before I'd use a surrogate, however I'm not against surrogacy in the least bit.

My very good friend is currently 15 weeks pregnant as the surrogate for an Australian woman. She was having a tough time financially as she's now a single mom (boyfriend cheated on her, stole and totaled her car, and just left her), so the money's helping her and her little girl tremendously, and she's giving a woman a biological child she's wanted for 44 years but could never have. That's a pretty awesome thing.

Sharon - posted on 09/09/2010

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I think when you are desperate & sad you'll accept other options you would never otherwise consider.

I'm with you about the pregnancy thing. Pregnancy was a miserable time for me. I was uber healthy before all my pregnancies and during the pregnancies I puked the entire time, was in so much pain, I didn't sleep worth a shit.

But if like say my brother & his wife wanted a baby but she couldn't carry a baby, I'd do it. It'd be weird but i'd do it.

Dana - posted on 09/09/2010

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I don't think I could use a surrogate but, I can have children so who knows what tune I would be singing if I couldn't. I would love to be a surrogate, to give someone something that they can't do themselves, to help someone experience the feeling of being a mother, priceless.

Petra - posted on 09/09/2010

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I definitely could not be a surrogate and if I was unable to have a child and really wanted one and could afford surrogacy costs, sure, I'd use one. But I hated being pregnant and childbirth is not something you could pay me to go through for someone else. If you are one of those women who enjoyed pregnancy and can go all zen during labour and are willing to go through this for a friend or because someone is paying you well for it, then I applaud you :-)

Tracey - posted on 09/09/2010

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I think its an option for people who can't have children. I couldn't be one as all my kids have special needs & one is disabled and I would not take the risk of giving another family a disabled child, but I loved being pregnant and had my children been OK I would consider having another woman's child.

Erin - posted on 09/09/2010

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I think surrogacy is amazing, and I'd love to be able to give that gift to someone. But I just don't think I could. Maybe it's because I know I still want more children one day (circumstances permitting). I know they recommend being a surrogate only once you have completed your family.

Stifler's - posted on 09/08/2010

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Children was a whatever happens thing for us, mainly because I was 20 when I got pregnant. Maybe I'd use a surrogate if it came down to me never having children and us really really wanting one. I'd be a surrogate if someone asked me. Depends who it was though.

[deleted account]

I'm on the same page as Jocelyn. I would CONSIDER using a surrogate but I don't think I could ever be one. Whether the child is biologically mine or not wouldn't matter......I don't understand how someone can carry a baby full term and not be attached. I admire women who can.

Jocelyn - posted on 09/08/2010

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I would consider using a surrogate, but I could never be one. I would give up a egg to someone in a heartbeat, but I couldn't carry a baby for 9 months and then just give it away (even though it wouldn't be biologically mine, if I carried it, it would be mine--if someone used my egg, and they carried it, it would be theirs)

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