Take my son, take me.

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I was reading a magazine article, i can't find a link to it so i will try to explain it.

A mother and her son were in a car crash.
The son was on life support, but nothing more could be done. The mother was ok.
The father and the son's big sister came to the hospital to say their goodbyes.
The father and the mother had a conversation where the father basically said that he didn't want the son to "go to Heaven on his own" he wanted to go with him.

After another conversation where the Mother said SHE should "go with him to Heaven" it was decided that the Father should as their daughter would need the Mother.

The Father then tried to commit suicide in the hospital, but was saved by doctors present.

The son's life support was switched off.

Some time after the funeral, the Father hanged himself.

The Mother, SUPPORTS his decision to take his own life to be with their son.

My thoughts on this are that it was incredibly cruel to the daughter, who has now lost a brother AND a father.
Also, if you're going to look at it from a Christian point of view (although the article didn't say what, if any, religion they were) surely the Father wouldn't get into Heaven as suicide is a sin.

Your thoughts?

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Sharon - posted on 03/06/2010

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Its so weird.

My daughter had her first migraine a year ago but at the time we had NO CLUE what was wrong. They tested for everything under the sun and her temperature wouldn't go down. The doctors were really concerned and from the hushed whispers in the hall something lethal was being discussed.

There was a part of me inside shrieking "NOOO she can't go alone! She's only 6yrs old!" I have tears pricking my eyes just remembering it. I had a nebulus idea of where she was going but I just knew she couldn't go alone. It was sooooo weird. I had both of my boys there with me. They were so scared. I didn't try to hold it together for them.. I just did. I didn't want to though.

Yes it was selfish. They didn't think things through. They've probably warped their daughter for life. As much as I wouldn't want to live if I lost a child, I would carry on and look for joy for the sake of my other kids.

Grief and fear does weird things. I know I seemed perfectly calm but I swear, inside I felt like a gibbering monkey scared to death.

What can the mother do now after the fact? If she admits it was wrong.... double the blow. Maybe triple in a way.

It was stupid and its sad neither of them was able to see beyond their grief to sanity.

ah and christians... catholics believe that suicides go to a limbo - neither heaven nor hell - and they can't be buried in consecrated ground.

To my knowledge its the only religion - of the main ones - with such a stance on a suicide. Most other christian religions make allowances for suicides and they're granted absolvence (is that the right word?) after death and allowed into heaven.

Lindsay - posted on 03/06/2010

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I think from a logical standpoint, it's very easy to say what he did was "wrong" or selfish. But, these parents were obviously not in a mindset to where they were thinking logically. They were thinking of their son and probably going through unimaginable grief and fear. I've never experienced the loss of a child and truly hope that I never am put in a place where I have to understand their thinking or reasoning. My heart aches for what their daughter has suffered as well as the mother in this case.



I have known people that have had to deal with the loss of a child suddenly or too soon. Not a single one of them reacted the same way. I had a close friend who passed away all too suddenly from an illness (originally thought to be the flu) during our freshman year in high school. Her mother and father didn't cope well and wound up pushing the blame on each other which eventually led to a nasty divorce. She has two other siblings who while grieving the loss of their sister also had to deal with parents that went from a great relationship to at each other's throats.



I had a cousin who took his own life. It was shocking and unexpected as he seemed to be very happy-go-lucky and self-confident. It was not a case with the typical warning signs. My aunt and uncle grieved the loss of their son but used it as a time to pull their family even closer and cherish each other. (And to Sharon....he was Catholic and was buried in a Catholic cemetary....I believe those "rules" have been laxed)



My point is that while I don't necessarily agree with the decision these parents made, it's not as black and white as it seems in a logical mindset. Mostly do to the fact that they were far from thinking logically at the time.....It's truly tragic.

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Dana - posted on 03/08/2010

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I think it's a horrible situation. Obviously these parents are in pain. Not everyone who believes in heaven also thinks that if you commit suicide you'll burn in hell. Maybe their thought of heaven is just a simple afterlife. I could see where you'd be so beside yourself with grief you wouldn't want your child to be alone in any after life. Was it wrong to leave the daughter with such a mess, yes I think so. Do I really want to judge someone in that position, no.

Lea - posted on 03/08/2010

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Thats literally insane. People have lots of reasons for wanting to commit suicide and apparently no matter the reason, they will lock you up and drug you. And, yeah it doesn't sound like they are Christian - why would their son need anything in heaven if he is with God? And yeah, theres the bit about committing suicide being a sin. The people are depressed or insane. It has nothing to do with being Christian.

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I can honestly say if i lost all my children i wouldnt want to carry on living but if even one remained i'd have to be strong for him and carry on. What a stupid man and how heartless to his remaining child. That poor kid is going to grow up thinking Daddy didnt care enough about me to stay alive.

Jocelyn - posted on 03/06/2010

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Esther I think you read my mind, that was exactly what I wanted to say!

I think it was totally and completely selfish and now that poor little girl has to live without a brother AND a father just because her parents didn't trust that their son was going to be ok to get to heaven by himself! Think about it...it's HEAVEN! It's not like you need directions or have to answer a skill testing question. But I don't believe in heaven, I believe in reincarnation and the fact that time isn't linear, so wouldn't that be the kicker if the son was already back on earth by the time the father got there?

Kimberly - posted on 03/06/2010

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Wow--heartbreaking story. Certainly the father should be here for his daughter and his wife. Clearly there were some issues there, besides the fact he was grieving. Do I think the father definitely went to hell? No, not necessarily. And does it matter if she supports his decision--he's already gone. Not to get into a religious debate--b/c they are not my favorite--but even if suicide is a sin, it doesn't mean you will go to hell if you commit this sin. Weren't we forgiven for our sins, and that's why we don't go to hell for sinning?? But anyway, I pray I never lose a child--the thought makes me sick. We never know how we would react in such an instance.

Patricia - posted on 03/06/2010

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And the sad part...the child really was never alone in the first place...someone led him there. I have heard of a similar story where a grandmother had the beginnings of Alzheimer and wanted her whole family there (heaven) before her, so one by one, she killed her entire family including her husband, her kids and even her grandchildren...I think that was very selfish of her as it was with the father in the above story.

Esther - posted on 03/06/2010

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I don't think this was a good decision either. I think they owed it to their daughter to be there for her. Both of them. That being said, I cannot even begin to fathom the grief someone must feel when they lose their child. I only have one and I don't think I would be able to go on if I lost him. Of course everyone thinks that and yet most people do go on after the loss of a child but I hope to never find out if I would be one of those people. I really do think my life would lose all meaning. As much as I love my husband and my family, there is nothing like the love I feel for my son. So I find it hard to judge these people. They were struck by the worst thing imaginable to me and they did what they felt they needed to do. I personally think that God wouldn't condemn them for it either. Not if he's a loving God.

Tah - posted on 03/06/2010

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I am a christian, i believe in GOD and his word and that what he says in his word is true, I believe it because I have faith and I try not to twist his word because it doesn't fit with what I want to do in my life as I am made of flesh and the flesh will mislead you. Okay with that being said..some people may say he went to hell for what he did, the problem is in the bible it says that some we think are going to heaven may not make it and vice versa. We never know what happened in his last moments, did he repent, did he ask for forgiveness. Who knows, I went to catholic school and we learned about purgatory, but being baptist it isn't apart of what i believe(not turning this into a debate and not knocking what anybody else believes) the bible says "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" so just because he killed himself doesn't automatically mean he's in hell..



Now do i agree with what he did..absolutely Not....Heaven is not somewhere that if someone goes that would need a chaperone, it is not billy's house, the park or a scout camping trip, There are mansions and streets of gold, angels and the best thing there is God. It is a place where there is no suffereing and you recieve a new body, he didn't take that body that needed life support with him, uncle Joe didnt take that body that needed dialysis and was riddled with pain with him.



The ones who are hurting and grieving are us left behind, of course those who die, in most cases dont want to leave us behind,. It is us that need the comfort and I believe that in their grief they may not have seen the big picture and have made a decision that if talked out in with a pastor or fellow christian some things that they may not have been able to see for the trees because they were in the forest, could have been better explained to them.



Now look at this little girl, she has only her mom and she is probably as confused and hurt as she could ever be. That is who i really feel sorry for. You never know what's in someones heart.

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2010

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I agree with you ladies! I thought it was SO selfish of the Father!
I think suicide is a really selfish act anyway to be honest. To put that young girl through 2 traumatic deaths is just unthinkable to me.

Jess - posted on 03/06/2010

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Hmm well I think thats just silly ! Heaven is meant to be a wonderful beautiful place where you don't miss people. Their little boy didn't need to be escorted there ! And from a Christian stand point, the father definatly went to hell. But I'm guessing they weren't Christian's, otherwise they would have known that God was with their baby boy !

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