Telling a baby no

Jennifer - posted on 05/10/2011

i think at that age, its a little early, my son is going on 9 months old and i just started telling him no, to things like pulling grammas table cloth onto the floor, as she has things like a vase with flowers on it, but i dont yell it to him, i just simply say no, and move his hand away from wat he wants to grab, but then again he is going on 9 monhts old next week, so at the age my son is at i think its appropiate, but at the age your asking about, ppl would ne nuts to think they should start telling them no, i mean the poor little things can barely understand the concept of normal things, such as feedings and baths, let alone wat disipline is!! well thats just my thoughts, if anyone wants to contest them, please let me know and we can discuss this matter futher, i would really appreciate knowing others veiws on the matter that may be oposite of mine :)

Krissy - posted on 05/08/2011

Baby luggage!!! LOL!!! I love it!!!

Ok, I have my kids in military academy by 5 months... shoot, if they aren't sucking all the meat off the chicken bones, they need to go and get a job so they can pay for their own dang chicken!!! LOL!

kidding...

I don't think you mean just saying "No" in normal conversation and just gently removing their hand from your hair.... I think you mean actual sharp talk, discipline style "NO, NO..Don't DO that." or more...

I don't discipline until they do things intentionally... no matter how young, if they CONTROL their bodies to hit you, yeah, they need a negative reinforcement (age appropriate of course)... but there's no WAY a child under at least 6-7 months would fall in that possible category, and each kid is different... some are completely unaware of their own actions for longer than others.

Ashley=) - posted on 05/07/2011

I agree Jennifer..if you have a child who is that advanced at 2mths.It continues as the grow.My daughter is 6 and reading well beyond her age.Shes top of her class.My second said hi ya just turning 4mths..Her godmother nearly choked on her coffee..she is a childcare worker and tells everybody that story.lol.:-)



If i were to tell her that before hand she would of thought i was crazy, as i told her a lot of what my first did.Until she saw my daughter do those things.She honestly said i did not believe you.Fair enough.If they can amaze doctors then i guess its normal for anyone else to be a bit skeptical until the wittness it.

Jennifer - posted on 05/07/2011

Yeah, both of my daughters could lift their heads from the time they were born. I had taken a pic of my firstborn holding her head up and herself back to look at me. I didn't think too much of it lol although I often heard they shouldn't be able to do that. My firstborn was rolling to her side in the hospital. My second born caught the attention of the nurses when she fought them to get her footprint lol. A few days later she managed to roll herself over. They both were really strong at birth, the second was trying to upstage her sister lol.
As I mentioned before, one of my friend's children (the girl of the three) was WALKing by 5 months and could do some signs around 4 months.
Her first born son is now 5 and reads at the level of a 4th/5th grader.
If children can learn to recognize written words before they even turn one, why wouldn't it be possible for one to sign at 2 months?

Ashley=) - posted on 05/07/2011

You can always teach a baby positively.My second would pull my hair, everybody's hair or pinch them from 4mths.I told her no along with facial expression.I love my children and i will always teach them positively , calmly and lovingly to not do things.It has always worked.Babies are a lot more clever than some may think.



As regards what a baby can do.I have been told since my first was born she has excellent strength and advanced development.Not just by others i was around but by doctors and health professionals.She was trying to pull herself up at 2&half mths.She was sitting at 3&half mths.She could lift her head at birth.That's when i was told she was a strong little one.

She developed so fast.Her speech etc was excellent at just 9mths of age.At a level a child of over one would be at..if that.She was reaching, grabbing, holding things, rolling at 3mths.I could go on.



What i am saying is all babys are different.My baby (first)amazed my doctor so many babys out there are the same, so who are we to say a child of 2mths can't sign etc.I got that crap, from the people who could not believe it, as there kids could not do it.Well my daughter is not your kid so get over it lol.

For making out i was a crazy mother, the look on there face was priceless when the saw my daughter.:-P

Casey - posted on 05/06/2011

I get what your saying cause theres not much "naughty stuff" a 3 months old baby can do on purpose but I am pretty sure I did actually tell my son no from a really early age I guess I didn't really expect him to understand what no ment but I think they understand the tone more then anything and so long as your not yelling at the baby or scaring it then there is nothing wrong with starting the old "no" early at least by the time they do start to understand they'll already have some sort of concept of the meaning behind the word.

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2011

I didn't say at 6 months, I said by the time she was, meaning some time before. She was walking by 6 months, too, but knew some signs prior to walking or even crawling....she started crawling around....4 1/2 months. All I'm saying it isn't neccessarily impossible.

And the only time either one of my babies did anything remotely resembling that sign for "more" was if someone suddenly startled them! And that was when they were newborns. As for crossing their arms? My 5 yr. old didn't start doing that until much later and my 19 1/2 month old has not done it yet! I don't know about that. Crossing ones arms and making circles on ones chest aren't what I would consider normal motions for an infant. It's not even normal motions for ME. Yeah, I cross my arms now, but it is something we learn to do....
Anyways, I'm sure it is possible in some babies, not all, but in some, sure.

Liz - posted on 05/05/2011

"My friend's daughter started signing at two months. Her sign for more was to open both hands as wide as she could and fling her arms out to the side. To indicate her toy she crossed her arms. She didn't learn thank you until six months, though (making a circle on her chest with her hand)."



My baby does/has done all these things. Even before we started to teach him signs. These are very normal baby motions, and I would bet you that most of the moms reading this thread would tell you their babies made these motions, whether they were taught signs or not.



Also, that's not remotely close to the sign for "more."



Jennifer -- 6 months is very different from 2 months, and yes that baby is very advanced.

Jane - posted on 05/05/2011

If you folks would read the research papers you would see that some children at two months can indeed do these things.

BTW:

" Moro Reflex (Startle Reflex): When you fail to support or hold the neck and head, the arms of your baby will thrust outward and then seem to embrace them selves as their fingers curl. This reflex disappears at about 2 months of age. It is also known as the startle reflex."

Other reflexes tend to be around longer. Note the use of the word "tend." Babies are individuals and develop on their own pace, On average babies do certain things at certain times, but for every average child there is an advanced child and a delayed child.

Shannen - posted on 05/05/2011

At 2 months babies still have the startle reflex. They have little to no awareness of their body.

Kate CP - posted on 05/05/2011

"... Her sign for more was to open both hands as wide as she could and fling her arms out to the side..."

Uh...babies do that all the time any way. My son does that at 3 months and I've never taught him sign language. Sorry, but I don't think 2 two month old has enough awareness of their limbs to consistently sign something.

Jane - posted on 05/05/2011

Elizabeth - My friend's daughter started signing at two months. Her sign for more was to open both hands as wide as she could and fling her arms out to the side. To indicate her toy she crossed her arms. She didn't learn thank you until six months, though (making a circle on her chest with her hand).

And as to eyesight, yes, most babies have poor eyesight. However, my daughter was born with a congenital cataract so we had to go see a pediatric opthalmalogist when she was six weeks old, He informed me that no matter what "everybody" says. my daughter could see quite well even at that early age. Because she could see clearly about 10 feet there was no holding her back once she figured out how to roll over to things she could see.

And I didn't make up the two-month number. It is cited in scientific studies of infants.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

Elizabeth--I have a friend whose 3 children go to day care and her middle child is coming up on 15 1/2 months. She could sign a few words by the time she was six months. (This particular one also walked by the time she was six months! Even though it's shocking, it's still true. She did, and people didn't believe she was so young because she was also tall for her age.) And so could her son who is now 5. Her youngest has just started to go to the same day care and I'd expect he'll probably do the same.

Kimberly - posted on 05/05/2011

well i will tell you i didnt start until my son was 5 months old i can see repition, not saying no in a harsh tone or making them try to understand no but i do know you softly repeat the word no you can teach them earlier in life what the word no means. but at 3 months no they dont understand. we cant say the word no and think they will stop what they are doing, but over time they will. i dont think its bad to start at this age if you are saying it gently and not expecting anything to come of it for a long time

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

I do agree with Jane. Babies and young children in general are often capable of much more than what we give them credit for. I have two children, the younger of the two is 19 1/2 months now. When she was 3 months I DID use the word, "No," as well as talking to her like she was an adult. I didn't expect her to understand half of what I was saying, the point for me wasn't necessarily for discipline, it was for her to hear words and start to associate things with it. An example would be, like the rest, hair pulling. If she pulled my hair or her sisters hair, "No no no, let go of (or don't pull) your sister's hair," while shaking my head "no" and untangling it. By 3 months, because she heard me say this so often, if she started crying for a bottle and I would tell her, "Wait, mommy has to get your bottle," she would stop crying. Possibly around 4 or 5 months she started saying, "Baba," her attempt at "bottle." By 6 months I could tell she understood certain things. This is also around the age she started saying, "What's that?" It wasn't perfect, but it was similar and she would ask it often. After you would tell her what it was she would more often than not point to something else and ask, "What's that?" By the age of maybe 8 months she started shaking her head at me when she didn't want to be picked up or didn't want to come out of the wagon, etc. Shortly thereafter she started verbally telling me no. By 8 months I could also tell that she was doing some things on PURPOSE, such as hitting her sister. This observation was what made me decide it was time to start disciplining her and she doesn't do it that much anymore. They're sisters and still children after all, so to expect it to stop all together is just praying for a miracle. One of the first things she learned was, "Thank you." "Thank you" and "Please" were included in both of my childrens first vocabulary words, followed by, "Juice, please." Now she's starting to learn, "Please may I have juice?" I've been prompting at first, of course. She's heard it word for word so often that she's already starting to string two words together at a time to this request. Now, coming up on 20 months, she understands a LOT and I can actually hold a small conversation with her depending on what is being said, naturally. She can tell me she wants to go or go outside, she wants juice, to eat, or to play. She can also say when she wants to go to sleep and very rarely she will tell me when she has to use the bathroom (her potty training is still in progress but she's told me when she had to go before and gone so I know she can tell when she has to go it's just as matter of her consistantly saying so).
LOL sorry I've rambled on so much. You know how it is. Us mothers can talk forever about our children....

Liz - posted on 05/05/2011

No way has a 2 month old baby ever signed "more" and "toy." Have you seen the sign for "more"? No 2 month old has the motor skills -- or the cognitive ability to understand cause and effect. More importantly, they don't have the EYE SIGHT to see signs!



A 6 month old starting to sign back at you would be incredibly early and advanced. It usually starts after 8 months. (The baby may understand the signing you do -- associate the sign for "bath" with his bath, for instance -- but I mean, signing himself.)

Jane - posted on 05/05/2011

I think a lot of you folks are vastly underrating your baby's abilities. While a baby may not know the definition of no as a word, a baby quickly is able to associate the sound no with mommy stopping him from doing something. As I said, babies have been able to start signing for simple things as early as two months, such as "more" or "toy."

Vera - posted on 05/05/2011

They don’t know the meaning behind the word or to them the noise – and I truly believe parents do it out of habit more than anything. I don’t think they will be a delinquent if you don’t tell them “no” at 3-6 months of age. I didn’t tell my daughter no until she was about 9 or 10 months old. As a funny…

In training dogs (though kids aren’t dogs but behavior is so very similar so many ways!) you aren’t supposed to use the word “no” because they hear it all day long and get it confused.

Hey honey do want a cup of coffee – no.. . want to watch the news.. no – so they find it is ineffective and encourage the sound “eh-heh” (I don’t know how to spell it) in a stern moderate tone voice.

Since taking my dog to dog training I found I don’t say no but out of habit I usually make the eh–heh noise…. I’m such a dork – ha ha ha.

Makes me think though my little Punkin is now 14 months and if I ask her something she doesn’t want to do or like she will say ehhh – I have to laugh about this because I don’t tell her no and she still gets it – the meaning behind the noise. She won’t be a delinquent either (well I hope – like every parent!)

Elfrieda - posted on 05/05/2011

I don't think it's crazy. I started telling my baby "no" as soon as he was able to grab my glasses. That was probably around 3 months. I didn't expect him to understand right away, but the sooner he stops the better, in my opinion. I always batted his hand away if he reached for them (not swatted it, just sort of deflected it) so that no matter how he grabbed, he just never managed to get hold of those sparkly beauties! :) Eventually he seemed to give up, and just admired them from afar like he did with ceiling fans and lightbulbs.



I think 8 months is when he began to learn things like "gentle". We taught him the right way to pet the cat, and to gently touch another baby instead of poking it in the eye. Usually he didn't remember, but sometimes he was gentle! He's 16 months now, and it's switched around. Usually he's gentle (or intends to be - he thinks that a kiss is a headbutt), but sometimes he still gets carried away. I normally punish him by taking the plant, baby, or animal away, removing him from the situation, or by forcing him (by holding his hand, which he HATES) to gently touch. I'm explaining it to him as I go, of course.

Alexis - posted on 05/05/2011

I agree that a 3 month old wouldnt understand why or even the word No and using it at that age is almost pointless, but I also don't think its bad to say the word No either. I don't really think it wold harm or help at that age, its more of the emotions that the baby picks up on that you are either happy or not with their action, but even then they are still learning motor skills and so something like pulling hair is simply them learning or reacting to a new touch.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/05/2011

"no" is used more reactive than anything in most cases I think.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/05/2011

I know some parents that will not use the word "no" at all. I think that is silly. I use the word no with my one year old.....she is starting to get it. I think when they are months old, saying no is more just a reaction to undesirable behavior, and parents can't really expect for them to start understanding the word.

Ange - posted on 05/05/2011

telling a 3 - 4 month old baby no is like talking to a wall pointless.... they do not know any better..... Now I know I have probably said no no to my infant when he was 3-4 months but I definitly didn't expect anything from it..... and he loved it as he would laugh when we did cause we did it in a funny way.... Communication is definitly a hugh thing for them so ya I talk to him all the time when I am doing things and we have recently just started using no alittle more firmly but not real serious as he is still 9 months

Stephanie - posted on 05/05/2011

No problem. I just edited what I said bc I left a few key words out lol.

Jodi - posted on 05/05/2011

Thanks Stephanie.

Stephanie - posted on 05/05/2011

Jodi- I sent you a pm.

Stephanie - posted on 05/05/2011

Jodi- I found her...sort of. I spoke with her mom a few minutes and she's ok. She's ok...no biggy. : )



Edit to add a word...forgot to put "and she's" before ok lol.

Jodi - posted on 05/05/2011

"Where did Mel go??? She's disappeared! "

No idea...maybe she felt the need to take a break? I certainly can't see anything that would have caused it, but then, I don't open ever thread and read every post. Someone may know.

Tara - posted on 05/05/2011

Well telling a baby no and expecting them to stop doing what they are doing is just ignorant. Telling a baby no, gently while untangling his sisters hair from his tiny fist is not stupid but on the same hand isn't necessary at that age. But done in a normal tone of voice with the action of removing the item etc. is not going to harm a baby. Yelling "NO" at a baby is going to just startle them.
So either or, say it in a gentle way and act accordingly or don't say it and act accordingly, it doesn't really matter.

Cyndel - posted on 05/05/2011

I don't see a problem with it. There is a difference between simply talking to your baby and reponding to their actions, saying 'no' gently with a smile while untangling a little fist from hair. Discipline is different, this is WAY to young to think of discipline. But just saying no? Nah, just don't expect them to understand or respond any more then they do when you talk to them about what your getting daddy for his birthday.

Stephanie - posted on 05/05/2011

Where did Mel go??? She's disappeared!



EDIT TO ADD:



Nevermind! Found her! : )

Jen - posted on 05/05/2011

That's a good point. I don't think there's a mother out there who wants to believe that when she cooes, 'I love you" to her squirmy little bundle that the bundle understands her and loves her back. It's the same thing.

Cathy - posted on 05/05/2011

What Jen said!

It's natural for me to talk to my children even when they were only teeny weeny babies. They no more understood me telling them how much I loved them than they did me saying "no" when my hair was being ripped out. I didn't expect them to.
Do you think my baby cared about Mummy using a little negative word when he didn't understand it? He was more likely to read my emotional state, he'd have got that without the word. If at a later time he begins to associate the word no with negative behaviors then so what?

According to this asinine logic we should never talk to our children before they reach x age. They either understand or they don't. Who cares? It's just a little word and isn't going to irreparably damage their psyches unless the mother is stupid enough to believe that they do understand.

Nicola - posted on 05/04/2011

Far Far Far too young - I personally think these people are a little bit crazy if they think that a 3 month old is going to understand the word NO lol

Jodi - posted on 05/04/2011

Hmmm.....is the baby understanding the word no and that is why they will learn? Or is the baby understanding the actions (taking the hair/breast away) and that is why they are learning. I suspect it is the action that is doing the teaching. THEN comes the word association. But the word is unnecessary for the baby to learn the lesson.

Mel - posted on 05/04/2011

I understand talking to your baby, but not speaking in a bad tone not at that age. My daughter is 9 months and maybe a month ago I started saying nicely when she did those things nappy changes pulling hair etc, no Paige dont do that, but I smile when I say it she thinks its funny, but I just I guess maybe hoping she will connect the word eventually

Jane - posted on 05/04/2011

I still say that when a baby does something such as pulling hair you should say no and gently remove your hair from their hands. Ditto if you are breast feeding and your baby decides to try out newly acquired teeth. Say no and stop them. Even though gentle, the baby will begin to understand that no means stop what you are doing. You won't get instant compliance but your baby will learn.

Stifler's - posted on 05/04/2011

I talked to my baby all day long but when he started playing with stuff he shouldn't be I just put it away or moved it or gave him something else, he didn't understand.

Johnny - posted on 05/04/2011

There is an enormous difference between talking to a baby and expecting them to understand everything you are saying. It is a learning process. Infants have an incredibly steep curve. But the difference between a 3 month old and a 6 month old is huge. I talked to my daughter since she was conceived. She said her first words early and is very well spoken for a 2 1/2 year old. She surprises people frequently. But the idea that she was able to understand discipline at the age of 3 months is just ludicrous. Of course we can gently show them what we want them not to do, but to expect "obedience" is just dumb.

Kate CP - posted on 05/04/2011

Nobody is saying to not talk to your babies. Crimminy. I talk to my kids all the time and my son is 3 months old. But saying "No!" to a 3 month old baby and expecting them to "get it" is stupid.

Jane - posted on 05/04/2011

Actually, you SHOULD talk to your babies, including using the word no when it is appropriate. Babies are designed to soak up information like little sponges so make it available.

I talked to my babies as if they were "real people" starting as soon as I met them. I didn't yell or anything but I asked questions and pointed things out and said no when they did something I didn't want them to do. Maybe they had no interest in what I was saying, but my kids both talked early.

My daughter said "Duck" and waved at her plastic tub toy when she was 6 months old, and at 7 months said "No, no, no, Mama, up!" when the doctor tried to take a rectal temp. I thought the poor man had broken his neck because he turned around so quickly. My son didn't talk until 11 months but his first word was hamburger, even before he said Mama. Even now, both of my kids are well above grade level in word recognition.

Various experts agree that even the youngest babies are learning language even while they are still learning how to operate their bodies. A summary of what they think can be found at http://www.ivillage.com/baby-talk-8-easy... .

It isn't crazy to talk to your baby, including saying no when they do something you don't like. Babies start learning even before they are born, so talk to them!

Interestingly enough, babies who are still too young to have control of their mouth muscles for speaking can be taught to use sign language. While most seem to have the motor control to use signing to communicate at around 6 months, there are examples of babies as young as two months using signs to communicate simple things such as "hungry" and "toy."

I take care of the babies at church and several of them have been taught signing by their parents. It is amazing what babies can communicate once they have some way to do it.

So do talk to your babies. If they pull hair, tell them no or ouch. Point out interesting things and name them. Tell your baby what you are doing. It will help them develop that much sooner.

Jessica - posted on 05/04/2011

Well I'm glad I'm not totally crazy then! And yeah, I can totally understand saying it "in conversation." If that's what we're talking about, then I'm sure I have said no to my baby. "No its ok, you don't have to cry like that." etc. I talk to my baby all the time! But I certainly don't expect him to understand what I am saying yet, and it doesn't sound like you guys would either. These ladies though, evidently tell their babies no like it means something to them, with the intent to try and teach them something. Silly and pointless, imo!

I can understand starting to use no, setting limits, redirection, etc closer to a year. By that point they actually CAN start to understand, know cause and effect, are mobile and so it makes sense to start then. But even then I wouldn't expect a 10 month old to "get it" right away!

Jen - posted on 05/04/2011

Shannen, I used to tell my prego belly all the time that he could stop the kidney kicking any time.

Bonnie - posted on 05/04/2011

I think it is great that you did Shannen!

Shannen - posted on 05/04/2011

From the time my babies were conceived i was talking to them. Even when they were in the womb and kicking or in an uncomfortable position i would say " do you have to do that, can't you move just a little" as i was poking them to try and get them to move. I wasn't doing it for them to do what i was asking, I don't even know why i did it but i did with all 3. Should i have not bothered?

Bonnie - posted on 05/04/2011

Yes i'm pretty sure I said no to my boys when they were babies, but obviously not in a way of trying to discipline them or anything. That's ridiculous. I use to talk to them when they were newborns as if I was having a conversation with a 5 year old kid. Again, obviously not expecting responses from them, but I found out it is good for them not just to hear your voice.

Jen - posted on 05/04/2011

I don't expect anything from them. When I would describe the recipe I was cooking to my son and how I cooked it, was I doing wrong? Was I just wasting my time? No, it was verbal communication.

Karen - posted on 05/04/2011

Yikes! We start using the word "no" at a young age (7-8mo, maybe?) but cannot imagine using it at 3-4mo! That is just crazy.

Kate CP - posted on 05/04/2011

Wait...isn't a 3 month old basically baby luggage? I mean, that's what mine is. I can put him down and he's right where I left him when I come back. Yea, he pulls on my hair, scratches me, head butts me...but he's a baby who can't even control his arms and legs yet.

People have to stop expecting so much from young infants. Like a spoiled 8 month old. Rubbish.

Jodi - posted on 05/04/2011

I just tied my hair back...problem solved. Telling my 3-4 month old no is pretty pointless. If I had a problem with it, I changed what *I* was doing. Common sense.