The favorite child

Arminda - posted on 08/01/2011

I think we as mothers will never have anyone considered as favorite. But as a daughter, I believe I'm not my mom's or my parents' fave.. But guess what... my sisters think they're not the fave either. So the point is, it really is up to the kids how they look into it. It may appear to them that one is favored simply because that kid is much sweeter than the others. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he/she is the favorite. It just happen to be that the kid is sweeter to the mother than the other. So it is important as a mother to balance this. Of course when your kid cuddles you or gives you a kiss, you feel so much joy, and when the sibling is looking at the two of you enjoying the moment of sweetness, i can be concluded that she's the favorite. So the big step should be with the parents for them not to be LESS loved. Because after all, we lov them all!

ME - posted on 08/01/2011

I agree with what some of the other ladies have said...My kids are both awesome and I love them both to pieces, but there are some things about each of them that I like better than the other one...They are 3 and 18 months tho, and I'm sure it will change in the future. Mayah is the sweetest baby ever, I love to snuggle with her. She sleeps like a champ, she eats well, and she's very easy-going. Miles was a good baby, but not as good as her. He, however, has the most interesting things to say...I LOVE talking to him and teaching him things. When she's sleeping in the evening, Miles and I have a blast together watching nature documentaries and talking about the things we are learning...or reading books, or playing pretend...I can't imagine that I'll ever love one more than the other...

Sylvia - posted on 08/01/2011

I can't really answer this for myself because, alas, I've only got one, so she is obviously my favourite ;)

My family has four kids who share a father but have different mothers. (My dad was married four times, and had kids with wives #2 and #3.) I don't know my sister and older brother's mom well enough to make any judgements; my mom I wouldn't say *consciously* favoured either of us, but I am a lot like her and my little brother, not so much, so there are certainly differences in how we relate to her and she to us. When we were growing up he felt that our mom liked me better because I was the "good" kid, whereas I felt he was favoured because he was the baby. What are you gonna do? I think this kind of thing happens in most families -- kids are different, and like it or not, when you have your second or third or fourth child you are not exactly the same person you were when you had your first. You'll be more relaxed about a lot of things, more wary about other things that didn't occur to you the first time round.

My dad on the other hand ... he played favourites. He did it quite openly and sometimes, I think, with malice aforethought -- often as a way of getting back at one of his exes for something he imagined she'd done. Of the four of us, my sister was the most consistent favourite, but even she came under fire when she went back to work after having her last baby ("Babies need their mothers." "Yes, dad, but babies also need health insurance."). My dad paid child support to my older siblings through grad school; I was cut off when I graduated high school, and my little brother, who was, um, taking a break from school at that point, the day he turned 18. Why? My dad was angry at my mom for ... who the heck knows? For a number of years he waged an active campaign to drive a wedge between my younger brother and me, to the point where my brother, who was no older than maybe 12 at the time, raised the issue with my mom because dad's behaviour toward me was making him so uncomfortable.

This kind of thing is poisonous. My dad's behaviour didn't ultimately have the intended effect -- in that my siblings and I don't hate each other, nor did we continue as young adults and adults to compete for his affection -- but it had the unintended consequence of very effectively alienating him from all of us (my sister less so, but even her by the end of his life). You can't play your kids against each other and expect to have a decent relationship with any of them in the long term.

But it's also pretty rare, I think. The vast majority of parents may not treat all their kids exactly the same, but do love them the same and parent them all the best they can.

Sonya Maree - posted on 08/01/2011

You will have different favorites at different times, different ages and different stages but in the end the relationship you have with your children isn't like any other relationship that you have with anybody else... it doesn't rely on having a connection because it has a connection built in. There will be times when you will look at one or the other of them and wonder if an alien secretly replaced your perfect baby with a demon child of a toddler or your wonderful and respectful child with a demon spawn of a teen but don't worry, in the end every one of them will annoy you, will make you proud, will make you crack up and will make you cry, but you really will love them all the same AND your favorite will change on a daily basis, depending on who is annoying you the least that day.

Tara - posted on 07/26/2011

I don't really have a favourite child but I do favour different children out of my six on any given day, more particularly during certain phases, for instance my now 15 year old was my favourite baby up until Riley (he's the worlds best). But Devin was happy, slept great, was easily entertained, potty trained etc. so he was my favourite baby. Now he is my least favourite child on a day to day basis. I still love him the same amount as I love all my children, but favoured? Nope.
I do have more in common with some of my kids than I do with others though, we just click better, the dialogue comes easier, the connection is different. But that doesn't mean I favour them over other ones, it just means they have more of my traits and personalities than others do, the same way as siblings they don't love each other less but some get along better than others.
So yeah, I have favourites but only a day to day basis based on what's going on. lol
Right now Riley is my favourite giggler.
:)

Marisa - posted on 07/26/2011

I love all three of my boys the same.

April - posted on 07/25/2011

i don't know about a favorite child, well, I only have one right now, but so far 1 has been my favorite age. I am not loving the terrible two' s. I am praying 3 is more fun. The potty training and the temper tantrums are realllly get to me some days. All I can do is look to the next day and hope that one is better.

Ashley=) - posted on 07/19/2011

There both our favourite.Our daughters are our world both unique but both loved by daddy& myself the same.We honour there difference in personality but don't treat them any different in how we raise them, love them, treat them etc.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/19/2011

My son was my favorite baby so far. So much easier than my 15 month old. But she is so smart and curious. He was laid back...she is more of a handful...he just did what you told him. As far as either being a true favorite? No.,..not yet at least ;)

Mary - posted on 07/19/2011

Yes, Charlie is one of my dogs =) And yes, I do feel guilty that I "like" him better than the other one, and some days, more than my toddler!

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/19/2011

Hold on.....it's a dog right? :) I just figured that one out!

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/19/2011

Hold on.....it's a dog right? :) I just figured that one out!

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/19/2011

Wait he was potty trained and could wipe his butt at 9 months?

Mary - posted on 07/19/2011

I have a favorite child. His name is Charlie. He was 9 months old when I adopted him. From day one, he has been a sweet, lovable, and easygoing boy.

He always, always listens to what I say, and never talks back, tells me "No way!", or my current favorite "But...why?".

He always eats whatever I feed him, in it's entirety. There are no complaints about not liking "it" (especially when "it" was your favorite only yesterday). He does not make a mess when he eats; in fact, he will even go back and make sure that no one else has left any crumbs on the floor.

As long as no one else in the household disturbs him, he will sleep through the night without so much as a peep. In fact, he will not even think about getting out of the bed until he hears me flush the toilet.

If I just want to read a book, or watch TV, he is perfectly content to simply curl up beside me and snuggle. He could care less about what we watch - Elmo, Dora, Grey's Anatomy or True Blood - it's all the same to him.

He is always both ready to go, and enthusiastic, whenever I am. There is no drama about needing to find his ____ before he can even consider walking out the door. He does not fight with me about wanting to wear snow boots in summer, or his flips in the winter.

He came into my life potty trained. He has never needed me to wipe his butt, has never peed on my bed, and, if pushed, can even hold his bladder for up to 18 hours.

Yep - he really is the perfect child. Is it any wonder I like him best?

Rosie - posted on 07/19/2011

i don't think they do, they havn't mentioned it if they do. i doubt they do though because i don't treat him like a favorite. he gets the same rules as the other ones, he does have age appropriate punishments and chores. sometimes they gripe about him not having to do as many chores or whatever as they do, but i remind them that at age 4 they did LESS than lucas does now. and of course his chores and punishments will increase with age as well. my oldest is 11 and he's the one that usually gripes the most about it. my 6 year old doesn't seem to feel theres much difference most of the time.

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/19/2011

Do your kids think he's the favorite?
Is it obvious or is it just that he gives you the least trouble

Rosie - posted on 07/19/2011

yes i have a favorite child, but i love them all the same. i just think my lucas is sweeter and more easygoing than my other two. of course that could change too with age. so far he has been the easiest of my 3.

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/19/2011

Haha I'm not really looking forward to the teen years and it seems the teen attitudes kick in earlier these days :) ah well it's a while off yet.
It is weird how much your kids can annoy you but when they aren't there all you want is to have them back!

Teresa - posted on 07/19/2011

Laura... 9.5 days now (they come in a week from Thursday... in the evening)! I hate it. I LOVE breaks from my kids, but I like the breaks that are a few hours up to a couple of days long. Four weeks is just crazy long! Thankfully I don't have to do THAT again til next summer....

And yes, two 9 year old girls... LOADS of 'fun' attitude. It's attitude I MISS right now, but I know I'll be complaining about it shortly after their return.lol

Jenn - posted on 07/19/2011

I honestly think it goes by their current stage. Right now, my 4 year old is an emotional roller coaster while my 7 year old is sweet and likes me again. Six months ago, my 4 year old was cuddly and adorable while my then 6 year old was little miss pre-teen. In all seriousness, I'm very aware that parents pick favorites, often without even meaning to. My oldest is just like her dad which means she can be intense, a brilliant literal thinker, emotional and stubborn. My youngest is most like me which means she can be moody, uber sensitive and worries about everyone constantly. I try to remember that my children are indiviuals, even if they favor one of us...and then I try to build a relationship with them based on that. It is hard sometimes! My husband was just saying the other day how he doesn't have a connection with our youngest yet and he's really going to make an effort to do so.

My siblings think I'm the favorite but I'm pretty sure my spoiled rotten little brother is :P

Stifler's - posted on 07/18/2011

I secretly think Logan is much cuter than Renae. But neither is my favourite.

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/18/2011

Teresa, I've been meaning to ask, when do you get your kids back? And how are you managing without them? I keep thinking about you and praying that you're doing ok without your sweeties :)

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/18/2011

Lovely, well erics only 2 so I'll enjoyusing the happy voice while I can :)
When he wants something and is whining I'll repeat no whining no crying use happy voice! Until he stops whining. It takes a while and he usually gets a bit mad before he gives in but me saying the high pitched happy voice usually makes him laugh eventually and then the sun shines through again!
I'm worried about having 'kids' babies I'm a pro at, toddlers I seem to be doing fine, but kids scare me. Lol I'm worried I won't *like* them cuz I usually hate other people's kids! They talk so much about stupid stuff and ask dumb questions they already know the answers to and always want to show you their new stuff and tricks.
Ugh Im so sick of my niece :) she's 10 and she can talk for ever about nothing!

Shannen - posted on 07/18/2011

He isn't 3 until saturday but this attitude has been going on for around 4 months now. Stubborn sooking.
Teresa i don't know how i'm going to handle even 1 pre teen girl let alone 2 at the same time.

Teresa - posted on 07/18/2011

Yeah, once they turn 3... that's when it really starts getting crazy. My son isn't much of a whiner, but he is STUBBORN... and has a temper on him. That and I've got TWO hormonally pre-teen girls.....

Shannen - posted on 07/18/2011

Lol Hahahaha i wish the happy mood voice would work with my 3 yr old. If i get happy he gets worse and starts screaming at me to stop being happy. He is one tough cookie!

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/18/2011

Yeah the whining really gets me in a rotten mood. I can't stand the whining.
But then I get in a bad mood which makes him get in a worse mood and on and on ujtil I realize I'm causing it now and I start smiling alot and talking all happy voice and he shapes up too :) not like it lasts but it does help

Shannen - posted on 07/18/2011

I don't mind 4 yr olds. My daughter has bad attitude but i can handle it at the moment.
I also like my just 1yr old because he has no idea of anything really.
BUT my 3 yr old i have more days where i feel like i could sell that child. He is driving me CRAZY. Every morning when he wakes up he starts crying at me instantly and it doesn't let up until lunch time and from then it's just bad attitude.

Teresa - posted on 07/18/2011

9.5 years of parenting experience so far and my favorite age is 18 months-just 3 years.... and all my kids are PAST that. lol

Laura Zoey - posted on 07/18/2011

I wonder what stage is my favorite will be, so far they all have their ups and downs but I have great memories of Eric at 12-18 months, so happy and good listener, no tantrums, eager to please, cutevand chubby.
Although he's getting pretty darn cute with all the new phrases he says right now :)
'Eric, can you grab my shoes?' 'maybe later mom' :)

Teresa - posted on 07/18/2011

My favorite child is whichever one is behaving the most at the moment. They all know this. :)

Seriously though.... nope. You will have favorite MOMENTS w/ each child and the reasons you connect in certain ways will be different, but the quality and amount of love is the same. I think that's how it is w/ MOST parents.

Sherri - posted on 07/18/2011

A favorite child well depends on the day and their behavior. LOL. Overall nope love them all the same. Just like certain ages better than others and certain behavior and stages better than others.

Amie - posted on 07/18/2011

For something like this, I think it depends on the day.

I love all my kids, I don't always like them though.

Some days, I'll like one of them more than the other. That has a lot to do with the type of day it is. For instance, our oldest being a hormonal grouch 'cause she has her period, our son whining because of growing pains and our youngest just over tired and screaming about everything. None of those things they can control but our 3rd was my favorite for that day. =)

Maria - posted on 07/18/2011

My mom had four kids and i can honestly say that she never did and still doesnt have a favorite child. We were all treated the same and loved the same. Its up to you on how you will act with your children the odds arent against you there are just a lot of messed up parents. Be the best parent you can be and just keep it as equal as possible.