Things to work on...

Tah - posted on 12/01/2010 ( 69 moms have responded )

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This is also not a debate. What is something about you that you wish was different about your personality?...for example:



I do take things personally if i am passionate about them and i can hold a grudge like it's nobody's business. I have gotten better with time. i had a best friend, she was my son's godmother, and she was not the friend to me that i was to her, when i finally got fed up, I just cut her off. I mean walk by her in the street like a stranger..even worse because at least i say good morning to strangers. Well now we are friends....on fb anywho and i have no ill will toward her. In my defense though. I don't just automatically cut you off, or dislike you. I give people chances, in my head anyway. So even though you don't know you are on strike 3...you are.

It may be wrong, and i am working on it, but that's me, and i can admit it. I am not one to get upset quickly, I will also say that. So if i am on a rampage, it's because it has been festering. When I yell, or cuss, anyone who really knows me can verify that i am past my eyeballs with the person, situation etc, because i am mild-mannered.



So what about you? Are you quick to anger? over-emotional? jaded? Never wrong? sarcastic?

Do you see it as a fault or an asset? are you working on it or do you accept it as a part of the fibers that make you?

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Stifler's - posted on 12/01/2010

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I need to stop thinking certain people are just trying to start drama with their posts.

[deleted account]

everyone has their areas.
what helped me was to find out what personality type i am. not sure if youve heard of the four general personality types.

Sanguine
Melancholy
Choleric
Phlegmatic

these are the four personalitys. we all fall into one or two of them. usually mostly one with bits of the second. its not to put anyone in a box, each personality is so complex, that it allows ppl to still be different. Plus, the mixture of your secondary type with your first, contributes to your individuality...if that makes sense.

a VERY brief lowdown on the 4 types, each has its great points and not so great points. not one is better than the other as they all have good and bad:

Sanguine:
Pro's - Life of the party, fun-loving, free spirited, enthusiastic and positive, easily makes friends, creative.
cons - emotional, forgetful, run's late alot, disorganised, can be careless, foot-in-mouth disease, over opinionated.

Phlegmatic:
pros- laid back, a peacemaker, friendly, a good listener, pays attention to detail, can be peaceful to be around, sensitive.

cons - timid, avoids confrontation so issues do not get resolved, holds grudges for a loooong time, can have trouble expressing themselves, can suffer low self esteem.

Choleric -
pros - an excellent leader, driven and self motivated, organised, usually a gifted speaker, hard-working, generous, focused.
cons - can be harsh, abrupt, expects alot from others, opinionated, always right, stubborn.

melancholy -
pros - sensitive (even if they dont show it), deep thinkers, usually musically inclined or gifted in the arts (but not always), thoughtful, particular and specific in actions and preferences, perceptive.

cons - over thinks things, can become depressed more easily than other personality types, hard to please, too hard on self, hides emotions but feels very strongly.

so all of them have equal pro's and con's. all of them have variations, but these are very stand out characteristics. just reading it you can probably go OH IM THAT! and a bit of that...im DEFINATELY not that one... oh wow mum is that one...oh my sister is that one to a TEE! wow!

lol

once you know your variation, you can pinpoint and admit your flaws, and work on them to make your weaknesses your strengths instead... and you can see all your positive characteristics and let them shine as you enhance them! our positive ones are gifts we can use to build others up and be useful in life. our cons, are things we can be working on to be a better more well rounded person.

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2010

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I don't have a whole lot of patience...with kids however I do. But with the slow clerk at the store, or person taking forever to pump gas, or the person in front of me asking questions or talkin stupid and making me so long, or the people who dont' move out of your way in the aisle, or the person who is rude to you on the phone, or just about anything outside the home that doesn't go my way. I have a short fuse and lose my patience quickly! I just don't know why I don't have that problem with my kids! Or any other kid for that matter! It's weird! But it's definetly a fault I thinik. I don't like people thinking I'm rude or snotty when they first meet me because I was upset about something that ticked me off. Lol but ya I'd like to change that!

Caitlin - posted on 12/02/2010

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Dana - my husband calls me passive agressive.. I guess my problem is that I do hurt peoples feelings, because I tend to say what I think a lot, but I don't like doing it.. I like to think i'm a "live and let live" kind of person (but most likely am not)...

[deleted account]

"You shouldn't joke Dana,she asked a serious question so she deserves a serious answer and no Dana your NOT perfect,nobody is."



Here we go again! Leah, I'm not sure why you have a hard on for me but cut it out! Seriously! I can answer her fucking question any way I want. I wasn't rude, I was joking and personally, I think my "comment" says a lot about who I am, don't you? I know it's hard for some people to read between the lines but fly at 'er.....you can do it!

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Tah - posted on 12/03/2010

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i think it depends on the situation for me..i think choleric in some situations..and phlegmatic...yep..almost sure of it...

[deleted account]

heh, i am sanguine choleric. an exact 50/50% which is odd.. but i took a thorough test numerous times and thats what i am...sigh...the two loud and out there ones. lol

Tah - posted on 12/03/2010

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@Amanda..you sound like me....i don't have patience for stupidity...as the guy that parked behind my truck in the job parking lot this morning as i pulling out...he probably can't beleive i work a place named after a saint..

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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I think I'm a little bit of each.. Ok, some a little more than others (like over emotional and quick to anger).. For now I can blame it on the hormones.. If, however, my hormones turn out to be just fine, then yes it is definitely something I will have to work on even harder.

Sometimes I bottle up everything and it just EXPLODES (sometimes on here- sorry, ladies :/ ). Sometimes I just don't feel like holding it in and take it out on whoever I talk to (like the hubs). I am trying to work on it, but lately haven't been too successful in that department :(

Denise Janse Van - posted on 12/03/2010

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I think my biggest thing is that I worry to much what people think of me and put unneccesary pressure on myself for no apparent reason. I think its also because society has tried to make this vision of the perfect person and it puts so much pressure on the average women. I'm To trusting of people as well and therefore line myself up for being used and for disappointment

Meghan - posted on 12/02/2010

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I have a bit of an issue with my mental filter. I am generally empathetic but sometimes things sound A LOT funnier in my head than they actually are. I don't think its a huge flaw-it kinda makes it so you either love me or you hate me. Makes me pretty unapproachable which I guess isn't a bad thing.

Nikki - posted on 12/02/2010

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"I'm all of those things! hehehehehe!

Nah, I'm a sulker though if I don't get my own way, which is a bit childish. My husband does his best to cure me of that though! I also bottle up my feelings a lot, which drives him mad, I really do try to rectify that because it's a really bad habit and gets me nowhere.

I used to have a REALLY vile temper and get myself into all sorts of trouble by flying of the handle, but I've pretty much tamed that over the years, although it's still lurking in the background at times.

The one thing I would REALLY like to conquer is my "can't do" attitude. I tend to put things off thinking I'll never be able to do it, or I won't be good enough.

Oh, and I'm the most disorganised person you'll ever meet, which sucks.

Man, I've got a lot to work on!!!!!! ;)"

Sarah, when I read this it sounded like I wrote it! This is me!!

Rosie - posted on 12/02/2010

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you would be right sara! ;)
AND you didn't have to work very hard at pleasing me, so i think you are full of it :P

Jaime - posted on 12/02/2010

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No fool here...I've spent most of my life worrying about everything...most of what does not matter. I get that this is your pissing contest and you want to win. That's my point...it does not matter to me..it matters to you. I will continue on to another conversation and impart my sarcastic witt and begrudged opinions. It's how I roll and I'm okay with that.

Tah - posted on 12/02/2010

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just saying that people can fool themselves, but they can't fool me...something myself and my friend say..lol.....it's from a book



Now..speaking of things that don't matter and to avoid this thread turning into drama. lets get back to it..

I know i can also be passive aggressive...but sometimes...just aggressive. I don't like to be but something in me won't allow BS. At school, with friends, anywhere. I also know that sometimes..i have to have the last word...maybe more than sometimes...lol...but that, i will say i am working on. I usually do really well cause i don't like conflict, but even i slip up..lol

Tah - posted on 12/02/2010

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Yeah, you are doing such a good job at pretending things don't matter...you almost have yourself fooled...
but not I said the cat...

thats why i don't wanna work on my sarcasm and smartassism....how would i fit in amongst the queens of it here..lol...i'm in good company i think...lol

Jaime - posted on 12/02/2010

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Oh no worries Tah, I don't want it...it's all yours! I suppose I just need to work on ignoring what does not matter.

Off I go...

Tah - posted on 12/02/2010

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@jaime..thats my thing..get your own..be original..but if you can't be..then tah is always willing to share ..lol...now tah has to go make her cereal....see i can't stop..and she does feel welcome..she always will..so thanks...

[deleted account]

WOW! Caitlin, you just described me, minus you last line. While I don't LIKE to hurt people's feelings it sometimes cannot be avoided and is out of my control. Some people are just overly sensitive. I don't like being in the middle of conflict but I can handle it pretty well and I certainly do not shy away from it. AND, I'm DEFINITELY NOT passive. ;)

Caitlin - posted on 12/02/2010

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I don't trust people. I find it very hard to develop trust in someone, and if they do anything to damage that trust - it's gone.. there are no second chances with me (my hubby knows this well, he's the same way).

I have a heck of a temper.. I've learned mostly to control it, but don't get in my way if it lets go.

I don't like showing my negative emotions outside of my house, if someone irritates me enough to bring them out I get MAD!

I'm not very patient, I want everything NOW. It's gotten better since having kids, but it's still not easy.

I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, and hate being int he middle of a confllict, or part of a conflict, i'm very passive.

Jaime - posted on 12/02/2010

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Jaime is on board with that Joy and if you'd like to join Jaime in speaking in the third person, then I think we will both make Tah feel extra welcome!

Jaime - posted on 12/02/2010

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I think I'll work on talking in the third person...seems ultimately narcissistic to me!

Sal - posted on 12/01/2010

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oh and like tah, i don't go around fighting with friends and am slow to anger, but when i am it is over, no fights, no bitching and no warning, just over,

Sal - posted on 12/01/2010

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i have been told my sence of humor takes some getting used to, so until you get to know me you think i'm a bit tooooo sarcastic, a little blunt and maybe even rude, but then maybe people should just get a better sence of humor and there'd be no problem

[deleted account]

P.S. I can't believe you found your way to DM. My lucky day! If I wasn't in such a good mood I might be irritated!

Veronica - posted on 12/01/2010

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First Id like to say @Jenn M. - you are not alone in unfashionable clothing, old broken glasses, and heels so thick - i really dont need to wear shoes... I think motherhood can take over, and you set yourself aside for everyone else. I was actually crying about this today - not outloud bawling, and sobbing - just very sad about these things that have escaped my attention and care. Dont get me wrong, i have a few nice things for the occassional professional ventures i take - but thats the extent of it.
Anyways -- besides obviously needing to revamp my closet, and overall look -- Ive recently been changing who I am. I was told: do not 'find' who you are -- Create who you are -- this was a powerful statement for me, because i didnt know what i wanted, what would others think, if only, woulda coulda shoulda -- Now -- Im changing a lot of things i cant stand anymore about myself. Ive been an enabler, people pleaser, wishy washy, pushover, couldnt stand up for myself, gossiper, quick to judge -then paid attention and changed my mind; etc. the list goes on. I hated confrontation too.
This last two years have taught me a lot. The first and foremost is excuses. So many people, including myself ENABLE theirselves out of stuff, especially responsibility with excuses - no more of that! If I want to do it, and I say Im going to do it - then I take action and responsibility to do it!! This has been a long road for me, and I still have kinks to iron out - but have met a lot of great people along the way, who believe in me, and are proud of me, and encourage me all the way!! Honesty is and always will be the best policy - and I make sure to be honest about all things - even if it means owning up and being responsible for it.

Charlie - posted on 12/01/2010

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Um Leah we all "know" each other pretty well around debating mums including Dana ad Tah , we joke often in this community , relax a little .

Mrs. - posted on 12/01/2010

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I have a problem with an authority figure who is less qualified than me or just generally inept. I have problems hiding my displeasure or dislike of someone too. This gets me in trouble, a lot.

[deleted account]

Leah, I mean this in the nicest way possible. We're allowed to joke. In fact, it's better that we do sometimes because laughter can sometimes ease a troubled situation. If Dana and Tah want to have a "ha ha funny" moment, does it really matter? It's Tah's thread and I'm sure if she had a problem with it she would have said something. It's ooookayyyy....just lighten up a little. Dana's most certainly not the first person on this thread to joke a little in their post. Half the people (myself included) on the first page gave a little serious and a little funny.

Leah - posted on 12/01/2010

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You shouldn't joke Dana,she asked a serious question so she deserves a serious answer and no Dana your NOT perfect,nobody is.



And to answer your question Tah,I can be pretty sarcastic sometimes and if you step over the line on one of my "bad" days, I can be the biggest ***** you have ever seen,LOL. I need to work on that. I can also get over-emotional,especially when I am talking to someone and I just find it horendous that they can think a little issue is a HUGE deal and a HUGE issue is a little deal. Drives me mad half the time. I just don't understand some people.



Heck my family even did somethings that were completely rude,immature and uncalled for,so I cut them all out of my life. Everyone except my mom.



So I have alot to work on.LOL

Stifler's - posted on 12/01/2010

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I am judgmental and have low tolerance and no respect. I have low tolerance for dole bludgers and my mother in law and people who think they are the exception to every rule. I avoid talking to her at all costs because I want to tell her to get a job. I don't even want to change my ways HAHAHA.

JuLeah - posted on 12/01/2010

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Interesting ... fault or asset. All of my faults were at one time accesets and allowed me to make it though hard situations. My enviornment has changed, so the assets not longer serve me in the same way and some have become faults. Like when the road crew overfills a pot hole and makes a speed bump out of it.
Sometimes people like me, and are not just being kind to my face. Sometimes people just like me. I try to remind myself of this. There was a time that 'trust no one' was a wise thing in my world, but .... now I really do believe there are folks worth trusting. Making myself do it, that's the hard part.

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2010

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There are two things about myself I HATE and always try to work on...but in the heat of the moment, all rationale seems to fly out the window!

I get angry FAST, and not like I get scary mad or yell or anything like that, I just get angry over the stupidest things for no real reason! Often times I will bite my tongue and keep it to myself because I know it's silly, but sometimes, I just get mad and let the world know I'm mad!

The other thing is that I expect my husband to read my mind. Like, when we've put our daughter to bed and I want to cuddle or want a back massage...or...well...you *know*...instead of sending messages or asking or initiating, I sit and stew in my anger while he's oblivious to what I want! lol I can laugh at it in retrospect, but in the moment, I'm not sure why i can't just open up and tell him.."Hey, Jeremy, could you give me a back massage?"

We all have flaws and that's ok, it makes us unique, but it makes us stronger to try to improve on our flaws!



*edit to add: I am also that person who cries about everything. If I'm really happy, I cry, if I'm sad, I cry, If I get too frustrated, let the tears come, if I get mad, you guessed it, I cry! lol I HATE that!

[deleted account]

Like Sharon, I see a lot of myself in the things you ladies have already posted. But personally, if I could change just one thing about my personality it would be my temper. I have a very quick temper but I'm working on it. I used to be CRAZY with flying off the handle (in past relationships and in my younger days). I've calmed down a TON since I met Steve. But it's still there sometimes, festering.



I also wanted to say that I am always right too. (I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken :P ) I actually usually AM right but that's because 9 times out of 10 I won't even open my mouth about something (edited: especially on CoM) unless I already know I'm right. And when I'm wrong, those oh so rare occasions, I am always the first to admit it :)

Charlie - posted on 12/01/2010

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I'm overly sensitive and emotional .

I'm not quick to anger , I tend to bottle things up until I reach boiling point and then I say things that really hurt , I don't know why , It doesn't happen often but its bad when it does I tend to say the most cutting things in the in a steady normal voice which hurts people more , My best friend told me ( as only a best friend can ) that I emotionally manipulate people , I honestly don't even know I'm doing it but now I'm more aware of it I try not to but it kinda goes hand in hand with the way I deal with emotion and conflict .

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