Things you would NEVER put up with from your partner/husband?

Jenni - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Just felt this would be an interesting topic considering some of the questions i've read lately...
one that really irks me...

Allowing ur husband to dictate what you can do... such as go out with friends once in awhile b/c ur "meant to stay home with the baby" and yet he goes out with friends all the time and leaves you home alone

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Amie - posted on 07/01/2009

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Mine was born here in Canada his family just has very very old traditional views. The men do anyway.. haha! The funny thing about this (well more sad than funny) his dad gets on his ass all the time about doing his fair share around the house. "Amie should not be doing it all." Then he'll turn around get on my MIL's case about doing everything at home. I mean everything too... he doesn't even clean up after himself. I don't know how she's put up with it this long.

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2009

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great answers ladies!!



Amie, that's kinda neat cuz my husband was born in Africa, Zambia... but he only lived there until he was 3 yrs old... but it's still weird when we cross the border to the states and the weird looks he gets when he says where he was born cuz his parents are from England...



Mine would probably be the one stated in my opening... any form of control... i was in a verbally controlling relationship before and it really left some scars... i attribute it to a weaken emotional state at the time... but like Jo said... now i recognize the signs... the other one would be cheating... i understand what Joy said about it and i guess i would really have to take into consideration my husbands nature and history... if it was just a state of weakness... but i would have a hard time forgiving an infedility b/c again... i was also in a prior relationship where that was an issue...

Amie - posted on 07/01/2009

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All the things the ladies have mentioned I agree with. Some of them are deal breakers, ending in divorce I mean, others we work on.
Like him thinking it's ok to sit on his arse and play video games all day. That one took some work but we've got it worked out he can play all he wants at night, when the kids are in bed and we have nothing else to do.
I also had to correct his behavior on him thinking I should do everything at home. I mean everything, outside and in, plus the kids. His dad is this way and he always thought it was normal. For some it may be but he can get off his butt and help out on his days off. We have a list of chores that we split between us and the kids. =)

Deal breakers though are cheating, abuse of any kind to me or the kids. I would never put up with any of that, I do not care if he says it would never happen again. That trust would be gone and I know I wouldn't be able to get it back. I might be jaded but having been cheated on before it's not something I am willing to go through again or put my kids through again.

Cathelijn - posted on 07/01/2009

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When you read this your going to think I am a fool :-) My husband is born in Africa and lived there untill he was 18. He is used to maids and the ladies doing all the work. So sometimes he gets confused and thinks it is ok to sit on to couch while I cook clean bath the baby all at the same time... He has cheated on me once a long time ago and we managed to work it out, I dont think it is ok but we managed to work it out.. He likes to do his own thing and has told me I am just a father you are the one that should look after the baby... But he is trying hard to change his ways I leave to go to work early and he takes our daughter to nursery in the morning so they are spending time together and everyday her realizes more and more that it is HARD work.. I love my husband our marriage is forever, sometimes he might not show it but I know we are his world and he would do anything for us.
The only thing that would make me leave straight away is if he would hit me or our daughter there is no excuse for that!

~Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2009

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I'd have to say cheating or abuse, but to be honest, I can't see either one happening. If I thought that he was the kind of person that would do something like that, I wouldn't have married him. I waited until my mid 30's to get married because I'm only doing it once, and I wasn't going to be with someone that I didn't have absolute trust in - especially for the rest of my life. Believe me, I've said 'no' to a lot more rings than I said yes to.

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Abuse, either physical or verbal to me and the kids. And blatent lying. Little white lies are ok but I hate liars. Had an Ex who claimed it was not lying if he just didn't tell me anything to avoid telling the truth .... the reason he's an EX!

Sarah - posted on 07/01/2009

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I agree with you Joy. My husband and i have been through some *ahem* rough spots, and more than once. We've both done some not nice things to each other over the 10 years we've been together. Now we're married tho it seems to have chilled us out a lot!!

I also agree on the abuse bit, that would NEVER be something i could forgive.

Most other things i could be be resolved, tho as you say, if it was over and over again i think that would show a lack of respect and i wouldn't tolerate it.
:)

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I can't say that there is anything that I would call a "deal breaker". I know this is gonna sound horrible, but I've done some pretty bad things to some of my boyfriends, ex husband. I have been the cheater, and I know how much BS the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater." is. I hate to hear that blanket statement because it implies that there are no mistakes allowed, no forgiveness ever given and that simply isn't true. I think for me, it would all have to depend on if it is something that is being done over and over again. I say, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." It just all depends.



Well, I just thought of something that is unacceptable PERIOD and that is abuse in any way to my son. I wouldn't tolerate that one bit.

Rachel - posted on 06/30/2009

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Well all of the above..but I have to say it is really starting to bother me that Im required to do EVERYTHING around the house and do EVERYTHING regarding our little girl just because he brings in the money. Well I guess that sounds a little overboard..he changes a few diapers, takes the trash out, and if Im gone takes care of her. A little more help would be nice.

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I would never put up with addiction, adultry, abuse, and extreme lying that is part of a huge scheme of a cover up. Little white lies don't bug me-we all say little white lies.

Mary - posted on 06/30/2009

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Infidelity for sure...it's not so much the sex w/another, as it is choosing to engage in a behavior that you KNOW will hurt your spouse. It would be such a loss of trust, and I'm not sure if I could get that back.

?? - posted on 06/30/2009

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One thing I never let my partner get away with is jokingly talk down to me... like he will say things like "make me dinner woman" or "well that's your job, you're the girl." he's starting to get the point now and hasn't said it in awhile but everytime he says something like that I make him do it, I tell him I don't care if it's a joke or if it's for real - the moment he puts that insinuation into something - he gets to do it.



I have been in 2 abusive relationships - 1 was extreme the 2nd was a start - I saw the signs and I got out. But now I have zero tolerance for it, even jokingly. I know my man would never really think that way or treat me that way but even the insinuation makes me jump to my defenses and I tell him if he thinks it's a womans job or womans work then he gets to see what it's like to be a woman and he gets to do it for himself and me.



I'll also add that he does the majority of the cooking because he loves to cook and he's a freakin amazing cook ( I get kicked out of the kitchen even if I'm just tryna make mac n cheese and he's home ) and when it comes to the cleaning we both do our fair share. The only thing that I do that he doesn't do and is "my job" is the laundry and mainly cause he always does it wrong lmao and by wrong I mean not the way I like it done hahahaha

Christa - posted on 06/30/2009

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Oh lol, I totally took it as grounds for dismissal things. :-) I’d guess for sure lying, frivolous spending, not helping around the house, not spending time with the family, I’m sure there’s more, but I’m out for now. :-)

Jenni - posted on 06/30/2009

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Christa, dont worry 'never' doesn't have to necessarily mean you'd divorce over it... it could mean you just wouldn't stand for repeat offences or whatever you want it to mean :)

Christa - posted on 06/30/2009

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That's a hard one each situation is different, but for sure abuse of any kind, lying and probably adultery. I say probably because it might be something we could work through. Beyond those I think it's hard to say NEVER.

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