Vagina (or vulva) and Penis

Jenni - posted on 03/20/2011

I don't *dumb* any words down for my kids. If it is a difficult word for them to say they will shorten it on their own.

It came from when I was at Uni and one of my professors was walking through the lobby with her 3 year old daughter. She stopped for a chat with me and my friends. Her daughter asked her politely: "what's that?" and pointed to an art project on the ceiling. Her mother said very matter-of-factly: "It's a stethoscope, honey". Her daughter repeated the word back to her with accurate pronunciation.



That stuck with me and I too use the proper words with my children. I have never baby-talked them. If the word is too complicated for them to say now it's really inconsequencial because they still understand the meaning and eventually will be able to pronunce it. I think that's easier for them than having to relearn the real word for it later on.

Jenn - posted on 03/20/2011

Candace - do you use alternative names for other things that are too difficult for a child to say? Would you call an elbow a bo-bo? No. So why use other names for penis and vagina? It seriously makes no sense to me unless it's because you find it embarrassing or shameful. And if my child asks about sex, of course I would tell them, is it supposed to be some sort of secret?

Stifler's - posted on 03/20/2011

Meh. I think people just use pee pee because it's easy for little kids to say vs. vagina and penis.

Jessi - posted on 03/19/2011

we call them by the correct names too. or.. maybe not so correct as i just refer to the whole thing as a vagina- instead of vulva and urethra etc. im due with a boy in 17 days ( hopefully not too much longer ;-) ) and i think ill just use penis and testicles. anyone have any thoughts on that? like getting super specific, calling each part by its exact name?

edit: i was going to add that my mother in law refers to it as a barley. so does my sister in law. i thought that was funny the first time i heard it- now its kind of annoying because my daughter is confused when she gets told "i can see your barley pull up your pants"

my mother always refered to my vagina as my "peep" and always said it kind of like she was ashamed to talk about it, so im trying really hard to be open and not weird when i talk about it with my girls.

Jenny - posted on 03/19/2011

If my son can say excavator at 2 years, penis and vagina will not be a concern.

Yes, we use proper terminology. They're called penis and vagina so those are the words we use.

Johnny - posted on 03/19/2011

My daughter calls it "gina" too.

Actually, tonight as she was sitting on the potty she was pointing to the different parts and asking me what they were called. I just told her that pee comes through the urethra. I'm guessing that's a word she probably won't remember or repeat. But I suspect if she does start yelling about her urethra the next time I'm in the grocery store, the only thing that will be provoked is laughter.

I just have found that people who can't use the real words do have shame or find sexual things taboo. The kids I knew growing up who used terms like cookie or "I need to void" ended up having issues communicating their needs and lead to rather uncomfortable conversations with the parents.

When I was 11, another girl and I were playing in the park and we were flashed. We ran to my house and my parents called the police. I told them that he'd shown us his penis and she was weeping uncontrollably and could only utter the word, "dinky". When her mother showed up, she was horrified that my parents had even called the police and discussed the issue. She was insistent that things like that are private and should never be discussed. I can't imagine what could have occurred if her daughter had suffered a serious abuse.

Kate CP - posted on 03/19/2011

My daughter calls her vagina a "gina". She knows that it's for going potty and pushing out babies. When she gets older and asks more questions I'll answer them.

Jennifer - posted on 03/19/2011

i don't know candace...i don't have a girl but i imagine that if you call it a vagina from right off the bat, they will naturally shorten it to "ina" until they are capable of pronouncing the whole word properly. there are a couple ways i've heard a child pronounce penis. i think calling it one thing because its easier to say, then re-naming that body part later sounds like more work to me.

if they ask about the functions of their gentalia, i certainly would take that opportunity to talk to them about it in an age appropriate way.

Candace - posted on 03/19/2011

Is it really that we are ashamed? Or is there an appropriate time? Do we as parents expect a young child just learning to talk and just learning body parts to say those words right off the bat? I think start out with something easy meaning the same thing how hard is that? Is it truly a crime to make things easier for kids? Isn't learning hard enough? Oh and since you want them to be proper when they ask you what they are for at the age of 4 or 5 are you going to tell them everything? I think probably not. I doubt you want them to know about sex at that age but that to is the proper use when they get older and settle down and want a family.

Jenni - posted on 03/19/2011

Ok. Sorry, it was a bit misleading. thanks for clearing it up.

Sarah - posted on 03/19/2011

Jennifer - as in embarrass my mother with out really knowing that i was doing it...i did it heaps as a child

Jenni - posted on 03/19/2011

?? Ok. I'm confused by that Sarah?

How does her daughter not understanding the correct use of the word "vagina" or saying the word make her 'horrible'?

Sarah - posted on 03/19/2011

Veronica - Lol! and i thought i was a horrible child

Jenni - posted on 03/18/2011

Veronica's right. It's not so much the alternative names where the shame comes from.

I just think in a lot of cases the alternative names are used because of the parents' own embarrassment and shame about sex. There are exceptions of course. But if the parents don't use the correct terminology because "teehee" it makes them giggle or go red. That's where the shame aspect comes in.



The cutsie names are often a blanket for the parents own reservations about sex. Which of course is something all of *our* generations have had or continue to struggle with.

Veronica - posted on 03/18/2011

Im not sure if how calling your vagina/penis would bring shame issues into your life. My shame issues did not come from what my vagina was called -- it came from what we were 'taught' about sex -- my parents didnt sit down with us and talk to us about sex, at all. I think the only thing said was - 'its a sin before marriage' - well, sin can be shameful, therefore, sex became shameful and dirty to me. Im still struggling with sex, and Im married - which could be guilt and shame issues rolled into one, because I had premarital sex. I don't think calling it different names was the issue EVER. My mom still taught us how to take care of our vulva/vaginas - proper cleaning, menstruation, etc.
As for names - my children know its a penis and vagina -- but I call them their dodey (for girl - pronounced dough-dee), and dinky for the boys.

Funny story -- I have made it a point to educate my children on their genitals, when last summer my daughter (who was 7 at the time) shouted across the neighborhood, "Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!! Im a Vagina!!! -- Mom? What is a vagina?" I was mortified and laughing my ass off at the same time - i could not believe it!! Im not sure if any neighbors "heard" her persay -- but it was quite the embarrasing moment - especially because it was obviously way out of context! Needless to say, she, and the rest of my children are now properly educated about what a vagina is! hahahahaha
So, regardless of what you call it - make sure your children are informed of what the correct WORD is and WHAT it is/means, etc.!!!! hahahaha still laughing!

Kate CP - posted on 03/18/2011

Becky: Don't know where you're from but in America your fanny is your butt. ;)

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2011

no i think you're right teaching the correct names helps a child to understand these are normal body parts that should be talked about (especially if someone touches them or it hurts) i also think its helpful when explaining the good touch bad touch thing and of course sex ed



edit: i remember my mum telling me how i announced to a whole party of adults that "me and my two sisters have va va's (i took to this rather than vagina go figure) but my brother doesn't he's not a girl. boys have other things" probably the single most embarrassing thing i have ever done to my mother :D

Krista - posted on 03/18/2011

That's funny, Sarah, that the teacher asks all the kids what their private parts are called! I can just picture her keeping notes in her record book:
Beth - cupcake
Jack - wee wee
Suzie - flower
James - weiner

That is one thing I have never thought to gather information on when talking to parents at the beginning of the year!

Becky - posted on 03/18/2011

We call a penis a penis or willy, a scrotum and testicles balls, and the whole female genitalia a fanny,
My children know the correct name for each part on their anatomy as it comes up but when they are little fanny and willy cover it well enough.

Jenni - posted on 03/18/2011

I don't think anyone is making a *huge* deal about it. :) We're having a debate on whether or not teaching children cutsie names for their body parts is teaching them to be ashamed of those body parts. That's why I took this topic to a Debating forum; I wasn't going to lecture other parents. I just wanted to talk about it and see what other Moms thought on the subject.
It's nothing personal Sarah.

Jenn - posted on 03/18/2011

Who is making a huge deal of anything? We're just debating the topic since this is the debate board, right?

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2011

I'm NOT saying people shouldn't teach their kids the correct words....It really just depends on the parent and what they feel is appropriate. My 2 oldest are in school and their teachers know what they call their private parts (b/c the teachers at their school actually have asked parents to tell them so that there wouldn't be any issues)....but it was only the Kindergarten-2nd grades that asked. So, with that said, I have told my girls the correct name BUT that was only once or twice, and they still use their 'code'/'cute' words for it.
I think it's a little rediculous that people are making a huge deal out of it....we all have different names for it and we always will...so why not just agree to disagree? And Loureen, I agree, parents should NEVER refer to private parts as food....or a toy...because other people who don't know they are, will only be confused if the child is telling them that someone has touched them. But, It's also important to teach kids to NOT touch anyone else's private parts. My girls also point to their privates when talking about them, so I don't think their teachers would be confused if anything ever came up about someone touching them or whatever. It's just all how you look at it.

Charlie - posted on 03/17/2011

Sarah if a child goes to a teacher and says " that boy touches my cupcake at lunch" ( yes the food names PISS me off ) and the teacher shrugs and says " John stop touching her cupcake and doesnt know it is a ridiculous name for vagina then there is going to be a problem because not only did the little girl get the courage to confide in someone but now their concern has been dismissed .

People should stop being so uptight about the correct names , It isnt so bad if you teach the child the correct name and they choose to call it something else as long as they KNOW the correct name when it is neeed .

ME - posted on 03/17/2011

Miles has known the correct term for his penis since before he could talk...he knew all of his body parts by name before he could talk, in fact...Mayah is not quite so advanced, but she will be taught the correct terms, and not any foolish cutsie names...

Teresa - posted on 03/17/2011

I raise my kids according to what I believe is right. I don't care what society deems as 'appropriate'. And if anyone hears my son saying penis or vagina out in public and has a problem w/ it.... oh well.

My son actually frequently has conversations w/ me about which of the people he knows has a penis and which have a vagina.... So what?

LadyJane - posted on 03/17/2011

We call our private parts our privates in our family and Number 1 for pee, Number 2 for poo. I don't know, it's always been like that in our family, we know what the proper words are but it just seems weird to actually say them, so we don't use them. It may have lots to do with upbringing, culture, etc. I know I'm quite uncomfortable using the "correct" words. My mom is very old fashioned and never says she's going potty, she'll say she's in the restroom or bathroom depending on where we're at. I guess it is still considered a "naughty" word in my family. If my son or daughter starts using the "correct" word outloud, I'm sure I'll feel horrified, and might ask them not to use those words around me, but I won't stop them from using them. They already know through their doctors, but I still can't and just can't bring myself to say them outloud. Still needs just nasty to me. lol



I have said myself I have to go pee or poo when I'm at home around family, but in public, I usually say restroom. If at my mom's house I'd say potty, or tinkle if I'm being rather silly that day.

Karissa - posted on 03/17/2011

I does bother me when kids call it a peanut or flower. I even knew one person who called it her broccoli. When her mom would send her upstairs to take a bath she would say "Remember to wash your broccoli." Strange.
But I don't always use the real words I guess. I don't have a boy, but I do usually call it a penis, just because I think it's fun to say. My daughter is 17 months and since we are about to start potty training I've been noticing what I say. When I lived in South Florida a friend of mine was Brazillian and she always called it a "vageen" - that's the pronunciation. It kinda stuck since when you are working in a restaurant guests don't want to hear you say the word vagina while they eat. But that's what I've been calling it ever since. I think sometimes it's ok to call it something different if you are out in public, because that is personal business. You don't need a 4 year old talking about vaginas in front of strangers.

I'm also from Jersey, so the word Cuka has come up a few times, but thanks to the Jersey Shore now everyone knows what it is.

Jenn - posted on 03/17/2011

Or there's always the one that makes me cringe and think of a nasty smelly one: CUNT - I hate that word BLECH!

Johnny - posted on 03/17/2011

My daughter started yelling about her vagina the day after I taught her the word when we were at the grocery store. That's just how she rolls. She told the old man looking at pork chops, "I have a 'gina'". I just smiled. What else can you do? He thought it was funny. Anyone who has hangups huge enough to be bothered by what a 20 month old says needs help. I honestly would have been quite surprised if anyone had been all that scandalized about it. Most people just smiled or laughed at her. I did explain as she got a little older that it was private. It only happened that one time.

I do not want to raise a child who has any sense of shame or that they should be ashamed of their genitals. And if someone tries to touch them I want them to be prepared with the language to deal with it. I do not want her telling me that some man smelled her flower. That would not be useful.

Once they know the proper words, then they can call it whatever they want to. I just want kids to have the facts first. I did and that doesn't stop me from calling it my honey pot or my woo hoo!

Jenn - posted on 03/17/2011

Toot-toot sounds like what comes out of my butt LMAO!! And I don't think anyone is over-analyzing it, as I'm pretty sure we aren't constantly sitting around thinking about the names for certain body parts. We just call it what it is, just like anything else. I could tell my kids that vegetables are called candy if I want because it sounds cute, but they're still vegetables so why not just say so? And by using a cute word now and then having to change it to the truth it will seem strange or odd to now call it something else, and there must be a reason why we had to call it something else before, so we must have been hiding something, I guess it's a bad thing. Hmmm....

Tara - posted on 03/17/2011

I agree Kate and Jennifer,
When my kids were small they said "I need to pee, or I need to poop." no biggie, we all know what that means, but we taught them quickly to say "I need to use the washroom" so that when we were out in public they could say it more appropriately. My kids don't generally yell about their bodily functions, when toilet training they would simply tug my sleeve and say "need to pee" or just "pee".
As for using cute or code names for their genitals, I still think that if you feel other people will be shocked or think badly of you or your kids for using the right words than those people probably have some hang ups.
And as a parent, I choose to teach my kids things because I want them to learn them, not because I want other people to accept me or my style of parenting.

Kate CP - posted on 03/17/2011

Yea, my daughter has never yelled about her vagina or her brother's penis in public. The girl has told strangers that her brother likes to drink milk from her mommy's breasts (word for word, there). I was a little embarrassed by that at first but it's no different then me saying that I nurse my son. Kids will be kids. They don't know what's socially appropriate and what's not. So if she WERE to start screaming about vaginas and penises in public I would use that instance to teach her about appropriate conversations in public. Tada.

Jenni - posted on 03/17/2011

My children haven't said penis or vagina in public. They say they have to pee or poo. If they did I wouldn't be embarrassed by it. I'd probably laugh at how candid they were being, but they're kids. Like I said, I tell my kids those are their own personal private areas and no one is allowed to see or touch them. But really? How often do kids go on about their vaginas and penises in public? An isolated incident here or there, maybe.

I don't think people would be offended hearing a toddler exclaim loudly that she "has a vagina". They'd probably die laughing at how honest she was being. ;) and if they actually were offended, well I'd probably just think that they were told their 'bits' were a no no zone when they were a kid and it stuck with them.



Edit to add: Reminds me of a funny story my friend told me. She had to pee on the beach because the washrooms were closed. 6 months later her son still tells people "Mommy pees on the beach, in the sand".



Kids say embarassing things, full stop.

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2011

I think people are over-analyzing this...I mean, it's not really a huge deal whether or not you call it a Vagina/Penis or a "toot toot"/"Winky".....I mean, they will eventually learn the real words for them anyway. I use the 'cute' names....but that's just me. I don't want to be in the grocery store and one of my daughters yell out "Mommy my vagina hurts" or "my vagina itches" or "my vagina pee peed".....because everyone would know what she was saying....I'd rather use a code word, that way I wouldn't get all the 'your kid just said that?!' looks. I mean, if people didn't look at me like I was crazy for teaching them the right words for it, then yeah, I'd teach it to them.....but society has deemed these words as offensive and not "lady like" or not "proper" to say out loud. So to save myself some frustration, I'll continue with the code names until they are out of the stage of telling anyone and everyone about their privates. That is my opinion, take it or leave it. LOL

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2011

I think people are over-analyzing this...I mean, it's not really a huge deal whether or not you call it a Vagina/Penis or a "toot toot"/"Winky".....I mean, they will eventually learn the real words for them anyway. I use the 'cute' names....but that's just me. I don't want to be in the grocery store and one of my daughters yell out "Mommy my vagina hurts" or "my vagina itches" or "my vagina pee peed".....because everyone would know what she was saying....I'd rather use a code word, that way I wouldn't get all the 'your kid just said that?!' looks. I mean, if people didn't look at me like I was crazy for teaching them the right words for it, then yeah, I'd teach it to them.....but society has deemed these words as offensive and not "lady like" or not "proper" to say out loud. So to save myself some frustration, I'll continue with the code names until they are out of the stage of telling anyone and everyone about their privates. That is my opinion, take it or leave it. LOL

Lacye - posted on 03/17/2011

I'll admit, I don't use the correct terms. Am I afraid of sexuality, nope, not at all. I call my daughter's vagina a hoohoo (weird I know but oh well.) When she gets older I will teach her the correct terms but right now she's only 21 months old. She has plenty of time to learn that her genital is a vagina and that a boy has a penis.

Daniela - posted on 03/17/2011

My partner is from Dublin and has a whole dictionary full of colorful words for penis and vagina - and he is VERY reluctant to give that up! He is trying his best though seeing that I have to teach her the german words for it and he does understand the importance of it. So now when he is in the bathroom and catches his 18-months old girl staring at that funny dangling bit between daddy's legs, he has to try his best to not be freaked out by that AND say 'that is daddy's penis'. It's killing him, poor guy. To complicate things, in german kaka comes out of your popo while in english poopoo comes out of your bumbum - don't know what's with all the doubles here or why we don't have a problem with those words, either way I have a feeling that potty training might just get verbally difficult. As long as I never hear her say 'that's daddy's knob' or 'mommy's muffin'...

Jenn - posted on 03/17/2011

I see using the word butt entirely different. The anus is the hole, the cheeks are the buttocks - or for short BUTT. So to me that makes total sense.

Becky - posted on 03/17/2011

We use the correct names with the kids. When Zach had to have surgery on his testicles a couple months ago, I was going to tell Cole he had to surgery on his balls, but I figured that would confuse him, so I used testicles. The word testicles sounds weird coming out of a 2 year old's mouth! But oh well!
I had a co-worker - a Child protection worker (!) who taught his daughter to call her vulva/vagina her "secret"! Her aunt, who was also a coworker, almost had a heart attack when she told her, "My secret hurts!"
Using pee and poo is different, because everyone knows what those are, there's no possibility of confusion. If someone tells you their secret hurts, on the other hand, it's going to raise some eyebrows!

Jenni - posted on 03/17/2011

Krissy, that is true. Generally I say penis and vagina. But when I refer to the butt i say "butt". Or like we talked earlier about "poo" or "pee". I guess I can see in some instances it's not because we're *ashamed* to say the word anus, defecate, urinate. It's a slang or shortform. Which is a lot different than giving it a cute name because you're personally ashamed to say the word.
We say Privates in public. Because they are private in public! :)

Krissy - posted on 03/17/2011

I don't really care... I guess I USUALLY say "private" or when they were younger pee pee... for both boys and girls... wierd huh? I have said vagina and penis to both of my older two, and it makes them giggle.. LOL!!!!

I guess I'm kinda in the middle... I don't HAVE to be scientifically and anatomically correct with everything I say to them... but at the same time... vagina and penis are perfectly acceptable and by a reasonable age they should know what they are called.

As for flower??? ok... that's new to me... sounds really strange to me... but oh well... whatever.

Usually if my friends kids were to expose themselves (like pants falling down, coming out of bathroom without pants up, etc),... she tells them, "I see your bits... pull your pants up, no one wants to see your bits..." but that can refer to any parts of the body that should be kept private. It's just easier to say to them and doesn't embarrass them as much either.

Your 7 year old who's crack is showing would rather have you say, "Pull your pants up" or "We can see your bits" or something rather than... "Henry, we can see your butt crack"... LOL!

September - posted on 03/17/2011

I can see where you're coming from Jennifer...after thinking about it...totally makes sense! :)

Jenni - posted on 03/17/2011

@September I think the reason that it's teaching them to be ashamed is because i think using pet names teaches them it's not ok to speak candidly about it.
I see it as a small exception if the parent does teach them correct terminology first and isn't ashamed themselves to speak to their kids about sex. If a parent can manage to do that and still uses alternate names, as we as a society do... then there shouldn't be an issue of shame.

September - posted on 03/17/2011

I'm not sure that it's teaching them to be ashamed but it's definitely not teaching them the correct names for their body parts. I'm a firm believer in calling it like it is! Our son refers to his as his penis. Just the way it should be imo.

Jenni - posted on 03/17/2011

@Jennifer, I was almost going to say the same thing but I was struggling to find non-offensive way of saying it. But it bugs the crap out of me when parents refer to their child's genitalia as something 'edible'. It kinda weirds me out. Like 'muffin' or 'cookie'. I find it a bit different than referring to a penis as a 'weiner' than calling a vagina something that can be... well... fill in the blanks.

Jennifer - posted on 03/17/2011

we use proper terminology but not all nicknames bug me. like Kati mentioned, wiener doesn't really bother me because its such a commonly used nickname for penis. the cutsie names do bother me though. my SIL refers to her 2 1/2 year old daughters vagina as her "muffin." why on earth would it be appropriate to refer to the genitalia of a child as something edible??? ...i guess now that i think of it though, wieners are edible...but we don't call them wieners here, they are hot dogs. meh.

April - posted on 03/17/2011

you know what bugs me? I am teaching my son the proper words and so is my husband, but when my mother comes to visit she will teach him to call his penis a "pee pee". It drives me mad. Now when he says pee pee, I get confused on whether he is referring to his penis or if he really has to go pee!

Rosie - posted on 03/17/2011

i think people think about this one too much. my kids call their penis's their weiner. yes they know it's a penis, but that's just what it's called around here. i guess i don't get what the big deal is? if my kid got molested i can guarantee a police officer would know what a weiner is, and as for being ashamed of their genitals? well, i guess we'll find out in time. i think that would happen if i acted ashamed to say the word penis, which i don't. i tend to think that they'll be more ashamed of the WORD penis, and not their actual penis, which is perfectly fine by me IF that happens.

JuLeah - posted on 03/17/2011

Yes, if you can't name it, you are ashamed of it. I used the word penis in front of a kid and his responce was shock "That's dirty" he said ... and I thought, 'what have they taught you about your body?'

Tara - posted on 03/17/2011

No you're not wrong.
A Vagina is a Vagina, a Penis is a Penis and a Flower is a flower and a firehose is a fireshose.
We don't call our toes baby carrots and we don't call our armpits stink pits.
Anatomically correct wording is the best way to ensure kids know about their body and what is appropriate or not.
If a kid came to me and said "my daddy touched my flower last night" I would say "That's very nice of him".
If a child came and said "My daddy touched my vagina last night" well obviously we would be making many phone calls.
It's wrong to give kids the impression that their sexual bits are something that should be disguised or not talked about.
A vagina is a part of our body just like every other part of our body.