What do you guys think

Hannah - posted on 12/06/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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So, let me start off by saying that I absolutely love my husband more than anything. This past Friday we were at the dentists office for my husband to get some work done. I was waiting for him out in the car and thought I would snoop in his phone. Dammit, I just can't resist. I didn't find anything too damaging. I did find that he has been looking at porn often. I like porn just as much as the next guy but I have a problem with it when it is without me. My husband knows this because something similar happened before. He went to show me something on google and was typing in the words, it started pulling up porn that he's already been to.



My question is, would you guys be upset? I am pretty hurt about it. It makes me feel like he isn't completely satisfied with me.

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Petra - posted on 12/07/2010

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Hannah - I'm just going to say it and I hope you don't take offense - if it's the "petite brunette" that stung, more so that him looking up porn without you, I think your insecurities are getting the better of you and you're projecting it onto the porn. I don't care for porn myself, but T likes and and watches it and I encourage him to do as he pleases, as long as he leaves me out of it. If you do like porn, start trying to watch it more with him and don't worry so much about your bod - he's still (happily, I assume) with you, so obviously he's cool with it :-)

Kerry - posted on 12/07/2010

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snooping on him is the big issue here I think!! Look and you will always find something to get pissed about.

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Patricia - posted on 07/08/2012

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personally my partner has let it ruin our relationship i think the only reasons we are together is for the kids and he does not put much effort in there past and current relationship started off with porn and led to cheating because quote on quote they were different that was the excuse

September - posted on 12/07/2010

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Hannah...I just have to say you're BEAUTIFUL!!! :) I'm sure those porn stars ain’t got nothin on you babe!

Hannah - posted on 12/07/2010

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No offense taken. I actually agree with you! Hence one of the reasons I decided to not bring it up to him.

My insecurties are something I am working on. It has been a struggle.

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It's only a trial. Obviously if I decide to buy he'll know. So far I like the program but it's $119 for a lifetime subscription.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2010

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@ Liz...WOW! I understand a program like that for kids, but not telling your husband? Just WOW!

Hannah - posted on 12/07/2010

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I kind of like that idea, Liz. Too bad I can't add that to my husbands phone. :)

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Marina- My hubby doesn't look at porn because I check everything. I put a program on that hides in my computer, remembers every site (even in private), records chat, has a password grabber, and he can't hide anything because he doesn't know it's there. You guys all may think I'm a crazy wife but I have children and it has a great blocker.

Hannah - posted on 12/07/2010

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Sorry it took so long to get back to you ladies. I don't go on at home, only at work. :)

I am not a snooper. I trust him fully, usually. You know when you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, some call it womans intuition. So, I broke down and looked at it. My phone is an open book to my husband. I tell him all the time to take a look anytime he feels the need. It really is no big deal to me.

After much thought last night, I decided I wouldn't bring it up to him. I just don't feel it is that big of a deal. It did hurt me but mostly because I am so self concious right now. So, when I saw "petite brunette" it stung.

I appreciate all of your feedback. It has really helped me reach my conclusion. Thanks so much!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2010

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I don't think it is a big deal anymore. I used to be like Hannah, porn only with ME! But I have self esteem issues. Now I don't really care. I know why he watches it...I know what he uses it for...so be it. I also agree with Kerry, snooping is the issue.

And sorry to break it to all you ladies that think your hubby does not look at porn simply because you ask them to...not happening! ; )

Erin - posted on 12/07/2010

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Yup it's the disregard of your feelings that gives you the right to be pissed. He knew where you stand on this issue and has gone behind your back. That's why I would be upset, not the porn itself.

But now, if you confront him you will have to fess up to snooping. Will that cause more drama?

Charlie - posted on 12/07/2010

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This is a personal question only you can answer for yourself , personally I wouldn't care , a month ago I went to search something and redtube came up in the history I knew it wasn't me cause Im more of a youporn type a gal , I laughed and said to him "redtube hey " and waggled my eyebrows i a devious way haha .

If he knows it would upset you and did it anyway I think you have every right to be upset .

Tracey - posted on 12/07/2010

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I would be hurt that my husband thought he couldn't share it with me, not by the fact that he was looking at it.

Veronica - posted on 12/06/2010

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Whats going to upset you the next time?? My cousin and her ex used to watch porn all the time, then she got upset when they didnt watch together, and the final straw with porn was because while they were at it, he was watching the tv, instead of looking at her -- NOT saying this is what will happen -- I guess I just dont care for porn - its been an open topic to my husband and I - but we've come right down to leaving it out of our marriage. Too much of a damn headache that came with too many issues for us both.

I think its right for you to be upset -- let it out the way you need to - i mean dont pull a tantrum -- but definatly be strong and firm about this.
I LOOK at my husbands phone, and I look at his emails, and his facebook and I look in his wallet. We dont hide these things from eaach other. We are married and we share mutual friends, and we dont hide this stuff from each other. At least anymore. I have to get checkbook receipts out of his wallet, etc. etc. I dont understand why anyone has to 'snoop'...

Anyways, take care, hopefully you can work it all out. Just stand firm on your feelings - and tell him how you feel about it, and stay calm - its more deadlier, the calmer you are ;)
We were given two ears and one mouth -- listen more, talk less.

--Veronica

Shauna - posted on 12/06/2010

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Its just a guy thing, i wouldnt worry about it too much.... my husband doesnt look up porn but him and his friends always send raunchy pics to each other ... again just a guy thing

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I would be upset. I personally hate porn and my hubby knows how offensive I think it is so he doesn't watch because if he does he better not even think about touching me. I have been told by an ex "why don't you look like that" or "why won't you do those things for me" so if I find porn on my computer my hubby knows he's in the dog house.

I am very possessive though and a firm believer that arousal from any one except your spouse, even if it is on a screen, shouldn't happen.

Jodi - posted on 12/06/2010

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I think you need to ask him WHY he's looking up porn and why he's searching for porn with petite brunettes in specific. And then...make it adamantly clear (but still remaining calm) under what circumstances he is allowed to watch porn and why you feel the way you do about it. I have found with my husband that I have to spell it out to him...like when I give my toddler time outs! lol "Jeremy, you cannot look up porn when you're wife is not around to enjoy it with you because it hurts her feelings and makes her mad/sad/jealous...whatever" Only then does he understand! lol (*shake head* "men!") But, your feelings are completely valid!

Tara - posted on 12/06/2010

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nope not at all.
My honey loves his porn and I would never deny it to him. Men don't look at porn and think "geez I wish my wife looked like that/did that to me/ wore that etc." you know what men think about when they watch porn? Nothing. That's right, nothing. They watch and get aroused and masturbate and then they are done. They don't spend any more time thinking about it than that. And really he (not your he, any he)doesn't know why you are so upset. He knows he loves you, he knows you are the only one he really needs to fuck to be satisfied so he doesn't get why the big deal. He honestly wouldn't care if you were looking at porn without him (again general "him" implied)
He knows there is no way in hell he will ever get to tap someone who looks and acts like the porn stars he watches. It's not that he is settling for you and your level of satisfaction, it's just that you are real and the rest are not, so to him, there truly is no comparison.
Oh and word to the wise, I wouldn't ever snoop in my hubby's phone/wallet/car etc. I trust him explicitly and would be hurt if I found out he thought he had to snoop, it would imply he didn't trust me at all.
So.. trust you man until he gives you a real reason not to. And instead of feeling hurt, find out what kind of porn is his favourite kind and make sure that's what's on when you go to bed tonight!!!

Hannah - posted on 12/06/2010

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I love porn too, Jocelyn. I love to watch it with him. Without me it feels like a betrayal. Ugh, I swear I'm not some freak who gets pissed at everything but you can't help how your heart feels.

Hannah - posted on 12/06/2010

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Jaime- that was what got to me the most. All the searches were for petite brunettes. I'm not fat by any means but I'm not what I used to be either. I used to be petite but my daughter killed that for me.

Tah- I know they're visual and that's why I don't want to bring it up. I really just wanted confirmation that I have a right to be a little upset.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/06/2010

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I would only be upset that he's not sharing with me!
I ♥ porn.
More seriously, I know that porn can be a very sensitive issue for some women, and really all you can do is talk to him about it.
Just remember that him watching porn doesn't mean he is not satisfied with you!

Hannah - posted on 12/06/2010

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You make a very good point, Gina! That's why I haven't brought it up. I guess I would be more upset if our sex life was suffering too! I feel more like he knows it upsets me and for him to do it secretly kind of bothers me.

Tah - posted on 12/06/2010

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i guess i would get upset..ONLY because he knows how you feel about it, so since he knew, i get it, but i don't get upset about it, but one day my husband came home and threw all the porn awway..great for him..what about me...lol....

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Talk to him about it. That's all I can really say.



I would be hurt, but I don't think I'd feel too bad about myself. Men are visual creatures. He can't undress you with his mind and he certainly can't do it for real every time he feels like it so I dunno, but I wouldn't get too upset. If I were you, I'd check it out myself and analyze the body types he's looking at. If they're similar to yours, hey, you know he likes your bod. If not, he's having sex with you for real, isn't he? Not the people in the pics. Then I wouldn't really consider it a big deal.



That's just how I'd react if I found something like that in my hubby's phone memory or whatever. I'd be a bit miffed, but not too much.

Gina - posted on 12/06/2010

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I wouldn't, personally- but it's such a personal thing and I think that husbands need to respect the feelings of their wives. He knew how you felt about him looking at it without you, so I think you have the right to be upset. That being said, men are nasty and I find it best to let him get his sick fantasies out watching porn than bugging me with it....

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