What's in a Ring...

[deleted account] ( 109 moms have responded )

A few weeks ago, I was shopping with 3 of my girlfriends for dresses to wear to a charity dinner (which was tonight). I tried on a Dior dress and was in front of the mirror when one of my friends said, "You need a bigger diamond on your wedding ring."
I was caught completely off guard! My diamond is small, but I never thought much of it.
She went on to say, "You'll look like a cheap girl in a Rent-the-Runway dress because your jewelry doesn't match the dress."

I have honestly never noticed the size or quality of another woman's diamond. Of course, my eye went directly to their rings--they were all 3 wearing huge diamonds. I knew one girl's husband had been in college when they got engaged, so I asked if that was the ring her husband proposed with. No, she said she had asked for a new one 4 years ago because she was ashamed of the old one!! It turns out, all 3 of my friends had requested new rings at some point during their marriage....which I find slightly amusing b/c I've been married longer than any of them :P
They continued to explain to me that my wedding ring said a lot more about me than whether I was married or not....who knew?

As I said, my diamond is very small, but I love it very, very much. I don't know what it's weight is, I think it may be something between 1/4 & 1/3 carat, and I doubt it cost more than $1000 10 years ago when my husband purchased it, but we had very little money when he proposed, and I know it took a great deal of effort on his part to buy it for me. When I look at my ring, I remember everything about that time....It was my 21st birthday and he had prepared a candle light dinner. Every few minutes he would tell me to cover my eyes and he would put a gift in front of me. I honestly don't remember what those gifts were, but he was setting up a pattern to surprise me. The last time he had me cover my eyes, he was on one knee holding the ring when I opened them...it is one of my happiest memories and I think about it every time I look at my ring.

Well, tonight was the dinner, and I couldn't resist looking at the rings on the other ladies fingers. I saw A LOT of REALLY BIG diamonds....I think I should want one, but I just don't. I don't think they are wrong for buying bigger diamonds, if it makes them happy, but I like my original ring. I love it's memories, I love thinking about the care my husband put into picking it out, I love the little flutter in my heart every time I catch a glimpse of it on my hand....I don't want to give all that up just to look like someone who "belongs" at a charity ball. I shouldn't care what they think, but for some reason I do, and it has made me wonder if all women see so much in a diamond (and I'm just totally in the dark :P).

So tell me, what is in your diamond, and what do you see in another woman's diamond?
Do you even notice the diamonds on other women?
Do you think the size of the diamond reflects how much a man loves his wife?
Do you think diamonds are a symbol of financial status as well as relationship status?
Would you think differently of a woman wearing a 2 carat diamond than a woman wearing a 1/4 carat?

I must say, I think the large diamonds are beautiful, and I would have loved it if my husband had given me one the first time around, but I'm just too sentimental to trade my little one in. Plus, I'm a sahm and I can think of a ton of ways I'd rather spend the $$! I might consider an anniversary ring for our 10 year anniversary, but even then, I wouldn't think I would like a big one because I wouldn't want it to overshadow my Bridal set....

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Charlie - posted on 12/21/2010

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What bitch !
I would never trade my original wedding ring its the sentimental not the monitory value that matters .

[deleted account]

My ring isn't the exact ring I would have picked if money hadn't been an issue. BUT, I love my ring and wouldn't "upgrade" for anything because like you, my husband worked really hard to afford it for me. We picked out our rings together. It was a huge, long process because we couldn't agree on any of the sets we saw. I liked one, he wouldn't like it. Vice versa. When we picked this one out of the case, we both went, "I like it!" It was the first one we had agreed on immediately so we got it. I never notice the diamonds on other women's rings unless they are huge and gaudy. I definitely don't think the size of a diamond says anything about how much a man loves his wife. For anyone to assume that is just them being materialistic and tacky. My aunt and uncle have been married for over 60 years. She still wears the same tiny diamond ring that he gave her way back then. The only addition has been a band, which was her mother's ring.

As far as the "financial status"....I think a lot of people THINK that the size of a woman's diamond is some kind of symbol of how much money they have. But I think a lot of that is smoke and mirrors. I know a girl who had a ginormous diamond engagement ring that her husband was still making payments on long after they divorced. While they were married, they struggled to keep their lights on, so that ring meant nothing other than they had tried to live beyond their means.

Personally, I don't like large diamonds in rings. I prefer simple jewelry. To me, something understated and elegant is far more beautiful than a giant, tacky, could burn ants with it, diamond ring.
I think an anniversary ring is a great idea. It can be added to your set and if you shop well, you'll find something that enhances your set, not overshadows it. You can add onto your set as a symbol of how you and your husband have added on other facets of your marriage (kids, years together, the way your relationship evolves, etc).

Desiree - posted on 12/22/2010

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Yes it does say a lot about you, it says that you are happy and content in your marriage and no amount of flashy gems is going to change how you feel about your man. It says that you are not a greedy in your face person and prefer to hold onto what you consider dear to your heart. Your ring has been blessed by the vows of matrimony which thier big flash new ones where not. If you want big flashy jewelry go ahead but wear it on the other hand and keep your original exactly where the man of your life put it. I think your ring and mine which is probably the same as yours small and special says a lot about who we are and the type of men we married but not in the same way these ladies rings scream out about who they are.

Jane - posted on 12/22/2010

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I'm what my husband calls a jewelry whore (said with love, of course) because I just love jewelry...If I could dress in nothing but jewelry, I would!

The title of your post is what I want to respond to. You titled it "What's in a ring...". Well Kelly, what's in your ring is an amazing amount of love, sentiment, caring and memories. You so elequently stated what was in YOUR ring by what you wrote in your post and it gave me goosebumps because despite your friends bigger rings, I bet they don't have nearly the marriage that you have.

My husband has bought me a LOT of jewelry over the years but my favorite piece is the first ring he bought me while on a business trip in Puerto Rico. We weren't married at that time...as a matter of fact, only dating for about 6 months. While on this trip, he went to a casino and played the roulette wheel and won a bunch of money and bought me a cute little pinky ring with emeralds, saphires and rubies. All the stones are tiny...it wasn't a very expensive ring but it's one that I remember and cherish the most because of...oh, so many reasons.

My engagement ring is not a diamond...it's a one carat natural emerald (my birthstone) with two small canary diamonds on the side (added a few years later replacing white diamonds). Do I notice other women's diamonds? Heck yeah because I love jewelry so much but do I think it reflects how much a man loves his wife? Hell no. Do I think it's a symbol of financial status? Nope..not at all...I think in some cases it's a way of people making others THINK they are financially secure when in reality they might not be. Would I think differently of a woman wearing a 2 carat diamond than a woman wearing a 1/4 carat diamond? Again, nope. And again...I love jewelry...big diamonds, small diamonds,whatever but to me, it's what went into the picking out and purchase of the ring that matters to me. And baby.....your diamond is huge with love and I would trade that for anything!

I wear a 1/2 wide white gold wedding band with diamonds and emeralds. I don't wear my solitaire emerald daily because I'm always banging my hands around. I could give a rats ass what people think of my jewelry and you shouldn't either...care what your marriage is all about and it sounds like you've got a winner!

Krista - posted on 12/22/2010

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Marina, I think there's a difference between "upgrading" your ring if it's your husband's idea and he genuinely wants to get you something bigger, and ASKING your husband to upgrade because the smaller ring he gave you just isn't good enough for you.

I don't think too many husbands would surprise their wives with a new engagement ring -- it'd probably be the type of thing that they'd mention first, to see what she thought. And like the others, I would probably say that I love my engagement ring, but that we could look at something like an eternity band to mark our years together instead. But there are some women who would say, "Sure! Sounds great!", and there's nothing wrong with that, either, as long as both parties are on board.

What's rude is what Kelly's friends did: requesting a new ring because they were ashamed of the original one that was given with so much love and hope.

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[deleted account]

I have a 1/4 diamond ring and let me tell you I thought is was awful when he proposed. However, he went to a lot of trouble trying to find one he thought I would like and even though I still wouldn't have ever bought it for myself I would never ask for anything else and I would NEVER ask for a new or bigger one. He gave me that ring 10 yrs ago and I still treasure it with everything I have.

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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I completely disagree with them. I have a friend like that but I would never want nor could we afford some massive diamond engagement ring. We didnt have alot of money at the time we got engaged either. Im quite happy with mine

Stifler's - posted on 01/19/2011

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I would always keep this ring, but yeah. It would be hell nice for him to buy me a really nice huge one bahaha.

Amber - posted on 01/19/2011

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my ring wasa heirloom, my father gave it to my mother, and my mother gave it to my husband to give to me ♥ on our ten year anniversary, i think [from hints he has given] that he plans on getting me an 'anniversary' ring, and i wouldn't mind that. then my 'engagement' ring goes in my necklace or in a special spot until my son is old enough to propose :) keep the chain going. i would never trade it in though, not for all the giant diamonds in the world. i know lots of people who are married who don't wear rings. it's the love part that counts. how would that woman feel if you went to her home and asked her husband 'sure, the ring is huge. but how big is your LOVE for her?'. i wonder if he could answer?

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2011

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I picked out my engagement ring, if my husband had his say it would of been huge. I dont think the size of your ring reflects anythin (at least not to me). It amazes me when I see these huge rings on womans fingers, and I know full well they are still renting their home/appartment, have tons of debt.

If anything my ring reflects my need to pay with cash, and not to owe money to anyone else LOL. So I guess my ring says im cheap BAWHAHAHA.

Soky - posted on 01/19/2011

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Should of bitch slapped them! Who cares what they would say. The ORIGINAL RING has MORE MEANING than the new one. The girls are just unhappy and wanted MORE. You have never notice yours because you are probably happy and that means a lot because your not complaining about the size of yours. I wouls never ask my husband for a new ring since it took him his hard earn money just to get me this one and it has lots of meaning to it. I dont think I could EVER TRADE MINE IN FOR A NEW ONE.

Nikki - posted on 12/23/2010

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There are only two reasons that i would give up my original ring. 1) If my daughter was getting it from her future fiance. 2) if my son wanted to give it to his future wife.

I am way too sentimental to give it up for a status symbol. My husband even asked me if I wanted a new set for our 5th anniversary be cause we can afford it now. I can't see doing that. I know the memories and what this ring means to me. It is an everyday reminder of how much I am loved and what I have to be thankful for. And it cost less than $300. I don't think it is the money that matters and big diamonds on someone who just wants to show them off look gaudy and make that person look shallow.

Barb - posted on 12/23/2010

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I like the point that Joy made back a few pages ago. I had read all the posts before i posted mine but i had forgot to mention that point.

The one she made about the man still making payments on the ring after they were divorced. I guess i don't see the sense in setting up your marriage for financial hardship. The more stuff we buy, the more we have to work to pay for it. The more we have to work, the less time we have to do what we want with each other.

So to start off the marriage with a giant debt we can't afford would not be a good idea.

Marina, i also wanted to say, i think i understand what you were asking before. You had asked about women taking the ring back and getting a smaller ring and wouldn't that be the same as having it changed into a larger ring. The difference to me would be in getting money back instead of paying money out. One would benefit my new family the other wouldn't.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/22/2010

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No Marina, my SIL's ring is the other one; I really like the one you described too! But I think hers is just...too much going on at once.

Stifler's - posted on 12/22/2010

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If I was smart I would have got one of those created diamonds. They have no occlusions and are a fraction of the price I paid for my ring. I don't really care what my ring is worth I just love the ring.

Nikkole - posted on 12/22/2010

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My husband proposed to me when i was 15 and at first (before he bought my ring like a day before) he game me a peble like penguins do he was really nerdy back then :P

Kate CP - posted on 12/22/2010

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My engagement ring is a four leaf clover with emeralds in it. I love my engagement ring. I made sure I told my husband before he went out and bought anything that I did NOT want a diamond. But I like to be different. ;)

This calls for another history lesson, ladies! The traditional diamond solitaire "engagement ring" has really only been around since the 1930s. The diamond industry noticed that many women called diamonds boring...cause they kinda are. They can look like just plain glass if they're not cut very well or set well. Sales were plummeting, interest was dwindling, and something needed to be done. So our boys went over seas to fight the war and saw DeBeers' 1947 great new marketing campaign: A Diamond Is Forever. They came back home and brought with them diamond solitaires (because really soldiers couldn't afford a whole lot more) for their sweethearts. The tradition took off and is still alive today. Cause what better way can you pledge undying love than with a rock? ;)

Nikkole - posted on 12/22/2010

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I agree Sarah! Me and my husband got married when i was 18 he was 21 and we couldn't afford MUCH but what he picked me out was PERFECT i love it soo much still ill never trade that ring in!

ME - posted on 12/22/2010

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This makes me sad...I don't wear a diamond at all. I have a Saphire band, very simple, and exactly what I wanted. I actually have a hard time understanding the overwhelming support of the diamond industry at all...I told my husband from the beginning that I didn't want fancy jewlery, and wouldn't wear it if he bought it...A couple years ago, my hubby was given a promotion and wanted to buy me an expensive ring to replace my wedding band; I told him I would keep the ring I got married with, thank you very much...

[deleted account]

oh wow some people are shallow! when i was engaged i loved everything about my engagement ring even if it had a smallish diamond

[deleted account]

Oh, Barb, what a beautiful story!!! I do love antique rings that have been handed down.

Ha, I didn't catch the irony of the "charity ball" until now. lol! What makes it even more ironic is that they don't make a donation--my husband's firm buys their invitations so that their husbands can network :P Personally, I hate them. I never know what to do with myself, and I was just starting to get more confident, then these girls go and make me self conscious again. ugh. I would much rather just write a check and send it in and hope they put the company name on something, but my husband says it's important to meet people in this economy. At least I get to pick the charities!

Barb - posted on 12/22/2010

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I'm still chuckling at the irony of it being a CHARITY event during the holidays and those selfish bitches are focused on themselves and how they are going to look with their big diamonds. Nothing says 'charity' like showing off how much you could have spent but didn't.

Your ring is more beautiful than any of theirs because it was not demanded but freely given with love, respect and admiration.

I wear another woman's ring with pride and love. I wear Doug's grandma's ring. After Uncle Dale's funeral we were taking her back home, she took Doug into the bedroom and said, "Take my wedding ring and marry Barb before I die." And you just do what grandma says. We weren't planning on getting married LOL

I've never had it appraised, i have no idea how many carats it has. I do know it is yellow gold and white gold holding five diamonds in a row. I take it to the jeweler to have it cleaned every 3 months or so and have the diamonds checks and the little fastener thingys inspected to be sure i don't lose one. He always hands it back to me and says "this is such a beautiful ring" and i say, "thank you, it's priceless to me"

This ring says to me; "not only do I, Doug, want to marry you, but my whole family wants me to marry you and wants you to become part of our family."

and now i'm crying again, dang it! i suck!

[deleted account]

I love my engagement ring, I have no idea on the size except it is not a big diamond. My hubby wanted me to choose the ring because I can be notoriusly difficult to pick for, my tastes are rather ecclectic, and it's a good job he did want me to pick because the rings I had thought I liked I actually hated when on my finger - they were far too big. I had the choice of whatever ring I wanted and fell in love with mine, it is 18ct gold with a small solitare diamond set in a small oval shape (I have no idea about terminology) the band is kinked where it meets the diamond so it gives it a different look. I have never seen another engagement ring that looks like mine and I love that! My wedding band is just plain 18ct gold band, I find the simplicity of my rings is what makes them so beautiful.

I would never change my ring, it is so special to me and symbolises our love, I would however love an eternity ring and am due one when we get round to it (he has promised - I didn't ask).

[deleted account]

My engagement ring is a wedding band. I preferred that to the actual engagement ring in the set.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/22/2010

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Jocelyn, your SIL ring, is it the one with the solitaire in the center and diamonds down the side of the band? If it is, I don't think it is tacky at all. I think yours and hers are both beautiful, just different tastes.

[deleted account]

We didn't get engaged, we just got married! So I don't have a diamond at all, and I don't feel the loss! We chose our wedding bands together - not very expensive, but nice. We've been very happy together for 33 years, so I don't think the jewellery indicates anything!
My opinion of your acquaintances is the same as everyone else's!

[deleted account]

The rings you have posted are beautiful! I especially like Jocelyn's--It is so simple, but still very unique.
There are no pictures of mine, my husband bought it from a local jeweler who designs on the side, as a hobby. He didn't have it designed for me, but saw the jeweler (who we are friends with) working on it. It was never meant to be an engagement ring, so it will not hold a very big diamond, (thus, to upgrade I would have to get a whole new ring). Anyway, he was going to scrap it, it was just an experiment, and my husband stopped him and asked him to set a diamond in it. I didn't know that story until several years after we were married. I knew it came from Henry's shop, but I didn't know the whole story....it makes me like it even more!

[deleted account]

I don't have the patience to read 5 pages of replies at the moment (shoot me later though), so just going off the op....

Our ring set (my engagement ring and both wedding bands) cost about $300 and I loved it. Simple, like me. I would've hated a big 'rock'. As it is.... I quit wearing the engagement ring after the girls were born cuz I didn't want to risk scratching them.

I think what kind of ring you want/have has a lot more to do w/ personal preference (and maybe financial status, not sure... never had any money) than quality of relationship. If my ex HAD bought me a bigger, more expensive ring I would'nt have liked it cuz of the 'waste' of money. ;)

Kylie - posted on 12/22/2010

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I love my wedding ring, it took us months to find the one i wanted and we spent a fair chunk of our savings on it. Because it was something i was going to wear everyday for a very long time I didn't want a solitaire or massive rock that would catch on fabric or scratch my future kids.
My ring is yellow gold fillargee with three diamonds set into it that equal 1.5 carats. I wanted a vintage ring but ended up finding the perfect one in a jewelery shop.
My mum always had a massive rock..my dad proposed to her with a huge chunk of uncut emerald and she designed the ring . It's really showy and huge and recently shes had diamonds added to the setting and the yellow gold changed to platinum. Not my taste but each to their own. I have seen women eyeing it.
I dont really notice other womens diamonds unless they are big and glittery or she has nice hands. When i see big diamonds i think "spoilt" I like seeing rings that are a bit different and look personal.

Stifler's - posted on 12/22/2010

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i made a replica of my mum's engagement ring, that's why i love it so much. it's just one diamond in the middle and a chip on either side, very traditional engagement ring

Rosie - posted on 12/22/2010

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my ring is small, but i love it. like REALLY love it. i went with him to look at rings so he could get a feel of what i liked (he wanted me to, it wasn't my idea), and i showed him what i like. he ended up picking out the most beautiful ring ♥ it reminds me of his grandmothers set actually. the engagement ring is a small diamond, that has the gold kindof shaped into a flower around it (it gives the illusion the ring is bigger, lol) with 2 small diamonds on the side. the wedding band is four small diamonds. for last years valentines day i got my family ring. it's got my sons birthstones and his birthstone in it, in the order they came into my life so it's now part of my set of rings i wear on that finger.
i would never want a different diamond to replace this one. i will never understand getting rid of the old ring. i just can't do it, it's too sentimental to me. i've thought numerous times about what i would do if someone robbed me and wanted my wedding ring. most of the time i tell myself i'd take being shot rather than give it up, it has so much sentimental value to me.i know that sounds dumb, but i really have a rough time with it, lol.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/22/2010

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Haha funnily enough, if you click my link, then you see "HOME » RING STYLES » ENGAGEMENT RINGS » SOLITAIRE" click on engagement, then multi stones, then modern, and it shows two big rings. The ring on the right hand side is my SIL's gaudy ring I was trying to describe LOL

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/22/2010

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I cannot agree with that logic Christine. I have known plenty of both, and I think it just depends on what you want in life and on your finger.

Vegemite - posted on 12/22/2010

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that's the difference between new and old money Emma. New likes to show it off old does not.

Stifler's - posted on 12/22/2010

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I did propose and I also paid for my own ring so I'd love him to buy a huge one when I was old and not working or doing as much running around after small children! I think it's the whiteness and clarity of the diamond that's most important. You can have a huge diamond but unless it's nice and white and shiny it's going to look like a cubic zirconia anyway. I live in a town full of rich people and most of them have half carat diamonds for their engagement ring

September - posted on 12/22/2010

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Those ladies sound pretty shallow! Lots of love is in my diamond as well as special memories of the day my husband proposed that flood my mind every time I look at it. I don't go out of my way to notice other women's diamonds. I do not think that the size of a diamond reflects the love one has for the other. I also do not think that diamonds are a symbol of financial status or relationship status at all. I know people who have huge diamonds and are flat broke and people who have little diamonds that are very well off. I would not judge a person on how big or small ones diamond is. Ebony my diamond is a lot like yours except its gold. :)

Vegemite - posted on 12/22/2010

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I feel exactly the way you do Kelly. I would never "upgrade" my ring and it makes me feels sad just thinking about not wearing my husband's ring. My diamonds not large either but we did get an eternity ring with more diamonds and that is special to me too.

My grandmother got a new engagement ring after 40years of marriage because her original band wore through. Instead of getting it fixed my grandfather left it the way it was, got her a new one and proposed again. I think that's probably the only nice reason to get a new one, if something happened to the original.

Nikkole - posted on 12/22/2010

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Yea if my husband had gotten me a bigger ring i would take it back and get these birth stone rings there stackable and i would get one for each of my kids and my hubby :) im not a big diamond person i think if you wear too much it makes you look like you think your better than everyone else or it makes you an easy target for someone to jump ya and take your jewelry lol

Charlie - posted on 12/22/2010

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Marina , I believe I said earlier "If he wanted to buy me a big diamond I wouldn't say no I just wouldn't ask for one another option would to be to get an addition to the old ring combine old with new but only at his request I don't think it would cross my mind to ask for anything more ."

Nikkole - posted on 12/22/2010

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Yea i would NEVER be ashamed of the ring my husband gave me but i hardly ever wear my engagment ring i only wear my wedding bad! Together there almost 2carat's I have my engagement ring which is a princess cut solitaire and my band with little diamonds across the band! Its nothing fancy but i LOVE THEM! MY mom just got a ring and its over 3 carat's with all the diamonds IT looks like this http://www.kay.com/webapp/wcs/stores/ser...

For myself that is way to over the top i plan on keeping the one MY husband picked out for me because its special!

Shauna - posted on 12/22/2010

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I do notice other womens rings all the time. But i like my petite ring, im not a big girly girl i dont like the big rings. I knock mine into things the way it is. I have a total of 1 carot but thats total. I have a solitaire with little diamonds on the entire band, and the wedding band is entirely covered in diamonds as well. its petite and cute and fits my personality. I dont think the size matters, as long as your happy with it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/22/2010

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Yes Krista, i agree with what you are saying. I am going in a different direction with what people have said outright.

Laura - posted on 12/22/2010

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Marina, Yes I would have asked him to exchange it for a smaller ring. Same setting smaller diamond so it is still what he picked out. We had a 5 month old son at the time and had just bought a house. I would have used the extra money to buy our wedding bands. Don't get me wrong I would have felt bad asking him to exchange it because he worked so hard but I don't wear big jewelry and I wouldn't have worn it as often if I wasn't comfortable with it. Luckily I didn't have to worry about that because my hubby knows me and got the exact perfect ring for me.

Lacye - posted on 12/22/2010

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They sound like they are pretty selfish people, your friends. I am not married. But I will be next year. I don't really care if my hubby to be gets me a ring or not. To me it's not even that important. Just the wedding band is important. Nothing flashy. Just something that says, I'm his and he's mine.

Krista - posted on 12/22/2010

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Jodi, funny you should mention that. I've been lusting after emeralds lately. On my wish-list is a hammered gold ring with a cabochon emerald.

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