What would you do if your child hit you?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Nikki - posted on 05/11/2011
This is part of the reason I am such a huge anti smacking advocate. Children can learn these behaviours from us adults. It might be kinda cute if little Timmy is hitting you back at 2 but not so cute when he is a fully grown man towering over you. As a smacking parent YOU taught your child this behaviour.
Sorry, couldn't help myself, back on topic...
I would get counselling and into some kind of anger management and conflict resolution classes. I would also take him for one of those visits to a jail so he could see the consequences if his behaviour continues down that path.
Charlie - posted on 05/13/2011
Sam said :never justified, beat his ass, kick him out, or her. but dont ever say that it was ok. it would most likely go l ike this if that happend to me , he hits me , i put him in a coma.
Does anyone else see what is wrong with this picture ???
You are a hypocrite ...worse your action would be far more than the actions of theirs ....so who should put YOU in a coma for your actions ?
Sorry but everyone saying they would beat them , hit them put them in a coma ... it conjurs up images of rabid dogs cage fighting , you hit back you are no better , if you are not concerned with finding out the reasons for their upset then why be a parent , you want to discipline them like a human than call the the police , let them face the consequences of the law , teach them it isnt ok and that human society has rules dont sink to their level .
Uh no a child should never hit there parent. And if my daughter hit me, like hit me hit me then i would kick her ass right then and there someone would have to call the cops on me!
EDITED TO ADD: If it was a slap then i would just slap her back but if it was like a punch to the face best believe we would hash it out. If she wants to hit me like im her equal best believe we're gonna fight. Now after that was all done i would talk to her and of course my love for her would never go away but no. . that will never fly with me. but right now my daughter is 9 months so hopefully that will never happen!! but u just dont know with some teenagers these days! you can raise them the best you can and once they have a mind of their own they will do what they want. i just hope my daughter has more sense than that
Jodi - posted on 05/12/2011
I have a teenage son, and he IS bigger than me, but I can't imagine him ever having that much disrespect as to hit me. I just can't see it happening. But then, I don't hit him, so the respect is mutual.
Anyway, in the situation where he DID hit me, I would be seeking some anger management counselling, because I don't care WHAT the reason, there is no justification and he needs to learn to manage his anger in a constructive way.
My immediate reaction, I honestly can't be sure, it is really hard to comprehend that it could even happen. I would HOPE I could remain calm enough to kick him out of the house and tell him to go for a walk while I calmed down and gave it some thought on how to handle it. I definitely wouldn't call the cops - I think that would be an over-reaction and could compound the problem. Far better to get to the bottom of the anger and learn to manage it.
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Tah - posted on 05/13/2011
Well cherish..and everyone else who doesn't like my response..glad I don't give a flying crap...I'll do what I do and raise my kids how I see fit, and you can do the same....told ya, not debating, my answer stands, let child hit me(which they won't unless they have a complete mental breakdown) and I'll prove it, I'm mom, I raised you, you aren't raising me, point, blank period...
Sharon, what's the problem with name...I see people on here named Johnny, and Jack and whatever else...some people may not want everyone to know their real name, some are just expressing themselves and it has nothing to do with not wanting to face reality....must be friday cause the claws are out...
Cherish - posted on 05/13/2011
Thank you laureen, my thoughts exactly. If your kid hits you and you hit him back, then thats the stupidest thing you can do. Violence used against violence. Wow thats intelligent. If your kid is angry enough to hit you and then you get angry enough to hit them back, your no better, at all. The parent is supposed to take control of the situation not beat the shit out of the child. Thats just wrong.
And tah. Hitting a child IS wrong but so is hitting an adult..but the parent should know better than to hit back..and in my opinion a parent who spanks a child deserves to get hit back by the child
Sharon - posted on 05/13/2011
What is with people hiding behind stupid fake names? Really? You can't handle reality that poorly?
Its hard to debate with "anti jesus" and obviously made up names that try to describe a persons genetic make up, LMFAO. Its just a bunch of scared children who don't want reality on their doorstep. So they take a halloween fake identity to keep it just one more step away from them.
If you are that far off from reality - trust me - your idea of how you might handle your toddler now child, hitting you 15 years in the future is a joke.
Nikkole - posted on 05/13/2011
I would call the police now my husband would have a melt down and probably hit back so i would have to hold him back. I was hit by my mother at 17 i smarted off and my grandfather had to pull her off of me so i would never hit my kid back, and i hope i raise my kids with enough respect that they would never hit there mother or father!
Tah - posted on 05/12/2011
We were in karate class and they wanted my son and my niece to fight me...I was actually helping teach the class and he wanted me to show them what they were doing wrong while fighting and they were flat out refusing to fight me,..even for the sport..my son said he knew better then to swing at me, even for play with a bunch of people there to help him..lol, my niece finally agreed after I promised to hold back...alot, lol, just the thought of it freaked them out because it's just not what we do and they know the consequences...they are both at least 2-3 inches taller than me but Doesnt matter, you hit me, I'm taking you out and we will get you help.....after
Sam - posted on 05/12/2011
never justified, beat his ass, kick him out, or her. but dont ever say that it was ok. it would most likely go l ike this if that happend to me , he hits me , i put him in a coma. but he prob wouldnt hit me cuz he trys now and gets punished badly. but hard labor sounds like a good idea!
Sherri - posted on 05/12/2011
#1 I can assure you it would never in this life time. however, if it did so help me I would pummel them and they would never forget it. If they hit me, they better hope I never get up because if I do they better run far far away.
Tyrae - posted on 05/12/2011
I wouldn't put up with it, but to tell the truth I did hit my mom once when I was a teenager. But I only did it because she hit me first and there was no good reason for her to hit me in the first place. I didn't call her any names we were just in a heated argument and I guess she lost control and slapped me in the face so I slapped her right back. She never hit me again and I never hit her again either. I'm not sure what I would do if my kids hit me... my daughter is only 6 months old and flailing has hit me in the face lots, but she doesn't know any better at this age so I just let it go.
Lacye - posted on 05/12/2011
Tah, Honey, You took the words right out of my mouth! LOL I can't imagine my daughter hitting me, but if she ever does, she will never do it again. I'm sorry but there is no way in hell she is going to get away with hitting me. Yeah the right thing to do is probably to call the cops but it will be done after I get a hold of her.
Rosie - posted on 05/12/2011
it would depend. was it the first time? what led up to it? most likely i would call the cops. i would not hit my child back. what would that solve? i would also not like to be charged with child abuse....you're the p;arent you're supposed to be in control.
â*PHOENIX*â - posted on 05/12/2011
Yesterday I was watching a rerun of the Tyra show and there were girls as young as 10years old who beat on their mothers, some of their mothers were scared to sleep at night, had to sleep with their bedroom door locked…it was really sad to see, and these girls were getting mad at the mothers for typical things like not wanting to take a shower and being told they couldn’t go somewhere, but instead of getting upset and sulking they would beat on their mothers.
some of the mothers would fight back and others would just take it...
My 8year old was watching with me, and his jaw dropped, eyes popped out of his head and he said “Mom this is outrageous! You don’t hit your mom EVER,”
Giacci - posted on 05/12/2011
i would hit em back. my mom started hitting back and then when they hit the age of 18 she started calling the cops altho at that point they werent hitting her they were hitting eachother. theres no reason a child should hit their parents for any reason. unless they are like me and their mother is attacking them.
Mechelle - posted on 05/12/2011
Jodi, you said that you question how hitting back is a solution? At that point, if your child is 16, 17, and they hit you...wouldn't it be self defense on your part to hit back? At that age, they know exactly what they are doing, and know well enough, parent or not, if they are going to hit someone...it's going to come right back to them.
Jodi - posted on 05/12/2011
I question how hitting back is a "solution" because it really isn't solving the problem. For a child to hit a parent, there is an underlying issue somewhere, and obviously a total lack of respect, so I honestly just fail to see how hitting back solves that.
Ez - posted on 05/12/2011
I don't smack. I hate the thought of hitting kids. BUT if my daughter turns into a crazed hormonal freaknuts at 13 and hits me, I would protect myself. If that involved hitting her back, then so be it. At 13, I was the size of a grown woman (5ft 8, 60kg) and I expect my daughter will be the same. I would certainly not just allow her to whack me and not defend myself or restrain her.
Afterwards, her whole life would be turned upside down. She would forget what fun is. If I am raising her without physical punishment, I'll be damned if I would tolerate her lashing out like that. Nope, she would be doing nothing but school, eating and sleeping (with a bit of counselling thrown in) for a long ass time.
Samantha - posted on 05/11/2011
My child is not yet a teen so my thinking on this subject may change when she gets this age. But I want to teach her that hitting is not right and it is disrespectful, so when we hit our children back, what are we teaching them? Your telling them dont hit, but at the same time you are hitting them. Yes they may get the point that they hit and you will hit back, but it seems like there is a better way to teach them. Do two wrongs make a right? Take away the things that they enjoy and strip them of their rights. This is just my opinion and everyone has different views
K. - posted on 05/11/2011
I agree with Mechelle. It totally depends on what initiated the attack. What were the circumstances surrounding the hitting? And I've smacked by kids on the butt before Nikki, so what you're saying is if one day they jack me in the face I had it coming?
Tah - posted on 05/11/2011
Umm, nikki, not so cut and dry because There are many, many parents who have used other discipline methods and never spanked who have children who hit and disrespect them, I however know many, many people who were raised with spankings(not abuse) but spankings, and have never, ever lifted our hands to our parents, and would never consider it. Just wanted to put that out there, but I won't go on since that's not the debate...sorry ladies...go on...
Jane - posted on 05/11/2011
I would call the cops. My son, who does have a history of hitting and pushing me and my late husband, has been told this and we have done it. As a result, his attacks have lessened. It didn't hurt that he was referred to Adult Protective Services because my husband was both disabled and over 65. Texas law punishes that quite severely. He was given a warning, but he now has a record and he knows that.
There should never be any hitting in your home. Not by you, your son or anyone else. Hitting is assault, plain and simple.
An additional consideration in my case is that my son is Bipolar, ADHD and ODD, as well as over 200 pounds. He has been in and out of residential treatment and we are now at the point that the law is our only option. As early as age 5 he threatened me with a knife. At age seven he tried to kill himself for the first time. He has been in counseling and under medication for more than 10 years, which helps us in that we have professionals to testify on our side.
However, ever since the cops were involved, even though they did not arrest him, he has watched his behavior. He is even doing better in school.
Tah - posted on 05/11/2011
And that's all I can do Donna...is be real..and the fact the my kids are trained in martial arts(I am also though I have a higher belt and help teach their classes) I am not just going to do a leg sweep and double punch them, it's going down. My parents have 7 children, to this day if we ever lost our minds....my mother and father would make us regret it. If it's something where they mentally snapped, well then we we just sort that out later...but yes, IF..in some alternate universe it happened, that is what I will do..no question....
I really cannot imagine my son ever hitting me, but I'm not naive enough to think it cannot happen. If it does, my immediate response would be to keep myself safe--obviously, I would not hit him back, but I would take him down and restrain him (I am trained to do this without hitting). Once I am out of danger, I would work towards calming him to a point where we can talk about what he is trying to accomplish by hitting.
Next would be the long term consequences. I would not call police because the juvenile penal system here is crap, and he would only get worse there. I would strip his room to a bed, a desk, and his clothes. Next, I would hire a psychologist, because, like JuLeah, I believe that violence at this age indicates a disposition for future violence, and mental disorder, or some lacking in social/emotional education--basically, if he is hitting at 13, there is an issue I have not addressed, or am incapable of addressing on my own. And I do not mean for a week or two--that room would be stripped for at LEAST 3 months, and he would visit with the professional I hire, for at least a year. Hitting at 13 is serious, not something to punish and forget about.
My son is already involved in my volunteer work, and I expect him to remain involved throughout his childhood, but I liked the idea of stepping that up, or perhaps centering the work around victims of DM or helping kids learn to express emotions in a positive way.
Tah - posted on 05/11/2011
Okay, let me say firstly..they won't....let me also say I won't be debating this answer because I am dead serious and nothing anyone here or anywhere for that matter, can say will change this......let's say that in some far off land my child hits me for any reason other than I'm trying to tie them down as a sacrifice to Satan......I will tear fire to their ass...I don't mean I'll spank, pop, etc..I will full on wear them out, you would only see better on HBO pay per view....after they are released from the hospital and I'm done giving my statement for self defense to the police, I would definitely contact whatever family member they were staying with(options would be thin because my family would probably be lined up to get to them for that blatant disrespect)..or teen shelter, I would send them to counseling..but AFTER....because first..I'm stomping you out...point, blank, period..that is all...
Ebony you know better than to start this mess girl..lol
Kimberly - posted on 05/11/2011
but i agree calling the cops can make things worse child services get involved, your child claims you beat him, you get arrested and he ends up in a foster home, its classic. this is the reason people dont punish there kids. hell i am afraid of the mandating reporter across the street calling the cops on me if my kid screams for more than two minutes. she has already done it to another mother.
Stifler's - posted on 05/11/2011
Send them to the doctor Phil house. No not really. I'd tell them they can get out until they apologise and make up for it severely and lock the doors. If they're still raging I'd call the cops, there's nothing I hate more than kids who think assault is their right and that gaol time is a joke.
JuLeah - posted on 05/11/2011
If they use violence with a family member at age 13, they will use violence with a family member at age 30. Domestic violence is learned behavior. It is a choice. It can be unlearned and new choices can be made. Call the cops .... NO. The child can say, when they show up, "My mom hit me first" and then you go to jail. Move them out to stay with another family member for a time. Bring it out in the open and get folks talking, all sending the same message; Not Okay.
Bring in a professional, someone who understands DV. Get the kid involved in postitive programs .... volunteer for folks in need ... use their skills to make the world a better place ... let them see how much we need them. And no, there is no justification for hitting - ever and if you do make an excuse, or let it go, you set the stage for future abuse
Most likely I'd strike back, but I'd try not to. Like Kate, I would relieve him of every privilege he had. Games, phone, tv, after school activities that weren't compulsory, etc. There would be no fun for him for at least a week. Maybe two, depending on how mad I got and what kind of hitting it was. A full on punch would warrant a slap back. I honestly can't imagine my boys hitting me though, since they get into trouble for hitting already.
Edit to add: I'd take away his bed too. He could have clothes and food and a roof over his head, but that's it. If he can't respect me (the person who provides everything he's got), then he doesn't need anything from me apart from the bare necessities.
Mechelle - posted on 05/11/2011
It depends on why they hit me in the first place. My mother was a great mom, and she never hit us. I was a teen and got mad at her and told her to f*** off. She punched me! I couldn't believe it! Looking back, I understand why she did it, and what I did was a complete lack of respect. She had every right to hit me.
In my opinion, if my child hit me at a teen age where they know exactly what they were doing... I would probably hit back. Not hard enough to do any damage, but to let them know that it is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated.
Kate CP - posted on 05/11/2011
I can't imagine my kids ever hitting me...I mean...wow. What a lack of respect and control. If that ever happened, for whatever reason, they would lose all privileges and benefits. Their room would be stripped bare. If they assault me they're under house arrest and that means no fun at all. No phone calls. No TV. No toys. No friends. Dinner in their room by them self. School and home. When they get home straight to their room. And counseling for anger management.
Hitting is not tolerated in this house in any form. We don't swat our kids and I expect the same respect from my kids. I will admit, however, that I would be VERY tempted to slap the hell out of my kid if they ever hit me. I can't even promise that I wouldn't hit them back...I would do my damnedest to restrain myself, though.
Yea, you act like a thug in my house and you get treated like a thug.
Kimberly - posted on 05/11/2011
hitting a parent is a down right disrespect, and that is never tolerated. at least thats what i have been taught. i have seen a lot of moms do nothing and cause the son to feel they are in control and it gets worse. that is one thing that needs imediate strong reactions it cannot be tolerated.
Kimberly - posted on 05/11/2011
if my son ever hit me i tell you what it would be time to visit grandma and grandpa on the farm for hard hard labor. i wouldnt hit my kid back unless, he did it out right punch me. then i would have to say i would smack him and wash his mouth out with soap and send him to his grandparents.they have a dairy farm they still milk cows by hand and they put up hay lol. at age 18 i would just kick them out
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