When is it best to pierce a girl's ears?

Cecilia - posted on 02/16/2013 ( 223 moms have responded )

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I've always done my girl's ears before they were a year old. Some people say around 4-5. Others say 12-13.

What do you think? Why did you pierce when you did? What are the positives and negatives?

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Tracey - posted on 02/17/2013

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The right time is when your child is old enough to make the decision themselves

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/18/2013

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Quoting Jodi: "When she is old enough to ask, know what she is in for AND look after the piercing herself. "

I believe that parents making body altering decisions for their children before the kids are even old enough to know what's going on is wrong. If you want to poke holes in your body, fine, do it all day long. But if you want your baby to be "cuter" or whatever, that's not a good reason to get a body alteration. And, yes, piercing the ears is a body alteration, whether you want to think so or not.

It would be like me taking my baby boy in for a tatt. What's the point? They didn't ask for it. And they may not (on down the line) want to have holes in their ears.

If it is a cultural norm, a traditional rite of your culture, there is leeway there. But if you're just your average momma who wants to get their kid's ears pierced, wait until they're old enough to consent to have their body altered.

Dove - posted on 02/17/2013

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Depends... Not before they ask and are old enough to understand it all and at least 'help' take care of them.

In my house... it'll be 12.

Leigh - posted on 03/11/2013

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I waited until my daughter was old enough to ask me to pierce them. She is 6 1/2 and she did great!!!!

Dorothy - posted on 03/10/2013

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Our daughter is 3 and doesn't have her ears pierced yet. I don't plan on piercing her ears until she is at least in the double digits. If she is still interested in having her ears pierced by then, I plan on making it a walking into womanhood kind of celebration.

In a world where a lot of kids are allowed to do anything and everything, I want our daughter to consider even the little things special. (What people consider little things) My hope is that it will motivate her to deeply consider the things that go on and in her body and treat herself like a Queen.

I think every parent has the right to make their own decision when it comes to ear piercing, plus there are so many issues that I would put before ear piercing. Whatever works for your family.

God wouldn't have given you children if you couldn't handle it.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/23/2013

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**Closing thread for impartial party review by Admin/mods due to off topic nature of this thread**


~DM MoD Little Miss~

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/23/2013

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You know MeMe, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and quite frankly yours stinks. You want to be so dramatic that you think you make enough of an impression on me to go gab behind your back. Quite frankly, in every aspect YOU ARE WRONG! Yup, I am telling you that you are indeed wrong. And clearly I have made enough of an impression on YOU to chat behind my back. I will take that as a compliment, and deny anything that you want. I don't care. You may want to check your sources a bit better before you are assuming to much....and you know what they say about people assuming things right? You are commenting on gossip, that someone else is feeding you. You know nothing about me, my friends, or what I do in my spare time....my spare time has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, and you know what? I prefer to keep it that way. I have no interest in furthering any CoM discussion, debate, or relationship in any way shape or form from here on out. You have shown your true colors time and again, and they are rather blinding. Keep talking behind my back in here, or out there....I don't care. But I am done with you. You cannot see at all when you have made a mistake. Those that can, usually are full of growth and open mindedness. And no you were not asking if I was gonna go talk behind your back, you were telling me I was going to. I am up front and have no need to talk behind someones back. I tell it like it is to your face. Peace out.

ETA- my advice, not that you would take it, but stop spreading rumors about people. It is not very becoming. It says more about you, than the person you are talking about.

Momma - posted on 03/23/2013

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Oh well, Jodi. You don't have to understand nor agree nor see my point. That is the beauty of having opinions. They don't have to be what another understands. I am not trying to win you, here.
The next time someone wants to tell me I am wrong for having a differing opinion, just keep in mind the little personal attacks can be veered back. Although, I only asked if she was going to go talk about me now, since I am so wrong. I do have a reason. It shows that some here have an issue with respect. Telling people they are wrong and talking about them, is low. Now others are aware, how some work here. Meh. I have had my say in this thread. Time for me to move on.
I do like how you enjoy telling people how things are. Give me a break. Nothing has changed here, that is for sure. Thanks for the update on how you feel but you can keep it for your kids.
~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2013

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Actually, commenting on going back to a Facebook group IS off topic and irrelevant, and is also totally unnecessary. It has nothing to do with the discussion in this thread. I fail to see the seriousness of the question when it is entirely irrelevant anyway. Keep personal issues out of debates, and a question about facebook groups is a personal issue. it has nothing to do with CoM, and YOU are the one who brought it up for no particular reason.

Momma - posted on 03/23/2013

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Oh well, be it as it may. We disagree and nothing is going to change that. This includes the personal attacks. Asking if someone is now going to go off into their private CoM Chat FB page (and a couple other pages) to discuss amongst those CoM users, CoM information, is not a personal attack. It is a question and a rather serious one, at that. I know about it and was asking out of curiosity.
I often and most times, do go back and read but being a Mommy to a 4 wk old, is degrading that ability. ;)
~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2013

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"You are still failing to see what I am saying. You are bypassing what I have repeated several times. "

No, I am not bypassing it. I am disagreeing with it, and trying to make an failed attempt at understanding it. Just because you continue to repeat yourself (a) doesn't make me stupid and (b) doesn't mean I will agree with you. My comment is that I fail to understand why you see it the way you do. Repeating yourself will not help with that. It doesn't mean I am ignoring what you are saying.

"LMCBW and yourself, Jodi, have said you would wait until they asked. Well, they may ask at age 5. That IS long before they have any understanding of what both of you are trying to debate."

Actually, I have said I believe in waiting until they are old enough to make the choice AND be responsible for it. That isn't 5. I know you said you wouldn't go back and read, but....I suggest that sometimes that is a good idea because you clearly have not read my posts. It's never a good idea to make accusations without double checking.

And the personal attacks I was referring to was bringing into the discussion private FB groups. Despite the fact I am not part of any private FB group at the moment (other than my Uni/teaching friends and my son's football) it IS a personal off topic accusation that you brought up and it doesn't belong here and is totally irrelevant. The only person I see here making personal attacks right now is you.

Momma - posted on 03/23/2013

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Off topic personal attacks? Perhaps avoiding telling someone that they are wrong would eliminate such response? Some here, bring those responses on with their own doing. No one is "wrong" here, not even you. ;)
Jodi---"I guess I am failing to see why it is okay for YOU to choose to pierce an infants ear with absolutely no input from them, but it isn't okay for you to give permission for a teen to pierce their ear because suddenly, it is a bad choice that they would be making. At least the teen has an understanding that there will be pain, and there will be consequences for not looking after it, and that there will be permanent holes. Even if their choice wasn't the right one, they will always be able to say that they had a say in it, Could you say the same if you enforced the decision on an infant?"
You are still failing to see what I am saying. You are bypassing what I have repeated several times. I said and it is the last time I will say it. There is NO in between. You either give permission at any age or you wait until they can go and do it on their own accord. There, IMO, is no difference from doing it at infancy or giving the permission in teen-hood. In addition (and I am not going to go back to find it), LMCBW and yourself, Jodi, have said you would wait until they asked. Well, they may ask at age 5. That IS long before they have any understanding of what both of you are trying to debate.
So, I guess, as long as they are able to open their mouth and say "yes, I want earrings", the guilt or responsibility is off of you. Okay, well, whatever makes you feel better.
Oh and to answer the question. What makes me feel it is okay to make the choice in infancy and not when they are teens? I am their mother and I can make that choice, if I want to. Just like I get to make the choice if they have Formula or Breast Milk or if they start school at age 4 or 5 or if they will wear dresses or not or if they are the only child or have siblings or if they get processed baby food or homemade. Their are so many choices a mother makes, that could affect the childs' future more than having their ears pierced and well, they don't get to give their input on many things. Again, if you want to wait, then go for it. I didn't and that was my personal choice. Just because some people feel I should have, has no bearing on my final choice. :P
On the teenagers being able to make choices and needing more responsibility. Yes, I agree. This IS an important part of their growth. Does it mean they won't grow because they didn't get the choice to have their ears pierced or not? Absolutely NOT. I would allow my teen to make the choice if she wanted further piercings, just not of the navel or face (other than nose) or crotch or tongue. That was not point. My point was, they still can make very poor choices, poorer ones than the mother during infancy. They often do not believe any cons will happen to them, regardless of how many adults drill it into them. Guidance is important, I agree. However, many teens often still want to do what they want, regardless of guidance.
~MeMe

Cecilia - posted on 03/19/2013

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I personally would still allow my teen to make the choice of piercing (including multiple ear holes) Just because the brain becomes more daring doesn't mean they can't make that choice. That isn't what I was saying. It is simply their choices become riskier. Which is true. They do ignore consequences.

But yes the role of the parent of a teen is nothing more than guidance. We can tell them the down side and they might not care one bit. As a parent it's all we can do in some cases.

It does match up since teens are more willing to do things like pierce other places. These are places they wouldn't do a few years before or after... Some might regret the choice. I don't know if anything can be done to change that though.

Does any of this change my situation. No it doesn't in one of my cases. It would be something i kept in mind though if anyone asked to get more done.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/19/2013

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This point of Jodi's

"I guess I am failing to see why it is okay for YOU to choose to pierce an infants ear with absolutely no input from them, but it isn't okay for you to give permission for a teen to pierce their ear because suddenly, it is a bad choice that they would be making. At least the teen has an understanding that there will be pain, and there will be consequences for not looking after it, and that there will be permanent holes. Even if their choice wasn't the right one, they will always be able to say that they had a say in it, Could you say the same if you enforced the decision on an infant?"

Is exactly what I was trying to say, she nailed it.

Jodi - posted on 03/19/2013

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I am fully aware that the teen brain is different to an adults. I don't need links for that. However, I am also fully aware that in order to be able to make good choices, teens need to take on responsibilities and choices. Many teens make choices that impact their future FOREVER. And unfortunately, many of these choices are not choices that can be made by the parent, whether the parent likes it or not. In fact, teens CRAVE responsibility and choice in their own life.

And it actually IS fact that teens are quite capable of making good choices for themselves about important things. The evidence is out there, and I have read many articles on it. It takes direction and guidance (which no-one is suggesting SHOULDN'T happen in the case of pierced ears), but they are quite capable of making great choices with the right mentor and guide. Not all teens, but MOST. Personally, I think many people are demeaning towards teens and their capabilities. it is condescending, and quite frankly, insulting to them.

I guess I am failing to see why it is okay for YOU to choose to pierce an infants ear with absolutely no input from them, but it isn't okay for you to give permission for a teen to pierce their ear because suddenly, it is a bad choice that they would be making. At least the teen has an understanding that there will be pain, and there will be consequences for not looking after it, and that there will be permanent holes. Even if their choice wasn't the right one, they will always be able to say that they had a say in it, Could you say the same if you enforced the decision on an infant?

And MeMe, it truly doesn't surprise me that in order to drive home your point you choose to use off topic personal attacks and make irrelevant comments of a personal nature. I am choosing not to go there. I would respectfully ask you choose to do the same. Thanks.

Cecilia - posted on 03/18/2013

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the teen brain is different than a normal brain. The go through a 2nd growth process. In this process they do see themselves as invincible in some nature. They do not see the negatives as something that can happen to them. Not the best explanation of it but here-
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/...

**Edit** I found a better link--- http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/heal...

It isn't just that the brain grows, to be able to grow it must get rid of parts too. Which parts go- depend on what is used.

Now when does this happen? That depends on when puberty hits. Why does it happen? The brain has to allow risk taking actions for social growth. If we all lived in fear to talk to the other sex no one would reproduce. Some people will only use that free will to risk taking as just the example above. Others end up binge drinking or other risky activities.

As she said this does not mean a teen is unable to be responsible. It isn't saying they can't make their own choices. It's stating that their choices might be riskier than they would have done a few years before or a few years later.

As far as hair and nails growing.. no they don't the skin shrinks down and only gives the appearance of growth.- just saying..


This is the book i read that fully explains the growth and dumping process the teen brain goes through- http://www.amazon.com/Primal-Teen-Discov... if anyone cares to read it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/18/2013

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Well sounds like you have your very own secret facebook group to do exactly what you are claiming you don't do. Once again, please drop it and if you would like, you can pm me. Otherwise, go back to your group and chat some more about it and leave it out of CoM. K? And no, clearly you are not a drama queen. *rolls eyes*.

Momma - posted on 03/18/2013

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I have simply been told about your guys little clique. I never said we talked about any of you, I was just made aware and who is involved. I didn't seek, the info came to me. Nice to see you put words in my mouth, again. We have no reason to talk about any of you. Why? Because it is so mundane. However, I do know it IS what the little "secret" FB CoM page is for. ;)
I don't have a personal issue with any of you, I am not a drama queen and personally could careless what any of you think. I have never changed my stance on anything in CoM, so I thought that would be obvious. I simply want you to understand you are in no way better than someone else or any more right, than them....simply because you make different choices. So, telling someone they are "once again, wrong" is very high and mighty.
For some reason, it always turns to this. How typical. You want to wait to pierce your kids ears? Good for you. You want to do it early? Good for you. No one is right, here. It is all about preference, culture and choice. Neither is a "wrong" choice. Do you understand that, yet?
~MeMe

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/18/2013

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First of all MeMe, you do realize that in order for you to know anything, you would be talking behind other peoples backs in order to find out right? So really, by you pointing your finger at me you are actually admitting to doing the same thing you are accusing me of and others. Clearly nothing is beneath you as you claim.

Secondly, if you have an issue with me on a personal level, take it to pm. Don't drag it in here.

Momma - posted on 03/18/2013

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It's all opinions, yours included. I give credit where credit is due. I am being very realistic, you are simply trying to make your opinion the only right one.
Regardless, it really doesn't matter. The fact is, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Does not make one better than the other, they both have the same function. ;)
I don't think I am a star, I realize everyone makes choices for a reason. I debate my reasons but unlike others, I don't think other people are wrong or beneath me, for making a different choice. I am very aware of what occurs behind the CoM scene. Just like you, I have made friends here, too and some have crossed paths. ;)

Well, I am off to fling my boobs around and feed my 3 wk old girl and play with my 29 mo. Have a great day!
~MeMe

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/18/2013

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Nope. As much as you love to think you are a star, I don't bring CoM stuff anywhere but here.

And yes, you were once again clear about your thoughts. You just get so excited to make a point, typically you don't realize how open ended that point is. And my point about kids being much more mature and responsible than you give credit for was right on point. Once again, done being sucked into your "debating".

ETA, once again you were very clear what you thought of teenagers making decisions. You can of course recant if you like.

Momma - posted on 03/18/2013

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Oh, LMCBW - I was simply stating that a brain is not fully developed until age 25. I, in no way said, that after age 16, they could not be more responsible. Get with it and remember how I don't like words put in my mouth. Most here, that are saying they would wait for their child to say they wanted it, are talking about before age 16. I am explaining that they are still not apt to make such a choice on their OWN. Hence the parent needing to be there.
Here, where we are the capital of Universities in Canada, most kids are NOT deciding what University they want to go to. Since, HERE, at age 15, they are usually still in grade 9. Grade 9 HERE, is still middle school. ;) So you can bet your sweet ass, HERE at age 15, they are thinking about their career path but like I said, it is a thought.
Anyhow, you can think as you want. If you have to give parental consent, then you are making the choice. If they are not 18 (as you said was the age without consent, where you live), then yes, YOU are making the choice for them. There is a reason why before age 18 consent is required. YOU would be the one responsible.
And it is very typical of you to think YOU are right and the opposing is wrong. Sorry to burst your bubble but we all have our reasons for why we make certain choices. Don't tell me I am wrong. I am right for my family and you for yours. Get off your high horse woman. What makes you think you are so awesome and others that make different choices are beneath you? UGH, how typical of you! There are many mothers that made the choice I did. Just because you don't agree does not make them bad parents or wrong.
You have reminded me, of why so many have left this site. Are you going to go talk about me now in your little private Facebook CoM page, where you guys talk about everyone that you disagree with? LMAO
~MeMe

Stifler's - posted on 03/18/2013

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I don't even care about pierced ears. If they want them done they will ask. I'm not going to do it if they haven't even asked for it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/17/2013

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And over here, you bet your sweet ass kids are being talked to by guidance counselors as a sophomore about colleges. That CAN be at age 15, if you are young for your grade. In fact, kids are having to start volunteering as a freshmen to figure out what career paths they want, and the more places they volunteer, the more they can put on their college applications. So yeah, over HERE, we are going to school to prep for college and careers.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/17/2013

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Nope, actually you were pretty specific in your terms of teens. Actually, pretty clear about all decision making before the age of 25. Teen goes from 13-19. Pre-teen is 10-11-12.

"You do realize that a persons brain is not done growing until they are 25 yo. It is the portion of the brain that dictates reasoning and decision making that takes until age 25. So, tell me again, that a teen can make such a choice and be fully responsible for it.
So, lets just give an underdeveloped brain of a teen to make such a choice (that so many of you think is a very important decision) and then tell them it is their own fault for wanting it and us giving consent." So, yeah....go reread my posts.

" I am strictly saying that if YOU have to give parental consent, then YOU are making the final choice for said child."

NO! I DON'T HAVE TO CONSENT! I don't HAVE to let them. So if I feel my child is capable of making that decision, I am giving them PERMISSION to do it. I haven't made that decision for them. I haven't TOLD them they HAVE to do it. Not like you taking away that decision as an infant. So NO I am NOT making the decision for them. Not sure how much more clear I can make that for you. So, once again....you are wrong.

Momma - posted on 03/17/2013

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LMCBW---"Well, by your definition, teenagers should not be allowed to drive, pick a college and a career to study, go to war, get married, should I go on??"
I think you are talking about a teen that is older than 12-16. Since, they cannot do any of those things until at least age 16. What I have been hearing here, is a parent would allow their 5-13 yo make the choice for pierced ears.
Not many teens are deciding what University they want to attend at age 15, sorry....maybe where you live. They are starting to figure out what they may want to do with their future but even then, for most, it is a thinking phase not a definite.
I am not sure where you are going with this, LMCBW. I am strictly saying that if YOU have to give parental consent, then YOU are making the final choice for said child.

~MeMe

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/17/2013

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Well, by your definition, teenagers should not be allowed to drive, pick a college and a career to study, go to war, get married, should I go on?? These are all much more serious decisions than getting your ears pierced when consent is given by a parent. Drivers ed starts at 15 1/2 here. College choices start anywhere between 15-high school graduation which is typical up to 18 years of age. You can join the Army and defend your country at 18 years of age. Yeah. A bit more of a life changing decision than making the decision to pierce your ears, and having that choice over your body. So, yeah the brain keeps growing....big doi.

Did you know that your hair and your nails still grow after you die? Or perhaps that your ears and your nose keep growing throughout your life, at least for men? Same for mens heads? So I guess men should not waste the money on hats to early in life, cause they won't fit later down the road. Nor should anyone decide to have a nose job, cause I guess that will grow back to. Oh, and if you ever do decide to get your ears pierced, be careful cause when your 80, they just won't look the same **Rolling eyes**

Just because you were irresponsible with your contacts, does not mean all teenagers will be irresponsible with everything in their lives and their bodies. I know 12 year olds with contacts for crying out loud. Your blanket statement that "I am speaking from experience and fact, that teens will do and say anything, to get what they want because they want it. They will promise the world. Are some teens capable? Sure but in general? No."

YOUR fact is not my fact...so not really a fact. I was not an irresponsible teen, and neither were my friends. Maybe YOU were. But that is you. Suck it.

ETA, and nope I was not a teen like you that I "will do and say anything, to get what they want because they want it. They will promise the world." I worked for what I had. If I made/make a promise, I kept it. I had my moms help, guidance and permission. I communicated with her. I was a very responsible teen. Once again, not all teens are like you. More than "some" are capable.

Momma - posted on 03/17/2013

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Nope, that is not what is being debated. What is being debated is that a teenager can make decisions based on wanting and not be concerned of any of the cons. Even knowing full well what the cons are, it often does not deter them from still doing or wanting. It is also not uncommon for them to get what they want and once the newness wears off, they forget about the importance of caring for said want. At least with a baby, the parent is fully responsible and capable of ensuring the piercing is taken care of and done properly.
You do realize that a persons brain is not done growing until they are 25 yo. It is the portion of the brain that dictates reasoning and decision making that takes until age 25. So, tell me again, that a teen can make such a choice and be fully responsible for it.
So, lets just give an underdeveloped brain of a teen to make such a choice (that so many of you think is a very important decision) and then tell them it is their own fault for wanting it and us giving consent. Oh, OK, then. I see no difference in the parent doing it by their own choice or waiting for their teen to say they want it. In both cases, it is the parent making the final choice.
Again, my daughter wants contacts. She knows how serious they are. She knows they can make her blind if she does not take care of them properly. She knows they are a lot more work, than glasses. She still wants them. Will she be responsible enough? I doubt it. I had contacts at age 16, I did NOT take care of them. I can no longer wear contacts because I screwed my eyes up by sleeping in them and not routinely cleaning them. So, I am speaking from experience and fact, that teens will do and say anything, to get what they want because they want it. They will promise the world. Are some teens capable? Sure but in general? No.
~MeMe

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/17/2013

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LOL....so hold on here, it is being suggested that a teenager is not capable of making the decision to get a piercing on their own gumption and decision making, while fully understanding how painful it is and can get infected if not properly taken care of.....but instead it is being argued that piercing a baby is much better cause they have no choice in the issue and are still going to have to deal with the pain. That taking away a persons right to choose for themselves is better. That a teenager isn't capable nor should be allowed to make decisions that can effect their lives....and piercing their ears is way to complicated of a decision for them to make...so instead do it to them as a baby cause they just cannot be trusted to make that call about their own earlobes. Interesting.

Momma - posted on 03/17/2013

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LOL - you always think your experience is fact. We both know that isn't true. It is your experience, Jodi, as well - that does not make it fact. But I will let you believe it is fact, since it is how you feel. ;)

~MeMe

Momma - posted on 03/17/2013

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Nope, I don't think so. Teens are selfish, as they should be. Many are not equip to make accurate decisions on many levels (some levels, yes, they can). I could tell my teen that she could contract Hep from an earring gun and she would still want it done. Why? Because they don't think it will happen to them. This is one of the reasons we have such strict laws on when they can drive. Here, they can drive at 16 but can have NO passengers and must be off the road by 12:00am. Why? Because, otherwise they go gallivanting and break under peer pressure, which often causes them to drive way too fast and kill others, including themselves. Again, they don't think far enough ahead and think they are indispensable.
My teen wants a belly button ring. We have even gotten her to watch the procedure done online. It is not a pretty procedure. She ST|LL wants it. Why? Because she wants it.

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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Sorry, I totally 100% disagree with you. There is a very obvious difference. Teens are far more capable than you clearly give them credit for.

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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Jodi---"And let's face it, it is only THIS generation of parents who believe their teenagers aren't capable of making decisions for themselves. You only have to look at history to realise we are just a bit too precious about our teens."
Yes, this may be true. I don't live in any other generation, so cannot be certain. However, we live differently now and things evolve. I am not saying a teen cannot make any good decisions. I am saying they can make ones they regret and blame their parent. So, how can someone say they will wait until their kid is a teen, when it could still backfire? I do not see it being any different, than the parent making the decision earlier on.
~MeMe

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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Once again, that is your opinion.
An ear piercing is not going to change anything in that child's life. They will still be able to work anywhere and be anyone. They may decide they don't want earrings and not be excited to have holes but their life will not be changed in any shape or form. A child with FAS may not fair so lucky, since they more than likely will have many cognitive disabilities.

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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"Now you are talking about the child's life NOT just a slight physical appearance, such as an ear piercing. "

Slight physical appearance is still that child's life, not yours.

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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And let's face it, it is only THIS generation of parents who believe their teenagers aren't capable of making decisions for themselves. You only have to look at history to realise we are just a bit too precious about our teens.

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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No, I did not circumcise my boy. I am fully informed on that procedure and it is much more transforming than an ear piercing. You know that. Are you pulling at straws?

~MeMe

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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Oh my, now that is a HUGE stretch, if you ask me and well, you did. There is a big difference from being a teen and getting drunk to being a FAS child. Now you are talking about the child's life NOT just a slight physical appearance, such as an ear piercing. However, honestly, I still blame the parent for the child not being informed enough to not get so drunk to suffer negative consequences. See? Blame the parents, it's easy, right. ;)

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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Actually, there is a very big difference. Ask me how you would feel if you, as a teen, made a choice to get drunk, against your parents' advice, or armed with information on potential cons, and suffered negative consequences, vs how you would feel if you were a fetal alcohol baby and all that went with that. BIG difference. Same logic applies IMO.

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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I guess what I am getting at is, a teen making a choice that they regret later is really no different, IMO, than a mother making a choice for them.
At least if the mother made the choice, they more than likely took care of the piercing and infection was greatly reduced and if it did occur, it was managed immediately. As a teen, not taking care of it properly could be at a higher risk of having hideous ears, later in life. I could also see a teen blaming their parent for allowing them to get the piercings. So, really, how is it any different?
Honestly, I think, you either decide to do it for them OR you wait until they no longer require parental consent. Anything in between, is the same as making the choice for them. Since, as I stated, it could still turn on you and yes, they may blame you for any "problems" that may arise. I am not sure how someone could be in the middle, here. You either do it before they are old enough to make the choice themselves or you wait. No waiting until they ask for your permission to give consent and bring them.

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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I am saying that a lot of kids DO think about it. However, they will still make some decisions they regret later, I am not denying that. But isn't that their choice once they reach a certain age? Just because they don't choose what you and I think is the right choice doesn't mean it isn't an INFORMED choice. You treat teens like they are not capable of making any sort of informed choice. They aren't stupid. Making a choice you think is wrong is not that same as making an uninformed choice.
When they are infants, it isn't even a choice. So you can't compare the two.

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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Hmmmm, I actually know a lot, too. I knew a lot when I was a teen, as well. Perhaps, it is different where we each live. What I described is much more common in my experience, than them having a proactive, researching approach.

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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I disagree, I think there are a lot of teens who make choices after listening and researching information. I know lots of teens who have no piercings, and lots who have more piercings than I'd care for my child to have at that age. Their choices are often based on the information they have around them, including peers, AND parents.

And let's face it, at least when the teen is older, she can say she made some stupid choices as a teen. Better than saying her parents made stupid choices when she was a baby.

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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I am saying, Jodi, that many and most teens are not apt to make such an informed choice, either. They make choices based on emotions and wants, not from intellectual, informed means.
I don't know how many times my TEEN has wanted something and I have sat her down to explain the pros and cons. You know what happened? She heard the pros but the cons went in one ear and out the other. She wanted it so bad, that the cons meant nothing. A teen will jump up and down with anticipation and promise the world, if they think they can have what they want. You should know that and well, I know you do. ;)
I don't know about you but I am surely NOT going to ride my teens ass to take care of their newly pierced ears. I will, however, take care of my young girls ears because they need me to.

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2013

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"What if as a teen, they decide they want earrings and then as an adult, they decide they don't like them?
No different than, if they had them done as a young child and made the same choice later in adulthood."

Have you not been reading this debate? THAT is EXACTLY the difference we are debating about. At least the teen is the one who made the informed choice about the earrings, the infant/baby didn't.

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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What if as a teen, they decide they want earrings and then as an adult, they decide they don't like them?
No different than, if they had them done as a young child and made the same choice later in adulthood.
There are always going to be "what ifs" for mostly everything we do as parents. You can't go through parenthood, asking that question about everything. Some things? Of course but ear piercing? Nope, not in my mind, since they could choose to not like them regardless of how old they were, when getting them.
Anyhow, no one is going to change their mind, here. I know, I am not. Research has shown, there is NO medical reason to not pierce them at a young age. Since, all the same risks are present when they are 8 weeks or 50 yo.
~MeMe

Momma - posted on 03/16/2013

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Oh come on, there is a difference between a 12 yo deciding who they want to live with and being responsible enough to properly care for their body. Shit, my daughter wouldn't even use soap when showering at age 12. I had to fight her to take a shower. I know she would not have ensured to clean her earring holes properly. So that general statement is far fetched, to say the least. At least when she got her ears pierced "I" was in control of her cleanliness and ensuring the holes were properly cared for. I am not and would not, do it for a 12 yo or older.

Now she is 14 and wants contacts. There is no way in this green earth she is getting them until at least 16. She is definitely more responsible and much more up on her cleanliness BUT she is not ready for contacts. That is a BIG responsibility, just like newly pierced ears.

Also, even though some here believe it should not be done before the child can manage them, themselves. The fact is, it is legal and allowed. Therefore, someone, somewhere, out there believes it is up to the PARENTS. Good thing, people that make the rules, do it while considering each persons beliefs and ability to make a personal choice for their child(ren).

Oh and again, I was 16 when I got 4 new holes in each ear and they ALL got infected. Obviously I did not take them very seriously.

~MeMe

Jodi - posted on 03/15/2013

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And really, this is totally irrelevant to ear piercing - putting a hole in a child's ear just because you think it looks cute is very different to putting on a dress that looks cute.

Jodi - posted on 03/15/2013

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She doesn't actually put clothes on and parade them around, believe it or not. And we don't do Halloween. Sure, she puts on a princess or pirate outfit and plays, but she never parades it around. I smile because she is happy and having fun, not because I think she looks cute.

Cecilia - posted on 03/15/2013

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I did say "supposed to", It's more of a request than I'm going to enforce this. They all know why I put that rule out there. Although none really seem to be the type to do it.

Ok your answer about being cute is fair enough. BUT when she picked out cutsie clothes and parades around in them proud as a peacock that didn't make you smile? Even if it's a costume for Halloween?

And it doesn't have to be anything frilly. Just something that looks good on them. My baby today wore a brown long sleeve shirt and pink sweats. I thought she looked good in brown. By putting on practical clothing it keeps me from worrying about messes too.

I was going to say I was never a girly girl either, but in some ways I was. I never dressed the part but I'm very... "domesticated." I've always loved to bake and sew and such... So in some way that makes me girly too.

Jodi - posted on 03/15/2013

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"My kids have a rule that they are supposed to follow even as adults."
How do you plan on enforcing this when they are adults? I'm interested in this concept of rules you give to your children for when they are adults that they have to follow.
"Anyone who has a little girl and says they have never dressed their daughter up all cute and thought it was adorable and smiled- is a liar."
Please don't call me a liar. Thanks.
I've always gone for the practical with my daughter. The cutesy stuff didn't really happen until she was old enough to pick out what she wanted to wear. But I've never dressed her purely so she looks cute. But then, I've never been a girly girl either, so....if that makes me a liar in your eyes, so be it.

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