white lies (santa, easter bunny tooth fairy and other evils)

Sal - posted on 04/22/2011 ( 186 moms have responded )

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again this is inspired by the vegi thread.....
i was stunned by the people who said that "lying" to their kids about santa the bunny and tooth fairy was damaging to their kids as they would feel decieved.......i just don;t get it.....i do think that lying to you children bad, i mean. i don;t want my kids to be decietful and dishonest, in our house if someone is caught in a lie, big or small the punishment is usually more for the lying not the original act (for example if i am stopping tv it will be one day for the act, 2 days for the lie about it) i just don;t see the connection between santa, veggies hidden in cake, yes that is a great painting, tell nanna how much you love the t-shirt she gave you, and lying to them.....and i can't see how these small things are damaging to their personal growth, for example my son bought me the ugliest makeup purse one christmas (about 4-5 ago), it was shinny gold, but it had a little terrier dog on the zip, i told him i loved the doggy.....just recently i was getting something out of it and he said "you still have that" and i said "yes and it has grown on me, since to gold has faded it is quiet nice, i thought it was so ugly when you gave it to me" he was upset for maybe 10 seconds, then laughted saying poor mums you put up with so many crappy presents to make us happy, he got it, he didn;t feel decieved just appreciated the fact i'd done it to make him feel good......our family rule was always santa /easter bunny/tooth fairy all stop comming when you stop believing, and if you don;t believe you are old enough to join to fun of making christmas special and magic for the little ones, and no one i know has ever been damaged by this rule, and i cherish the magic of childhood...whats wrong with that......

***this isn't for those who's religion doesn't have christmas and easter but for those who say it is deception

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Tshanna Ele - posted on 04/23/2011

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in my house, WE bring the presents, not Santa. We explain the true story (old saint nick and the money down the chimney) and explain where the Santa idea came from. The tooth fairy is us too. They get a present for growing up. The Easter Bunny is... that's right... US. I think lying, ANY KIND OF LYING is wrong.

Krista - posted on 04/23/2011

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The only time I have an issue with the Santa/Easter Bunny thing is when the kid gets to the point where they have serious doubts, ask their parents, and the parents (due to not being ready to have that conversation) lie to them and insist that those figures are real. At that point, it is kind of bad, because you're telling your child that his/her instincts are wrong, and it is more of a flat-out lie than it is just the weaving of a fantasy.

My philosophy is that Santa et al add some wonderful magic to childhood, so there's nothing wrong with spinning those tales. But don't prolong it just because YOU'RE not ready for your kid to grow up.

Mary Renee - posted on 04/23/2011

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I loved having the Easter bunny and Santa in my childhood. And I can't believe that being polite to your elders is being paraded as a deceitful by some people! We had two elderly widowed sisters in their 80s and 90s living down the street. Do you think as children we were taught to be honest and say "Stay away from me, you smell funny" or we were taught to go over and say "hi" and draw birthday cards for them on construction paper?

I think imagination and politeness have a huge place in our lives. Also, I think there is a place for "lies" in our lives. Look at religion? Honestly, the bible in some degree is a big fat lie, but if it makes us feel better about life who is to say it's a bad thing?

By the way, I am totally loving reliving the Easter Bunny and Santa thing with my daughter. I mean, honestly I start to believe it myself. I get so much joy out of putting "From Santa" on her presents, and children get joy out of make believe.

By the way, has anyone ever read the book "Life of Pi"? I think it has a lot to say about this subject, but it's such a great book I don't want to give away the ending.

Alexis - posted on 04/23/2011

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We don't use the Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc but mostly because we have put our own stigma on these holidays. We are not religious either so we explain that the reason we celebrate is to be with family, have fun and teach giving. We also teach them the history of the holidays and all religious connections to them. To answer your question though, Yes to be honest it is lying by telling them things exist that don't but I don't think its going to hurt their psyche in the long run....the majority of us have all been *lied* to about these characters and were just fine, in fact it could be a really good life lesson on not always believing what your told... :)

Johnny - posted on 04/23/2011

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For me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are more real than people who were devastated by finding out that they are "make-believe". I've met Santa on several occasions and I saw the Easter Bunny twice yesterday. I've only heard tell of these "haunted by the truth" people here on COM.

@ Ashley. Thanks for that Tooth Fairy story. I love it. I like the idea of getting them less focused on the money and more focused on the fun.

Rosie - posted on 04/23/2011

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i've never heard of this until COM. i think it's rather silly, lol. who cares? people think their kids are these fragile little wallflowers, that's probably what's wrong with half of em these days, their mom still probably wipes their ass for em too!!! LMAO!
my kids don't believe in the easter bunny, toothfairy or santa. but that is because i'm to damn lazy to keep up the lie. it's so hard trying to be sneaky, and not wake them up while putting the money under their pillow, or buying their presents for christmas and hiding all of them and wrapping them all on christmas eve. it's sooooo much better on me stress wise!

Sal - posted on 04/23/2011

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me too loreen, it astounds me what some people make an issue over, many of which i had never even considered at all before CoM

Charlie - posted on 04/23/2011

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I have never met or known anyone in my life to be "devestated" or upset when they learned that these characters were fictional ......only on COM .

Sal - posted on 04/23/2011

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i remember a few years ago, around easter, we were home doing house work and had the radio on, not sure why but my son was playing with the radio and changed stations to some station that had young young kids talking, i thought it must of been a community radio but turned out to be a religious station, then, then and there on the sat morning the day before easter bunny came this pius little up start on the radio said "hey kids you parents are lying to you, the easter bunny and santa aren't real, easter and christmas are only about god and jesus so don;t get caught up in the faulse party", i was in shock, my son was old enough to not worry but even he said they shouldn;'t do that it's not fair to the little kids, the other dj even said to him that he;d better quit talking like that as it was going to runin easter for loads of little kids, after the next song the manager got on the radio and made a full appology saying that even though as a religious station they held certain views the guy was out of line braodcasting what he said and that it wasn't the intention of the station managment to tell kids anything it was for each family to decide and he knew that many of his regular listeners were very upset.....i guess he was on the naughty list that year

[deleted account]

I love the fantasy aspect of things, I loved it when I was a kid and I still loved it as an adult so it was inevitable that we would continue these things with our children. My son will be visited by Santa and the tooth fairy because I found it was brill - although yes when I found they weren't real it did upset me but not because I was lied to and felt I couldn't trust my parents because I really loved the magic they gave, I soon realised that them not being real didn't ruin the magic.

I have never understood the easter bunny though, we celebrate Easter and do buy Ethan an egg (we have a cupboard full of eggs from family for him to work his way through), and we go on easter egg hunts (this year was brill the weather is so warm) and he had a great time. But we won't say the Easter bunny delivers the eggs, I suppose because we never had the Easter bunny.

When we were children we also believed there were fairies at the bottom of the garden and the gnomes were alive, mum and dad used to sneak out and move them around while we were sleeping. We also believed our teddies, dolls and toys came alive at night :-) magical.

Imagination is such a wonderful thing we seem to lose as we age, it's such as shame. I think there is a huge difference with providing fun and magic and outright lying to your children. With that said if a family chooses not to do these things I don't think they will harm there child anymore than me doing them will.

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I love it Tracey..you got to believe in fairies peeps, save Tinkerbell

:-P

I tell my girls theres Santa, Easter bunny etc.My baby whos 2 loves fairies and Tinkerbell.

Its so sweet because as a kid i never got the tooth fairy and felt so left out.:-(



So when my 5 year old lost her first tooth, not only did i put a coin under her pillow, i put a sprinkle of glitter and a tiny star wand that was on a birthday card i got.She was on top of the world the next morning.She told everybody about the tooth fairy forgetting her wand..so sweet.She said nothing to others about the money.It made her day.We all grew up ladies and i know for many we never felt lied to.We felt a sense of thankfulness for our loved ones making occasions extra special.Especially putting the magic, excitement and wonder into Christmas.

Johnny - posted on 04/23/2011

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It doesn't bother me if others choose not to do Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. with their kids. Just like any different tradition, each one is special in their own way. Most people I knew who didn't do that were Jewish, but they seemed just as happy with their holidays as I was with mine.

The only thing that bothers me are those that rant on about what horrible deceitful liars the rest of us are or those I've heard about who take it upon themselves to try to tell children "the truth". Obnoxious, miserable SOBs.

Until I came to COM I had never met anyone nor heard any stories of kids who were devastated when they found out that the magic wasn't real. I was really shocked by this. I mean, I've heard of kids shedding a tear when they learn that Santa in the mall doesn't really live at the North Pole and such. But it certainly has not been some sort of lasting psychic trauma from which they never recover. They're usually over it as soon as Christmas comes and they find out the other truth, that knowing about the magic doesn't really ruin it at all.

Laura - posted on 04/23/2011

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We "lie" to our kids with Santa, Easter Bunny, Etc... And if you don't do it I feel you are in no way harming your children. I do however have a problem when people who don't do it try to ruin it for other kids. Like that one guy who was going off on a rant about Santa not being real when kids were in line to sit on his lap. RUDE

Merry - posted on 04/23/2011

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I never believed in Santa Easter bunny or tooth fairy as a kid, and I adored each holiday and was super excited to loose a tooth. My parents were the gift givers and we knew it and were just as anxious for Christmas morning as the next kid. We had Easter egg hunts, but it was known that mom and dad bought the candy and his the eggs because they loved us and wanted to do something fun for us.
I don't see this as a wrecked childhood. I don't feel I missed out on anything with not believing in those characters. My mom always gave us money under our pillows after a tooth fell out, but again we knew it was her doing it! Idk it never felt weird. I have a few friends who believed in Santa etc and were just devastated when they found out he wasn't real. They, a few of them, even got mad at their parents for lying to them. Especially if they found out premature,y by another kid who slipped up in front of them. So I honestly don't want to have to work at keeping it a secret for my kids and wonder how and when they will discover the truth, and worry how they will react. My son is super sensitive already, I can totally see him being one of the few who hates me for lying to him.

That said I totally tell white lies to my son, and to myin laws, and friends, etc. Sometimes bending the truth for a good cause is wirth the deception. Honestly is the best policy but policy isn't law :)

Jenni - posted on 04/23/2011

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@Jodi I had this awesome fairytale I invented myself. The neighbour behind our house had a really high fence but I could spy into their backyard through the cracks. Their entire backyard was a garden (NA style garden not UK garden = backyard) in the middle of the yard there was a gazing ball, this was before they were popular and I hadn't seen one before. I use to believe fairies lived in it and came out at night time and danced around the flowers in the garden. *Sigh* lovely. :)

Jodi - posted on 04/23/2011

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I loved fairy tales when I was a kid. I had fairies living in the bottom of my garden :D I seriously believed that, and yet my mother never told me that. I just believed all the books I read as a kid. I even built them a little house in the garden, and I would sit for hours waiting to see if I could see one. But I never did. That's okay though, because they don't like to be seen, they are great at hiding.

Perhaps we should only allow our children to read non-fiction if we are going to get technical about it.

Jenni - posted on 04/23/2011

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When I look back at believing in santa, the easter bunny, the toothfairy.... I don't view the day I found out they weren't real as some monumental realization that my parents lied to me. Some tramatic experience where a lost a little trust in my parents. I only have fond memories of my beliefs in them. It was fun believing in them and I'm glad my parents 'lied' to me about them. It made Christmas and Easter magical and fantastical. I would have felt cheated if they hadn't.



My grandmother convinced me the easter bunny lived under the evergreen tree in her front yard. There was an actual cottontail who lived there. I imagined him like the velveteen rabit in the movie where he'd turn into a cartoon on Easter.



I use to also imagine that the cubby hole to my crawl space was a wardrobe passage into Narnia. What's wrong with parents playing fantasy with us? It makes it more believable and that much more fun! Some of my fondest childhood memories were playing make-believe. It's what kids do!



Besides we create our own reality. I think children with more believable imaginations have more control or manipulation over their own realities as adults. Just a theory.



I believed in these mythical creatures until grade 3. A few class mates were trying to convince me they weren't real (apparently I was one of the last to still believe in them). I recall getting in a very mature debate with them trying to provide proof of their existance. How santa made it to every house in the world in one night? I argued time zones. I think I may have swayed a few kids but as a consequence it did cause me to question my own beliefs. So I asked my parents and they told me the 'truth'. I wasn't mad at them... just disappointed I couldn't believe in the fairytales anymore. I was like Wendy returning from Neverland having to grow up. I certainly didn't need theropy over it. :P

Tracey - posted on 04/23/2011

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Looks like hell is going to be busy.

Not only do I lie to my kids about Santa, Easter Bunny etc in our house Santa leaves snowy footprints across bedrooms and up the stairs, the coals from the fire are scattered across the floor, and bits of white beard are caught in the Christmas tree, last year Santa even wrote thank you in snowy writing on my son's window after he made him a special cake.

Medic - posted on 04/22/2011

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I figure if I am going to hell I might as well make it worth it. I truly LOVE the magic of all the holidays and I love the pureness of kids and their excitement over it. Hell the easter bunny is making a special trip to hid 700 eggs for my son and his friends because he wanted to have an easter party. I had so much fun as a kid with all of it and we have the crazy tales that my dad told. Like the chupacabra....we were told that he would get us kids if we stayed out too late and whatnot. I don't even remember when I stopped believing because the magic happened as long as you believed so even after we "knew" we told our mom we believed. My parents told me what I needed to know and the rest was for my benefit. It wasn't malicious, it didn't scar us for life....in fact you can ask my brothers and I if we believe and we will all say yes because what happens with the kids is truly magical. We are 30, 25, and 24.

Shannon - posted on 04/22/2011

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Guess i will drive the bus to hell with my lovely co-passengers:-P My older 2 children now "share" in the magic that my younger two get to experience, not only do we do santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy, we do magic tricks where i pull coins out of their ears or belly buttons, and the worst of all evils i am taking them to see sesame street live so that they can believe that there really is a Big Bird, an Elmo and all the other wonderful fantasy creatures. I am pretty sure that is the biggest lie of all because honestly who ever heard of a talking animal?? This actually makes me wonder if letting them watch all the fancy lil "preschool" learning programs are helping with the lies since most of that isn't real. Who cares..... i am all for movies that lie to me and make me believe (even if just for a moment) that the world can be a happy magical place with wonder and excitement.

Jenny - posted on 04/22/2011

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I love making up silly stories to to trick my kids. One of my favourites from my childhood was the Googliewogs that lived in the mines my uncles worked at on Northern BC. They would steal their lunches and one of them was under the porch so we best remember to behave. It is one of my fondest memories. I'd love to recreate that for my kids.

Johnny - posted on 04/22/2011

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I am going to hell with the rest of you lying liars. I was raised to believe that one of the great joys of parenthood was telling nutty white lies to your kids. My dad told me reams of them and when I discovered each one, it was hilarious. When I was pregnant, he gave me a book called, "Lies to Tell Your Kids". It rocks. Given that people who know me IRL would likely tell you that I'm scrupulously honest, I don't think it taught me to be deceitful at all. I completely and totally understand the difference between a little white lie for fun, safety, or basic maturity issues and a serious deception. It does not seem that these "I never tell a lie" people understand that difference. I'd rather that my child learns to comprehend the little subtleties of life than becomes an old stick in the mud.



As I mentioned in another thread, the whole "we don't tell our kids that about Santa & the Easter Bunny because we don't want them to doubt Jesus when they learn the truth about the first two" thing is the most ridiculous, ironic, and moronic idea I have ever heard. I never heard of it before COM. The only people I knew growing up who didn't do Santa were Jews and Jehovah's Witnesses. Even my Muslim friend and my Sikh friend got visited by Santa!

Sal - posted on 04/22/2011

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i was just at the park and over heard the kids all beig so excited about easter bunny comming, none of the big kids runined it, but i was worrided when one little boy said my nanna brings the eggs, some other kids said no she doesn't....he just so beauitfully turned and said she,does, our house is the first house in the street so she lets him have a rest and takes them to all the houses in our street......(nanna most of got caught once)
i was also talking to a friend about this, she happens to be the preists wife and mentioed her boy was going to hunt for eggs in the chook house, i mentioned this thread and she said that they had had a big discussion about this, her husband was also the son of a priest and never had santa or the easter bunny as they were purly religious days and always felt like he had missed out and that is why they are instilling the magic and tradition for their kids

Jessica - posted on 04/22/2011

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lol oh boy! I am a wicked nasty evil liar of a parent to! My child will have Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Fairies in general, dragons, princesses and princes and talking frogs...etc and somehow, I think she will turn out fantastic regardless. :)

Charlie - posted on 04/22/2011

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OH PUH-LEASE .

If people cannot tell the difference between creating childhood magic and lying then thats there own problem you may as well not give them dress ups , books , movies , I mean I had the most magical times as a child with the stories of santa , the tooth fairy and the easter bunny im certainly not going to rain on my childs parade because of some high and mighty ideals .

Any parent who says they have never lie or will never lie even if it is a tiny white lie is LYING.

Sherri - posted on 04/22/2011

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Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy I think it is a necessity for childhood. The magic in my kids eyes on those mornings I can't imagine having never have seen that look on their faces. It reminds me of the first time we took them to Disney and they believe all the characters are real that priceless magic and being able to experience it through their eyes is a glimpse of heaven on earth.

Yup I white lie to them, I honestly try not to lie but occasionally not telling the full truth is just for there good. Anything big and serious I never ever lie but an occasion white lie I have done it. Not proud.

[deleted account]

We don't do Santa, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy in this house. It just didn't feel right to do them (kind of about the lying, but not exactly... can't explain it). Almost all our friends HAVE done or do them w/ their kids though. I don't have a problem w/ other parents doing them.... I just don't like the judgement that tends to go along w/ SOME of the proSanta people who go as far as to say I'm ruining my children's childhood...

I'm sure I have lied to my kids before, but I ALWAYS try to think of a way to tell the truth w/ tact and love as opposed to a 'white lie'. Doesn't always work out right, but that IS my goal (yeah, read the part in MY veggie thread about my son and the locked door...lol).

Jayce - posted on 04/22/2011

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I forgot to comment on white lies...Like Amber said there are some things kids just don't need to know. And I'm not going to tell the truth about how ugly my friend's shirt is if I think it's going to hurt her feelings. She may love the shirt. I'll echo that white lies are human nature and I seriously doubt anyone has gone through life without telling a few.

Jayce - posted on 04/22/2011

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Guess I'll be joining Jodi in hell.

Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, IMO, are fun childhood mythologies. I still believe in Santa. Why? Because it's a lot of fun. It's all make believe and it's all in good fun.

Amber - posted on 04/22/2011

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I don't put an emphasis on the Easter Bunny or Santa, we emphasize family time and giving. I don't have an issue with either of them.

The tooth fairy is obviously only about teeth...so ya, it's all about her haha. Why not celebrate it?



I just think it's harmless fun and good for the imagination. You only get so much time to be a kid and believe in magical things like this...what's the big deal?



As for white lies..

Sometimes kids are better off not knowing the whole truth, that's just the way it is. They aren't adults. They don't understand as many concepts as adults, so why would we give them all the information that we would an adult?

[deleted account]

Not only did I tell my son about the Tooth Fairy, we had almost Tolkienish lore associated with it. If anyone remembers Mary the Tooth Fairy from Bewitched, that was our fairy. I told my son that she'd leave more money if we left a small glass of brandy out for her. One time I accidently dropped his tooth down the drain in front of him. He started crying. I felt like DIRT! I thought fast and said, let's leave Mary a note and an extra big glass of brandy ok? He said ok and his note (which I still have) said, 'I'm sorry Mama dropped my tooth down the drain. We left you more brandy instead." After "Mary" had the brandy, she had a little more. Wouldn't you know it, the next morning as he was happily examining his extra $1.00, he said, "Mama! She drank out of the bottle too. Look! There's more gone."

HONEST - true story!

[deleted account]

Quite frankly, I challenge any parent to say they have never ( and I mean NEVER ) told a lie to their children. It is human nature to tell little "white" lies.

[deleted account]

Santa, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy do not exist in my home. I see no reason to lie to her.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/22/2011

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People come up with the dumbest ideas. I swear, we are just pacifying everyone now and it's just going to get worse with these kind of mentalities running around, spreading, being accepted and growing. I miss the good old days where when you got a scratch, you brushed it off and got up. When you lost, you dealt with it and when you found out the Easter Bunny wasn't shaped like a Bunny afterall ;) you GREW UP! I wonder if anyone really grows up anymore because of this. Whine whine whine complain...... waaaah..

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