White Weddings

[deleted account] ( 20 moms have responded )

What's your feelings on big white church weddings?
Do you think it's hypocritical to have one, if you are either non religious or have been raised to a different denomination of church than the one in which you plan to wed?
Would you wear white or do you think it should be retained for the virgin brides(even though i doubt that many exist)?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

20 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

I got married in jeans and T-shirt in a courthouse. White weddings are good too. I don't mind non-christian/non-religious people having white weddings in churches if it's what they want to do. I think my church in America only marries people who worship there or people who have been known to be christians for a long time (but don't quote me on that because I don't know for sure). Most of the congregation were virgin brides, but not all of us.

Charlie - posted on 07/16/2009

11,203

111

401

i am having a red wedding !! i am not of any religion and will be getting married outdoors , nor am i a virgin obviously , my dress will be red , i will not wear a veil and my son can choose whatever best man outfit he likes a tux , boardshorts or spiderman outfit !

~Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2009

4,164

61

365

I had a very simple ceremony. Our son was 11 months old, we had been together since '01 and got married Dec 23 of '05. We were married by the mayor of the town that I grew up in, with our friends and family there. I wore a silver gown and he wore a suit. I'm not the 'big elaborate wedding' kind of person. Too many hassles and too many plans to make. I love my husband. I didn't need to have a huge to-do to let people know that, nor did I want anything huge.....to me, it's impersonal.

I have been to the huge gala weddings and yes......they ARE beautiful, and I commend anyone that has the patience and attention to detail to pull one off.

ME - posted on 07/14/2009

2,978

18

190

I couldn't get married in a church because my husband is not catholic, and was married before...I got married in the Fall, and I wore a cream colored gown with champaign colored embroidery, bridesmaids wore chocolate brown dresses with champaign colored embroidery...It was the MOST fun party I have ever been to in my entire life, and I loved every second of it. I think that it's very difficult to get married in a church to which you do not belong...but that could just be the catholic church...My brother got married in a Methodist church...his wife was raised in that church, and they have never been since...Their ceremony was very awkward because the minister lectured them about this very subject through the entire wedding...LOL...

Francesca - posted on 07/11/2009

569

46

50

i would of love the church wedding, but my husband was married before so i wasn't aloud, my dress was ivory and black.

Megan - posted on 07/07/2009

359

5

20

I had a non religious wedding in an off white dress... cause i thought it was pretty. I think if one member of the couple is religious or if the family members insist it may be appropriate to have a church wedding even if you are not religious. As long as you love the person wholeheartedly and want to spend your life with them, appeasing family is not a bad thing. Many of us non-religious folks still celebrate Christmas after all.

I think the white dress thing is important if it is important TO YOU. I doubt that people generally are thinking THAT HUSSY when you walk down the aisle in a cream dress (unless it is super sultry or something). If you are not a virgin and you wear white... oh well. Back in the 1500's most well to do Christian brides wore green as a sign of fertility and were pregnant at their weddings! White dresses didnt come about until the Victorian era, when showing your ankles in public was considered uber slutty. I am not criticizing those who follow this rule because it MATTERS to them, but i dont think you are bad if ya dont either. To each their own.

But if you feel strongly that a religious wedding goes against you true self, do a non-religious one. However I think it is a tad hypocritical to have a fancy church wedding JUST because you want to have it in a fancy church... But oh well. Is it hypocritical to have a nonreligious wedding if you are a religious person?

Esther - posted on 07/06/2009

3,513

32

144

I cannot imagine marrying in a church I don't belong to. I do think that generally weddings should just be what the couple want it to be though. Provided they don't get carried away and only focus on the wedding in stead of the marriage that follows it. I do think often people (particularly women) get too hung up on the fairy tale fantasy and never really think through whether they are ready to be a wife, if this is truly the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and what it takes to make a marriage work.



When I say my husband and I had a small wedding, I'm not kidding. We went to city hall, took two of our friends (a couple) with us as witnesses and called it a day. My family and my husband's family cannot stand eachother. And frankly, I can't stand his family either (and neither can my husband truth be told). Therefore, we put off having a wedding for a long long time. I just could not imagine us having a wedding day with all of those people there and actually enjoying it. And I didn't want to waste thousands of dollars on a wedding I would not enjoy. In the end we decided that this was our life, and we wanted to be married and that the wedding was secondary to that. So I bought myself a beautiful red dress, my husband got himself a fancy new suit and then we trekked to city hall with our friends in tow. We got married on the day the US went into Iraq, it was pouring rain, we had to go through 15 different metal detectors to even get into the building and we posed next to a mop that the cleaning crew had left out in the hallway (of the very rundown building). After that we went for a lovely dinner & then we went home. We got married on our 10th anniversary (of when we officially became a couple). I have no regrets. I'm happily married and I think this was the right decision for us.

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2009

5,465

31

331

Ok, i can only go from my personal experiences, so please don't think that i'm putting anybody down or generalizing because i know it's not how it is/feels for everyone.

I personally do think it's hypocritical to marry in a church and have a religious ceremony if you are not religious.
My sisters wedding was in a church, she had to go every week for 3/4 weeks before the wedding to 'prove' she was religious. (she hadn't been to church so far as i know, since she was a teen)
She had a HUGE traditional wedding and it was (IMO) awful. I won't go into all the details but i was basically ignored all day because i was pregnant and not married at the time. A lot of it probably comes from her marrying into money, but hey that's another story!!!
Her wedding totally put me off and i swore my wedding would be nothing like that.
I just think it's weird to have a religious ceremony if you NEVER usually go to church.

My wedding was not in a church and no religious aspects to it at all. It was small so only people who i really care about were there and it was THE BEST day of my life!! Really laid back and FUN!

I did wear white tho i was FAR from a virgin, but i guess you could say that it my 'virgin' day as a wife!!

Hope i've not offended anyone, but i really think that going to church a few times just so you can have your wedding in a church is a bit hypocritical. :)

Cassie - posted on 07/05/2009

1,667

22

182

I just wanted to throw out there that my husband and I were both virgins at our wedding!! haha!! I guess we're the last of a dying breed! lol! We were high school sweethearts, started dating when we were 14, and saw sex screwing up our friends' relationships. I also believe that sex "should" be saved for marriage but looking back, waiting until our wedding night made the wedding day a bit more stressful! Although my husband would beg to differ! ;) haha!!



back to topic, I believe that you should have your wedding wherever you want. And I don't think a bride needs to be a virgin to wear a white wedding gown. :)

JL - posted on 07/05/2009

3,635

48

105

I don't think it is hypocritical but I do personally think that big white church weddings are sometimes a waste of money. Many of the people I know who opted for the big white church weddings ended up spending most of their time arguing with their future spouse and stressing out about all the details and the cost. I did not get married in a church because I am not a fan of organized religion therefore I do not belong to a specific church and my husband is an atheist. We first married at a JOP while on Christmas vacation and then later after I finished my undergrad degree we had an outdoor summer wedding at my grandparents house. The wedding was small, informal and we did not spend a great deal of money, but it was beautiful. We were more about saving money so we could buy some new furniture, haha. It was basically done so I could wear a beautiful wedding dress, so our family and freinds could celebrate and witness our committment, and so we could party, LOL! AND I was NOT a virgin but I did wear a beautiful white wedding gown. :)

[deleted account]

I guess I can't really understand getting married in a church to which you are not a member or are a different denomination. My husband and I are not religious, and getting married in a church because it is pretty would seem hypocritical to me, personally. I wouldn't want to take part in ceremony I didn't believe in just for the location. I wrote our ceremony and we were wed it a converted warehouse, not a church.

I did however wear a white wedding dress, even though we'd been living together for three years before the wedding. I don't really see a white dress as a symbol of virginity - maybe because so few people seem to wait for marriage anymore that I just don't expect it.

[deleted account]

Personally I never want a big wedding.... don't want everyone looking at me! It'd turn me into the runaway bride.
My curiousity is due to my Aunt announcing she's getting married. It'll be her second marriage. Her first was a shotgun wedding as a teenager and was NOT to her unborn babies father. It was a registry office wedding, with a meal in a restaurant for a reception. She now has three grown up sons. Despite the fact that two of her sons have issues with her new fiance (with good reason) shes opting for a big showy church wedding, based on the reason she never got one first time around. While I personally don't care, a lot of my family are unimpressed with her choice.

[deleted account]

Personally I never want a big wedding.... don't want everyone looking at me! It'd turn me into the runaway bride.
My curiousity is due to my Aunt announcing she's getting married. It'll be her second marriage. Her first was a shotgun wedding as a teenager and was NOT to her unborn babies father. It was a registry office wedding, with a meal in a restaurant for a reception. She now has three grown up sons. Despite the fact that two of her sons have issues with her new fiance (with good reason) shes opting for a big showy church wedding, based on the reason she never got one first time around. While I personally don't care, a lot of my family are unimpressed with her choice.

Jocelyn - posted on 07/05/2009

5,165

42

274

i don't think it is hypocritical to get married in a church, unless you aren't religious and you have a religious ceremony. but depending on the church you can have non religious ceremonies held. it's all up to the person running the church. (my best friend wanted to get married in the church her parents got married in, even tho neither she nor her future hubby are very religious, and she couldn't because the woman running the church was a bitch and very anal about it, but she found a church up in Banff that was more than willing, same denomination as the other one, go figure)
and i think the only time you should wear pure white is if it suits your colouring! virgin or not lol. when i wear pure white i look like a corpse!
i've only known one virgin bride, and she did wear white. but it looked good on her, she has light olive coloured skin and auburn hair, so she looked stunning :) and they got married in a nondenominational church because her hubby wasn't the same religion (well they were both christian, but different strands, it makes no sense to me)
i wore ivory and black, and my sister wants to wear pure white when she gets married (even tho she is no virgin lol)
neither my hubby or i are religious, so we got married in a performing arts centre (which indecently 20 years ago was a church, that his parents got married in)
so church weddings, go for it, but wear white only if it suits your colouring lol

Cathelijn - posted on 07/05/2009

521

16

21

I like to see big church weddings but for myself I didn't want this at all ( what disapointment for my parents) My husband and I had to get married pretty quick otherwise they would deport him back to Ghana ( whole different story) so we arranged it in 2 weeks and I was really happy with the end result. I would have liked to have had a massive party but we might still do it..

I personally think it is a little hypocritical to marry in church if you don't practice your religion at all, but I always say the same out about people only going to church for christmas and the people who come every week have to stand at the back of the church because there are no seats.. but that is just my opinion! Some one I know wanted a big church wedding eventhough she is not even a christian she actually had to get baptiste before the wedding other wise they couldn't get get married. For me that has nothing to do with religion but more with being fancy!! don't mean to offend anyone!

[deleted account]

What I think is wrong is this. My cousin got married about 10 years ago. He was raised a Baptist and his fiance (now wife) is Catholic. She wanted a traditional Catholic wedding and they couldn't get married in her church unless my cousin converted to Catholicism (sp?). I guess HE didn't have an issue with it, but it still bothered me that they believed in the same God, just had different rituals....and yet he had to go to school, literally, to convert to her religion. I could see if maybe they were complete opposite religions or something, but Christianity is Christianity in my view. I don't know, maybe I just don't understand the rituals or the Catholic religion in general. I just always thought that wasn't right.

[deleted account]

I think a wedding, church or no church, is completely up to the couple. My husband and I are not religious and neither of us wanted a church wedding, so we got married by my cousin in a beautiful gazebo with our friends and family sitting in a circle around us. I don't think it's hypocritical to have a wedding in a church, even if you aren't religious. I know it sounds bad, but some churches are really pretty and some girls grow up and still have that "dream wedding" with the church and the pews and the aisle in their hearts. I say let a girl have whatever kind of wedding she wants. The thing is, most churches won't let you get married unless you and your partner are members and have taken that church's class on marriage. At least the churches around here are like that.

I also think that the idea of the "virginal bride" is outdated and rare. I also agree that not many people can get away with wearing white. My dress the first time I got married was ivory and knee length...not an actual wedding dress. We went to the Justice of the Peace to get married. This time, when I got married I wanted an actual wedding. During the planning process, I have to admit that a slightly girly side came out. I started out looking for a hippy dress, telling everyone I was gonna get married barefoot with baby's breath in my hair. I ended up falling in love with a strapless ivory floor length gown, trimmed in claret with a huge claret section in the back from my waist to the floor. It was sooo pretty. I even wore heels lol But I did get the baby's breath in my hair :P

[deleted account]

I know what ya mean abut the glaring white gown! I think my gown was actually a dull white, but still very pretty.

Amie - posted on 07/05/2009

6,596

20

408

Virgin Brides. haha. I know a few who make it but they are very very devout in their religions. =)
As for the whole I think it is completely up to the bride. I'm wearing Ivory because it suits my skin tone. I looked at white dresses and eww. The owner of the boutique where I got my dress said a lot of people are even turning away from white now a days. Some who want to look more traditional are opting for the Ivory tones because it suits almost everyone, few can wear an all white dress apparently. Didn't make sense to me until I put one on and with my natural tan the dress just glared bright. Didn't want that. LOL! My SIL went to the total polar opposite and bought a claret red wedding dress. There are a lot that are doing colors now instead too I guess. Hers was so gorgeous though and suited her.
Church weddings can be nice I suppose. The ones I've been to I've noticed the priests get rather long winded though. LOL!
It's not hypocritical, to some it might be but then those people have very old traditional views. =) In fact if you even went back far enough it used to be colored dresses that were the norm for a wedding dress since they took out their best dress and it wasn't always white. I can't remember how white came to be the norm. Gotta look that up again.

[deleted account]

Big white church weddings are beautiful :-) I have known several brides elect to marry in a different church other than the one they normally attended because it was a prettier church! The interior or exterior, or church gardens, stairs made for more beautiful pictures. Also, the length of the ceremony or customs from each denomination vary. I personally don't think it's hypocritical to marry in a different church if you are seeking a religious ceremony. Being married in a church still symbolizes the religious sanctity of the union, as opposed to a non-religious ceremony by the justice of the peace.



IMO, the 'white gown for a virgin bride' is archaic. I wore a white gown and it was truly the wedding gown I always imagined. I was married at our reception hall and we had a dual ceremony from a rabbi & a non-denominational minister under the traditional Jewish chuppa (a canopy). It was a minimally religious ceremony. I do have our 'ketubah' framed, which is our Hebrew marriage license, and placed near our home's front room.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms