Why single Moms are Bad for Society

Katherine - posted on 02/22/2011 ( 38 moms have responded )

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Re-Posted from Cafemom



Another day, another group of judgmental a-holes trying to make an already maligned group feel badly about themselves. In a surprising (at least to me) poll by the Pew Research Center, seven out of ten American residents say single mothers are bad for society. So go ahead and resign yourselves to visiting the kids in prison, single moms, and plan on being the scapegoat for all of society's ills.



It's your fault we're in a recession! it's your fault Wall Street gambled with all of our money! It's your fault we're in the middle of two wars right now! It's your fault all of our children are fat! Single moms are the worst, right?



Can we just talk about the dads for one second?



When you say the words "single dad" a collective, "awwwww!" can be heard around coffee klatches everywhere. But single moms are bad for society? Jeez louise. How do you think single moms became moms? There's a dad in this scenario, and he's single too. Or rather, he's not married to the single mom. Who knows if he's single or not. If he's absent, he's really to blame for any kind of mess the kid makes. If he's involved, then he's a hero and mom isn't?



I'm all for supporting any single parent -- regardless of his or her sex -- who needs it. While I do know a handful of amazing single dads, I know a lot more kick-ass single mothers. My own mother was single for a chunk of my childhood and she rocked. I'm sure the majority of the respondents either had a single mother, were a single mother, or had some type of relationship with a single mother that was positive in some way. Which is why it's so odd that when answering a poll, people suddenly get all nasty about moms who don't have the benefit of having another partner around to help with the daily tasks of child-rearing.



I wish the poll had asked specifically why people found single mothers to be this source of evil. I guarantee you if anyone had to think about their answer for more than the two seconds it takes to formulate a thought, then speak into the phone, the answer would be a different one. Single moms are single for as many different reasons as there are prejudices in America. Judging them all as "bad" is wildly unfair, and much worse for our society than a hard-working mom who is holding it all together on her own.



Do you think single moms are bad for society?



http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/116580/a...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Becky - posted on 02/22/2011

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I don't think single mothers are bad for society, but, aren't there studies that demonstrate that children raised in single parent households are more likely to end up jail, end up pregnant as teens, etc? I'll have to see if I can find those studies. All the same, that still wouldn't be saying that single moms are bad for society, just that on the whole, children do better when they have 2 loving, involved parents.

Sara - posted on 02/22/2011

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I don't think single moms are bad for society. But I do think that the overwhelming amount of dads who feel that they can just walk away from their responsibilities as fathers is. And the fact that we live in a society that leaves the mom holding the bag 99% of the time.

Lady Heather - posted on 02/23/2011

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What's bad for society is absent parents - not the ones who stick around to do the job. I very much doubt that most single mothers are in it for the "benefits" because there are easier ways to make better money. Maybe they are single because they made a mistake and had a kid with a less-than-quality guy. No one ever blamed the downfall of society on my life's mistakes. I have nothing but respect for the good single mums out there (I'm sure there are plenty of shit ones too just like any other group of parents). I can't even stand one week without my husband.

Isobel - posted on 02/22/2011

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That was poorly written...it SHOULD say "absentee fathers are bad for society"

Sal - posted on 04/25/2011

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planed or unplanned makes little difference in my opinon, it is what you do with the cards that you are delt, i didn't plan to be a single mum, i didn;t plan to be a mum at all at the point in my life, but thats how it turned out, and i had to make it work, everyday you wake up and you have a choice and marrital status does not ever make that decision for us

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38 Comments

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Audie - posted on 03/06/2012

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of course not,,everybody is entitled to their own happiness ,each of us has it's own reasons why things are happening,In fact I admire those single mom who took care & raise their children without a partner, Salute to them!

Sal - posted on 04/25/2011

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bad parents are bad for society, and single mum doens't equal bad parent.....when i was a single mum i was an awsome mum (if i do say so myself) and people would say (trying to be nice i think) you'd never know you were a single parent family.....and now i am a married mum and i am still and awsome mum, so the marriage has made bugger all difference to my parenting prowess

Carol - posted on 04/25/2011

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Agreed, Jen. But, it is important work that needs to be done. Our society cannot function without mothers who raise children. I would like to see the perception of motherhood shift, so that a monetary value is placed on it, and this value could be incorporated into the economic make-up of society. This could be a powerful way to change people's perceptions about the work we do.

[deleted account]

The problem as I see it Carol is that motherhood and housewifery has never been respected as work. No matter what the politicians like to say when talking about the good ol days that never were.

[deleted account]

I will tell you a good one.I have a good friend who is a single mom.Her daughter was being bullied by a little boy in her class.The mom spoke to the class teacher a few times and the bullying continued.She then went to the school head.I was shocked to hear, the head said "oh but the boys father is a single dad doing his best"..yes i cant believe it..so its okay as long as your father is a single parent "doing his best" lol to bully day to day and even kick another child in to the tummy.



I think fair play to any single parent who does there job well and still gets out and makes money to raise there child if they have that opportunity..Single mothers need to be praised more not dogged.I know how hard it is to raise my kids with a good man by my side so i pat on the back any good single moms doing it on her own.

Carol - posted on 04/25/2011

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This was part of the same study that said that two parent gay families are more acceptable than single moms. I'm saddened by how negatively single moms are seen in this society. Here is a poignant response from a member of the Cougar Talk community:

"It's funny that public perception seems to be that single moms are leaching off society. Single moms are raising children, which is a very important job, though society does not place a value on it. Most single moms I know are struggling to make ends meet. They work and pay for all their families expenses including childcare. Further, most are not single by choice. The fathers of their children are deadbeat dads, abusive or have died."

http://www.circleofmoms.com/cougar-talk/...

[deleted account]

Dreadful generalization because as you said, it does not address the father issue. That's because we still live in a highly sexist society. They give lip service to wanting fathers involved but it's still perfectly ok for a guy to sleep around but not a woman to have sex even with just 1 man.

Erica - posted on 03/16/2011

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My mom was a great single mother. She chose this route because my father was abusive to her, she made it out on her own and struggled to work and raise us. I admire my mother, especially now, since it's hard right now to get up on our own feet, and she was able to do it on her own. For the record, I graduated with honors in high school, got married and then had a baby. Never ended up in jail, never had to deal with courts- or get in trouble with police officers... in fact, my first speeding ticket was last year.

Most of society's single mothers are hard working and trying to make a good home for their kids. But there are few that shouldn't be having kids at all, cause they have more kids to get more government assistance. Defiantly a flawed study!

Brandi - posted on 03/16/2011

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I agree with Kris. After my ex husband and I split, he quit his job. That was in 2007. He hasn't worked a day since. My kids still see him. He doesn't pay child support. I work my butt off to provide for my kids. Right now, they don't understand why I can't stay home and just play with them on my weekends like their dad can. BUT, they are learning. My oldest started learning on his last birthday when his dad did nothing for him. I tried to explain to him that that is why I work, so that I can buy him things and take care of him. I told him dad wasn't able to do anything because he doesn't have a job therefore no money to buy him anything for things like his birthday and Christmas.

Katherine - posted on 03/16/2011

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Single moms have to play both roles, they have double the duty. So to SAHM's essentially because dad is off at work and when he comes home he's too tired. Most of the time, I'm not saying this is the norm.

[deleted account]

Good single moms are true inspirations to their kids. I think kids of single moms have the same chance of succeeding as "normal" nuclear family raised kids. Dysfuction can be anywhere. Single moms have to be string role models and in my book lead to stronger minded kids.

Katherine - posted on 02/23/2011

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I totally agree Brandi. If a single mom is low income though I don't consider that "leeching" off of the government. In this economy it took me 2 years to find a job. I did need assistance, but I worked my BUTT off to get a job.
There are just as many families as single moms that need assistance and I don't think they should be singled out.
I mean really how dare they?
Nothing about single dads just single moms. And I would really like to know who was polled to make it a whopping 69% of people that thought single moms were the reason the economy is bad.

Brandi - posted on 02/23/2011

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There are whole families that leech off the government. Doesn't have to be single moms. And just because a teen becomes a single mom doesn't mean she is not doing her part. My mom was 17 when she had me. Single mom, and has worked EVERYDAY of her life to provide for me. Like I said before, we were never on assistance, I was NEVER on Medicaid or foodstamps. So, these people need to get their facts straight. It can be done. Get off your butts and work. Even if it is part-time, at least you are trying. Shows more than whole families who sit at home, capable of working, but they choose not to because they are too damn lazy or use the excuse they want to stay home with their kids, boohoo so do I, but I know in order to survive and care for my children I must WORK!

Jenni - posted on 02/23/2011

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But...... maybe if the fathers of their children actually got off their lazy asses and got a job in order to take care of their responsibilities then these women wouldn't need to leech off the system. Then they wouldn't be expected to work, pay for childcare, and do all the child-rearing all by themselves. Not saying they can't anyways... but it's gotta be damn hard. To take it ALL on by yourself. It takes a really strong person to handle all that.

If there are people leeching off the system the problem isn't with them it's the system that isn't working. What incentive does it give for mom's to go back to work. Any job these mom's COULD get would probably be minimum wage and part-time. They'd be making just enough to cover their childcare and commute to work. What's the point?? And if they were working two jobs and weren't home with their kids ever. Well we all know what happens to kids who's parents aren't around. Tamarla Owens ring a bell? if not...



http://www.wsws.org/articles/2000/apr200...

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2011

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I disagree with that poll completely most of my friends are single mothers and they bust their tale daily to make sure their kids have everything they need. But I also know girls (notice I did not say friends) that are sitting on their asses right now selling their foodstamps so they can buy cigarettes. Or depending on men to support them and looking forward to friday when they can get rid of their kids to anyone that shows the slightest bit of interest in their child to spend the entire wkend drunk or high. To me that is pathetic. Then they complain about how tired they are or how hard it is to take care of a child and I'm like WTH? Yes I am married but most of the time my husband is working so it's like I'm a single mother and I have TWO children. If I can do it most of the time "alone" I know they can. The sad fact is that I know more women like that then I do that get off their butts and support their kids.

Jenni - posted on 02/23/2011

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Well of course there are people like that who exist. But to lump all single moms into that catagory is a ridiculous generalization. In any group there are going to be people who give that group a bad name. There are always going to be people leeching off the system. But at the same time I see plenty of people who aren't and are trying to earn an honest living. Should they have to fall prey to the stereotype: There were two teens in my highschool who got pregnant. The first I didn't know her well but she returned and finished highschool and went to college after. The second was a girl in my grade. She had her first when she was 15 years old. Went to school straight until her 9th month, had the baby and was back at school the next week. She did have an excellent support system. But her and the father both continued highschool and also worked part time jobs after school. She became pregnant again at 18 by the same father. She still managed to return to school while working and graduated with our class. And although they've been on again off again since. She still works and supports her family.

So I think this stereotype of single moms is completely unfair to people like them. Not to mention all the single moms who's partner left them and aren't leeching off the system. Most of them receive child support and work their ass off to suppliment their income to provide the best life for their child. The thing is the term "single mom" carries a negative stigma... we automatically think the worst case scenerio because those are the ones that stand out the most. The single mom pumping out kids by random fathers to get a paycheck each month. I honestly don't believe that's the case for the majority of single moms.

Sharon - posted on 02/22/2011

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Jennifer - I'm the last person to advocate a Leave it to Beaver homelife.

But I'm sick to death of teen moms and uneducated fatheads cranking out a baby every year. And crying "but I have the right to stay home and not work and sit on my ass with food stamps, free medical and scream for child support and because my kid is about to age of the system/go to school/is going to live with his father, I have to crank out another one."

Stifler's - posted on 02/22/2011

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I don't think they're the reason for the downfall of society. They don't have a choice a lot of the time. A lot of women don't choose to be single mothers, they're in a relationship... it ends. They're single and have children or are pregnant. I know a fair few single mothers and none of them went out and planned to be single, they started off with a partner and a promising future and are now working their ass off alone while the dad gallivants all over the countryside and does what he wants or pays measly child support and says ridiculous things about her or doesn't have the same parenting style so their child is confused. Absentee fathers are bad for society.



HAHA I changed it.

Angela - posted on 02/22/2011

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Deanna,
and what are the first three letters of assume?ASS.
Cause when people assume they make an ass out of themselves!:D

[deleted account]

A person assumes that a "single dad" go that way because mom walked out, or died.
A person assumes that a "single mom" got that way because she was to worried about getting a whoo ha in her than to worry about the ramifications.

Angela - posted on 02/22/2011

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Single Mom's arent bad for society at all! That study is completley flawed! Most of the time, Mom's become single mothers,because its out of their control.

Natasha - posted on 02/22/2011

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OK, so this study is ridiculous. On what planet are single mom's responsible for every bad thing to happen in the world. There are so many situtations and circumstances that lead to mom's being single moms, but none of these automatically mean that they are going to raise children who are the sourge of the earth.

I am with everyone else on the dad's bit too. Single dads get off easily, so far as society is concerned. They are the result of some woman not being a "mother", but never does a single mom get the same respect or consideration.

Uggh, can they find something new to go on about??? Really.

Brandi - posted on 02/22/2011

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I want to kick those people's ass right now!

My mom was a single mom her whole life. My dad didn't want me, and never paid a dime of child support. I have never been in trouble, never been in jail, and never been on welfare, worked since I was 15 and graduated in the top of my graduating class!!!

I was married at the age of 20. I was divorced at 24. We had 2 children. My ex husband does not pay ANY child support, and up until I met my fiance, I was a single mother. I worked, work, my ass off to provide for my children, and once again, NEVER BEEN ON WELFARE. This really pisses me off. Yes, there are some single parents who are lazy and sit on their ass and live off of the government, but there are plenty of hard working, honest mothers out there as well.

AND, why is the blame being pointed at the moms? How about the dad's who don't give a shit to help out?? Where is the poll on that? They are the reason the moms are struggling in the first damn place!!!!

Jenni - posted on 02/22/2011

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I see it's just people holding on to their idealistic Leave it to Beaver nuclear family as the optimal family structure.

Jenni - posted on 02/22/2011

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What a horrible generalization!

Yes single mom's are the reason for the recession. :P Not banks and other companies loaning money to people who don't have any.... it's not the fact that they're shipping everyone's jobs overseas. It's because of people who couldn't possibly defend themselves! And I know single moms are the reason it's so hard to get a job nowadays... They took our jobs!

Who's going to be the next scapegoat. *eye roll*

Garbage..... ignorant, unrecycled garbage.

***I am curious who is behind this poll, does the article say?

Katherine - posted on 02/22/2011

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I want to know WHO they polled if the number is so high of single women.

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