Working Moms - Happy, or Deluded?

Tah - posted on 10/03/2010

@Emma...HA!!!..lol..come around here....you'll see people put their kids on buses to 3 different schools in their pjs and then go in the house and do what exactly...and then come back out at 3 in the same pj's to get them..lol..people stay home when the kids are in school...lol

Kimberly - posted on 10/03/2010

I am a SAHM and am VERY happy. I do not miss working at all. I interact with other adults by joining Mommy Groups and inviting friends over during the day or getting a sitter on weekends so my husband and I can go out occasionally. I never find myself bored.

One of the moms in my group said she couldn't wait to go back to work because she missed feeling important. That kinda blew me away because to me, this is the most important job I have ever had. I do not want someone else raising my daughter. I know how fortunate I am to have this opportunity. I am very grateful and enjoy spending this time with my baby.

That's just my life. I know this arrangement is not for everyone, nor can every mother afford to stay home. Everyone of us does the best that we can.

Stifler's - posted on 10/03/2010

Oh I still stay home lol I'm going back to uni once the next one is a year old and they're both going to daycare 3 days a week, hopefully. I don't want to stay home while the kids are in school, hardly anyone does that anymore. Most women have interests other than child rearing now.

Stifler's - posted on 10/03/2010

It depends who you are, whether you want to stay home with the kids or go out to work. It will make you happier if you're doing what you want. I sometimes wish I'd gone to work even 3 days a week because being home really drove me nuts with a little baby that screamed all day. But I'm glad I didn't have to get up and go to work and get dressed and be on time etc. and could just laze around in my pyjamas and bake cake and play with the baby.

Julie - posted on 10/02/2010

I believe, just like beauty, happy is in the eye of the beholder. I won't try to say what makes anyone else happy, nor should they try to say the same of me.

I know that moms run from one extreme to the other. From career-driven mom to a more family-oriented, SAHM. Whether or not there are dads involved, even. We all do what we have to do to survive and it is up to us to find or create what happy we can in our situation.

I work very PT and, as much as I love my son, I love to go to work. If I didn't NEED to work, I'd find other ways for me to have "adult time" outside of my home.

Am I happy, personally? I could be more so but I think I am reasonably happy considering external factors that are not pertinent to this discussion.

Alison - posted on 10/02/2010

Some moms are doing the best for their family by working and some are doing their best by staying home. I'm not sure that it's an issue of personal happiness for most people, it's more about moms doing what they feel is best. If their choice also happens to make them happy then it's a good thing all round.

Tah - posted on 10/02/2010

@Dana, only every thread that deals with it..lol...i have heard it countless times on COM...young moms, welcome, working moms, military spouses, their are always people on here and i read it almost daily, that say that daycare is raising your children when you work and blah blah blah, and it annoys me to be honest, i dont say tv is raising theirs when they stay home, and trust me i saw a post that asked how much tv your children should watch i saw 5 hours for 8 month olds and more, but they can't get anything else done..i say some...so to hear someone say that working moms are deluding themselves on top of that really strummed my guitar...and i dont have a problem with sahms in general, i think its alot of work when the moms are actually involved and active in it. I just don't like when they assume that daycare is raising our children and that we are fooling ourselves because it's not what we choose to do. I woke up the other day less than well rested for work and said, " i should call out tonight i'm really not feeling it, and Goodness help me if i'm charge nurse tonight..lol"..my husband said you can make it stop anytime you want..meaning, i could quit and stay home..just the thought of it made me put my scrubs on faster...lol

Meghan - posted on 10/02/2010

For me it absolutely depends on the day. On the day that the boys are being...well... annoying and frustrating; its nice to escape in to the annoying and frustrating workplace. But on others when Conor is so so sad to see me go, and my oldest asks me to "stay home mom, please" then I wish with all my heart that I could stay home.
I have no idea if I could handle being a SAHM. And I certainly admire the women that have the patience to do so. I do like working (sometimes), if only because its nice to be needed. I'm one of the most experienced and many people seek my advice. There is a certain amount of pride in that for me.
I could say that I have to work. I really don't have to. BUT we wouldn't be able the family vacation every year, camping during the summer, and dinner out a couple times a month. Much less 2 newer cars. I work at a hospital so a great amount of my paychecks are spent on wonderful heath insurance (300.00 to have a baby...hello!). My husband could support us on just his salary but it would be tight, really tight.
We are however lucky enough to not have to pay for childcare. I work an evening shift 3 days a week and every other weekend for 10 hours a day. My amazing and kind mother in law watches our boys for us and refuses to let us pay her. Yes, I do know how lucky we are. Who knows, if we had to pay 800/mo for childcare, we both might feel different.
As a working mom I can honestly say that I am happy, most days. ;)

Jennifer - posted on 10/02/2010

I'm happier being a SAHM but that's because I believe that one parent should stay home with the children whilst the other works. I would only ever work before Logan goes to school if it was out of necessity. I feel putting my working life on hold for 4 years isn't a lot at all and I wouldn't want to miss out on seeing him learn different things each day. Plus I'm studying online so I can keep up my education and add to my CV at the same time.



I don't think working mum's are deluded if they work out of choice but I do know a lot who work because they financially have to and they would much prefer to be a SAHM.



It's all about personal choice.

Lyndsay - posted on 10/02/2010

Yes, I am happy. I chose to pursue a college education and work, it wasn't something I did out of necessity. Sure, the money is better... but the real reason I wanted to work is because I have high expectations of myself, and sitting around on my ass all day doesn't quite cut it for me. Not to say that this is all that SAHMs do, certainly it isn't... but if I can teach my son basic life skills, spend quality (QUALITY, not quantity) time with him, keep my house clean, etc., and still get an education and pursue a career, why not? I guess it helps that I love my job, people who are forced to work for money probably have a very different perspective.

Chatty - posted on 10/02/2010

Ok, but you're doing daycare so you're busy and you're earning an income. I was refering to anyone who just didn't work??

Sherri - posted on 10/02/2010

I only have my 4 yr old left at home but no I don't plan to leave home once he starts school full time. I will just continue to do daycare out of my home. I don't want to not be able to volunteer in the school, go on field trips or just be able to be home if they are sick. I also don't want them to have to go to after school care once school is over.

Chatty - posted on 10/02/2010

Tah, you seem hostile and defensive about SAHMs. I do understand what you're getting at but I think you came into this debate with a chip on your shoulder and I'm not sure why? Has anyone told you that daycare is raising your children? I'm honestly trying to understand where you're coming from.

AND, I only plan to be home with Roxanne until she starts school full-time, at which time I will go back to work at least part-time. Do moms with kids in school all day actually stay home? Are there any here who do that? I'm curious??

Tah - posted on 10/02/2010

yes sara..and thats what alot of the sahms say..they are resenting their husbands at this point and from the way their husbands are acting they are feeling the same way...SOME....because we all know if i don't say that it's not all then someone will take offense...lol..

Sara - posted on 10/02/2010

I'm in between. I honestly don't like my job that much, but right now there's no alternatives to me working full-time outside the home. But, I don't think I would make a very good SAHM either, if I'm being honest with myself. I enjoy the time I spend with my daughter, but having worked my whole life I think I might start to resent my husband if I suddenly got thrust into the role of taking care of the kids, the house and preparing meals. I expect his help with those things, and if I stayed home, I'm afraid we'd lapse into traditional gender roles that would make me resent him in the long run. I hope that one day I will be able to work only 2 or 3 days a week. To me, that would be the best of both worlds. I would be able to stay home with my child(ren) most of the time, but let them go off a couple of days a week to interact with other children and learn, while I did something I felt was contributing monetarily to our family. Here's to hoping!

Alahnna - posted on 10/02/2010

personally, I'd love to be a full time SAHM, not have to work, period. Then I'd be able to be more involved in my daughter's school and bring my son to playgroups and the like. Unfortunately, financially that isn't possible since I am a single mom. So I have found a way to have the best of both worlds and I really enjoy it. I run a childcare centre from my home. I can watch my daughter get on the bus from the window in the mornings, and I'm there when she gets home. I'm home with my 4 year old all day and I am the one teaching him. I am also helping other people's children learn as well in a loving, caring home environment. I love watching children learn and knowing I am the one helping them do that. It's a dream job :)

Tah - posted on 10/02/2010

I actually feel the opposite in some cases. I see all the time on COM how some and i say SOME...SAHMs are miserable, the husband/so or whatever he is doesn't help, is never home, doesn't think she does a good job, they are bored, begging somebody to meet them for a playdate or point them in the direction of one, or the husband is 20 dollaring them to death. The only delusions i have are of grandeur sometimes but i call it healthy self esteem..lol....i am happy, i am happy to be working my field, i am happy to be furthering my education in my field. Also i absolutely with a passion HATE...when sahms suggest that daycare is raising my children...if that is true let me call the daycare provider over so she can fill in on this family day we are about to have. i have 2 getting dressed and i actually came online to pay the car insurance but said let me check out the DB..glad i did....I know alot of sahms where i live whose husbands are BEGGING them to get back to work, and all they do all day from the time the kids get on the bus to the time they get off..literally..everytime i come out to get in my truck, and then get back from wherever i went, they are still there...is sit around and gossip while the kids run wild in the streets...they would be better off working and having the children in daycare.....they could at least get paid to stand around and talk..i love it and wouldn't trade it. my youngest will be 4, i am glad he has been able to socialize and i'm glad i can too....



@Krista..i dont want to be a sahm, and i don't feel guilty about not wanting to be one so you don't have to either....i love my children. I also love being able to provide those extras for them, like activities and trips. I like the independence. i think sahms should at least have something to fall back on, take some online classes while your home or something. Everyday, either where i live or on COM in some community, some sahm is miserable because she was depending on her husband/SO etc and now he's decided to cheat, beat or leave her, will it happen to everybody no..of course not. However, these women for the most part say that they stay because they depend on him financially and where are they going to go and what are they going to do. One woman had one son and was staying with this verbally abusive cheater because she didn't think she could care for her 1 child by herself since she was a sahm. Another mom was dealing with her husband going back and having another child while married to her, with his ex that he already had a child with and he is on dating sites making profiles saying he is single. She stays, why?...because she is a sahm and depends on him. Who do they usually leave the wife for, somebody with a job.



I know some people have only ever dreamed of being a mom etc. etc. Well there is nothing wrong with a plan B. a certificate to work as a daycare provider, a diploma to do medical transcription, something you can do from home and pull out the bag of tricks in an emergency or a state of boredom. As i stated i love what i do and what it provides me and my children. Like okay, I hurt my ankle at work about a month and a half ago. SO..i could not really go to work because what is sedentary duty to a nurse, nothing....lol. i did a day or 2 here and there at the other job but my main job i couldn't work. So we had savings, we used that for the most part, because that's what it is there for. So now i am back at work, and the savings is being built back up and guess what? The husband's car dies, they want 4000 to fix it, it's cheaper to get another. If i didn't work we wouldn't be able to throw a little car shopping in before and after family breakfast, lunch and movie day as well as pay the bills that are due. I feel i am helping my family by working and none of us are unhappy because i do so.

Jessica - posted on 10/02/2010

I once took time off work for 5 months to try and be a SAHM, never again. I felt constantly stressed, constantly badgered and felt like a full time cleaner who isn't being paid. I can honestly say that I am happier working, having some free time away from home, with the company of adults and being financially better off as well.



Though if I was financially secure, I'm pretty sure my view would change somewhat.

Sharon - posted on 10/01/2010

HA! I love working!

But my kids are all older and in school most of the day.

Nikki - posted on 10/01/2010

Im a working mom, but hate working, I just went back beginning of Sept when my son was 15 months old, I wish I could have been a SAHM forever, but where we live its not cheap and being able to pay our bills and live in a house vs a small apt and save for his education and try for a second baby, both my husband and I NEED to work we have no choice. Now if my husbands business venture takes off, then I will quit my job in a heartbeat.... and as soon as I get pregnant again then I know im bound to soon be a SAHM mom again for at least another year, I LOVE being home with my little boy I miss him dearly

Sapphire - posted on 10/01/2010

I love teaching; of course there ar emoments that I do not like education. But for ME, working trumps being a SAHM. I would absolutely hate being a SAHM. It's just NOT for me at all. I did have an opportunity to teach only 3 days a week when my son was 18 months through age 4. That was OK, no problems there. But the SAHM thing is not my cup of tea. Yes, as a working mom, I am happy. It's my career. And quite frankly, I am happy with our lifestyle and I am not ashamed to say that either. My son lacks for nothing. Over summers I homeschool. We take family road trips and are constantly busy. I have nothing in common with the group of SAHM that tend to meet at the parks and library. I'm just not really the "mommy/maternal" kinda person that woudl enjoy that SAHM lifestyle. Again, not ashamed to admit that either.

Becky - posted on 10/01/2010

I think it depends on the person. Some moms work because they love working, and want to work. Others work because it's the only way to make sure their kids have food to eat. If a woman is working because that's what she wants to do, then sure, I think she is genuinely happy. If she's working because she has to, then she could be happy, but there's a bigger chance that she's not.
Personally, I would not be happy if I was working outside my home. I love being at home with my boys. I didn't have my kids to hand them over to someone else to raise.

Rosie - posted on 10/01/2010

i work part time and i feel it is a GREAT thing for me. being home all the time would drive me batty, but missing things with my kids would drive me batty and make me sad at the same time.

i would be a bit happier if i actually loved my job, but i deal with what i got. it works for me.

people are different, and if some crackpot can't see that someone may love being out of the house, or that someone may love staying home, they really need to get out a bit more. :)

Charlie - posted on 10/01/2010

I think it really comes down to whether you have a career you love or whether you are just working for the money .

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2010

We get quite good Maternity Leave here too, but a lot of nurseries take babies from 6 weeks now. A lot of Mum's do send their kids straight to nursery so they can get back to work. As I said, not something I could have done, but I guess it's what some people do.

Krista - posted on 10/01/2010

Oof, I definitely wouldn't have been happy putting Sam in daycare at 6 weeks old, poor little mite. That's another thing I love about living in Canada -- generous parental leave. Sam only entered daycare when he was 8 months old. So he was still young, but at least he wasn't quite so pitifully helpless.

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2010

I'm kind of in two minds about the whole working mum/SAHM thing.



I've kind of done both, for the first year of both my girls life, I was a SAHM, for me personally there was no way I could have worked at all in that first year.

Once they were about 18months, I was working a bit, evenings and weekends. By the time they were about 2, they were either in Nursery or with a Childminder. That was more out of necessity than actually wanting to work though, and only part time.



I'm training as a teaching assistant now though, and if I could get a job now, doing something I actually enjoy, I would definitely do it. Plus, doing that I will get weekends and school holidays off!!



I think some women genuinely enjoy going out to work, and I understand that. Other's are far happier at home. I guess if I'm honest, I don't see how anyone can be happy putting their 6 week old baby into Nursery for 5 days a week, but hey, maybe they are!

Kate CP - posted on 10/01/2010

I work part time on the weekends so I don't have to pay for child care (hubby can do it). I miss having the weekends to veg and get some extra chores done but we needed the money since my MIL had her brain injury. *shrug* You do what you gotta do.

Ashley=) - posted on 10/01/2010

I had my qualification in childcare&develpment at 19 and gave birth 2 months later..i gave up going out to work happily to care for her, 4years later i had my second child and now shes 20mths and my oldest 6 yrs.I plan on working now.I need to and i want to.I never left my first child for long other than the 4days i had to stay in hospital for having the second lol..i have never left my second.I love what i do but balance is healthy and allowing ones self to do things in life outside of the home is a good thing.I can still be a mom and i know my baby will do very well interacting in daycare while i work, it will build her up to when she has to go to big school.Many mothers are happy and make it work and yes many work and would love nothing more than to be home but cant.

Johnny - posted on 10/01/2010

I am a part-time working mom, but I would be way happier being a full-time SAHM. I revel in the days I'm home with my daughter, it is completely my cup of tea. If I had a job I loved a little more, perhaps I'd feel more interested in my work, but I'm just doing it for the pay cheque. I am sure that if I was working in my dream job, it wouldn't bother me so much to send her off in the morning. But the way it is, I know I'm just going to do some stupid crap that in no way really contributes to the world. When I'm home with her, I feel like I'm actually doing something worthwhile. Right now, she is looked after by my father while I am at work. They have a great time and I know how well she is cared for, but it doesn't stop me from missing her. I never saw myself as the SAHM type until I had my year of mat leave. But now I realize, that I truly enjoy housewifery & home economics, along with child-rearing. I used to laugh at one of my girlfriends who wanted to grow up to be a SAHM, I thought it was crazy. Little did I know that it would be me.

However, I think the assertion contained in the OP is BS. I'd like to hope that most working moms are satisfied by their jobs and have their kids in happy care settings. I think that it is a set up that can lead to happy kids, families, and moms. I think opinions like that just show a lack of ability to imagine that not all families & people are the same. I personally know lots of happy working moms with contented kids.

Jocelyn - posted on 10/01/2010

I LOVE working ^_^ Granted it's only 3 nights a week (bartending--nothing too stressful, but great for adult conversations lol) but I was absolutely miserable when I was a full time SAHM. I wouldn't mind working 5 nights a week, but I'd probably drop dead of exhaustion (closing the bar at 3am to wake up at 7:30 SUCKS gqtm).
Some of my friends are quite happy to be full time SAHM, and some of my friends are like me and go crazy :P

Charlie - posted on 10/01/2010

Im a SAHM but i would LOVE to go back to work for a few days a week once Harry is a bit older , my own money , adult conversation , goals to acheive , projects to set , it would be great i miss teaching the little munchkins !

Chatty - posted on 10/01/2010

I think all moms are human beings and all human beings are different. I'm a SAHM and I LOVE it but I wouldn't dare say that someone who works outside there home and claims to be happy, isn't. I'm sure there are working moms who aren't happy because they're doing it out of necessity but to say that moms who willing choose to work, are deluded is absolutely ludacris.

ugh.

Sherri - posted on 10/01/2010

I have been both!! I prefer to be able to be a SAHM. However, that is not for everybody and I get it. It is perfectly fine to want to work and be a mom as well.

Cassie - posted on 10/01/2010

I'm a part time working mom and was much happier when I was a stay at home mom... While I do enjoy the adult interaction, I KNOW that for myself, I was made and programmed to want and need to be at home with my girls. Financially, that's just not an option...

Toni - posted on 10/01/2010

I think it completely depends upon who you are, I know that I am happier as a SAHM than I ever would be as a working mom BUT I know people who need to go to work to maintain a sense of self, and people who work because they go mad if they are at home all the time. Everybody is different and have different wants and needs, that is what makes the world interesting!

Jackie - posted on 10/01/2010

I am a full time worker and i am happy doing it. Like the rest of the ladies I would go stir crazy in the house all day everyday. Do I like being away from my munchkin all day? No, I don't.

Also, I don't feel that my babysitter is raising her either. I was terrified of that but the truth of the matter is, if you find somebody that you're comfortable with, they will respect your decisions as a mother and do the things that YOU would like to have done. They are not the ones making the decisions regarding your child (for the most part). For instance - My sitter knows what she should and shouldn't eat. If it's nasty outside, I'll tell her not to take her out that day. That kind of thing. It's nice to be able to get away and feel like you're contributing to society. You can do that AND be a full time Mom. If you don't believe me - come to my house and see for yourself

Mylene - posted on 10/01/2010

I am happier working than being SAHM. I go nuts being at home with my son all day and not having adult interaction. I do feel guilty from time to time but in the end being a cranky and stressed SAHM because I don't get interaction with adults and because we can't make ends meet is unfair to my child.

ME - posted on 10/01/2010

I loved being a SAHM...but I really LOVE teaching philosophy :) I am lucky, I think, because I get the best of both worlds...two days a week to teach, and be away from home, and 5 days to hang out with my kiddos!

Krista - posted on 10/01/2010

Sigh, me too, Laura. And that's the weird thing...I don' t feel guilty for not being a SAHM, but I DO sometimes feel a little guilty for not WANTING to be a SAHM. I adore my son with every fiber of my being. But I just cannot do the full-time SAHM thing. I was going utterly shack-wacky. Plus, I really like what I do -- I'm good at it, and it brings me a lot of satisfaction. So I AM happy, but feel like I shouldn't be.

Isobel - posted on 10/01/2010

I love my kids but I need adult conversation to breath. When I was ONLY a SAHM, it made me absolutely batty.

Alison - posted on 10/01/2010

Don't know. When I think back to all the jobs I've had I don't automatically think happy thoughts, but being at home and doing housework isn't the most exciting thing in the world either.

I do consider myself lucky to have been a SAHM while my son was little, although I was never a full-time SAHM even then. I went to college in the evening and I had other responsibilities outside the home.

I don't think SAHM's are overall naturally happier at every stage of their childrens lives. I think they probably are happier being at home while their children are little, but who wants to still be at home when all their kids are at school or even at home when their children are adults? Not me.

Good Day! - posted on 10/01/2010

For me, personally, I'm happier at home. But being at home with the babies is not for everyone. Some people love their jobs. Some people need the extra income. Some people need to be away to be a better mom when they are at home. It doesn't mean that you are less of a mom or love your children less than stay at home moms.



I'm wondering if Liz will make it over here. It was a fun debate to read. (not you Liz Williams, the other Liz)

Liz - posted on 10/01/2010

I was happier as a working mom because even though I love my kids, I need time away sometimes. My best balance for home and work was a part time day job.