would you allow your daughter or son's boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night

Tah - posted on 03/13/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I have seen an alarming amount of teeenagers who are spending the night at their boy/girlfriends house with the consent of the parents. I personally would not allow it in my home and they also can not live with me as i am seeing a trend in that also. What do you think?

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Kate CP - posted on 03/19/2010

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Honestly, I don't know. I would rather my daughter have sex, if she WERE to have sex that is, where I know she's safe and using protection. On the other hand, I would rather NOT give her the idea that it's okay to have sex by allowing her boyfriend to spend the night. On that same note...when I was in high school I used to BEG my parents to let my boyfriend (now hubby) spend the night just because I wanted to sleep with him...ACTUALLY sleep. No sex involved, I just wanted to have him close to me. I felt safe and secure and loved...and I just wanted him with me. My parents RARELY said yes and always made him sleep in a separate room. The only times they ever said yes was when it looked like I may have to go to the hospital due to my condition and we all wanted him close by just in case. But...I lucked out and found my soul mate when I was really, REALLY young. I knew I was going to marry this guy when I was 15 years old.

If my daughter were 15 and were to ask me if her boyfriend could spend the night I would have to say no. A part of me understands why she would want him to sleep over, but then the mommy part of me also wants her to know that I don't approve of young teens having sex. This will have to be something that I deal with when my kid is older. Being that she's only 4 is a blessing for the time being. :)

Charlie - posted on 03/19/2010

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Hmmmm , depends on how much trust i have in my sons , how long they had been together and how serious it was , if they were serious and my sons were trustworthy then yes i would let them as long as she had permission from her parents AND they would sleep in separate rooms .

I dont think saying they have to wait till marriage is fair when a lot of serious long term relationships regardless of age do not feel the need for marriage and are happy in their relationships ( often lasting longer than married couples ) , in my experience EVERY girl who fell pregnant in my year in high school did so behind their parents back , majority conceived at parties , i am actually sitting here trying to think of at least one person who was aloud to have their boyfriends sleep over as teens and fell pregnant and everyone i know is now traveling the world , finished university or at medical school with no kids yet .

With my mothers blessings i had my own flat that i paid for in rent by 17 , worked nights and went to school during the day where i finished with great marks as school captain , i then went on to further my studies to become a teacher , yes i had my boyfriend sleep over , i was responsible , i had goals and knew the consequences of not having protective sex , My sister moved into her boyfriends house at 17 , 6 years later they are still together no kids , she is studying and having fun with her life , they had been together since she was 16 and he was aloud to stay over in separate rooms before she moved in with him , they always respected my mum and her wishes to keep them separate at night .

I dont think its about stereotyping every teen into this untrustworthy , sex maniac who will surely fall pregnant at the sniff of the opposite sex , its about knowing your child , how responsible and mature they are , how trustworthy they are and how much respect they have for you and their boyfriend/ girlfriend .

Lisamarie - posted on 03/14/2010

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I don't understand why you would prefer your (general you) child to have sex outside or in a car rather than somewhere safe and secure? No disrespect, my mum was the same, just curious?

Johnny - posted on 03/13/2010

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Once my child is in university or post-secondary of some kind, fine. If she demonstrates that she is becoming a responsible adult and is capable of making responsible decisions, I will allow it. When I was in university, I was allowed to spend the night at my boyfriends. Although, we were both living independently in another city while attending school, so it was really just on breaks that we would sleep at our parent's homes. I would not consider allowing my children to have their girl/boy friend sleep over while in high school. If they want to have sex, they'll have to do it in the back of a car like previous generations.

JL - posted on 03/19/2010

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A freind of the opposite sex...yes I would. Most of my freinds in high school were guys and sometimes they stayed the night and they all hung out at my parents house. I have no issue with that unless...one has a crush on the other and there is the possiblity of some attempted hanky panky but strictly freinds...no biggie.

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Tah - posted on 03/20/2010

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see i had a baby by time i was 17 and still hadn't slept with 2 guys, things happen and they are just gonna have to happen over there(pointing to the left) like a beyonce song....lol

[deleted account]

I was 20 when I met my partner, started dating on my 21st, he moved in 2 weeks after we started dating.
I never had any guy friends stay over, only girlfriends. My partner is the only guy I felt comfortable bringing home to my parents. That was huge for me as I was under my parents thumb till the day I left.
Now with my half sister, thats a different story, she had slept with half a dozen guys (each one she was madly in love with) by the time she was 17. She is now 19, unemployed and pregnant. She was fired from her apprentiship because of it.

Tah - posted on 03/19/2010

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I don't know about friends...most of my friends were boys and they looked at me like their little sister, we would hang out on the front steps until late..3-4 am during the summer(parents dozed off) but we lived in rowhouses and we could see their houses from my step so no need to sleep over. sometimes we were in the house watching t.v or in the dining room talking until late..but i know that at 14 or 15 years old to have a bf/gf stay the night or longer is not something i am confortable with.

Now as Loureen said, some people stayt together for a long time and that is fine, and no everyone is not a horndog out to git some..but i am not about to condone something i don't agree with, if it's meant to be, it will still be, even if i say "joe...i think it's time for you to head out, it's getting late and i don't want your parents to worry"..

Charlie - posted on 03/19/2010

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You know i was just thinking , majority of my friends in high school were boys , we would go surfing everyday together a big group of us ( me being the only girl ) for up to four hours min. a day no adults ,sometimes they would come over , get comfy in blankets and watch movies at my house in the lounge room till late on the weekends where my parents would be asleep by 9 leaving us alone , most of the time they would go home after wards but occasionally they would stay over and sleep on the couch i would go sleep in my room and that was that , no hanky panky just innocent fun watching movies , eating junk and laughing , my question is would people not allow friends of the opposite sex to stay over too ? Just wondering :)

JL - posted on 03/19/2010

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Heck no would I let my child's high school boyfreind or girlfriend just stay the night. I Now if for some reason the teenager needed a place to stay and had no where else to go I might let them stay the night but in another room next to mine where I could make sure no one was sneaking around doing what they should not be doing. Once my kids are adults, mature, and out on their own if they come to visit me and bring a serious boyfreind or girlfriend with them then I will have no issue with them sleeping in a room together well as long as they are respectful about it because I don't want to hear any strange noises regarding what they may or may not be doing..*shutters* eww.

Krista - posted on 03/19/2010

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I'm with Erin on this one. Definitely not while in high school. Once she or he is out of the house, and if it's a long-term partner, then I'd allow it.

Erin - posted on 03/19/2010

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Nope.. there is not a chance in hell that I will allow it while my daughter is still in high school. Once she is an adult and hopefully has proven herself to be responsible and mature, then I would allow it for a long-term boyfriend.

Shelley - posted on 03/19/2010

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Each family is different my answer would be no as i too would prefer them to be married and in their own home. i know it can be done anywhere but i had a 16 year old friend who's parents sat her and her boyfriend down and explained that she should go on the pill and when they felt they were ready he was welcome to stay the night he being a 17 year old boy was ready and my friend was not and i think though they were trying to do the right thing she actually felt pressured by everyone. What happens happens but not in my home.

Tah - posted on 03/19/2010

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thank you...i was beginning to think maybe i was going crazy...though im told 5 times a day i already am..lol...but i just think it's right...

[deleted account]

Well personally it would depend on age their relationship and whether i liked the girl or not. My stepdaughter was allowed to sleep over her 21 year old boyfriends flat when she was 14. Wasnt really surprised when she ended up pregnant at 17 just surprised it took them that long lol. Could not understand how her mother allowed it.

Sara - posted on 03/19/2010

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Oh hell no!



My SIL and BIL are very religious people, yet they let their 18 year old daughter's 18 year old boyfriend stay the night in their house...I just don't get it. She can't go to Prom and dance, but she can have her 18 year old horndog boyfriend stay the night.



This was not an acceptable thing in my house growing up, and it won't be an acceptable thing in my house either. No way, no how.

Jessica - posted on 03/19/2010

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Personally, if they were at a reasonable age and my son wasn't bringing a diff girl home every weekend then I don't really have a problem with it! At least I know they are safe and sleeping seperately!

Tah - posted on 03/14/2010

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also i was 15 when this happened and i had friends having sex almost everyday, they must have just used a better brand..lol...

Tah - posted on 03/14/2010

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as i said my parents were the same, i was working, living on my own since 18, 2 kids, in school and with the man for almost 7 years, with our own townhouse if we wanted some action. and i already knew, you weren't married, don't try it...we r no longer together, but now that i'm married he gets to stay in the room with me....i don't like the thought of them having sex.....i lost mine on a early dismissal day from west catholic high school at my boyfriend of 9 months house, i got pregnant that time also because the condom bust and since he was a virgin also, he didn't get the tell me part....i didn't like it and it took me another 2.5 months to have sex again with him...same place(alot of early days)...i got my cycle for the first 3 months so by time i missed it and found out i was pregnant, i was 14-16 weeks along..o well, here we go....As i said, i am open with my children, i love them, want the best for them, i don't want them in a forest either...but i can'y bring myself to say, yes, Fred can spend the night, or move in, with my 14 year old daughter, my niece and nephew and son are 13 and i look at how goofy and immature they are and I couldn't see it being a big difference from now until nov and dec(their b-days) and I couldn't see allowing a boyfriend or girlfriend to stay...just doesn't sit right with me...i can imagine my niece asking,..they live 2 minutes down the road, and I would be calling my sister saying calm down rae, i hear u all the way over here...leave that baby alone..lol....

Lisamarie - posted on 03/14/2010

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I guess it may have a lot to do with the media and everything being made more sexualised. As I said, my mum NEVER let my partner (first and last sexual partner, we are now married) stay at her house, unless it was on the sofa because he was a friend of my brother, until we were married, even after we moved in together and I was 4 months pregnant with our first child when we did get married. I definetely respect that desicion and my husband and I have NEVER been "intimate" under her roof, I think it's disrespectful.

But I don't like the thought of my children having sex in a forest! (which is where my husband lost his virginity!) Although my daughter is only 3 and my son is 8 months so I guess I have a few years to figure it out! :)

Tah - posted on 03/14/2010

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i didn't say i prefer it...i am not rolling out the welcome wagon for it..i would prefer they be grown, finish college and married but...if i can't get that, i am not going to say well, they can just do it here...i'm wondering why the big difference, myself and friends i grew up with talked about this and we would never have even gotten through the question to our parents and feel the same about our kids...i wonder why such a big difference....but i guess thats what com is for....to see different point of views....

Debbie - posted on 03/14/2010

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I would have to say depends on age, situation, how long they had been together etc. There are alot of factors here that I would have to consider, but if it was called for I would do it. I would rather my daughter/sons under my roof, I know where they are atleast.

[deleted account]

My husband got emancipated @ 17 and moved in to my Dad's house. He had to stay in my brother's room...we'd already been together for 3 yrs. Our senior year (I was 17, he's 6mos older then me) he got a 5th wheel from his mom and put it in my dad's backyard, my mom had to convince my dad to let me stay in there w/him. We started having sex 7mos into our relationship, so living together, sleeping together, etc didn't help or hinder this. Then again, his mom let me stay the night at their place...it was 9 yrs into our relationship before we had our 1st kid, so we weren't by any means irresponsible about it!

Now I have 2 boys...boys will be boys...I will provide my children with protection as I don't want them catching any STDs or getting someone pregnant at an early age. I would like them to be responsible in their sexual endevors. I anticipate them having them in HS...I don't think I would let them have a g/f stay over just for fun or someone they haven't been close w/for a long time...I always thought it was rediculous of my parents to let my brothers have their friends stay over and then worry about me having a b/f? Seriously I could have been sleeping with all their friends (I didn't!) But I have just boys at this point so since I don't have to worry about THAT! It'll probably be conditional...

Tah - posted on 03/14/2010

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i still can't see it. I am open with my kids, my son talks to me and i am developing that with my 8 year old, they can visit..if there is some crazy reason I do allow someone to stay on the couch with a bell tied to there neck, like, to late, sick, lost key and parents out of town , something like, that, it won't be a habit. If they want to screw then i'm with carol on this one, you want to have sex(which i don't approve of) then it will have to be old school, back of the car, something like that. Just because I feel something may be inevitable, which i don't think sex at a young age is..i have friends who were virgins until early twenties and it wasn't for lack of guys trying..lol...so i just don't see allowing it in my house....no way....they will just have to sneak and have sex and sneak and have a drink like me cause i'm not condoning it...that's just how I feel...

Sunny - posted on 03/13/2010

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I used to stay over at my boyfriends houses when i was 14 onwards, I think that parents are more realistic now about what teenagers get up to and would rather it be in the safety of their home. I moved in with by boyfriend as soon as i turned 16 and lived with him and his mum for 2 years before we got our own place and started our family. I dont see anything wrong with it and i would rather know where they are than have my kids feel like they have to lie or sneak out to see a boyfriend/girlfriend because that is what me and my friends did before and i can say that when the parents are ok with it, it makes it less exiting. I think its like drinking, you know if you dont let them have a drink at home with tea or something than they will probably manage to get their hands on a slab and drink to excess. Take away the trill.

Jess - posted on 03/13/2010

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I lived with my high school boyfriend when I was 17. His parents kicked him out of home for seeing me (his parents were wierd). My parents allowed him to move in and we shared a room. Then my best friend moved in as well ! It was fun. After graduation, my friend moved out and my boyfriend and I ended up moving to the other side of the country. We were together for 3 years before we broke up. I think it did a lot of good for me.



Would I want my daughter to do the same ? Well no, I was responsible for both my boyfriend and my friend in regards to getting them to and from schools. We went to different schools. It was hard at times. I want my daughter to just enjoy being a teenager and not be in a committeed relationship in high school !

Lisamarie - posted on 03/13/2010

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I was allowed to stay over my boyfriend's house over night at 15, we shared a bed but didn't have sex as I was underage and he wouldn't touch me until it was legal (England age 16) although I didn't jump into bed with him on my 16th birthday, it was a few months after, we were together for 9 months and living together before we got intimate.
My boyfriend however, was allowed to stay at mine as he was a friend of my brother, but we were NEVER allowed to share a bed or bedroom untill we were married. (which we now are!!)
I don't know what I'd do when my daughter is that age, I suppose it depends on her maturity and my relationship with her. I respect my mum way to much to have sex in her house but I would also prefer my daughter to be doing it somewhere safe, rather than the back seat of a car or a tunnel (which is where my brother, brought up by my dad, lost his!!)

Jocelyn - posted on 03/13/2010

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Depending on the circumstances I would allow it. My sisters boyfriend lived with us for his last year of high school (his mother moved and he didn't want to go) They had been together for 2 years already, so they stayed in the same room. I don't see a problem with that. (There was no other room for him to stay in, my parents room was being redone, so they had my old room and my husband and I (with our son) were in the basement lol. It was a full house to say the least. But if it was a new relationship, then I would say no. There is a difference between a 4 month relationship and a 2 year relationship. It would also depend on the maturity of my children and their SO's.

Rosie - posted on 03/13/2010

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i was allowed to spend the night at my highschool boyfriends house on prom night, and he was allowed to spend the night at my house on my prom night (we went to different schools, 25 minutes apart). i respected my parents house enough that we didn't have sex or anything, although my boyfriend tried-both times. we slept in seperate rooms obviously. i'm confused on this one. part of me screams no, but the other part knows that i was respectful so it can be done tactfully with no problems.

i say no for just everyday stuff, but for a special event like prom where they are out late, or visiting grandparents in a different city (another situation where i was allowed to spend the night with him) i'd have to determine if my childs relationship was healthy enough, and if he was good to us, then i'd probably do it.

Tah - posted on 03/13/2010

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I am sitting here watching a show where the girl has just had a baby at 16 and the baby's father has been sleeping over the whole frikking show, i mean hello...maybe it's just me, but when my ex-fiancee and I were living together, and in our twenties, with jobs, and a family, when we home to visit, we had to get a hotel room or seperate, because we weren't married, so I know in high school it was happening in my parents house...it was the same at his father's house., before anyone says because my dad's a preacher, i guess i'm old school also...

Tah - posted on 03/13/2010

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i agree that they can have sex anywhere, but i wouldn't want to roll out the welcome mat for it...lol

Patricia - posted on 03/13/2010

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My sister's neighbor allowed her daughter's boyfriend to spend the night....at 18, and not even out of high school, she's now pregnant...but they could have sex anywhere...I just wouldn't promote it. But if you can trust them and have them sleep in different areas...I don't see a problem with it as long as they are 18. Or if they are too tired to drive...etc....My son's ex-girlfriend went camping with us but had to sleep in a different tent...I had my other son sleep with my eldest just in case she decided to move in or my eldest decided to move out in the middle of the night...they respected my wishes and stayed in their own tents.

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