Would you let your child go to a friend's house whose parents are different than you?

Heather - posted on 06/21/2011 ( 184 moms have responded )

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Would you let your child go for a playdate or sleep over to a child's house whose values, opinions, mores are vastly different than yours?

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Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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Do you think they are honest about it. We had a neighbor that had a gun, he didn't tell us until he was moving. It would not have mattered in that case because we DID know him. He was great. And had two kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2011

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Like Sara said, I smoke and she doesn't want her kids around that. I would respectfully not smoke at all ( I only smoke outside) out of respect for her and her children. But, guns are usually in the home...can't really get rid of them for a play date. I want to be the house that all the kids hang out at anyway....guess I better make sure I am the fun house.

[deleted account]

I've never had anyone ask. But most people I know own a gun. Hunting is a big sport around here.



My 5 year old niece owns a pink child's hunting rifle.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2011

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You have to have a gun license in America to. Doesn't mean everyone does it.

Shannin, yes I certainly will ask if they own a gun. If someone has a problem with me caring for the safety of my children and get offended, well really that is their problem.

[deleted account]

My kids have been in a house where Guns are. Actually 2 houses that i know of. It doesn't bother me in the slightest because i know these people and i know how they feel about kids and guns. I'm in Australia though and to have a gun here you have to hold a gun licence.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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Hey Sara,
Have parents ever asked you if you have guns? Do people ask that question, really? I didn't think you were suppose to ask. But then how else would you know.

Sara do you tell them yes. I am sorry, is this puttying you on the spot. I really don't know how to approach this situation. I only responded to this question because that neighbor boy has a BB gun, that I know of.

Amanda - posted on 06/22/2011

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While my child is a bit too young, I would like to think I would. By the time it comes up, my child should know and have an idea of the values that dad and I hold dear, and hopefully he will too. As he ages, he's going to have more interactions with people that are different than him, and I don't want him to live in fear of differences.

Stifler's - posted on 06/22/2011

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I don't think I'd have an issue with people having guns as long as they weren't teaching my child to shoot things/had guns lying around for kids to get into.

[deleted account]

I understand. I guess if we were actual neighbors my kids would be playing at YOUR house...so long as you didn't smoke while they were there. =)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2011

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That is fine, but I am still uncomfortable with it. I would never search through someones homes, or even look in the medicine cabinet when in the bathroom, but I will be asking parents if they own guns. It is of course your prerogative also to own them. I don't and won't judge you as a person, I just think guns are dangerous, and don't want my kids playing in a house that has them.

[deleted account]

And that's your prerogative and very understandable given the amount of accidental gun deaths among children. But again, you wouldn't even know we owned guns unless you searched my home and storage shed with a fine tooth comb. And they are for sport...hunting.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2011

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Oops, and I forgot....but you could probably already tell....if you smoke in your house, my child will not be allowed. I smoke, and I smoke outside only.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2011

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Sorry Sara, but your children are more than welcome in my home. I don't like guns, and it is one thing I am standing firm on.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2011

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@ Sharon, sorry I gotta call BS on your smoking comment. YOU may not think your house smells of smoke, and others may be being polite by saying your house does not smell....but if you smoke in your home...it smells like smoke....period. Go smell the couch, the closets, go look at your windows...you think they are dirty? No that is nicotine sticking to them. Just like in a car. I gaurantee people are just not trying to be rude by saying your house smells. Now if you only smoke outside, then yes I believe your house does NOT smell.


As far as all these issues go, most people will not know that they are sending their children to a sex offenders house unless they have been reported, and you look them up.

Nudists, usually are clothed when company is around...not an issue.

Swearing?!? Whatever, they hear it at home even when I try not to.

Drinking? If you are a lush, you probably are not gonna want kids over your house anyway.

I would like to see a house that looks like it is lived in, but not a horders house like I heard earlier. The ONLY reason I would NOT let my kids go over someones house, is if there are guns in the house, or major drug use. If I don't like the parents, but my son and the kid get along great, well I would just have to get over that.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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I guess right off the bat. No. But if he is trying, but not there yet still no. But if he were trying and I didn't know about the past then probably yes. I don't do background checks on everybody. Just some. But I guess no one is perfect and then if they "are" it seems to good to be true. You know what I didn't realize this was a debate. I should probably back out now. Its been fun and I will be lurking. shhhhhhhhhhhh.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/22/2011

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it was hypothetical I know one man who is a felon a few times over but you know what he has changed and i would trust him with the life of my kids. I mean he has drug, violent ect. convictions but his life has been changed. he is really tring now.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/22/2011

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I dont have a problem with guns as long as they are locked up and safe.
In the local area where i live two kids were left home alone and the boy shot the sister on accident and then put bandaids on it thinking it was safe.
so as long as the guns are locked up and or have a trigger lock on them it is fine. My bf dad is a big hunter and now that we go there more with all the kids (4) he has them not only in the locked gun cabinet but he also has trigger locks on them in there just incase.
How do u feel about a felon just wondering

[deleted account]

hunting at the zoo....hmmm....just kidding...no I wouldn't...my husband might have a different answer lol

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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Yes, I guess I would. lol What you don't go hunting at a zoo. Easy targets. Just kidding.

[deleted account]

So I'm guessing you'd be more than okay with me taking your kids to the zoo...so long as we left the guns at home?

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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I am the in home parent around here. We have one that takes them outings. Cub scouts etc. Another that takes them to the park. And I am the in door parent. It works well for us.

[deleted account]

lol...well I guess our friendship is doomed. I don't keep junk in the house and don't believe in video games. But honestly, I wouldn't have an issue with my kids having a day of junk and video games.

And you probably wouldn't know that we owned guns unless you did an extremely thorough investigation of our home. No way the kids can have access to them.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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You probably wouldn't like my house either. I am a slob. I don't always have healthy snacks and I am a big believer in WII games. lol

[deleted account]

We have guns. But one is kept on lock in the top of the closet and the others are for hunting and are kept locked in the storage shed. Just out of curiosity, would you people have issues with that?

Danielle - posted on 06/22/2011

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One it depends on the childs age, Do you talk with your children? You can only protect them so far, you can't protect them from racism, religons, or bitter people. Has long has you teach your children that everyone is different and they need to be accepted has well has they do. Meet with the parents playdates or what not, if you get a creepy vibe the question it, It's not rude to ask someone if you get a odd vibe off them like would you push your beiefs on my child. I grew up in a very well rounded world, but if your going to hinder your child's independance now, they are only going to rebel that much more has they grow. You can keep your kids away from peds, smokers, drinkers, They still inhale the same crap in smokes that comes out of a car,bus,truck, plane and a boat. So your going to just put themm in a bubble and be done with it. Being too over protective just damages them more. Personally my son isn't allowed to stay anywhere other then family til he can talk and let me know what's going on, So then the parents can be questioned later. I plan on being completely open with my child, I swear too not has much i ws raised by truk driver and bikers, But I was also taught i may have a potty mouth but i know there's a time to use those words and not too. My son at the age of 2 has the best of both worlds b/c even at his young age he decides who he's going to be around without being nerves if mommy thinks it's good or not, I'm not going to hinder my kids and turn them into paranoid teens that never cross the street without me when they are 30 b/c something may happen, My kids are going to know How to deal with a nut cracker and be respectful enough to be acknowledged for their courage and acceptence of not everyone is the same. Kids are like dogs they sense things you don't see it all up to you if they can come to you without you turning it into the worst thing on the planet and scaring them for life, over someone thinks different then you. Give your kids boundaries, and let go a little b4 they go figure it all out the hard way.

[deleted account]

@JuLeah, wow how horrible...both situations. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that mentality.

[deleted account]

It really depends on if my child's safety is at stake. I've had offers from my BIL and SIL to let my daughter stay at their house, but I always find an excuse. I know they are good people and love my daughter. But I can't trust them. They smoke and drink then drive with their own kid in the car. And there have been some DWI's. So no, she will not be at their house unattended. We always find a way around that.

If her safety is not in question, I'd go for it. I think that allowing children to experience a life different than their own is a great learning and growing experience.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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Oh interesting. Yikes. I am sorry but I don't like guns either. Crap. How does one get around that one. I know still teach your own child about gun safety.

Jenn - posted on 06/22/2011

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JuLeah - how would you know if they had guns in the house? We have guns here, but it isn't something we broadcast to people. They are used for hunting, and are kept in a gun safe, in a separate room. But if our kids were friends, you wouldn't know we had guns here.

JuLeah - posted on 06/22/2011

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@Laura .... yes.



My sister's kids are half Hispanic and they get hassled a lot. At the park one day when her second child was about 4, another mother yanked her kid out of the sand box where the two little girls had started to play and scolded her, "We only play with White chidlren!"



We like to tell ourselves it is better, but I am not so sure ... yes, law have been passed, but you can't tell a person how to think or what to feel ....A man I knew years ago was fired from his job for being gay. The fact that he was not gay didn't matter all that much. A person he worked with disliked him and told everyone he was gay.



He was fired. It was a small town, his landlord kicked him (his wife and three kids) out into the street. His kids were harrassed and beaten up at school .... women ended long standing friendships with his wife .... they moved, and/but, to his credit, he bcame a HUGE supporter of gay rights ... vocal and out spoken, his wife, his kids all took up the cause, in an effort to find some good in the situation he said .....

Amie - posted on 06/22/2011

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I have no problem with my children going to different homes. I always (ALWAYS) have to meet the parents before this is allowed and I go with my gut from there. So far, there hasn't been a family she wouldn't be allowed to go with or our other kids for that matter.

I've noticed out here, being rural and having a smaller community - people are a lot more trusting. Which is fine but they also have some sense! Every parent I've met since moving out here didn't think it was weird or odd that I wanted to meet and talk with them before I allowed my kids over. The ones in the city - the majority didn't even think twice before sending their kids to my house before meeting my husband and myself. (not that I cared but really?! You don't know me!) I like it better out here.

Merry - posted on 06/22/2011

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Do people really hate Jew so bad still? I thought by now they would get over that and accept every religion......
Well you certainly don't have to worry about my kids teasing Jews, or any religion for that matter.

JuLeah - posted on 06/22/2011

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@ Laura ... sad, but .... as a Jew, she will hear it and worse throughout her life.

@ Teresa .... Two books, "The Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift" - must reads for parents! They focus on teaching ourselves and our kids to listen. Listen to the voice within that guides us and keeps us safe.

People are out there that do bad things. That is just a fact, and but, teaching our kids what to pay attention to will help keep them safe.

Don't talk to strangers, for example, we all know is not helpful in keeping our kids safe. Sometimes they have to talk with strangers. The guy to delivers mail everyday, yes we say 'Hi' but he is still a stranger. And, no one wants to teach their kid to be frightened of everyone.

These books teach how to encourage kids to listen to their gut when interacting with people, and offers practical advice like, "If lost in a mall, go talk to a woman with kids"

Teaching them that all strangers are dangrous actually puts them in danger. Becuase, they are lost at a mall and too frightened to go talk to anyone. Lost kid in a mall looking frightened, who might come talk with them?

But the chances of them picking out a ped after scaning the crowd and slecting someone that seems a good idea, are very low.

Desiree - posted on 06/22/2011

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I won't let my kids near some of my family but that because they play around with drugs and steal. But my kids can play at the nieghbours house and she is pagan, (I am catholic) I have no problem with any one who has decent moral values and keeps a good home but when it comes to stealing and drugs I tend to throw a fit especially if they bring it into my home. Hell No then I become the ultimate ............. I will lay charges too no problem and i won't help you out when you get arrested for that crap either you are on your own thier. Done it already twice won't think twice to do it again and as they were family why would I do any different to a stranger.

[deleted account]

I'm not an overly helicopter ish parent though and there are things that would affect whether I would let my child go to anothers house without me (as stated in my first post), that doesn't mean I wouldn't let them be friends with the other child or even that they couldn't socialise else where - so if I knew their parent smoked in the home I would suggest playdates at the park or a soft play area etc. I also would not leave my child with someone I don't know and trust but as they get older that may change they are both still so young and aren't at a stage where they go to friends homes alone yet.

My child does socialise with people whom have different parenting ideals and social values to me and my hubby as well as those that do have similar ideals and values to us. to us.

Teresa - posted on 06/22/2011

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I am super picky about who my kid stays/plays with away from my home. Having had a daughter who was molested by her best friends dad, I am super cautious this time around.

JuLeah - posted on 06/21/2011

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Different is good. But, I have my limits. I don't want my child in a home with guns for example. I have a friend who is a consertive Christen, but respects and honors me, so would never push her belifes or attempt to confuse my daughter.
I knew others that did. Our first play date was at a park where the kids might play and the adults might talk. My daughter came to me within 20 minutes telling me she was frightened. The other kids told her all Jews go to hell and described what that was like.
Yah, she won't be playing there.
I don't really want her in homes where money and looks are the only things valued .... so, yes, I have limits. But, overall, different is good.

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011

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I'm also curious as to what kind of values you're talking about? Like nudists or porn addicts or lets their kids watch inappropriate movies or eat junk food or drink alcohol at a premature age?!

Jodi - posted on 06/21/2011

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I have to say that none of these issues have ever cropped up for me. I often will drop my kids at a birthday party where I don't know the parents all that well. My son actually went on football camp with people I don't know well. But I suppose you could say my helicopter rotor isn't used all that much....but seriously, I can't see too many situations where I WOULD have a problem.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/21/2011

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I don't think any of us want our kids to be looked after by someone who does drugs or drinks all nights. So maybe a little more insight might be helpful. Like what values exactly are YOU talking about?

Vegemite - posted on 06/21/2011

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Depends how different their values are. I wouldn't want my child coming home swearing or being looked after by someone who drinks all night or takes drugs or be left unsupervised. If it was just someone who doesn't believe in God or is of a different religion or culture, has different bed times or will give my kid junk food or take out then that's fine.

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