Would you prefer day care facilities or private day homes or be a SAHM because neither appeals to you

Meghan - posted on 02/08/2011

I would have said SAHM all the way 6 months ago...but in Sept I started school and put my son (who was almost 2) into full time private daycare. I was a wreck the first week or so until I realized how much he was enjoying it.
Mrs. Brown is amazing. She is an older lady who treats every single one of the boys like her Grand babies. She has a firm hand with them, she doesn't take shit, but they all respect her! All the meals are made from scratch, she throws birthday and holiday parties, they do crafts, go for walks, learn colors, numbers,songs, clean up, sharing and the alphabet...above all else my son is learning at a young age the value of friendship and that there are other people in the world besides mom that can love and nurture him! Since staying at home isn't a realistic option for us right now, I can say that having such a great woman there to back me up and love my son has made things SO much easier!

Deanna - posted on 02/07/2011

I will/would always be a SAHM because neither is okay with me. The occasional help from family or a few select friends are fine but not constant and not from someone I have not known for years. When I work I work nights so that I can be home and up with my kids all day. At those times I am a SAHM & a full time working mom.

Becky - posted on 02/07/2011

My preference is definitely to remain a SAHM until all my kids are in school. Not only am I very wary about who I let watch them, but I just love being at home with them. If that wasn't an option, my first choice would be to only work part-time and arrange childcare between my mom and my sister, who has a dayhome. If I had to work full-time, I don't think that would be an option, since my sister doesn't have room for 2 full-time kids and it would be too much for my mom. So, my first choice would be a nanny, second, a dayhome, and third, daycare. Although, if I couldn't get them into a dayhome with someone either I or a friend knows, then it would be 50/50 between that and daycare.

Krista - posted on 02/07/2011

Wow, Esther -- that daycare sounds FANTASTIC. Good for you!

Esther - posted on 02/07/2011

I'm a huge fan of daycare but of course you have to ensure that you find a quality center, which luckily my area offered. To me, if you are able to find a quality center, it is preferable to an in-home daycare setting because it is more regulated (in terms of CPR requirements, fire safety, criminal background checks etc.) and generally more reliable.

Lucas has been going to daycare full-time since he was 14 weeks old (I was on maternity leave for those weeks) and I think it's one of the best decisions we've ever made. The daycare he goes to is very organized, clean, professionally run etc. They don't have a lot of turnover in their teachers, the average age of the teachers is around 40 (which was a big plus for me) and the kids are all separated in different classrooms based first on development, then more on age. So they were in infant I until they were able to roll over, infant II when they started to crawl, infant III when they started walking and they moved to toddler 1 when they started talking. Of course the available toys etc. also match whatever stage of development they are in. After the Toddler I class the transitions to a new classroom have been more age determined. The infant classes had no more than 6 kids in them at one time and the child/teacher ratio was 2:1. In the toddler classes the ration was 3:1 and now in the preschool classes it's more like 4:1 (8 kids in a class) although they have a teacher's assistant in the class for about 6 hours each day. They also offer lots of optional extra-curricular activities such as music classes, dance classes, foreign language classes, karate, cooking classes etc. (which is not to say they don't do music and dance as part of the standard curriculum as well). Our daycare also has a webcam in each classroom so us parents can peek in and see what's going on at any time of the day.

This particular daycare does not offer part-time care so all the kids are in there every day which helps make it a stable environment. Lucas has been with pretty much all the same kids since they were all 3 months old. He's an only child and these kids have become like siblings to him. All the parents know eachother, all the kids are totally comfortable around all the other parents (when I pick Lucas up we have a whole routine where all the kids have to tell me about their day, hide under my long winter coat and look at the picture on my work ID).

As a first time parent who does not live in the same continent as any of her family, daycare has also been a huge support system for me. They were able to help me get Lucas on a schedule, answer my millions of questions, help me get him potty trained etc. They have also taught him English since we speak Dutch at home.

To me there have really only been benefits to sending him there. It has enabled me to keep my job and through it keep my family financially secure and myself mentally sane (I'm quite sure I would make a terrible SAHM). It has also helped us expand our support network through other parents and helped Lucas develop his social (and other) skills and many friendships that I hope will last him a long time.

Shauna - posted on 02/07/2011

There are good and bad factors in all 3. Just do your research and weigh your options. tour the facilities and ask many questions. when i find one you feel comfortable with you will just know.

Lindsay - posted on 02/07/2011

We have done it all. With my first, I had to return to work when my daughter was 6 weeks old. She stayed with my mom until she was 18 months. It was great. It was free and who would you trust more than your own mother? The downfall was that she was getting that "Nana spoiling" 5 days a week, 8 hours at a time with virtually no interaction with any other kids. I had originally planned to switch her to a daycare setting around 2 yrs old. When my first was 18 months, I had my second child. I had decided that sending both of them to mom would be too much to ask of her, even though I'm certain she would have done it.

At that point we switched to a daycare. Yes, my 19 month old and 6 week old baby were put into a daycare. *gasp* I had searched and searched places out but ultimately ended up sending them to a daycare that was right across the street from where I was working. I could not have asked for better care for my kids. They were there for about a year and a half until I left my job and stayed home with them. To this day, 3 yrs later, I still keep in contact with their providers and share the kids' milestones with them.

I then quit my job, stayed home with the kids, and went back to school at night. This time with my kids has been nothing short of great. It was honestly a nice break. Yes, being a SAHM is a lot of work, but people that are home definately have time on their side. I found it easier than being a working mom and much more laid back.

Now, just in the last couple of months, we have had our first experiences with a babysitter in her home. I have started nursing school where the night classes weren't offered so I had to find someone who could take my half-day preschool son a couple of days a week and get him on the school bus. It worked out that we found an opening with a woman that friends of ours send their daughter to. They've raved and raved about her and she has worked out well so far.

As far as preferences go, I wouldn't send my children that couldn't vocalize well to an in home daycare setting. If something were to happen with the sitter now, my 4 yr old could tell me. And he has, only it was about not being thrilled over a time out. His story matched with hers. He just didn't like the time out. lol I personally feel that for very small children, if you have to leave them, either go with family or someone you know/trust well or a center where there are several people and regulations present.

Bonnie - posted on 02/07/2011

I am a SAHM, but if I had to choose, I would choose to start out with a private day care at someone's home. You hear stories and negatives at both types, but the interaction in most cases is better at private care and there is less children.

Krista - posted on 02/07/2011

I think like anything else, you get good daycares and bad daycares. My sister had her kids at the "best" daycare in Halifax, and it wasn't great at ALL -- the little ones weren't properly supervised in the least.

Being a SAHM just wasn't an option, as we couldn't afford it. And a new job opportunity came up while I was on mat leave, and I would have been all kinds of fool to have not applied for it. I got the job, but it meant going back to work when Sam was 8 months old, as opposed to a year old (if I'd taken my full mat leave).

I tried to get him into the YMCA daycare, mainly for the same reasons that a lot of you ladies have stated -- it felt safer, and they had a lot of good activities. However, no daycare centres around here take children under 18 months.

So, we had absolutely no choice but to put our son in an at-home daycare. We'd hoped to find someone around home, because our small down being what it is, we would have heard if anything sketchy was going on. But nobody was taking kids. So, in desperation (and with only 2 weeks to go before starting my new job), I looked on Kijiji (online classifieds, similar to Craigslist) and found a woman who was watching kids in her home, in the same town where I'd be working.

I asked her for references, and called them, and they were all glowing. I went to meet her, and brought my MIL along (and my MIL is VERY protective of my son and has a very good read on people), and my MIL really liked the sitter and felt comfortable with her. She was watching a couple of extra kids that day (due to it being March break), and I could see that the older kids were really comfortable and casually affectionate with her. I figured that if something was wonky, those older kids wouldn't be so relaxed with her.

So, I risked it. I know some of you probably think I was insane. But I figured that her references were glowing, and both my MIL and I had a good feeling about her, and the kids who were there seemed really comfortable and happy. And I just had to keep telling myself that in the grand scheme of things, MOST people are trustworthy.

And so far it's been great. She's fantastic with Sam and does a lot of activities and learning with the kids. She doesn't ban TV, but it's not on all day, either. She's very down-to-earth and sensible. Her husband works from home, so it's one adult (and one backup) watching three children -- a ratio I would have NEVER gotten in a daycare centre. Plus, she's only 5 minutes down the street from where I work, so it works out great when he has doctor's appointments and whatnot.

I guess all I can say is: do your homework and check the hell out of references.

Nicole - posted on 02/07/2011

I have had bad daycare experiences and good in both home and daycare facilities.

In my experience College and University daycares are superior.

I've also stayed home when I couldn't find a daycare for one of my children due to his special needs, and it was nice for a while, then I needed more time to myself, and a chance to return to lecture courses (online courses are hard)

Jenn - posted on 02/05/2011

I am a SAHM now, but I did work when my son turned 1 and he went to an in-home babysitter. I don't know if I really have a preference, but I do know that most of the daycare centres here are usually pretty full and you have to get on a waiting list to get in.

Teresa - posted on 02/05/2011

There are no actual daycare centers here (only preschools w/ before and after care), so I don't really have a factual opinion on them. I wouldn't send my kids to one though.

I'm not comfortable w/ a home care option either unless it was someone I already knew really well and the circumstances seemed right.

Which would be why I'm still w/ my son. ;)

Cassie - posted on 02/05/2011

If I had to choose between in-home care or a daycare center, I think I would choose the daycare center hands down. I think there are too many unknowns with an in-home daycare provider. Typically, it is one person with several children and no other adults to provide support or relief. It makes me feel as though that person would be more likely to lose her patience and hurt or neglect the needs of the children. I would also worry about what was happening throughout the day, ie. all tv time with limited to no fun learning opportunities throughout the day. An in-home daycare provider (unless it is a trusted family member or close family friend) is just too much of a wild card for me.

Sara - posted on 02/05/2011

I think putting a newborn in daycare when you have to means to stay at home with them is kind of sad, too. I didn't like sending my daughter to daycare at 3 months, but I had to go back to work to earn money and didn't have a choice. If I'd had a choice, I would have stayed home with her.

Melissa - posted on 02/05/2011

and with regards to what Sara said I wouldnt allow my kid under 18 months to go to daycare I just wouldnt be ready personally. I see people put newborns in daycare all week just for the hell of it and I think its sad

Melissa - posted on 02/05/2011

home day care, kids get so much more attention so many accidents happen at child case centre because kids are not watched and also kids are neglected on a daily basis I know that many friends who took their kids out straight away, kids were getting beaten up, and a fair few cases where babies 9 months or younger were not even given their bottle of formula in a day. Theres always cases on the news about child care centres. My friend brought her little baby home in tears a few months back she had taken her dausghtet there at 7am picked her up at 5 or 5.30 and told them she needed a bottle straight away then another 2, They said they didnt know what formula was hers so they didnt give her any, but they did give her water, she said there was a new pack of formula with her daughters name on it. She came home in tears and her daughter (9 months) drank down 2 and a half bottles one after the other. All the stories Ive heard from child care centres break my heart. I have to have 100% trust in where I leave my kid and she goes to home daycare apart form the minor issue here and there Im happy shes never come home with an injury and shes well looked after. Infact because of my daughters FTT she needs extra calories and I was very impressed iwth my daycare workers efforts to meet her needs, giving her the junk food Id packed while other kids were napping etc. She does her very best to accomodate us even though junk and drinking juice is against the rules at daycare. definately home day cares so much better

Sara - posted on 02/05/2011

I've done both, and I prefer the day care center my daugher is at to the in-home daycare we did for her first year. They are much more organized and professional than the in-home sitter I had. Don't get me wrong, she was a nice lady, but she wasn't very strict about sick kids coming to daycare or having a structured day. Where my daugher is at now is a much better environment for her, IMO.



I think when the child is an infant, it would be ideal to have a parent or close family member watch them, but that's not always feasible for every parent. I'm currently pregnant with my second child, and I've decided to get a part-time job in the evenings so I can stay home with the kids during the day. With two children, it just doesn't make sense for us financially to send them to daycare.

Johnny - posted on 02/05/2011

I would prefer to be a SAHM until she's in kindergarten if I could. I've been back to work part-time since my daughter was 1, and my parents care for her. I'm going back full-time in the fall when she's 3, and she'll be at a daycare/preschool run by a local non-profit. I wasn't comfortable putting my child in most home based home care situations. There have been quite a few abuse cases involving those in our area recently, including a death of a 18 month old about 2 weeks ago. The local centres are nice, licensed by the province, and regularly inspected. Most of the workers have lots of early childhood education and there haven't been any similar incidents involving them, at least not in my memory. Most of the other moms I know around here try to put their kids in a daycare centre if they can afford it.

Minnie - posted on 02/05/2011

SAHM because we homeschool. It's very tough living on one salary in New England, and not a big one at that, but we make it work.

Rosie - posted on 02/05/2011

i have this weird thing about big daycares, i don't feel that they would be able to pay enough attention to my kid. i don't know why i think that, since i send my kids to public school, lol. but for some reason i'm convinced my kid will get screwed in a daycare like that. plus they're more expensive. i would always have my child in an inhome daycare.

Sapphire - posted on 02/05/2011

I stayed home with my son until he was 5 months. Then my husband saved up 3 weeks worth of vacation time to stay home with him when I returned to work full-time. The babysitter he went to was a SAHM neighbor who was also a former teacher. So while she was not a licensed day care facility, she was a trusted neighbor and a certified teacher. That lasted until my son was about 16 months and then she moved away. By that time I was ready to enroll my son into a traditional day care facility. I was unhappy at first and there were times he experienced separation anxiety. But in the long run I had to go to work and he he did receive adequate, safe care. He stayed in that day care facility until he was 4, and then went to full-time preschool. I was never meant to be SAHM.

Julianne - posted on 02/05/2011

sahm.
If i had to choose, it would be based on the individual center, theres good and bad out there for both.

Kelly - posted on 02/05/2011

When I worked, we had a nanny that watched out son at our house.

The nanny was perfect for us because he got lots of 1 on 1 attention, but we also had group activities set up for her to take him to so he could learn to socialize in a group.

There were also several benefits to the nanny being in our home:

First, no added commute to drop him off or pick him up.

Second, we got to spend time with our son during breaks at home during the day (we did not always work regular hours and often worked from home).

She kept our home picked up, not actual cleaning of course, but tidying, and she made our lunch while she was making her's and J's lunches if we were home, and she made goooood lunches!

There was also the security factor--she came well referenced and certified, but you can never be too sure. Our home is equipped with video security, which serves both as a deterrent and evidence should the worst happen, because if anyone ever hurt my child, they will pay. Luckily, we never needed that :)



If I had to pick, I'd go with a nanny every time.



I am a sahm now, not because I was unsatisfied with the care my son was getting, but I just felt spread too thin trying to balance my career, my relationship, and parenthood. It seemed like when I was at work, all I could think about was J, when I was with him, I worried about work, and hubs & I had very little time together because it seemed every time we made plans one of us would have some late meeting and have to cancel. So with me home, things are much more relaxed. I am available for hubs anytime he has free, for the most part, and I get to be the one taking my son to story times, play dates, and such, and be focused on him when I do it, not some pain of a client. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

Maria - posted on 02/05/2011

I actually would never want to put my child in daycare either type. But i understand for people who have no other choice. If i needed to leave her with someone i would have to work out a schedule that would fit my mothers ( since she is the only one i trust with her) Or i would just work nights since my fiance works days.

Cassie - posted on 02/05/2011

My husband and I prefer neither daycare or private home care. We have worked out our schedules so that one of us is home with the girls at all times. We don't want either child in the care of anyone but family until they are old enough to verbally communicate the events of their day so that we can know they are safe. It's just what works for us. We've sacrificed time together so that our girls are home with their parents while they are so young.

Katherine - posted on 02/05/2011

I loved the private home my daughter was in. It was clean, small amount of kids and they were really good to her.
I don't like facilities at all. I have worked in them and have seen some things that are very unethical.
I would choose SAHM first and private daycare second.

Jodie - posted on 02/05/2011

I have tried it all over the past 7 years with my 4 kids. I found going back to work the hardest as it just didnt stop when I got home, still had to pick kids up, feed/bath etc I had no me time. Insted i became a homebased caregiver so I could spend time at home with my kids while earning a little bit. I would cation anyone to investigate well before putting children into any kind of care. My children have been in a horrible daycare where my son didnt get fed and continuosly wet his pants even though he was toilet trained and staff didnt even notice. On the other side, it is hard being an at home caregiver too especially if you have a child in your care that you just dont bond with, if you feel your child or the caregiver is not bonding well together then ask for a new caregiver. I have had some great kids to look after and some whose personalities just didnt gel with mine. To sum it up I personally vote for #1.SAHM #2.homebased care #3.family/friends #4.daycare

Erin - posted on 02/05/2011

It depends how old the child is for me. I would not be comfortable sending an infant to daycare. A family day care would be marginally better, as there are fewer kids, but it still can't replicate the love and attention of a parent in those early months.

When I went back to work part-time, my daughter was 7 months old and she went to my Mum's. My mother is the only other person I trusted to care for her the way I did at that stage. Now she is older (turns 2 next Wednesday) she has started daycare and absolutely loves it. She only goes one day a week but she was definitely ready and waiting was the right choice for us.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2011

I've actually done all 3 with my youngest.
I was a SAHM until she was very nearly 2, then she went to a Child minder for just over 6 months, and now she at a Nursery.

That was actually pretty much ideal to me. I loved being a SAHM for the first 2yrs (I did the same with my eldest), then the Child Minder was great because she got used to being away from me for a few hrs (while I worked part time) but had almost one to one attention. That set her up nicely for the next step of going to nursery and being able socialise with other kids. So although I didn't really plan it all, it worked out really well!!

I think so long as a Child Minder, Nursery, Daycare, Nanny or whatever is registered and you've checked references and had a look around etc. then I personally have no problem with them.