You're better then the "Non-married" people.....

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 09/27/2010 ( 81 moms have responded )

4,455

6

379

Is a relationship between people less valuable if they are not married why or why not?….to me the obvious answer is NO, but I know some people think yes…..



It has come to my attention that, people (some in my fam) are on a high horse because they are “married” while I am not (don’t get me wrong they should be happy and proud they are married, but then don’t roll your eyes or say…”But your not married, so why do you call him husband?

Not only do I sport a Fat rock on my ring finger, but I refer to my husband as husband because we are in every other way as a “married” couple are we just didn’t get the paper signed, or go through the ceremony….(we do have plans do that later, im in no hurry, and not to mention my mother and father have been together for 17years…and never officially tied the not)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Happy - posted on 04/07/2011

341

0

44

I agree AND dis agree with you. Do I think that two people can have a wonderful, stong, beautiful relationship that has just as much meaning. love and value as a married couple? ABSOLUTELY! Do I think you should call a man your husband you have not married just because you feel you have done everything BUT sign the paper, NO! I mean, I have read, studied, asked, followed and learn from many doctors but I think alot of people would be pissed if I put RN on the end of my name, I mean after all, I just didn't go throught the fomality of school but I am educated in the material. Why would you want to addrtess yourself as someone that you don't want to be? If you want to be married, then marry. If you dpn't want to be married, then don't. But don't call yourself a wife if you're not and I won't call myself a nurse because I'm not.

Jenny - posted on 01/02/2012

4,426

16

126

"Can people stop saying "it's just a piece of paper"? It's devaluing to those of us who are married and to whom it's a very important piece of paper."



Because to those of us in long term, committed relationships (12 years and counting for myself) it is the only difference between a marriage and what we have. Our commitment is at the same level as yours. If you take that as demeaning that is on you but it is not intended that way.

[deleted account]

No, a relationship is not less valuable if you are not married. Love is love, with or without a piece of paper. That being said, my husband and I were together for almost 5 years before our son was born. Before I was even pregnant, we had discussed marriage and had both agreed that "maybe someday" we would. Then, when I got pregnant, we seriously started talking about it. What used to get me was that when we first told everyone we were expecting, the FIRST question to come out of just about everyone's mouths was "So, when are you guys getting married?" Including our more liberal friends. I never understood that. We talked a lot about the subject of marriage while I was pregnant and we decided that what we would do was wait awhile after the baby was born. Our logic was that A) we DEFINITELY weren't gonna get married because I was pregnant. We both understood what a colossal mistake that would have been. B) We knew that a baby would totally change the dynamic of our relationship. Sometimes it makes a couple stronger; sometimes it brings to light serious problems in a relationship. We wanted to make sure we still worked well as a couple, as parents, and that our bond grew stronger. When my son was about 3 months old (somewhere around there), I remember looking at my then boyfriend holding Jacob, feeding him and I had one of those "Aha moments". The look on Steve's face while he was holding him, the love that was written there, the way he looked at me when I was holding the baby....that said it all to me. This was our family and no piece of paper would ever make or break that. We got married in April of '08, when our son was 18 months old. Not because anyone told us we should or because either of us felt obligated; not out of any sense of tradition, but because we wanted to. I wanted to share the same last name as my son and the man I loved and basically that was it. To me, I think we would have been just as happy without ever having gotten married and our relationship would have been just the same as it is today. It was just a matter of personal choice for us. All that being said though, anything less than love is no reason to get married. And even if you never do "tie the knot", your relationship with your partner is just as valuable as that of anyone else. A piece of paper doesn't make a family, love and commitment do. If you've got that, then who cares what anyone else thinks?

[deleted account]

I had a similar discussion with my parents when I was pregnant. They are still in the last century and think it's the thing to do when you are having a baby. My response was "if a guy doesn't want to stick around for his own flesh and blood do you really think a piece of paper will do the trick?".

We're a family, a mum and a dad. We make joint decisions about our kids, home, car etc. We are engaged and will get married sometime but it won't be to prove a point to anyone else. If we weren't a solid couple as we are then neither of us would consider marriage.

Johnny - posted on 09/27/2010

8,686

26

318

I loved getting officially married. I'm a big sucker for ceremonies & rituals, so publicly holding a wedding ceremony was just my cup of tea. But then, I'm a symbolic interactionist, so really, I had to. I think that rituals hold meanings (meanings that we can be free to alter as the world changes) that help to define our existence, and so being Steve's wife (officially, by state, family & friends) means something, to me. Part of what defines "marriage" as different than a permanent relationship of any other kind is the public ceremony (at least to me because I am not religious). It does not make the marriage, but it simply signifies a certain goal that 2 people are entering into together with public approval & witness.

But do I think that it is necessary for people to marry? Absolutely not. I think it's great, and I think that marriage is currently an institution undergoing a vast improvement makeover, but it is not in anyway vital to the meaning of an individual relationship. People who choose not to have an official "marriage" - either religious or state - are in no way less 'together' than my husband and I. They just choose to approach the organization of their relationship with society from a different route. Neither way is the right way, except for the individuals involved.

My husband's parents were happily unmarried for 45 years until his father passed. His siblings are still both happily unmarried, for 30 years & 16 years. A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, and for some of us, it means a lot, and to others, it means nothing. But it never defines the relationship.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

81 Comments

View replies by

Mrs. - posted on 01/02/2012

1,767

6

30

Personally, I think the real test, the real union sealer is when you totally commit to being parents together AND being a couple. People who are married and don't have kids, I'm not sure that is the same level of commitment as an unmarried couple with kids. One is not better or worse, it is about commitment level.

I mean, I got married after I had the kid and it was a bit of a "well, that wasn't as big of a deal as I thought" thing. Just because, the real commitment for us came when we decided to go through with having our kid.

Merry - posted on 01/02/2012

9,274

169

248

That's cool Sharon! Now I want to find our marriage license and frame it too! You know, now that you mention it here's very few divorces in my big family with the exception of one of my aunts and one of my husbands aunts whose husbands became physically abusive, and my brother in law whose wife hid a year long affair before she filed for divorce. My grandparents in law are in their upper 70s and they began dating as 14 year olds!

[deleted account]

I take my marriage and vows seriously, but marriage is important to me. Longevity in marriage is something very common in my family. No divorces, long marriages. My parents are married 43 years now. I wanted the whole she-bang: formal wedding, ceremony, etc. I have no problem at all if a committed couple decides not to go through with a wedding ceremony. Their status of common-law or non-married does not make their relationship better or worse than my married relationship. It's just that they decided not to legally marry. I have a beautifully framed marriage license hanging up in my dining room called a Ketubah. Basically, a legal Hebrew marriage license that is recognized and certified by the county. We also have the traditional issued piece of paper license.

Here's the link for the Jewish marriage license in case anyhone is interested.

http://www.interfaithfamily.com/life_cyc...(Ketubah).shtml

Maree - posted on 01/01/2012

720

0

26

Well he is actually NOT you husband so maybe that's why your family is saying things about it. It's kind of like me saying my nephew is my son,because i treat him like my son and i love him like my son. The fact is....he is NOT my son!!!!

I don't have any issue with a person calling their partner,their husband. It's none of my business and makes no difference to me. I don't know why your family cares or bothers to correct you or to make comments about you not being married.

As far as commitment goes...i don't care,married or not,the commitment is up to the two people. Married people cheat and so do non married people so anyone who says being married means you are more committed doesn't know what they are talking about.

I have an annoying family also,not as far as "married" comments go,but they go on about how i wouldn't know anything about hard work because my kids are 10 years apart and i have a boy and a girl. My sister has 3 boys who are closer in age so apparently that means that her life is so much harder than mine....in the end,who gives a shit what they think.

[deleted account]

Legally he's not your husband but if in every other sense you act as husband or wife then I don't see why your family is getting all funny about terminology. An official, state signed union isn't important for everyone and it doesn't make your relationship any less valuable

Katherine - posted on 01/01/2012

469

0

34

I think it all depends on the person and the couples involved. My husband and I were together for almost 9 years before we were offically married in July 2010. We both wanted to be married before having children, but we both also wanted to experience living together and spending time together to make sure that we were the right ones for each other (neither one of us believe in divorce...and we met, moved in together and started dating really quickly at age 17).

I think it's something you either do or don't do...we knew when we met that we would get married and have children, thats how we were raised...do I frown on those who don't get married....yes and no....i think people are starting to rush into things

We have friends who aren't married, been together 5 years, have a 7 month old baby, and he proposed while momma was pregnant just becuase its the "right" thing to do, to me thats wrong...you propose because you love...

Merry - posted on 01/01/2012

9,274

169

248

Hmm we married in Vegas so idk! I do remember getting a marriage license or something but I didn't realize that the paper was anything special.

Mandy - posted on 01/01/2012

233

16

8

Laura - your wedding license or certificate, depending on the country you got married in.

Merry - posted on 01/01/2012

9,274

169

248

I don't get the 'piece of paper' thing. Where was my paper? I don't have some paper saying I'm married or I'd have framed it!

Merry - posted on 01/01/2012

9,274

169

248

I got married because I believe its what God wants. If anyone doesn't think God is real or for whatever reason they don't marry I couldn't care less.
I know christans didn't start marriage in the minds of non Christians but in my belief it's a God thing.

Mandy - posted on 01/01/2012

233

16

8

Can people stop saying "it's just a piece of paper"? It's devaluing to those of us who are married and to whom it's a very important piece of paper. To me it's much more, I stood up (twice as I have renewed my vows) and told the world how I felt about my husband and publicly committed myself to him. You complain people devalue you your relationship, stop doing it to mine.

Dusty - posted on 01/01/2012

128

10

8

It is absolutely not less valuable just because you aren't married. Some people will argue to their death that they think couples should be married because then it's not as easy to just walk out on the relationship when things get tough. This is not true. Maybe it is in the legal sense, but if a husband cheats on his wife, or a wife cheats on her husband, that person has already chosen to walk out of the relationship. Even if a judge says that they have to have marriage counseling or whatever, one partener has already chosen to throw away the relationship. Marriage isn't something that's BINDING to the heart unless both parteners agree to that. And even then, marriage isn't a neccesity to state that you truly love that person. I've seen so many marriages fall apart, & I've seen alot of perfectly content couples who aren't married. If you want to get married, then go for it. If not, then don't worry about what others think! :)

Mabel - posted on 04/07/2011

785

60

26

I had to deal with this one because Brian and I were together for 10 yrs before we got married.I just told them when the subject came up that we have to try even harder to be together because it is so much easier to leave when you are not married so if you really are committed then you don't need the ceremony to prove it.

[deleted account]

Were all equal i feel.If you feel above another because your married then your pretty stuck up.:-P

Tara - posted on 04/07/2011

2,567

14

107

I'm married under the laws of taxation, that's enough for me to call him my husband and he to call me his wife.
He is my husband because I chose to live with him, have a family with him, be responsible for our home together etc. I am his wife because I am his lover, his friend and his companion and the mother of his child.
I don't feel that my relationship with him is any less valuable or meaningful than his brothers relationship with his legal wife.
Nor do I think that we have any more or less chance of remaining together until death than a married couple.
With a 50% + divorce rate, not too sure it really matters that much to most people.
The kids want us to have a "ceremony or marrying ritual" so they can take part in the custom, only they want to make their own! So according to my 8 and almost 6 year old daughter our 15 year old son will "say the words" that she writes for him, I will walk into the backyard followed by the three girls throwing flowers, Steve will wait by the pond with Riley and Riley will have the rings with him to give us.
They just want the ritual because they get to dress up and be flower girls. lol
But in answer to the OP no. And I know more couples who have been together a lot longer as non married than those who are married.
More divorced than "split up" too.

Stifler's - posted on 04/07/2011

15,141

154

597

It depends on the individuals in question. I know as many tacky married folks as people who aren't married.

Mel - posted on 04/07/2011

5,539

58

226

no who cares whether your married or not. I partially got married because I was sick of the status of being a young mum not married, not to mention every one of my customers or others would say so why are you not married when your havinga baby. Now Im glad to be able to say yes Im married with 2 children , but at the end of the day its just a piece of paper. I know someone with 8 growth children, and just been engageed the whole time, I have 30 yr old friends with kids and a house but just engaged for ages. EVen people not engaged how cares. Unfortunately some people are way too judgemental

Jennifer - posted on 04/07/2011

81

0

12

I have been with my common-law husband for 16 years. I used to refer to him as my partner, but I discovered people were getting the mistaken impression that I was in a same-sex relationship. lol I switched to referring to him as my husband for clarity's sake.



I think one difference between married and common-law relationships is that when someone gets married their relationship gets instantly recognized as long-term or stable by others, while it takes longer for common-law relationships to gain that acceptance from others.

Bonnie - posted on 10/19/2010

4,813

22

257

To be completely honest, no, married people are not better than non-married people. Whether you are married or not, people hold strong relationships between one another. Technically it is just the rings and a piece of paper that prove you are married. Some don't even wear their rings all the time. The only real difference to me is that when you are married, you have to get a divorce in order to break up and go your own separate ways. When you are not married, it is way easier to just pick yourself up and leave. Some say being married makes a relationship that much stronger. Now that is has been mentioned, I never really understood why people who are not married call/refer to eachother as husband and wife as marriage determines those names. I've heard people say it makes their relationship stronger and they are common law anyways so they just like it that way. Personally, it doesn't bother me. It is a preference for some people. Some just naturally prefer never to get married. Good for your parents being together for that many years and not being married...that is awesome and a great commitment. I know of someone who was in a relationship for 15 years, no marriage, and just a few months ago they broke up for good. That is what I mean by it being more difficult to commitment, but as others have mentioned, many more seem to be getting divorces these days, just as easy.

Kimberly - posted on 10/19/2010

705

59

32

Being married no longer holds the value it once did. It is entirely too easy to get divorced. Seems more and more like a piece of paper. I don't think the "married" title makes a lick of a difference as long as you are in a loving committed relationship. My Grandmother used to tell me I was wasting my time when I was in a 8 year relationship with my ex. I sweetly explained that I wasn't in a hurry to get married and divorced like 4 out of her own 5 children had done.

[deleted account]

Interesting story! I know I would have never kept my maiden name probably because my dad had an affair and left my mam so to be honest I'm not particularly proud of my maiden name in that respect.I'm glad you chose what was right for you and thanks for explaining hehe =]

Jodi - posted on 10/19/2010

2,694

52

168

Well, my mother kept her last name and never changed it, but I never asked her WHY she did that, I guess it never occured to me it was "abnormal" until it was time for ME to make that decision! So, based upon my own reasoning thrown in with a little less personal abnormality since I've seen it first hand here's how it goes: I was not born into the Hayden family, while I love them all, mylast name lets people know MY ancestry, MY lineage where *I* come from without people jumping straight into the Hayden thing. I have no problem answering people's questions like this, trust me, I get asked it all the time. The bank actually put a hold on my account because they knew I got married and had been signing papers with my "maiden" name! lol That took some explaining! (Small town.) I call myself MRS. Karshbaum (I get asked that a lot) and my children will have their father's last name, although it would have been nice to have one Karshbaum girl. :( Oh well!

[deleted account]

Just a random question of curiosity but Jodi why did you choose to keep your maiden name and do your children have your husbands surname?

Jodi - posted on 10/18/2010

2,694

52

168

I don't think any less or more of a couple simply because they're married or they're not. I married my husband in a very simple ceremony, kept my last name and we were pronounced "Newly weds Mrs. Karshbaum and Mr. Hayden!" *cue exiting music* That being said, it does kind of irk me when someone suggest or implies that they are married when in all actuality they legally are not. If you want to say you're married...then get married IMO. It would be like me saying I'm a home owner when I actually only rent (although mortgage is going through as we speak!!!! yaaay!). I would never say anything or dispute them, but internally I roll my eyes I guess or give a sigh or something.

As for letting people know that I'm taken, we exchanged wedding bands, but neither of us wear them, we're just not jewlery people. If someone wants to know whether I'm single or taken they can ask, but even being married doesn't always mean a thing to someone who's interested.

C. - posted on 10/18/2010

4,125

35

238

My question is, and this isn't directed at you Ebony, it's just a general question.. If all marriage is to some people is a signed piece of paper, what's the big deal? Some people don't legally get married b/c they don't want to sign a paper. To me, that just sounds ridiculous.

Now, in your own situation, Ebony.. I get where your family is coming from (with the whole, why do you call him husband if you're not married thing).. BUT it's really none of their business why.

Becky - posted on 10/18/2010

76

20

3

In reality, it's not important who is married and who is not. It really should not make any difference and nobody has a right to superiority over the other person because of how life is. Folks have go to learn to let go of the differences in life and start living. Life is too short.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 09/30/2010

4,455

6

379

but they know ur taken...
you can't help if ur a beautiful woman with cute kids.....

Tah - posted on 09/30/2010

7,412

22

357

you must have the ring he gave me...the first one anyway was 2ct princess cut, the second was a 2ct cluster....lol..they see it and they dont care, if you tell someone you are taken but not married they think it's not official and they still have a chance...my ex used to say that all the time...don't they see the ring..lol...i

m sure they do...they can't miss it...but technically...i'm single...they used to burn him up...lol..shoot...they used to tell me how cute the kids were and then ask for my number....lol...

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 09/30/2010

4,455

6

379

I do agree whole heartedly the benefits of marriage as far as tax time, and if one or both of us passed away or get sick….ect
but when it comes to Money….that is defiantly not an issue as to why we are not married….
But if you want to be politically correct…then no he’s not my husband….because we don’t have that paper….
not to mention I know a lady who got married, spent close to 100grand….but didn’t get the marriage licenses….
what is the definition of a husband…besides it being on that paper or is that the definition…????
How do you let others know that you are “Taken” besides saying “Oh, im taken”
Its not the kid or kids hanging off your hip….it’s the ring….and not the pre-marriage ring…im talking 2ct set in white gold…princess cut…. that demands attention when you see it :-)

Tracey - posted on 09/30/2010

1,094

2

58

No difference to me but I would check what happens legally if either of you were to die or you split up as a married couple would have far more rights.
I find it odd that people only refer to their wedding anniversary when saying how long they have been together. My husband and I are about to celebrate 20 years together, but we have only been married for 8, does that mean the first 12 years don't count?

Lisa - posted on 09/29/2010

136

24

9

We have family members who go so far as to not allow thier children to call an Aunt an Aunt just because she isn't married to the Uncle. I think if you have lived together, had children together and showed that you are a commited couple then you're married in my book. I have offended someone though by saying "your husband" and I was quickly corrected though so I guess its one of those subjects that people will allways dissagree on.

Erin - posted on 09/29/2010

222

20

22

I definately don't think a relationship is less valuable if you're not married. My husband and I got together 9 years ago and engaged not long after that. We spent most of those years having fun together (going out, snowmobiling, etc.) We just assumed that one day when we felt like it we would get married. We were living together when we decided to try getting pregnant. We knew that some people would be upset that we weren't married but it was our decision. But from then on people kept asking when and if we were going to get married. I would say " Our baby is not going to be the reason for us getting married and I am certainly not going have my pregnant belly sticking out of my dress on my wedding day!" But because our family was getting bigger we needed a bigger place, bought a house. We fixed up the house, got settled in, and our son was born. It wasn't til our son was 3 months old that we finally decided that we wanted to get married. We had a simple ceremony at my grandmothers pond and it was beautiful. Best part was that Danny got to celebrate it with us. But as far as the day to day life nothing feels any different. I don't think it matters, as long as you and your family are healthy happy and love each other.

Charlie - posted on 09/29/2010

11,203

111

401

Carol said :Ours actually included the phrase, "the wild orgasms of love"

LOL , AWESOME !

[deleted account]

You dont need to be married to be a loving and wonderful couple, who live to help one another and raise there children.I see all couples as equal humans ,we are all the same and if you feel above as a married couple then its your own Flaw, you need to change.There are some legal good points when married than not as Mandy has said, but over all married or not doesnt make you any less or more of a person.Just legal stuff is all thats different.

Mandy - posted on 09/29/2010

233

16

8

Yes marriage is about love, but it does protect you legally especially when you have children, so if you have kids together then I would recommend having even a simple ceremony. If you aren't married and the worst happens to you, you partner may not automatically gain custody of your children, if the worst happens to your partner, you aren't automatically entitled to any insurance or the money in their bank - I've seen this happen to a friend, he partner tragically and suddenly died, and she didn't get his pension because they weren't married, she had to wait for his dad to give the money to her for their children, if they'd been married she wouldn't have had to wait for over a year. She also wasn't entitled to see his medical records nor can she sue the hospital for their negligence.
I would however, never look down on a couple who isn't married, it's their choice and their relationship, and I've seen plenty of couple who are happily unmarried and them marry and the relationship changes.

Johnny - posted on 09/28/2010

8,686

26

318

There was definitely no "obey" in our vows either. Ours actually included the phrase, "the wild orgasms of love" which was quite a shock to some of our more conservative friends & family. We were both walked down the aisle, him by his mom & brother and me by my parents. It is their cultural tradtion. The families give their children to one another to form a new family and bond together their birth families. I'm not a big fan of the tradtional concepts of marriage, ownership rights & obedience, so I did not want any of that included in our marriage/wedding. I did change my name though. Mostly because his is cooler and I was tired of mine. Since my surname doesn't define me, it was not a big deal. If it meant something to me, I would have kept it. Even if we divorced, I'd probably keep his because it's unique.

[deleted account]

I have family & family friends that have made their opinions on this topic known to my partner and I.

We live together, with our daughter - like a married couple, a family. But yet some people like to think less of us because we aren't married yet. We have plans to be married next November..

I personally don't think that a relationship is less valuable than that of a married couple. To each their own.

Like Loureen said: "A partnership is measured by love, not by contracts" - and that exactly how I feel too.

[deleted account]

Oh I totally wrote our vows lol And there was no "obey" anywhere. I asked my husband if he wanted to write his vows and he just said "No, you're better at that stuff. You know what's in my heart. Just let me read it when you're finished." We promised to love, honor and cherish each other. Honestly, legally married or not, we did that anyhow.

Stifler's - posted on 09/28/2010

15,141

154

597

Marriage is still about the family giving the daughter away to the husband and them making a new family together and welcoming their significant other to the family. It's not that archaic or degrading if you ask me.

JuLeah - posted on 09/28/2010

3,133

38

681

I just had this conversation with someone .... she (a teen) asked why people even got married.
I shared with her the history of the institution and the quote that “marriage is a great institution; I just don't want to be institutionalized.”
Think about it .... women were 'given' in marriage. They were traded for goats and camel and land. Daughters were a commodity.
A ring meant you were owned and required by law to obey without question the word of your husband. A husband not only took the girl, but her maids, and even a sibling if she were tossed in with the marriage contact.
We like tradition, us humans, so we continue to get married. We have changed the language a bit, but some wives still agree to 'obey without question' and it is in my memory that a newly married couple was introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Frank Smith and at the ceremony they were pronounced Man and wife .... she gave up her name, first and last, her rights, her identity ..... So, yah, why do we get married?

[deleted account]

I agree with what kati said. For me marriage is the enxt step in a relationship and to me marriage is the normal thing to do when you're rerady to do so of course. Also I must say i hate people who imply that they are married when they aren't. My in-laws aren't married with four children and when I first met Steven I thought it was wierd...I still do but that's because in my family everyone with children are married. The in-laws were engaged but never married yet his dad wears a ring that looks like a wedding ring...which I can't understand the point in doing it because people just assume he's married...so if that's why he wears it why don't they get married. Anyhoo I suppose it's opened my eyes to the fact that not everyone who has children is married and that it doesn't really matter either.

Jenny - posted on 09/28/2010

4,426

16

126

I think we've all had those moments Kati. At least I know I have. I also have that deep, committed feeling for my partner. It didn't come from being married though, it came from how our relationship developed over the years. When you're down in the dump are you really fighting to not tear up the contract or to keep the partnership? It's the same thing for us unmarrieds.

Rosie - posted on 09/28/2010

8,657

30

315

i have always viewed marriage as the next step in a relationship, and i personally find it the logical thing to do when i want to be in a relationship with my lifelong partner. now, i in no way am stating that people who aren't married, for whatever reason, aren't as committed to their partner as i am mine. i'm not so presumptous to say or even think so. all i know, is that when i got married at first it was just a piece of paper, and i really didn't feel like anything changed. then a couple years ago we hit a bump in the road, and i had to stand back and reflect on my relationship and what i wanted to do. did i want to stay? should i go? all i know is that i found a resolve in myself to fight like hell for my marriage. i can't say if i would've stayed or been so committed to being with my husband if we weren't married. there is definitely something there that wasn't there before we got married. it's a whole different dynamic. i believe marriage has definitely strengthened my relationship, and made me more committed.

Tah - posted on 09/28/2010

7,412

22

357

@ Heather, it cost us 30 dollars, and i think that is because we bought 2 wedding certificates....i aslo don't think people should say husband when it isn't your husband, he's your boyfriend, fiancee, life partner, s/o whatever, but he's not a husband. I always said fiancee when i was engaged with that big rock on my finger, both of those rocks since he upgraded after awhile..lol...but he wasn't my husband.

[deleted account]

I don't think being married makes me any better then you BUT I don't think unmarried people should imply they are married (even though I have done this) it makes things difficult and confusing if things don't work out especially if you have children. Common Law Marriage is a whole other story because it is recognized as a legal marriage.

Big weddings are a big waste of money IMO. I did the court house thing because it was more symbolism for my husband and if any of you knew him you'd understand. He is a very literal person and very black and white, no gray areas. Girlfriends don't get that commitment in his opinion but wives do.

Jocelyn - posted on 09/28/2010

5,165

42

274

In Alberta, if you're common-law and you split up, you might as well be getting a divorce. The only thing that differs is that you don't split the assets (unless both your names are on it). In the eye's of the Albertan gov't, common-law and married are the same thing (tax wise, health care wise, child care wise etc)

Jenny - posted on 09/28/2010

4,426

16

126

We have been happily UNmarried for 11 years this November. We have recently talked about a proposal but without a wedding. I do want my romantic moment on a mountaintop where he asks me to be his forever (and the ring ha ha). We are not religious though so no need for a wedding and I don't need the government's blessing either. Our partnership is blessed by us and our children.



I also do not call him my husband. I use partner but may go with man partner soon so people don't think he's a she. When he uses wife I correct him.



I like the idea of being together because we want to be. Divorce seems like such a pain in the ass and is so expensive, I can imagine there are many people together still to avoid the hassle. We'll just keep truckin' along living in sin.

[deleted account]

Money isn't the only issue. For me, a piece of paper doesn't make it any more real or even legal. In my eyes and the eyes of the law, Chad and I are pretty much married. I do see your point, Heather, but on the flip side, why go to the courthouse? For me, it won't make a difference one bit.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms