All Communities > Debating Mums! > Your opinion on "retarded"

Your opinion on "retarded"

Karla - posted on 05/25/2012 ( 229 moms have responded )

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This has been mentioned in another thread and I became curious.

If you use the word “retarded” do you define it with any of the urban dictionary meanings? I personally don’t use the word because I find it offensive. I think of the traditional meaning: particularly as in “stupid.” (I don’t usually use the word "stupid" either.) Or I think of delayed progress - as in thought processes.

Urban Dictionary
Slang for ‘retarded”
‘get stupid’
‘pleasing to the eye’
‘stupid’
‘messed up’
‘crazy, silly, goofy’
‘getting high’
‘when you like something’
‘cool, dope, tight, chill’

Dictionary:
verb (used with object)
~ to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
verb (used without object)
~to be delayed.
noun
~slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
Slang: Disparaging .
~ mentally retarded person.
~ person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.

Automotive, Machinery
~ an adjustment made in the setting of the distributor of an internal-combustion engine so that the spark for ignition in each cylinder is generated later in the cycle.

Where do you stand on this one?

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Jodi - posted on 05/27/2012

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" So, back the fuck off!"

Geez, MeMe, there was no need for that, it was simply a question. You are the one who used the word "cringe". I just assumed that if you cringe, it bothers you.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/27/2012

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Karla---"The only reason these words become insults in society is that they are used to insult non-disabled people by insinuation they are mentally challenged. It then becomes a norm, "that's retarded," "How stupid," "You're such a moron."

I just want it understood, that when I use the term, I am NOT thinking mentally challenged. How can a concept be mentally challenged? I have said, I never ever use it directed at a person. I just used it above, are you saying that me having to defend my relationship is mentally challenged because I said it was "retarded" that I am finding myself having to?

BTW - This is exactly how I used it in the other thread. It was a concept I was referring to, not a person. So, I am unsure how a concept or idea can be mentally challenged. Please explain.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/27/2012

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Jodi---So you haven't discussed with him having a little respect for you and to please refrain from using it? I find that terrible in a relationship if there is something your husband is saying that bothers you so much you cringe that he wouldn't have the respect to make the effort not to. There is a big difference between "telling" him not to, and asking him to please respect your feelings.

Jodi, yes, I have talked with him about it but honestly in the scheme of things I don't care that much. He is trying to use it much less but he did grow up with the term, being used loosely. I am not going to badger him about it.

Let's get one thing very straight. I have an awesome husband. There is not one thing in this world that he would not do for me and vice versa. He does everything from cleaning toilets to mowing the lawn. He is an awesome Dad. He does everything from playing to changing asses. He is an awesome step-father. He does everything for and with my daughter. Him and I have a very strong marriage. If we did not have a great relationship, we would not have married last August. We have been together 6.5 years.

Just because he uses the word "gay" at times, as a term to express his feelings of somethig, does not and is not, going to depict that we have a shitty relationship. That is absurd. I also fucking resent any insinuation of such.

I simply included in this thread, that at times, my husband has used the word "gay" and it does make me cringe. I did not make any inclinations that he was a bad guy. So, back the fuck off!

Kel80---but some people are all about what their husbands want and seem to forget that he is not the only person on the planet....a husband using words like that DOES teach children,unless it is ONLY being used when the kids can't hear it...which is highly unlikely.

You have no clue, honey. Keep your useless comments to yourself. My son is 19months,we are very careful with what we say around him. I am sorry, if you think it is a word my husband uses fluently, I did not say such a thing. My daughter is 14 and she fucking knows better. Understand?

My husband and I together, ARE the only ones in our world, which includes our children. We do everything for each other and we take each of our feelings into account. It does not mean we are perfect nor does it mean we are able to change immediately. It is an ever going process. One, that I can see you just do not get. My husband, is amazing. I could not have asked for a better man. I have been through some pretty crappy relationships over the past 23 years. When I met my husband, I knew what I wanted and I was not settling for less. I got what I wanted and more. Too damn bad, if you think there is something wrong with a wife caring about their husbands feelings, wants and desires.

The next time you even have a close thought of trying to put me or my husband down, I would think twice. Since, it isn't very becoming of you as a person. I have not done such a thing to yourself or anyone here.

All I can say is, grow the fuck up. How retarded, that I even have to try and defend my relationship with my husband!

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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"The only reason these words become insults in society is that they are used to insult non-disabled people by insinuation they are mentally challenged. It then becomes a norm, "that's retarded," "How stupid," "You're such a moron.""

That's the way I see it too Karla.

Karla - posted on 05/26/2012

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I liked Mary's quote from wikipedia, here's a portion:
"The terms used to describe this condition are subject to a process called the euphemism treadmill. This means that whatever term is chosen for this condition, it eventually becomes perceived as an insult."

I remembered from history that "idiot" and "stupid" used to be used for mentally challenged people, as were retarded, moron, imbecile, and cretin. Other more modern terms are mentally challenged, special needs, developmental disability, mental handicap.

The wikipedia article I found also says:
"Abusive terms for intellectual deficits are common insults, and are most commonly applied to non-disabled people.... Mental health professionals discourage use of these terms. The abbreviation retard or tard is still used as a generic insult. A BBC survey in 2003 ranked retard as the most offensive disability-related word, ahead of terms such as spastic (not considered offensive in America) and mong. ... A campaign led by people with intellectual disabilities and the Special Olympics to eliminate the "R word" has resulted in federal legislation to replace the term mentally retarded with the term intellectual disability in some federal statutes."

The only reason these words become insults in society is that they are used to insult non-disabled people by insinuation they are mentally challenged. It then becomes a norm, "that's retarded," "How stupid," "You're such a moron."

Here is something to consider:
R-Word: Spread the Word to End the Word
http://www.r-word.org/

“Everyone has a gift and the world would be better off if we recognized it.” – Timothy Shriver, Chairman and CEO of Special Olympics.

The R-word is the word 'retard(ed)'. Why does it hurt? The R-word hurts because it is exclusive. It’s offensive. It’s derogatory. The R-word is hate speech. See why supporters think the R-Word is hurtful when used in jokes or as part of everyday speech.

Kel80 - posted on 05/26/2012

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but some people are all about what their husbands want and seem to forget that he is not the only person on the planet....a husband using words like that DOES teach children,unless it is ONLY being used when the kids can't hear it...which is highly unlikely.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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"I cringe but it is his choice, as long as he is not teaching our children it, there is not much I can do but tell him to stop using it."

So you haven't discussed with him having a little respect for you and to please refrain from using it? I find that terrible in a relationship if there is something your husband is saying that bothers you so much you cringe that he wouldn't have the respect to make the effort not to. There is a big difference between "telling" him not to, and asking him to please respect your feelings.

Kel80 - posted on 05/26/2012

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sorry...didn't realize little miss had already said that !! :)

Kel80 - posted on 05/26/2012

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I think it's an awful word to use at any time to put someone down...but i suppose "stupid" is the same,just that it is much more accepted !!! but really,what's the difference??

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Oh and also. I feel the exact same way about the usage of "gay". I do not like it. I do not use it. My husband, does use it at times. I cringe but it is his choice, as long as he is not teaching our children it, there is not much I can do but tell him to stop using it. He did grow up hearing it. It is not an uncommonly used word here, at least not where he grew up. In his mind, it is not offensive the way he uses it. He is also quite homophobic, so nothing I can do there. He is who he is and he is a great and wonderful man, he has his quirks, just as anyone does.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Karla--Can you explain how saying “That’s retarded” is not derogatory? Except for in the usage that Cathy outlined, I just don’t get how “that’s retarded” is not derogatory. Even IF you do not mean “that’s mentally disabled” then you most assuredly mean, “that’s stupid.” It’s not wrong to use derogatory comments on DM, so why do you keep saying it’s not derogatory. I want that explained.

You are correct. I suppose it can be, depending on how it is used. When I use the word, I most often am using it as "stupid", so yes, lets go with it is derogatory.

Karla---Meme”You and a few others, on the other hand, just like getting me ralled up and to me that is not debating, that is immature.”
Is it really okay to blame others for your lack of control? I agree that things get taken out of context, and some individuals are more stubborn or condescending in their debating practices, but it’s our inner barometer that each of us is responsible for. IMO I cannot blame others for “getting me riled up.” That uses them as a scapegoat for my actions.

I am truly not blaming anyone. I just fail to see how someone can be so obtuse and keep nit picking, yes, I do fall right into the trap. That is on me. I know I can get carried away at times but never do I sit there and not pick on someone. I will often repeat my stance but I do not ever pick on someone. LMCBW, does this wonderfully and it truly is condescending and very immature. Yes, it drives me nuts. I am not blaming her for it driving me nuts. I am letting her know, that there is little to be desired in her technique. I tend to lose my senses and ability to debate. Which is why, I did close my laptop and walk away.

Karla - posted on 05/26/2012

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Meme, I just want to say thanks for taking a step back and expressing at what point you get frustrated. I agree that some debates do get too out of control. Some folks are more condescending or sarcastic then others' are used too and it soon snowballs into insult and injury.

Karla - posted on 05/26/2012

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Meme, “I simpy do NOT find it derogatory or offensive. Therefore, I have no issue with others using it nor do I have an issue with using it “



Can you explain how saying “That’s retarded” is not derogatory? Except for in the usage that Cathy outlined, I just don’t get how “that’s retarded” is not derogatory. Even IF you do not mean “that’s mentally disabled” then you most assuredly mean, “that’s stupid.” It’s not wrong to use derogatory comments on DM, so why do you keep saying it’s not derogatory. I want that explained.



Mary "And I agree with Jen - the truth is, no one "likes" to have either themselves, or any of their words or actions referred to another as being somehow intellectually inferior or below average."



True, but I also think that for some people, or in some areas it is taken with much more offense then others. That's why I asked if people hear it in their conversations. I don't, but others here say they do. It's taboo in my area, obviously not in other areas or in other age groups. I feel as a community it would be nice to cut a little slack to someone if they say "I find that very offensive."



Meme”You are not debating, LMCBW, you are referencing the fucking dictionary, which btw is really fucking immature!



Oh holy hell.

I'm hoping everyone got a snack and a nap and took a deep breath after that exchange?



Meme”Because they actually have intellectual purpose. They are able to debate and give their side, which often makes sense and makes me think.”

Thank you lady!



Meme”You and a few others, on the other hand, just like getting me ralled up and to me that is not debating, that is immature.”

Is it really okay to blame others for your lack of control? I agree that things get taken out of context, and some individuals are more stubborn or condescending in their debating practices, but it’s our inner barometer that each of us is responsible for. IMO I cannot blame others for “getting me riled up.” That uses them as a scapegoat for my actions.



Lil miss ”You CAN??? Typically all I ever see you do is jam your opinions down someone throat, and cannot admit when you are wrong.”



Yes she can. Honestly I’ve been in good debates with Meme.



MemeOK, before I go. Just to let you know my husband tells me all the time how he thinks COM is "gay". He thinks it is stupid. He laughs at me all the time and pokes fun at me, that I waste any of my time on here. Yep "waste".



And that’s why we don’t invite the dads… lol What a great argument against COM – “it’s gay!” (thick sarcasm)



None of these are good arguments FOR the use of “that’s retarded,” or “that’s gay.” If anything it just reaffirms for me that these are not acceptable phrases. Honestly, I do not think I will sway anyone to understanding my opinion my calling theirs “gay” or “retarded.” These are phrases to cut down and degrade, they are phrases used in frustration (obviously.) IMO it’s better to just take a moment to think of the idea you want to convey and leave the insults behind.



(edited for relevance.) ;-)

Jenny - posted on 05/26/2012

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I use it. I am not going to own how some individuals interpret the word. Obviously I'm not referring to handicapped people when I use it. Language evolves and the word has been claimed through popular use.

Mary - posted on 05/26/2012

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"i don't generally think of a mentally handicapped person when saying it. it has just replaced or interchanged itself with the word stupid for me."

I think Rosie really hit on the crux of the underlying issue with this. Using the word retarded to describe something is truly only even slightly insulting if one assumes that a mentally handicapped person is somehow bad or negative. We can dance around labels all we want to, but the simple fact is, a mentally retarded person is, by definition, a person who is in some way cognitively or intellectually challenged or deficient. Is that an insulting thing to say if it is the truth, and is said without intentional, personally directed malice?

And I agree with Jen - the truth is, no one "likes" to have either themselves, or any of their words or actions referred to another as being somehow intellectually inferior or below average. Whether the word used is stupid, retarded, or even slow, the implication is negative. I sometimes wonder if the objection is really to the (accurate) use of the term retarded simply because of it's association with a specifically handicapped group, or if it isn't more about the disparaging sentiment being expressed. If someone were to call me stupid, I would find it no less insulting than being called retarded. However, I also wouldn't jump to the assumption that the offender was simultaneously expressing a dislike or disdain for people with mental handicap. They are doing nothing more than stating their opinion that I am, in that circumstance, functioning at a below-average level.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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But I should not be using stupid either, since I don't like hearing my son use it. I don't use derogatory words in front of my kids, and he picked that word up from his cousins.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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See Jen, I do use stupid. "that was a stupid act". Idiot is more in reference to "retarded" and I try not to use that either. Apparently I am not suppose to google the dictionary, but I am gonna ;)

efinition of IDIOT
1
usually offensive : a person affected with extreme mental retardation
2
: a foolish or stupid person


(but it does have stupid in the definition...fine line)

1
a : slow of mind : obtuse b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner c : lacking intelligence or reason : brutish
2
: dulled in feeling or sensation : torpid
3
: marked by or resulting from unreasoned thinking or acting : senseless
4
a : lacking interest or point

Jen - posted on 05/26/2012

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I dont' think I've ever used that word. I can't see myself using it. I have called people stupid which for me personally is the worst insult in the world. I would rather be called a cunt, bitch, whore, etc but call me stupid and my hackles immediately rise.

So seeing that retarded it now synonymous with stupid, I can totally see how it would upset some people.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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See Rosie, that is how I feel about the word "retarded". To me, there is no way to use it NOT referencing the mentally disable in a negative way. That is how society has ruined gay, retarded and so many other words. Using them to describe a certain kind of person in a viscous, disturbing way.

Rosie - posted on 05/26/2012

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i do have a problem with the word gay though...lol. as hypocritical as that sounds.... there is no way to use the word gay without referencing a homosexual person (other than happy, but nobody uses it that way except maybe the english, bahahhaa), and demeaning both the person or object and homosexuals at the same time. the word "retarded" MEANS stupid, or that their intelligence is lacking. when you use it you aren't referencing mentally handicapped people. there is a difference to me.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Well said Rosie. This is exactly, how I feel, too.

Rosie - posted on 05/26/2012

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i use it when i'm talking about something that is stupid. while i am using it in a derogatory fashion (theres really no way to say someone or something is stupid without being derogatory), i don't generally think of a mentally handicapped person when saying it. it has just replaced or interchanged itself with the word stupid for me.
being PC all the time is..well..retarded to me. you can't please everybody all of the time, and i don't really even want to.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Again, if you find a common word derogatory, when many do not, it is on you. If you have an issue with a certain word people use in reference to a statement, idea or action, that is on you. You cannot expect everyone to please you and be aware of what may offend you.

Jodi, has even said, she does not like the word and does not use it herself BUT she does not get offended when others do, use it. I guess, she just has a bit more sense, than some.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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As someone that has told me personally, that the reason they stay away from debating is because they have often found themselves in the minority and often had a very bad rep on DM. One that has said, it was very very bad, on how people viewed them. One that has claimed that they no longer join debates because now they are a moderator and have to be "good". I find it quite funny, that they would try and now make it look as though, it is due to someone else. I wasn't a part of DM back then. That is on you. You have not changed or learnt anything, from that experience, it is fairly obvious. The way you debate, is undesirable.



If you want someone to change their view or open their mind to seeing your side, you seriously need to find ways to do that, without being obtuse.



Sure, I know I at times get frustrated and it comes out in my posts. I am not afrid to admit that. I also do my best to listen, to those that I respect and move on. Sometimes, it gets the best of me and I find that difficult but I try. I am far from perfect. I have some very strong opinions (just as anyone else here) and I may not be the best debator at times. I have never claimed I was. I have, though, had others change my stance and open my horizon for what my opinion is. Johnny and Krista, have definitely done this. They are able to articulate very well, much better than I. Karla, is great at diffusing a situation. Jodi, does well in getting me to read what she has to say. She just knows how to grab an audience. Everyone here has their own ways. I just am not able to see any purpose, in solely trying to piss a person off, in order to get them to throw their hands in the air and leave (like LMCBW, does). Meh.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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Ok, so back to the debate.

I think that what is a good thing to remember is, you never know how, why or when you can offend someone. I know that it is difficult to watch every word that we say and be as PC as possible. First of all, a lot of people don't care at all to be PC. But those that are inclined to be a bit more PC, using such words that can be construed as negative, or very loaded words, are best to be avoided IMO. That is what I try to do. I have personal reasons for certain words to get me upset and uncomfortable when used, as I am sure many people do. I just try to keep that in mind and avoid using loaded derogatory words.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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"The fact is I can debate very well with some Mom's here"



You CAN??? Typically all I ever see you do is jam your opinions down someone throat, and cannot admit when you are wrong. I am glad you will stay away from me, and quite frankly the other debate was the first real debate we have opposed one another in fury. I barely debate with you, cause I see what you call "debating".



"Your tone, obnoxious, arrogant, ignorant ways, have much to be desired. I will no longer become a part of it. "



Funny, I find you to be the same way. Go figure. Pot meet kettle.



See ya.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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OK, before I go. Just to let you know my husband tells me all the time how he thinks COM is "gay". He thinks it is stupid. He laughs at me all the time and pokes fun at me, that I waste any of my time on here. Yep "waste".

LMCBW -- The fact is I can debate very well with some Mom's here. Moms, such as Jodi, Karla, Mary, Johnny, Kelly, Krista, Janice and a few others that I cannot think of right now. Why? Because they actually have intellectual purpose. They are able to debate and give their side, which often makes sense and makes me think. Not always, does that mean I will agree but I can say I respect each one of them. You and a few others, on the other hand, just like getting me ralled up and to me that is not debating, that is immature. You do not bring much to debating, you simply like to get people pissed off. I will be sure, to stay clear of you, from now on in.

Now, that I am very frustrated. I will close my laptop. Since, what I really want to say to you, would get me banned. I do not find your techiniques appealing and even if I ever did agree with you, you make it very difficult for me to want to admit it. Although, I often do not agree with you. Your tone, obnoxious, arrogant, ignorant ways, have much to be desired. I will no longer become a part of it.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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I think we also have to remember it is cultural, and be respectful of that.

As an example, I remember YEARS ago out here, Muhammed Ali was visiting, and one of our most famed television icons made the comment "I like the boy". Now, HERE, that is NOT a racist comment. It is a term of endearment. But HE took it as a racist slur. It was rather unfortunate.

It would be unfortunate if people here didn't have respect for some of the cultural differences (even form one side of the country to the next or across the border) that are involved in issues such as this.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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Oh, no it wasn't!!! It was just another example of terms being misused, etc :)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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Jodi, your last post on "gay" was that directed at me? I just wasn't sure if it was my last post about the women named Gay.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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"Oh well, truly you don't think your opinion has any stature on my husband and I?"

Well, to be fair, you asked.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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Gay is not something negative. So when you CALL something gay, it either better be homosexual, or it better be fucking happy (the original context). If it isn't one of those two things, then it is the negative context in which the word *gay* has spiralled into because small minded people think it is fucking funny to call anything *gay*. If you don't agree with that, then please tell me why people use it as a negative term towards things they don't like or have negative feelings about. I will be interested, from a sociological perspective, as to the history of the new meaning of *gay*.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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I thought you left already?

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Oh well, truly you don't think your opinion has any stature on my husband and I? Enjoy, you guys. I have so many better things I could be doing then arguing with some senseless, immature brats!

Go ahead LMCBW. Send me a fucking notice!

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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"I guess, now he is immature too."

Yep.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Oh, here we go again. How about we all reference the dictionary like LMCBW. Since people that use these words with particular meaning are obviously fucking stupid. Get over yourself. I am outta here. You are not debating, LMCBW, you are referencing the fucking dictionary, which btw is really fucking immature!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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MeMe, we are trying to have a pleasant discussion. Can you not do what you typically do to destroy a thread? Thanks.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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That is fine Mary, you are entitled to your opinion, as am I. Everyone who feels it is an appropriate word to use, keeps bypassing the most obvious thought that YOU may feel it is fine, but you have no idea how many people you are indeed offending by uttering certain words. You don't care? Fine, but then don't be surprised by others disdain.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Jodi---But that's me - it doesn't rub off on me (can I say because I am more mature than that?).

You can say whatever you want. Maturity has nothing to do with it. I simpy do NOT find it derogatory or offensive. Therefore, I have no issue with others using it nor do I have an issue with using it (as long as it is not referenced toward a mentally challenged person).

BTW - My husband calls things "gay" all the time. He often says "Now that is just gay". He means "Now that is just stupid" or "Now that is nonsense". I guess, now he is immature too.

FFS. I think it is immature of others to think they can dictate how others use terms, just because they don't like it. Again, that is on you, not anyone else. Suck it up!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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You know it is kinda funny. From growing up with the word "gay" having some serious negative connotations, I avoided it like the plague. The word does not pass my lips to express my feelings about anything, and usually when I want to say someone is homosexual, I use homosexual. Rarely I will use gay, unless someone has told me they prefer to be called gay.

But anyhow, at my last job....the accountants NAME was "Gay". I had such a difficult time saying her name, and always felt that I was slinging an insult her way. The best part? She could not have been MORE the meaning of "Gay" except for the homosexual part, she was the MOST joyous happy person I have met in my life.

gay
   [gey] Show IPA
adjective gay·er, gay·est,
1.
homosexual.
2.
of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization.
3.
having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music. Synonyms: cheerful, gleeful, happy, glad, cheery, lighthearted, joyous, joyful, jovial; sunny, lively, vivacious, sparkling; chipper, playful, jaunty, sprightly, blithe. Antonyms: serious, grave, solemn, joyless; staid, sedate; unhappy, morose, grim; sad, depressed, melancholy.
4.
bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments. Synonyms: colorful, brilliant, vivid, intense, lustrous; glittering, theatrical, flamboyant. Antonyms: dull, drab, somber, lackluster; conservative.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2012

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"I have a 14 year old and I do hear slang often. Sometimes, it rubs off onto the parent. I can't help that."



I'll be honest, my 14 year old uses certain *slang* and I cringe and ask him to find another way to express himself. But that's me - it doesn't rub off on me (can I say because I am more mature than that?). I believe that using the terms as a negative thing is putting a negative connotation on the word. You can believe otherwise if you like. I will just not agree with you. And YES you can help that. You are the adult. I think.



I am curious as to how others view the term *gay* as being used so negatively. I understood Cathy's example of the weather being retarded as hindering, etc (although I highly doubt that is what people REALLY mean when they call the weather retarded, but anyway), why say something is "gay" when it is a negative thing you think is not cool? The only people I know who use it in the way it was intially defined are my grandmothers, and that's because they are very into Enid Blighton. Heck, my mother and I joked that if we told my grandmother my brother was gay she'd think he was happy!! So when did it become a negative thing? Oh, that's right, when it began to be used to refer to homosexuals. And then all of a sudden it became okay to use it as an insult or negative comment. Well, it isn't okay with me.

Mary - posted on 05/26/2012

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Marina, here's the thing - you seem find the use of the word "retarded" to be offensive in any context. However, not everyone does, and I don't think you can reasonably expect everyone to share in your outrage at it's casual use as an adjective for a thing.



When you just look up mental retardation in Wiki, a rather interesting point is brought up:





"The terms used to describe this condition are subject to a process called the euphemism treadmill. This means that whatever term is chosen for this condition, it eventually becomes perceived as an insult. The terms mental retardation and mentally retarded were invented in the middle of the 20th century to replace the previous set of terms, which were deemed to have become offensive. By the end of the 20th century, these terms themselves have come to be widely seen as disparaging and politically incorrect and in need of replacement.[2] The term intellectual disability or intellectually challenged is now preferred by most advocates in most English-speaking countries."



In other words, advocates for those who are, in fact, mentally disabled, are not challenging the use of the word "retarded" in casual conversation when directed at an object or concept, but rather, they are saying that using the label mental retardation to refer to this specific population is no longer acceptable. They are saying that calling a person with this type of disability "retarded" has become insulting, not that the overall, generalized use of the word is taboo.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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BTW- LMCBW - The "N" word is always in reference to a person. I am unsure how that word could be used as a verb or adjective. Very poor example, if I have seen one.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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I agree Cathy. The person that decides to take it out of context is the one giving it power. I would never use the word toward a person. I would and do toward a situation or a tangible item, that could not be mentally challenged.

I also think some people blow things out of proportion. It was completely understood how it was intended. I in no way was referencing a person. LMCBW, is just that, can't be wrong. That is not on me, that is on her. Just as her incorrectly taking my statement of "How Retarded" toward a concept. If anyone wants to take that as derogatory, that is on them. I can't expect everyone to feel comfortable with how I reference things. There has always got to be one or two, that have a conniption over nothing. Again, nit picking, is what they are doing.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2012

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Cathy I get what you are saying....but....do you use the "N" word? Because its original meaning wasn't derogatory either. So by your statement, it should be acceptable to use. I don't like to hear that word used ever. Just because I associate certain words with derogatory meaning, and it offends me, does not make it so I am giving it power. It gives it power any time it is used, especially as slang IMO.

Cathy - posted on 05/26/2012

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It's an insult to a mentally handicapped person to call them stupid, idiot, imbecile, moron, dumb, dull, dense, dimwitted, thick (shall I go on...). Are these acceptable to use as insults yet using a word in correct context, with no implication to a person, derogatory?

If I say the weather is being retarded I am saying the weather is hindering my plans. I am NOT saying the weather is being mentally handicapped. It's the weather!

If I say my computer is being retarded I am saying my computer is running slow. I am NOT saying my computer is being mentally handicapped. It's a computer!

To be offended, to me, suggests that you DO subliminally associate this word to people with mental handicaps. I would be offended if anyone used ANY of the above words to attack my son because he has a mental disability. In any other type of non malicious conversations they are just words. YOU give them power by reserving them for their most derogatory use.

Rachael - posted on 05/26/2012

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i don't usually use it because i';ve worked with people who had developmental/mental delays before and so I just try and stay away from that one out of respect

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/26/2012

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Exactly, Mary. This is exactly, where I am coming from. I most definitely was not calling anyone anything, just the concept of what was said.



I am not going to sit here and concern myself, with whether a word I use, is going to offend someone. Since, any word could offend someone. Any swear, often offends very religious people. Pretty much every single regular on DM, has sworn a few times in their posts. There are other words, that have been used by each person and others may find it offensive. The fact is, it was known how I intended for it to be meant but some people enjoy nit picking, since they haven't much else to debate about. It's just too bad.



Karla---

I have a 14 year old and I do hear slang often. Sometimes, it rubs off onto the parent. I can't help that. I often find myself using their odd ways to spell words, when online. I wouldn't here because too many people are so far up their ass, they would have comments on how I must not have an education or something. However, when it comes to verbs, I am not going to sit here and apologize for using a word, that does have a slang connotation to it and is used to not offend but to express a feeling of a situation or concept. Actually, I do hear it frequently and it is not only teens. What I do not hear often is it being directed at an actual person.

Mary - posted on 05/26/2012

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"I think I would rather hear "that's fucked up" then "that's retarded" or "that's gay." Isn't that odd? But true... that's where my thought process is right now."

Actually, this pretty much sums up the issue nicely, when you put the emphasis on the use of the word "I" in that statement. In the thread where this conflict arose, I didn't feel like the use of the word retarded itself was unnecessarily inappropriate, or in any way referencing a derogatory swipe at the mentally handicapped. The poster could just as easily used words such as stupid, idiotic, or slow to describe how they felt about that specific idea in question. I do think it worth of note here that the poster was not directing this opinion about a specific individual, but rather about an certain concept.

It's all in your audience's perception or feelings about a certain word - and that varies widely with each individual. Just because someone feels that a particular word is more derogatory or offensive than another term does not always mean that speaker intended it that way, or even knew that the recipient would find it to be so insulting.

Right now, in my house, you cannot use the word "stupid". My daughter is 3.5, and with the return of the warmer weather, has been outside playing more with the "older" kids (elementary school aged). Like all kids of this age, they frequently use this word, and to them, it is the height of insult to call each other stupid. The first time Molly said, "I don't like so-and-so, he's stupid", we had this long talk about how that is not a nice thing to say, and how we do not use that word to call people names. Shoot me now, but that conversation gave birth to the stupid police. No one, not me, my father, or a stranger in the store, can even casually use that word in conversation without girlfriend piping up, "You can't say stupid - that's a bad word!". She's just too young to understand the finer distinctions of it's usage, and that depending on the context in which it is used, it is not the insult she perceives it to be.

Karla - posted on 05/25/2012

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First of all I wanted to have this conversation without bringing the other thread here.



Meme, “…that I do not use the word retarded when speaking of a persons disabilities. That to me IS very offensive.”



Okay, here’s what I don’t understand, if the word retarded is offensive when used for it’s true definition, they why is it not offensive when used to say someone or something is retarded, as in “What a retarded opinion!”



Jodi shared, ” So while you may say you refuse to use it in this way because you decide it is offensive, and yet you will use it in a derogatory way, you are perpetuating the offensiveness of the word. “



That’s exactly how I am viewing the use of the word as well.



The only time I would say it’s not offensive these days, in my culture, is when it’s used with agriculture or mechanics, as in Meme’s post of synonyms.. to hinder or obstruct or falter. But even then I find it uncomfortable to hear because of my history of hearing the word as an insult or derogatory word.



Meme, ”i will say though, it IS the first time I had someone try and twist it into something that was not intended.”



If it was twisted Meme, then how was the word intended when you used it? Did you mean what you posted that it means hinder or obstruct? Did you mean “Oh that’s so arrested, or faltered or stalled, or postponed?” like your Thesaurus entry states? Or did you mean, “That’s so stupid.” (ETA - I see what you mean - that you did NOT mean "That's so mentally challenged.")



Let me just define “derogatory” so we are all on the same page here:

Derogatory: tending or intended to detract, disparage, or belittle; intentionally offensive.



Therefore, “That’s stupid” is derogatory.



This conversation brings to mind other questions:



1 – For those that use the word retarded, do you use it in conversations? Would you say to a friend or relative “That’s retarded.” Or do you just use it on line?



2 - For those who do use the word retarded, what do you mean by using it? If you wanted to express the very same idea, without using “retarded,” what would you say?



3 – I think when Janice said,



”Now as an adult I understand how these terms can be demeaning and cruel so I avoid using them. However, when I see someone use such a term in the way I used it when I was young I don't over analyze it. “



And when Meme said



” It is widely used as slang.”



I then wondered how cultural influences are playing a part in the use of this word. I have to say, where I live I rarely hear it used. People here refrain from saying “That’s retarded,” or “That’s gay.” So when I see it or hear it, I’m taken aback. I find it more insulting than “That’s stupid.” Or “That’s silly.”



How often do you actually hear the word “retarded” in your area?



ETA grammar fixes. ;-)

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