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Christina - posted on 12/22/2008 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My husband and I are having a debate. My daughter who just turned one sleeps in bed with us and I can't get her to sleep in her crib.. this has always been a problem.. not to mention that she does not sleep through the night. Needless to say this is causing a problem for my husband and I, unless my mom watches the baby we have no time to be intimate. I would like to get her to 1. sleep through the night and 2. sleep in her crib.. the debate is do i have to use the ferber method.. he says yes.. and I'm hoping that someone out there has a nicer way of doing it...i hate to see her cry her self to sleep ... help

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Hey,
I am having the exact same issue with my son. I got him sleeping in my bed since he was little and it became such a habit that he would refuse to sleep in his bed. He is always waking up through the night because he moves around so much. I ended up putting a mattress on his floor and started laying with him in their first. I didn't like the ferber way either nor would he allow it haha. Try getting a mattress for her and just laying with her there and then after awhile trying going into your bed. M son still wakes up through the night but it seems ot help him if I lay there for a min and then he goes back to sleep until morning.And if anyone else has any tips I'm glad to take them as well haha. I REALLY miss my sleep haha.

Christina - posted on 01/06/2009

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Thank you for everyones input... it makes me feel better that it's ok to let her cry a little bit... just hope I have the spine to let her cry a bit

Jen - posted on 01/06/2009

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If she's used to being in a bed you could probably try to go ahead and transition her into a toddler bed. Just put it next to you bed so she knows she's still close to mommy and daddy. If she climbs up into your bed just put her back into her bed and tell her that she has a big girl bed just like mommy's and daddy's bed. If you're looking to get her out of your room all together I'd recommend still letting her go through the transition in your room for a little while and then move her into her room.



 



My husband and I also decided to never let our daughter in the bed. We did however let her sleep with us after her 6am nursing (when she was still nursing) and before she started sleeping until 9. It never even phased her when she stopped nursing and stopped sleeping with us for a few hours in the morning.



 



Just remember it is ok for a baby to cry. I don't agree with letting them cry for hours, but 10-15 minutes is fine as long as you know they're fed, clean, and warm. Good luck.

[deleted account]

The ONE thing my husband and I agreed on, was that our son was NEVER to sleep in our bed! His crib was in our room until we moved into a bigger house, but when he had his own room, he would cry for about an hour. I felt bad for letting him cry but after a couple weeks he knew that when he was put into his crib at  night it was time to go to sleep and that I wasn't going to pick him up. It helped a lot to get him into a routine. He will eat at 6:30, and is usually finished by about 7:15. As soon as he is done we go upstairs and he takes a 15-20 minute bath. By 7:40 he is in his jammies and gets to play for no more then 30 minutes. We say goodnight to daddy and he is IN BED BY 8:15 pm EVERY NIGHT! My mother in law got him some thing that straps onto the side of his crib, it plays music, lights up and has a monkey in it that swings around. That seems to help him drift off to sleep a little bit better. I also let him have a bottle of warm water, which I wish I never would have started because now he can't go to sleep without it!

Meagan - posted on 01/05/2009

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Hi, Sorry I didnt read all the replies to your post..

My son sleeps in bed with my husband and I ..

When he crys it sends anxiety flooding through my body... It is so weird.. and my heart starts racing HORRIBLY.. even if I know he is perfectly fine..

But honestly leaving them and letting them cry to sleep works wonders.. we did it when we were ready to let him sleep alone and he goes in his crib and doesn't cry anymore he just lays down and lets himself fall asleep.

It was the hardest thing to let him cry for a couple of hours.. but it is so better in the long run and it gived them independance too!

Jillian - posted on 12/31/2008

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My sweet girl still sleeps with us. She naps in OUR bed too. Its really hard. She has slept in her crib 1 time. Then she started teething and I was her only comfort. She is not weaned yet from me. (still nursing). I am her human pacifier at night. Intimate moments with my husband??? Not sure what that is anymore.

Joan - posted on 12/30/2008

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Another great book is "Healthy Sleep, Happy Child". It offers several different sleep strategies for each age stage and for different situations, like weaning from co-sleeping. We never did co-sleep so I don't have any experience with transitioning from that, but I can tell you that with the help of the book we went from waking 3-4 times per night to sleeping a solid 12 hours every night. Good luck!

Sara - posted on 12/30/2008

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Another book - No Cry Sleep Solution is GREAT!

Because she has been in the bed with you and is only 1 years old it may take awhile.

My plan of action (we co sleep too) is to slowly wean him of the bed. So first night wean him (BFding wise) and then to put him on the bed - next to us and then slowly move it down the hall and into his own room. THEN use a system to enforce going to bed alone and waking up alone.

Our 1 yr old seems to be able to sleep through our intimate moments (boring eh kid? - SO glad they are! ;) ) But you could also just schedule yourselves (I like this better mentally for me) a little date and send baby and grandma out on a playdate. Or met up at home when everyone else is at daycare & work.

But she is secure next to you - insecure when she is crying it out. Keep her secure and let her do it when she is ready - with tools you can help her be ready, too. Good Luck!

Barbara - posted on 12/29/2008

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We trained our daughter to sleep on her own at an early age, but even then it was hard. We read a really good book, that applies more when they are newborns, but the technique might work for you as well. The book was called The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. I believe she has a toddler one as well. That book helped us to know that it was OK to let her cry for a bit, she's just getting used to new things. Our limit was 20 minutes, and she has only cried that long ONCE in 12 months! It was because she was teething! Comfort yourself, know that she WILL be ok! We also realized it was too quiet for her, so bought a lullaby CD and play that incredibly quietly so she's not hearing our conversations or TV and then upset because she's missing out on something. I also agree with the "do not pick her up" way to comfort your kiddo. Pat her on the back, try not to talk too much (sometimes that teaches them that it's time to play some more!). Good luck! You can do it if you are consistent!!

Nadia - posted on 12/28/2008

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hi i had some problems with my daughter sleeping through the night when i moved her into her cot in our room too .i tried everything the going in every 10 mins is great if you want this to carry on for another 2 to 3 months we tried leaving her and my word it was hard and she screamed i felt so bad it really was terrible the first night she screamed(not cried ) for over an hour the next night she cried for 20mins then the most amazing thing happend the next night i layed her down said good night and left the room with out any noise she went to sleep and has done since then for the past 4 months i know it is a really bad thing to do just to leave her but they are very clever at such a young age they already know they can try their luck i really recommend it you will sleep better and so will she and it will do you marrage the world of good i really hope this helps remember be strong you are the mother and you want her to sleep in her own bed so dont give in even if she wakes during the night it will take less than a week and you will all feel better for it good luck let me know what happend

Christina - posted on 12/25/2008

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Her crib is in our room (as we are currently living with my mom) but she acts like I'm physically hurting her when I put her in there. Honestly I think I'm more traumatize over this whole thing then she is.

Amy - posted on 12/24/2008

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Beware! We let our oldest daughter sleep with us when she was little and she is still coming into our room at almost 6 years old! Our middle girl did too but we just moved her crib into our room for a while and she transitioned into sleeping near us and then into her own room in a month or so. It took patience, but it was worth it to not have any of us stressed out too much. Good luck!

Sheree - posted on 12/23/2008

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Babies learn from what we teach them, you have taught your little girl to sleep with you so without you she can't. What about her day sleeps, does she do it alone then? If so, she then can do it alone at night. I to hate the crying method, therefore try putting her in her cot and sit beside her, no talking just sit there. Once she goes to sleep like that, leave the room, she will then be used to her cot and it wont be that bad. It only takes 3 days for a baby to make a habit.

Laura - posted on 12/23/2008

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My girl slept in the bed with us until about 6 to 7 months old. She didn't like her crib at all either. I know it's really heartbreaking to hear them cry theirselves to sleep, so what I did was I would go in there every 10 minutes and make sure she was Ok, tell her "Mommy is here, but it is night-night time." Let her know it's Ok, and comfort her, but don't hold her to comfort her. I would just tuck my daughter back in and continue comforting her with soothing words. It was really hard, but it was only five days, a week at the max before she was comfortable with her bed. Now she loves her crib and does not like sleeping with us anymore. Also, the sleeping through the night, I don't know but I had the advice given to me to make sure my daughter didn't sleep to long during her naps, I think it was about an hour for nap time (that is for morning and afternoon naps). Well, hope this helps, I know each baby is different, so you have to kind of work around them and what is comfortable to them. Hope everything works out soon!

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