My son prefers my husband over me and I'm hurt.

Esther - posted on 02/17/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son (now 13 months old) used to like us equally but prefer me whenever he was tired, sad, sick, hurt etc. I thought that was just the natural order of things, nothing personal. I always felt that kids are just hardwired to prefer their moms in their moments of weakness.



The last couple of weeks though, my son has been totally rejecting me in favor of my husband. He's perfectly happy with me, but when my husband is around, he just wants to play with him, be held by him, show him his toys etc.



I'm really hurt by this and I'm totally taking this personally and wondering if I'm doing something wrong here. I always assumed this day would come, the boy bonding thing, but not this soon. And not in his weak moments. My husband travels a lot so I'm the only one who has been with our son every day of his life. I do work (he goes to daycare) but I'm there every evening, I'm the one who stays home with him when he's sick or teething, I'm the one who gets up with him at the crack of dawn and who goes to see him in the middle of the night when he wakes up crying (which unfortunately is still every night), etc.



Is anyone else experiencing anything like this? I am really questioning my mothering skills.

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6 Comments

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Stephanie - posted on 02/19/2009

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Stop questioning the mothering skills. I have a similar issue where my husband is a stay-at-home dad and has been since my son was born. My son definitely favors my husband over me, but that is because he is with him 24/7. On the other hand, when I come home from work my daughter is attached to my hip because she hasn't seen me all day (which is what is sounds like is happening with your son). My son will come over and want me to pick him up and hold him, but as soon as my husband enters or leaves a room he wants to be with his dad. I think it is just that he doesn't see your husband as often and when he does he becomes attached. I would definitely not take it personally because as they get older it may all change.

Esther - posted on 02/18/2009

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Thanks for your responses! I feel better knowing it's not just me. I guess I'll take advantage and go do dinner & a movie with a friend. Haven't done that in god knows how long (certainly not since my son has been born).

Christy - posted on 02/17/2009

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It does make you feel terrible but when Daddy comes home, that's special! Spending time with mom is great but it's nice to have a change of scenery, if you know what I mean. Heck, I use that time to myself. I can't get anything done otherwise :)

Darlene - posted on 02/17/2009

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Don't question your mothering skills!! It may not help your feelings, but it is completely normal for kids to go through preferences. My son switches weekly, as do many of my friend's children. It's hard not to take it personally. I do everytime, but then remember that he still loves me and take some time to myself!!

Rose - posted on 02/17/2009

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My son is 14 months old and does the same thing to me when his dad comes home. I work full time and do EVERYTHING for him. His father has never even changed a diaper! My son always prefered me especially when we were out. It all started a few weeks ago, we were out to dinner for my birthday and he did not want me at all! I couldn't even get him to take a picture with him. he would cry hysterically if I tried to ge tnear him. I felt horrible because it was the first time that he behaved this way with me.

Now I realized that he is just testing and becoming an individual. He kind of plays this game with us from time to time one minute he wants mum and the next dad.... its kind of funny now. My friends tell me that there will be a time at about age 2-3 that all they want is dad...: /

Rose - posted on 02/17/2009

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My son is 14 months old and does the same thing to me when his dad comes home. I work full time and do EVERYTHING for him. His father has never even changed a diaper! My son always prefered me especially when we were out. It all started a few weeks ago, we were out to dinner for my birthday and he did not want me at all! I couldn't even get him to take a picture with him. he would cry hysterically if I tried to ge tnear him. I felt horrible because it was the first time that he behaved this way with me.

Now I realized that he is just testing and becoming an individual. He kind of plays this game with us from time to time one minute he wants mum and the next dad.... its kind of funny now. My friends tell me that there will be a time at about age 2-3 that all they want is dad...: /

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