3 year old that do NOT listen?!

Tiffany - posted on 01/27/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My daughter was born on Dec.19th, 2008. I recently had another baby girl in October of 2011. My daughter will NOT listen to anything i say. I mean, she hears what i'm saying, and knows what im asking her to do, she just WILL NOT do it, and most of the time, she'll do the EXACT opposite. Like for example, if the baby is sleeping, and shes playing around making a noise, i'll nicely ask her to quiet down a little bit, her sissy is sleeping. She will look at me, and keep doing whatever she's doing...20 times louder. If she notices the baby is asleep, she runs right over to wake her up. I'll ask her to pick something up, tidy up her toys, and she'll just walk away, or look at me and say no. I've tried time-outs, taking stuff away from her (toys, etc.) but its not working. I feel horrible...it feels like i'm angry with her alot lately, and it wouldn't be like that if she'd just listen to me, i don't ask her to do alot. I don;t know if shes just jealous or what? I make a big deal of spending enough time with her so she wouldn't get jealous. Or is it just a phase she's going through? HELP please!!

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Danielle - posted on 02/08/2012

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It's a phase you need to work through & trust me you'll have more. I have 4 kids, who are now 11, 9, 7 & 3. They all went through the not listening & acting out phases. My older 2 started their 'terrible twos' around 18 mos old. My youngest didn't start his until Sept. My 3rd has OCD and at almost 8 still has some of those terrible 2 moments. I don't think any of their acting out had anything to do with jealousy, just testing the waters. My older 2 are 21 mos apart, 2 & 3 are 16 mos apart, and 3 & 4 are 4 yr 9 mos apart. When my kids don't listen, I start counting (usually to or from 3). If my 3 yr old won't pick up his toys, I'll take his hand & lead him over to them to prompt him again before punishing him. I was never big on nap time being quiet time in the house, so I don't have much to suggest there, except maybe use that time to play quieter games with her.



Sam's suggestion to put her in time-outs & noticeably ignore her might work. You could also let her help take care of the baby if you think it might be a jealousy thing. Having a 38 mo old & a 16 mo old when I had my 3rd, I worried about the jealousy thing. I would let my daughters help change diapers & dress & give bottles to my son. Obviously, I was doing the work, but it's amazing how much they think they're doing when they close a diaper or to even give you the diaper. My 3 yr old does this now, helping my aunts who watch him & my 7 mo old niece a few days a week.



And with girls, just wait until they get to the pre-teen/teen years! LOL! I tell my 11 yr old all the time to stop acting like a 2 yr old. And tell my 3 yr old to stop acting like a 10 yr old girl!



Good luck! You will get through this phase!

Jenni - posted on 04/22/2012

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I am experiencing the same, son born dec 2008 and daughter born june 2011. I have been trying to work on the idea that my youngest needs her "mommy time" just like he gets his "mommy time" some times he gets it and other times no. As far as listening goes...pffft! I have just chalked it up to the age and from experience (have a daughter nearly 21) the 3's & 4's are far worse than the 2's and I wont scare you with the teenage years and raging hormones LOL. I am the oldest of 7 by 10 years so I was "mom-ing" long before I had my own. Each child will find their own unique way of testing you and you will find unique ways to get thru to each one.

Jessy - posted on 02/28/2012

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ok heres a couple of ideas that might help. get her a baby doll that she can "mother" while you take care of the baby. time outs work best when they fully lose your attention...dont talk to them in time out..... remind her that you need her to be a big girl and mommys helper. and yes, do something special with her that is just done with her. my kids always had quiet time even after they started school on weekends just to avoid getting overstimulated, i required them to do quiet activities in thier rooms instead of napping. hope this helps,



theres a book called "from parents for parents" that might be a good resource for you



i wish you luck

Alyssa - posted on 02/07/2012

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Oh my goodness... Its almost as if ive written this situation out. I Have a 3 year old daughter (born Dec. '08) and a new baby, a month old, (born Jan. '12). I am having the same problem with my 3 yr old who doesnt listen to a thing i say. People tell me that this is what happens when you have a new baby, that the older child 'acts out' but no one has given me ideas on how to handle it. I strongly believe she acts like this for attention, Good or bad. They must feel like with a new baby all our attention goes to the baby, which isnt the case at all. Her dad is very good at giving her a lot of attention and we even take the baby to grandmas house so we can have speacial "Aliya Time" to take her swimming, bowling or just for supper with the 3 of us. I try to be a good mom to both my daughters but lately Aliya has been running my patience thin, I also need help!!

Sam - posted on 01/31/2012

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That is the same day my 2nd was born and I also have a daughter born in Nov. 2011 and my 2nd was VERY Jealous for a long time I had to do time outs that were letting her sit in a corner crying it out till she calmed down from being mad at me for putting her there and then letting out her time for not listening at all. But in time out she needed to be completely ignored I found if I commented or put her in a different room she would just play or do what she wanted so she had to serve time out in the room I was while I blatantly ignored her (while she was looking, I obviously paid attention) but once she understood I was mad she started to listen much better but it did take a week! I think part of it might be a phase thou because she listens to me much better and knows I want her to be quiet and she is most of the time she does forget that she is suppose to be. I also have a 5 1/2 year old that helps her "forget" to be quiet at this point too lol but The time outs did fix the completely ignoring me. I hope this helps you out some, I now have a 15 month old completely Jealous of my 8 week old lol that I am not sure what to do about!!

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Stacey - posted on 05/02/2012

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glad to know I'm not the only one! I have a boy from Dec. '08 and baby girl was born May '11. He had the typical jealousy issues at first, but the minute he turned 3 was like all of a sudden a different child. He does the opposite of what I ask, and fights bedtime, fights getting dressed, brushing teeth, everything. wants to do everything himself, is not longer interested in helping me with anything. Mostly I think it's about independence but probably some jealousy too. My son seems to all of a sudden be acting better in the past few days. I am chalking it up to getting enough sleep for the past few days, but if this sticks, I'll be pleased! He's 3 years, 4 months right now, so maybe it was a short phase for him!? I've been told that year 3-4 is hard or harder than terrible 2s. Only thing I can say is give your daughter choices instead of telling her or even asking her nicely to do something. She's smart, she knows if she acts out she'll get your attention, good or bad, so that's probably part of it. Like, when helping her get dressed, ask her if she'd like to get dressed right now or in 2 minutes. My son usually says 2 minutes, and then is completely willing to get dressed. It's funny. They like to know they have some control over their own lives at this age!

Tiffany - posted on 04/23/2012

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Thanks so much for all your advice girls! Luckily, Mylie must of grew out of it or something (Knock on wood, lol), she hasn't had a temper tantrum in months, and she listens real good, for the most part! My BEST piece of advice for ANYONE bringing a new baby in the family, is to make sure BOTH parents spend some alone time with BOTH kids. My bf and I MAKE SURE to have some "mommy and Mylie time" and "Daddy and Mylie Time" EVERY day! And another thing is to include the bigger child in taking care of the baby! I had Mylie help with diapers, putting clothes in the hamper, folding babys clothes, halping give the baby a bath, etc. from the minute i bought Kaylee Home from the Hospital, it makes her feel special and "needed", and it HELPS me!!

Jenny_D - posted on 03/01/2012

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Tiffany, this sounds like a jealousy phase for sure. My 3 yr old was born Dec 2, 08 and I had my second daughter Feb of 2011. Luckly my oldest didn't go through too much of the jealousy phase and really loves her baby sister, but I in part think a lot has to do with the fact that I make sure I give her a lot of praise and attention when she is nice or sweet to sissy. I try to tell her every day that she is a great big sister and they are going to be best friends when they get older. She seems to be encouraged by this and knows that I love when she is good with her sister. Maybe trying to catch her doing good things and praising her for it would start to help things change :o)

Nicole - posted on 02/09/2012

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I have a 3 year never really went through the "terrible twos" but like Dionna's child a few weeks before she turned 3 something clicked and she has been horrible ever since. I don't like to yell, but it seems that is the only way to get her attention. I am beside myself I don't know what to do with her. We have tried-time out, taking stuff away, sending her to her room, a behavior chart(if she gets so many stickers she gets a prize) nothing is working. It is making me crazy, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated it!

Dionna - posted on 02/07/2012

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My daughter does that too & she was born on December 12, 2008. She is an only child & still does this! I thought she would have hit the "terrible twos" @ 2! But no! It's like, 2 weeks before she turned 3, a switch came on! And it hasn't sent off yet lol! I need help with this same situation!!!!

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