Bedtime advice needed for my 15 mth old
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Deanne - posted on 08/14/2012
my son is 15mths old and will not go to sleep in his own cot he crys and then the crys become screams i find this very stressful and every time i lay him down he gets up again, i have tryed sitting in his bedroom with him but nothing seems to work.
Linda - posted on 04/08/2010
I am a single mom. I do the everyday things with him first, brush teeth, wash face, try to go to potty (working on potty training). Then I let him choose a few books, we sit on my bed, read them and then say prayers. We usually take about 15 minutes on the books because they are short. But I also have a glow light timer that stays on for 15 minutes and when that goes off it's time for bed and I put him in the playpen. Sometimes he cries and fusses for a while and sometimes he is so tired he just goes to sleep. I let him cry for 15 minutes before I go and comfort him. It has been getting better.
Claire - posted on 04/05/2010
If you want to do this then just keep going, it will pay off, i did this with my 16 month old, 3 months ago i couldn't get him to bed let alone to sleep, now i just put him in his cot, give him a bottle then when he finished it give dummy then walk away. Just keep putting your son in after normal story, bottle, cuddle rutine, and if he stands up lie him back down get back out of sight, and again if he stands up, lie him down then out of sight again, be warned you could be doing this for about an hour ( thats how long it took us) but i promise it does pay off. just keep going that is the key. he will eventually learn that this doesnt work and he is getting no attention then should give in and just go to sleep. Dont talk to him either just make a ssshhhhhhh sound. Hope this helps.
Lindsey - posted on 04/05/2010
I talk about bed time as I put my daughters pajamas on and then I read her a story in the rocking chair. This really relaxes her. She is usually asleep before I lay her down. When she isn't asleep yet I just go in and lay her down and tell her it's night night time and walk out. She might cry for a minute but that's it. At first she cried longer but now this is our routine and she does really well.
Laura - posted on 04/05/2010
We do bath and story time with big brother. Then we go downstairs for her only bottle of the day - the rest of the day she uses sippy cups. After she finishes her milk we take her up to bed, awake or asleep. She says night night and blows kisses. Sometimes she fusses for a little bit after I leave the room, but then settles down and eventually goes to sleep.
Theresa - posted on 04/05/2010
Colleen - It is important you let your child soothe themself to sleep, instead of laying them down already asleep. It will help them learn coping skills and go back to sleep on their own more easily if they wake in the middle of the night. It is okay, even natural, that they cry. Our pediatrician told us when Sam was a little baby to let him go for 10 minutes of crying - no less. First time we tried it I was just about to get him. At exactly 9 1/2 minutes of crying he suddenly stopped and passed out. We've been loyal followers of this advice ever since!
Cheryl - posted on 04/05/2010
Hello from down under...My grandson James lives with me full-time. One day I heard on one of those morning TV shows that we should make bedtime fun and routine. I put James to bed with toys and a story or 2. I then leave him to play for a bit. He lasts about 10 minutes most times. I then sneak in and remove toys and stuff from his cot. I hope this is useful with your little one, but no guarantees as they are all so different...goodluck..cheers cheryl wakeham..xo
Sheila - posted on 04/04/2010
I just put mine into bed with their sippy cups (with water in it), turn on their heater, and music, turn off the light, and close the door. Many times they will fuss, but I never go back into the room. After a while, they will settle down and go to sleep. I do always open the door before I go to bed, so I can hear them. (My house is somewhat small, and I have never been able to sleep when using a monitor, so this method works best for me.)
Aniesha - posted on 04/04/2010
My boy (15 months also) is pretty good at going to bed. After he's had dinner/bath etc. (we don't really worry too much about the order of that stuff) I lay down in bed with him & give him a breastfeed. When he's finished, he sits up & looks for his Daddy, at which point his Dad comes in, Baby gives us both a kiss goodnight, then James lays him in his cot with his bottle. For some reason, he thinks it hilarious when Daddy comes in the room, so he's laughing when he's laid down in his cot, which is such a nice way to see him off to sleep. Then we turn on his little music light, say goodnight, and that's pretty much it!
However, he can be a bit of a terror when his Dad isn't there, which isn't often, but he does like to have both Mummy & Daddy to kiss him goodnight. Of course, there are some nights where he just cries and we have to go in a few times to settle him, but I'm not particularly worried as it doesn't happen often, and I figure if some nights he just needs a cuddle, then he should get it, as he's really good 90% of the time in going to bed.
It's the sleeping right through that is the problem for us!
Madelaine - posted on 04/04/2010
I have used the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child" by Dr Marc Weissbluth since Jacques was about 6 weeks old. I'm not a big believer in raising kids "by the book", but this book has really made a difference. As pointed out by others, a routine does make all the difference. We do bath, pj's, milk, cuddles and then straight into his cot. He happily puts himself to sleep 98% of the time. We have wobbles when he is sick but very soon return to normal once he is better. Good luck and persist - remember good sleep habits, like any other behaviour, is learned behaviour. What you teach him now will last him a lifetime! :-)
Lauren - posted on 04/04/2010
We bath my son at 6pm every night, he is talced, sudocremed up and baby lotioned too :) pjs on and then he comes downstairs for a cup of warm milk and cuddles while watching "in the night garden" then at 7pm it's off upstairs, goodnight kisses, cover him over and shut the door, he's now 16 months and we've done that since 4 wks old
Elisa - posted on 04/03/2010
We just recently did a very slow transition to a kiss goodnight and walk out of the room. But this is still after a consistent bedtime routine. We have clean up time, then bath time, reading, and then lights out where I kiss him and say goodnight (he gets into bed himself now so he is usually waiting for this) and walk out.
But it's been a long process taking very small steps, like practicing the "I'll be right back" method of leaving and coming back. That got him use to the idea that I wasn't gone. I still rocked him for a while after lights out but he started to get down off my lap and crawl into bed on his own. Then for a while I would still sit by his bed and lay my head down on the side.
I did that until I realized it was only postponing him going to sleep because he was already ready to go to sleep. Every baby is different just be consistent and sensitive to what your baby needs.
Dehnay - posted on 04/02/2010
Well our daughter as well has a set bedtime (8pm) every night. First thing after dinner I put her pj's on, then we brush her teeth, then we read a couple of books, then I tell her to go say Night night to Daddy, turn out the lights (she has a night light) and when she comes back in she comes to me and I rock her for a few minutes then lay her down no problem. Sometimes if she's restless when I leave I just tell her " goodnight sweetie, It's time to go to bed" she always lays right down and closes her eyes...She sleeps all the way until 5:30 or 6:00 am ...Hope this helps! :)
Christi - posted on 04/01/2010
we have dinner (we don't eat or drink anything two hours before bedtime) he usually poops then so i give him a bath, put on pj's, take our vitamins, brush our teeth, play a little (if time allows) then i put him in his crib and he can pick out 3 or 4 books to read but only while laying down (i say that so he can relax into his crib), we say our prayers and give hugs and kisses. i will stand there until he goes to sleep because he is going through separation anxiety, but i'm trying to slowly work my way out of the room.
Kelsey - posted on 03/31/2010
Hi Cassandra, i have found if you have a cd player in her room playing any kind of music my son sleeps better when there is noise in his room he watches tv now but i had a cd player in his room for a long time i hope this helps
Shiralee - posted on 03/31/2010
Hi Cassandra, I found starting a sleep routine during the day is easier than trying at night. The last thing i wanted to do at night was spend hours re settling my daughter. I wanted to spend time with my man too. I tried leaving the room for 10 minutes then re settle but i found 10 mins dragged out and it felt like i was leaving her to cry for hours. I was skeptical with the controlled crying at first. I left her for 5 minutes then re settles ( my daughter has always hated being wrapped so re settling was just stroking her hair for a minute giving her a kiss then leave the room and try again. You as a mum will know when your child is becomming hysterical. If it is just a sooky cry you will feel better about leaving them to cry for longer periods of time. hope this can be of some help and good luck!
Shiralee - posted on 03/31/2010
Hi Natasha, I agree with Helen, i have a simular routine with my daughter. I started putting my daughter in her cot awake during the day and she cried herself to sleep for about a week.(I did the control crying and re settling). Now at night my daughters routine is milk (in a straw cup) at 5.30pm, we eat dinner at 6pm then bath her and brush her teeth. At 7.30 we say kisses and cuddles for mummy and daddy and good night, she is usually ready for bed by that time so goes down really easy. Even if she isnt quite ready for sleep she will just talk to herself for a while. Good luck and hope al goes well!!
Natasha - posted on 03/31/2010
On the first day stay in the room and settle he to sleep by any means possible but do not take her out the cot.....one person......it may take hours
Then 5 minutes.....10 minutes........every 15 minutes there after. Go in after each interval for 2 minutes only, again dont take her out the cot.
It may a while first night took 3 hrs, second an hour, then 45 minutes and no my son goes down no problem.
Have a routine leading up to bedtime, this thread is full of awesome ideas
Good luck x
Cassandra - posted on 03/31/2010
HELP!!! I have a 15 month old girl, and her sleep routine is driving us nuts. We have the same routine before bed each night (bath/reading/warm cup of milk/teeth/lullabies) but nothing seems to settle her when we put her down. She wants us to stay in the room with her until she is asleep and cries until she is sick (this has only started after she was 12 months)! She is otherwise such a good, happy little girl, but even controlled crying hasn't helped. We have left her for well over an hour and a half screaming, I have tried resettling her but she gets hysterical the moment I walk out... how long do you leave them crying on their own? We tried it for a week with NO change. If we let her fall asleep with us on the couch she is happy, but that is not a routine I want to keep up!! I want some time in the evening with my hubby! ANY advice?
Jodie - posted on 03/31/2010
I give my daughter a bedtime warning. She knows that when she goes around and says "nigh-night" to everyone home shes about to go to bed. She gets the most upset when she isnt expecting it. So make a pre-bed routine.
I get her in her jammies, start her lullaby CD, and let her (or help her) turn off the light. If shes still not ready we say goodnight one more time before turning out the light.
Then i give her a kiss and set her in her bed. I leave and at first she cried for a few minutes but she learned that i wasnt going to come back so there was no use in crying The more consistent and persistent you are, the quicker he will get the hang of it. If you go in after putting him down, his goal will be to try to get you to do it every time. It will be tough at first but if you are strong it will not take long. Now my daughter just rolls over and goes to sleep.
If you are used to rocking him to sleep, then you can try a gradual process. You can put him in his crib and hold your hand on him. Again, dont give in, and he will adjust quickly. He knows he is safe and cared about because you are there, but he is learning that he needs to be able to go to sleep on his own. Then you can progress to setting him down and staring at him, without touching him. Then you can try sitting across the room or just leaving. Each step will be difficult the first time or two, but if you keep it up, it won't last long, and you will love the results :)
Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
Natasha - posted on 03/31/2010
Just had a catch up with all the lovely comments on this thread. I am a big routine fan and repeating a sequence of events is definitely the way forward. I got into the habit of rocking my 15 month old son to bed and only last week he started waking up and screaming for me every time i put him down. He has always sleep through the night as I too also just made sure he stayed in his crib and was wordless in the early days.
I still give him a cuddle but I started putting him down awake and used controlled crying to get him to realise he had to fall asleep on his own. In only a week it has worked miracles. He is finally happy enough to go in his crib and as usual wakes 12 hrs later.
It was my son who made me change as what we had been doing was no longer working. What ever is being done done to settle a child to sleep is different for every family and different things work for each. There is no right or wrong way but if what your doing is not then I recommend controlled crying. It was a bit stressful at first but for the last 2 days and in only a week I am glad to say Callum is settling a lot easier and quicker no problems to report at all.
Thank you again for all your support and advice throughout this period. x x x
Claire - posted on 03/31/2010
I have a 15 month old and i found that since i put my little one in a bed all i have to say to him is 'good night, i will see you in the morning' he lays there till i leave the room and before i have got to the stairs he is asleep with his dummy in his hand. I must have it easy! I believe that routines are key to success with bedtime.
Danielle - posted on 03/31/2010
It can take some time but it's possible to get them used to it. The trick is to never give in. It can become a horrible battle if you expend too much energy so don't do that. But whenever they get up, wordlessly put them back into bed. Have a bedtime routine each night with things like brushing teeth, reading a story together, maybe taking a bath, whatever you like to get them to relax and understand it's time for bed. Then my kids get scared with the door shut or too much darkness so a nightlight can help or keeping the light on outside the door and leaving the door open enough to let some light in their room until their asleep. Then before saying goodnight you tell them it's time to sleep and stay in bed and leave the room. They will get up again and again at first, but after a few nights they will realize you won't let them do anything but go back to bed after this. You do it wordlessly. They already know you told them it's bedtime, you don't need to say anything again (silence just helps me keep my temper about it). I just take them and put them back in their bed. They protest and get up again, I put them back in bed. It can be quite exhausting but eventually they will stay there and go to sleep. My older son is just over two and he was a struggle for us, but this is what eventually worked. He still gets up once in a while, but he knows he has to have an excuse (like asking for a drink or another story or something) or he'll just be put back to bed. He's a lot better now and I know it just takes lots of time and patience. Good luck.
Jackie - posted on 03/31/2010
Good work Natasha. And to the post above...its not that rocking is "bad" per se..it's just that it creates a habit that becomes increasingly difficult to break. Not to mention puts your child in a position of not being able to sleep away from you...neither of which are good in the long term. Of course we all love snuggling with our babies...but do your rocking and snuggling BEFORE they fall asleep thats all.
Natasha - posted on 03/31/2010
That's lovely Gibson, some children just need to be guided and while some go with the flow many do as they please.
He is obviously an independent sleeper, at the moment my controlled crying seems to of worked after a week. I am so pleased and gets been great reading all the different techniques used by other mums to keep me going.
Gibson - posted on 03/31/2010
tried to put my 15 month old baby on a routine but its kind of difficult. He is so hyper active, he want to play when he suppose to be in bed. but one thing i discovered with him is, when he is fully ready to sleep. he comes and pull my finger pointing to the direction of his bed and once i follow him to his room, he climbs the bed and we sing to him and off he goes.
Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2010
If you aren't to this point yet, you kind of just have to do it! After a few nights, he will be totally fine with laying down on his own and snuggling in! I promise!!!! :o) It will be so good for him (and you).
Carrie - posted on 03/30/2010
my son is 15 months and we have done the same routine since i can remember, he has a bath at 6pm, then has a play for 30-40 mins, read him a book, then we do the rounds and he kisses goodnight to everyone and waves bye then i put him in his cot and he drinks his bottle and within 10 mins hes asleep and sleeps till 7-8am. Routine is key and that carries on wherever we are even if he is staying at my mums.
It takes time but they get used it it, he also doesnt have a afternoon nap, he sleeps from 10.30am til round 1-2pm daily, so is had it by 7pm!!!!!...hope this helps.
Mandie - posted on 03/30/2010
It's different for different kids I think- I could never have done this with my daughter, she had to be rocked to sleep in my arms otherwise we'd have been up all night. But my son who's also 15mths right from the start was happy to just be put down and goes to sleep by himself with a Pooh Bear musical thingy playing.
Kelsey - posted on 03/30/2010
my son has a tv in his room so i brush his teeth give him his cup put a movie on for him say good night i love you sweet dreams and i dont hear from him again untill the morning unless his sick then he gets up i go in there give him his cuz back put his movie back on and leave again he is very good with going to bed he knows when mommy says bed time he walks to him room waves at daddy and goes to bed
Cara - posted on 03/30/2010
i do exactly that! he still has a b/time bottle which helps..i put him in bed,with his bottle put the dummy in his other hand say goodnight n shut the door. iv had im in this routine from around 5m. i started by leaving the room for 1min..then 3...then 5 and so on. it was hard to leave him cryin at first but now i now if i dont do it he wont get a decent sleep (either will i)lol good luck
Nicolle - posted on 03/30/2010
Our bedtime routine is..change his diaper, put pj's on, brush his teeth, read a story and then laydown in the crib, turn out the lights and close the door. My son has never been one to just fall asleep right away so we always have to listen to a few cries before he falls asleep but usually he is asleep within 5-10 minutes. We have been doing this routine for quite a few months now and has worked out well for us.
Laura - posted on 03/30/2010
The routine we have with our 15 month old is that we change her diaper, put her in pjs, brush her teeth and give her fluoride, then I sit in the glider in her room and read her a story (lately "Goodnight Moon")...then I turn on a turtle that projects stars around the room, turn her light off, sing her a lullaby and cuddle,then I'll put her in her crib and turn on a stuffed animal that plays 5 minutes of lullabies, then shut her door. Sometimes she cries a bit, more often not.
Heather - posted on 03/30/2010
Getting into a routine is huge! My son is 15 months and has been puttting himself to bed for months now (takes my hand and walks to the crib). I think we got a book at the doctor's office called "Sleep" and after reading it a few dozen times I think he got the idea.
Natasha - posted on 03/30/2010
Thanks for mentioning that Jackie, a very important fact. Take a look at this link for more details.
Can I recommend Tracey Hogg The Baby Whisperer's put up/put down technique for young babies. This is like controlled crying but you don't leave them to cry out, it worked for a friends little girl at 6 weeks. It was a little hard to implement on my son however it did work eventually. He soon decided it wasn't working for him at around 7 months and thats how i got in to the bad habit of cuddling him to sleep.
Also some children will make a lot of nose but not actually cry. Only parents will know if certain techniques are working for them and their baby. What fits one family may be complete fail for another. Use your instinct and go with the flow there is bound to be one way that works for you.
By the way I am day on day 6 of controlled crying and I am amazed at the results. Callum is still crying and I'm not quite at the, diving into bed stage yet but I am hopeful.
It takes less than half an hour to get him to settle and I only need to check once, a vast improvement to cuddling for over 30 minutes then waking up once he was put down and having to start all over again :-)
Jackie - posted on 03/30/2010
It is true about once it is all well established the routine part becomes less important. THe only part tha tmatters now to my daughter is being put down in her bed...as I said, she DIVES out of my arms for it these days.
One note though, controlled crying (CIO) is not recommended until a child is 6 months old. Not to say you cant' put them down awake before then, my daughter was going down awake at 4 months...but you shouldn't leave them to literally cry it out until 6 mos. Something about their brain development and they aren't read for self soothing until around then. So if you have a stubborn baby you'll just need to go in and reassure much more frequently....but I repeat =), it doesn't mean you need to rock them to bed. Many times when you start that young it all happens pretty easily anyways. I just decided to try one nite and my daughter talked to herself for 10 minutes then we didn't hear from her again until the next morning. So certainly worth a try and the effort, b/c it takes less effort the earlier you start.
Alice - posted on 03/29/2010
I started sleep training using controlled crying 3 wks ago with my 15mth old. Like what others have shared, the routine was extremely helpful because it helps my girl to anticipate what's coming up next. In a way, knowing what's going to happen is immensely reassuring to the child esp in light of such major change (going to sleep on own rather than nursing to sleep). My routine is having a warm bath, PJs, quiet time (doing puzzles etc), milk/snack (usually she has a cup of milk or some oats), brush teeth, saying goodnite, cuddle in her room + 1 story, then lights out with a goodnite song. The whole training took a wk. First 1-2 days she cried for 45mins. I had to go in twice in the first day when she was crying really bad but i just pat her to calm her and walked out again. 3-4 days she is out in about 10mins (did not have to go in at all). 5-6 days whine for about 1-2mins. By 1wk, i was able to walk out of the room with her awake, she just rolled over and hug her bunny and fall asleep.
To tell the truth, on day 2-4, i didnt think i will actually see the day that i could walk out of her room without her crying. What more, she was also being weaned off her pacifier at the same time (paci did not appear in her routine). 3 weeks on.. she has kept to her routine really well. I did not change any part of it and made sure her daddy did the same with her when he puts her to bed. I just want to make sure she is used to either of us putting her to sleep (not just with me). And now she will even indicate to me to start brushing teeth when she is sleepy and could tell me what's going to happen next in her sequence of routine (in simple terms 'book', 'night night').
Consistency and a good routine are the keys. Pick one that you can manage everyday. Doesn't have to be a very elaborate one but one that include activities tt the child enjoys promote winding down.
Oh yes.. readiness of child too. When she was younger, my girl would upchuck whenever she cried too hard so i put all the sleeping scheduling on the backburner. But now that she is older and stop doing that, i felt confident to try. So good luck to the mommies starting sleep training. All the best to you all. Try to give it some time to work but if its too distressing... i think it is perfectly find to put it off for sometime later. Well-being of the kiddos are the main priority. :)
Natasha - posted on 03/29/2010
Thanks Colleen, let me know how it goes. Its not gonna be a walk in the park but stick it out and like Judy says it gets easier and you can be more flexible. Do you have any tips about anything in particular for me x
So true Judy, it gets easy for them and yourself. He knows its bedtime but I need him to fall asleep in his crib not my arms. Its been less than a week and it does work, as a single mum patience is key, Callum has been on Gina Ford from birth he is always happy and never cries. This controlled crying at bed time is to make my life easier so I can lay Callum to bed with ease he was getting heavy and waking up when I lay him down.
Its the one thing I would do from birth if I ever get the chance to have another baby.....however I have loved the cuddles for 15 months :-)
Judy - posted on 03/29/2010
You might even find that after sticking to a bedtime routine for a while that they get to the point where it doesn't really matter so much any more. Both my kids were on good routines from a very early age and my 15mth old just gets carried to the bedroom and placed in her cot with a kiss and we walk out. That's it. It doesn't really matter what we have done for the past 30mins, whether we have cleaned her teeth before or after putting pj's on or what. We just tell her it is bed time and she understands and knows. She is a good bubby, but has a pretty strong will and is not super compliant like her big brother was, so it is not just because she is good, I think a good routine and consistancy by mum and dad are the big factors in our success. Good luck to all!
Colleen - posted on 03/29/2010
Wow! Thank you for explaining that all to me! I am going to have to start doing that. Also I have not been to much of a routine. She goes down around the same time every night but not with a routine of things.... So thank u again, now I have somewhere to start.
Natasha - posted on 03/29/2010
that is exactly the same problem I was having. My son started waking up as soon as i put him down so I have changed the rules to my way otherwise he will win this battle of wits.
Controlled crying is not easy its very difficult to hear you child scream and cry. The only thing to remember is they are trying to get their own way and without words this is the only way they can get the message across.
I tried it when he was younger and he was sick so I stopped. He is very suborn and got very upset so I decide he was to young. However I know of friends children who were 6 wks and they were fine. It just depends all children are different. I tried back in October but I gave in and this time round seems to be going very well.
I do a bedtime routine and after a cuddle I place him in his crib. On the first day do whatever you need to do to settle your child to sleep but do not take them out of the crib. This can take hrs depending on how strong willed/suborn your child is. On the second day do the exact same bedtime routine at the same time but this time once she is quiet as in not screaming walk out of the room. Return after 5 minutes to settle her once again and reassure her you are still there, but only for 2 mins. Then leave the room and return after 10 mins, again for only 2 mins. Return every 15 minutes there after depending on the urgency of her crying and always stay in the room for 2 mins and never take her out the crib. You can adjust the times to suit your daughter you know when she is getting to distressed.
It is exhausting and extremely uncomfortable at the beginning but it works, be strong and positive in your actions explain them to her clearly. Eventually she will understand this is how you go to bed. I cant wait for the time he just falls asleep with no crying.
I will keep you posted x
Rachel - posted on 03/29/2010
i give my son his bath put his pj's on play for about half an hr then he gets his dummy and blankie gives kisses to everyone here then i put him to bed with a bottle and kiss him good night .....i dont here from him again untill 7:30 8:00 if im lucky sometime 9 in the morning :-)
Colleen - posted on 03/29/2010
What is the controlled crying? I can get my daughter to sleep fine....but only by rocking with her in our chair in the living room. If I put her down in her crib and she is not fully asleep she sits up and starts crying. I have yet to be able to just put her in her crib and say goodnight. So I am struggling with this as well.
Natasha - posted on 03/29/2010
Thanks, it seems to be that what ever the routine to just repeat it. I have for some time switched the lights of together and shut the door so I will stick with that as he has a little winge like he knows its bed time.
A cuddle then bed.....tonight I only had to check back once and he was asleep within 30 mins proof it really does work.
Thanks guys the support has been a big help x
Jackie - posted on 03/29/2010
Persistence and routine are key. That's great that you have stuck with the controlled crying, and it will get so short you wont' even hear it anymore. Esp. if you really establish a routine leading up to it b/c he will be able to anticipate it coming.
my daughters routine is change the diaper, get the pj's on, sit with me for her cup of milk, then up to her room to give me a hug and kiss, turn on the humidifier and into her crib she goes. My daughter DIVES out of my arms for her crib these days, she doesnt' even want to be rocked. Just be consistent and it will come.