Birthday on 30th and my parents are divorced and hate eachother what to do?

Veronica - posted on 10/27/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Blake's first birthday is the 30th. I plan on having it on the 3 of Jan so everyone will be done with Christmas. However my parents are divorce and I'm the first of the kids to give them grandkids. My house is way to small to have the whole family over. I don't know what to do. My husbands family lives about 30 mins away and my family lives in the same town as we do. I have a couple places in mind but I'm affraid that it would be to strange for one or the other parent. Everyone has told me that they will have to work it out themselves but I don't want my son to suffer becuase my parents won't work out their diffrents. What to do?

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Pat - posted on 08/07/2014

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Here is the ex wife's side: I was married to x for 15 years until I found out he was having an affair with his secretary. I was deeply wounded emotionally and financially by this so it is very difficult for me to be around my ex and his new wife (he married the secretary). I've tried to go to joint events but I always come home feeling upset. Last year, it almost ruined my Christmas dinner. I don't think that other people really understand the emotional toll that cheating and a divorce can take on the adults involved too. Everybody says to suck it up but it's not that easy. So I'm not against separate parties. There is nothing wrong with having Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other. It's about win-win and compromise and I think that the divorced spouses feelings need to be taken into consideration too!

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Sweetie you cant control others' behaviour and if yr parents cant 'suck it up' for a child's birthday then they dont deserve to be there. I think you should invite them both but make it clear that you dont want any dramas and that if there are, you wont be able to accomodate them in yr child's future celebrations..

Erin - posted on 11/23/2009

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hi - my son also turns one on Dec 30...lol and I also have divorced parents. But I have an older son too, so have done this before and it is possible. My parents HATE each other, and are both remarried and HATE each others spouses, but when it comes to the boys, they all come to MY house, and just ignore each other. It works - everyone is there, paying attention to my sons, talking to their own side of the family and my friends, and the boys don't know any difference. If it ever happened that one of them made a scene or did not want the other one there, etc then they would not be invited. It is a party for your son, not them, so if they can't act like mature adults for a couple of hours, guess they have to miss out, not the kids to have all of their family together. My house is not that big either, everyone is in the living room/kitchen. You don't need the stress of making everyone happy - you need to make you and your son happy.

Erika - posted on 11/22/2009

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i'm in the same boat... my daughter turns one on the 27th and my parents dont get along either and my mom is remarried to a man that my father doesn't get along with but my daughter got baptised the other nite and they all were there and civil... although my father didn't say much he was there for olivia and i and his ex-wifes parents were there, whom have been in my life for a very long time... you need not worry about pleasing anyone except your household. it is hard to think that way but your son only turns one once and if you try and accomidate now it's only going to get worse... think when he graduates high school lol are you going to have two different parties because your parents cant get along? just tell your parents when and where and you would love for them to be there and tell each of them that the other person will be there and they could make a civil sacrific for their first grandchild for a few hours

Stephanie - posted on 11/22/2009

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Hi. I have been struggling with this issue since my daughter was born 5.5 years ago. I had tried public places and having seperate parties, but after 5.5 years, I have given up. I'm just letting them work out there differences and hoping they can be grown ups. I wish I had done that sooner. It is too much stress on you to try to mediate.

User - posted on 11/19/2009

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i have the same problem, my mother in law left father in law for a woman... so they dont talk, her mum and her dont talk... im thinking of giving them time slots!! lol my daughters birthday is on christmas eve and i refuse to go to everyones house with her so im having a party for her at my nans house (cause its massive compared to mine). im gunna leave it up to them to decide if they want to come to their 1st grandchilds birthday, im not gunna let them ruin it.

Anreh - posted on 11/17/2009

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Hi Veronica. Might be easiest to have separate celebrations for each family. My sister is in the same boat as you. She and my brother-n-law have his parents host a celebration for just his side of the family (who they don't get along with as much). They host a separate celebration for our family and for their friends and do it at their house or my parents' house. Hope you guys figure something out. Best of wishes...

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