co-sleeping

Melanie - posted on 10/01/2010 ( 47 moms have responded )

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I was just wondering if anyone out there co sleeps with their child. My son is 20mths old and even though he starts the night in his bed, he eventually ends up in mine. I don't have a problem with this because it is just me and him but others think that I should discourage this behaviour. I figured that he will grow out of this when he is ready.
I would like to hear of some other peoples thoughts about this. Thanks.

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Vicki - posted on 10/03/2010

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If it works for your family, do it! I believe co-sleeping creates a much more comfortable sleep routine for the children. There are no monsters in mommy's closets, after all. And I can't believe how many parents will allow their children to scream alone, in the dark, night after night, just so they can learn independence. As you said, he will grow out of it eventually! All too soon, it won't be "cool" to sleep with Mommy anymore!

My son's bed is currently beside mine, as we moved from having a two bedroom apartment to ourselves, each of us with our seperate bedrooms, to a shared two bedroom. So my boy and I are rooming together. (I end up with many toys in my bed in the morning!) He loves his bed, simply because it is Thomas the train, but he loves my bed even more, because it is big and warm and comfy and smells like Mom.

And you know, it's becoming more and more common for me to find that my friends with children co-sleep as least occassionally. It's something that seems to be frowned upon by certain folk, but many MANY parents do secretly allow their children into the family bed.

Ashley - posted on 10/10/2010

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I say.. it is your child, not theirs. You should do what you are comfortable with. I too get grief from people... my baby girl is 21 months - still nursing ( I am pregnant with second), and she sleeps in our bed with my husband and I. We plan on the baby being there too. They only grow up once and they are not going to be there until there are 18 or anything, they will eventually, just like any other phase, grow out of it. Enjoy the time with your little one, snuggle & cuddle because "it won't be like this for long - one day soon that little one is gonna be all grown up and gone" Don't let others decide how you want to raise your child!

Christy - posted on 10/08/2010

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I never intended to cosleep with my son, however with nursing him it just happened. He is almost 22 months old now and he has been sleeping (most) nights in his crib. I think it is harder for me not to have him with me at night than it is for him! Some nights he does wake up and want to sleep with Mommy, but once he started to attach himself to a stuffed animal he became very happy to sleep in his own room. In the morning he even hands me his stuffed dog to get out of bed before he will get out. I made him his dog at build a bear and added to it a heartbeat that makes him feel close to another living thing. You might want to try building a stuffie with a heartbeat to help with the transition when you are ready. I know a lot of Americans frown upon cosleeping, however Simon's pediatrician told me there is nothing wrong with it as long as it worked for us and that it could actually help teach a child healthy sleep patterns. There have also been studies in other nations that indicate it greatly reduces the chance of SIDS since your child's breathing becomes synchronized with your own breathing pattern.

Kim - posted on 10/14/2010

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Hey, It's your kid, you are the mom, you decide based on how it works for you. When it doesn't work anymore, change it.

Sian - posted on 10/08/2010

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I co-sleep with my 21 month old and I don't think it's a problem. We did try sleep training but it never seemed to stick. One trip out of town and we'd be back at square one. Since both parents work, we both truly enjoy the time we have sleeping with my son, and he sleeps in longer which is a heaven send for the weekends. I would like to transition him to his own bed eventually, maybe when he's ready for a toddler bed, and when we're ready for our second child. But now we're just enjoying the joyful morning time (as opposed to 'mommmy, come get me out of this cage, NOW!!'

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Aniesha - posted on 10/29/2011

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I think he'll grow out of it when he's ready, & I think it's great to not push them before. Our son will be 3 in Dec & he sleeps in a toddler bed next to ours, but usually he'll sneak into our bed in the early hours of the morning for cuddles. We all sleep better anyway, coz then he's mostly satisfied just to be close & will go back to sleep for longer:).

Jackie - posted on 04/19/2011

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I have VERY strong opinions on this one as my husbands son used to do this b/c his mother though ti was no big deal....well that does NOT happen at our house so still at the age of 9 it was taking 2 solid hours to put him to bed....RIDICULOUS. Our daughter was in her own full size crib the day we returned from the hospital and she has never so much as napped in our bed. She has her own room for sleeping, the 2nd child will be the same thing. Seh doesn't know any different so we don't have any bad habits to break and she is very good at putting herself back to sleep if she does wake up in the night.

Kalpana - posted on 04/11/2011

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My son was in our bed till he was 4. We would put him in his bed at night but left the doors to our rooms open so he would wake up in the middle of the night and get into our bed. When he could learn to open doors, 3 am, he'd open the door and get in.

We wanted him to sleep in his own bed cos' he has a nasty habit of feeling most comfortable sleeping perpendicular to us so we make a H. Then husband and I never get any sleep. My son is LONG!! so we end up occupying 10inches of the bed on either edges. Torture!

My second also has the same perpendicular problem. head butts me and kicks my husband. So after he turned 1, he went to his room. Since his brother was there, he is not as fussy about sleeping in his room. My older one was all alone in his room so that was also part of the problem.

I never slept in my parent's bed. My husband slept till he was 11. Both turned out fine! So i guess it's a matter of how much time they need to grow out of it.

Christi - posted on 10/22/2010

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to the mom who asked about husbands and the love life if you co-sleep, no it doesn't stop anything around here. we just have sex when he is napping in the living room or already alseep for the night. we don't do it on the bed where he is sleeping of course, we will go into the living room or if we have a babysitter for the night it is the first thing we do.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2010

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Hello, I have 5 children 16 down to 1/12 and although there beds have never been in my husbands room, they have on occasion sleep in our bed. My 1st son who's 9 now used to want to sleep with us when we moved him to a twin bed when he came out of crib at about 1 1/2 thinking back thats was a little young, for him because he slept on a little made up bed on the floor of our room while he transitioned into it. there have also been many of night my children have kicked there Daddy right out of our bed.. ususlly when they were sick.. but they all loved there beds and went right back into them, for me co habitation wasnt a option cause all my children roll and take up all the room so I dont ever sleep well with them as the grew.. but I have read that it is done in a lot of familys. What ever you decide to do, its up to you all the other peoples opion is just that there opion.. what might help getting the little ones back in there bed is new bedding of there choosing.. a tent that goes over the bed.. something fun that makes them excited to rest. well thats all. Have a good weekend all!

Dani - posted on 10/18/2010

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I think it depends with everyone involved. My son is 22 months and he sleeps in our bed mostly because we dont have room for his own bed and my husband and I are completely fine with it. We dont plan on doing it for very long bacause I heard the older they get the harder it is to get them in their own bed.

Victoria - posted on 10/16/2010

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I have the same thing! My son used to sleep in his cot but then we went away on holiday and he slept in our bed for 2 weeks now I cannot get him back in his. He screams until he makes himself sick. If i wait til he falls asleep then put him in his cot he wakes up about an hour later and the same thing happens. I bought him his our quilt and pillow with disney cars on it to encourage him but no such luck! We are unfortunate in that we only have a 1 bed flat so when he wakes up and sees us he wants out of his cot. He has never slept through the night but at least we get some sleep when he is in our bed.

Candice - posted on 10/14/2010

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for the woman who have husbands.. doesn't it put a damper on your love life? if you have a child sleep in your bed and cont. coming back to you bedroom every night :-/

Candice - posted on 10/14/2010

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No co sleeping with our children... our daughter has her own bed and room with a gate so she cant leave the room.. good luck

EDNA - posted on 10/14/2010

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Jaydn sleeps with me and my husband and we have no problem with it. Our 19 yr old slept with us till she was 4yrs old, then she decided she was going to be a big girl and sleep in her own bed and room. If you are comfortable with him sleeping with you then let him, i agree with the other mom he will grow out of it.

Janet - posted on 10/14/2010

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Our son is 22 months and he still sleeps with us too. I don't think it's such a bad thing considering they won't be going off to college in your bed, and will eventually sleep on their own when they are ready. Enjoy these few years where they are still crazy for you and cherish them...they'll pass all to quickly. I know...I have a 9 and 10 year old too.

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2010

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My daughter sleeps with me, but it maybe because we live with my parents now since I'm going through a divorce. She and I have slept together since day 1 and I love it!! She always snuggles up to me when I come to bed!!!

Brandi - posted on 10/14/2010

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Well, at times my son would do that too and I would bring him in the bed with me and my hubby, but I noticed he'd do that more and more. Also, he began staying awake and playing and not going to sleep. It just made nights very hard for me and my husband. So we discourage him from coming in bed with us. Instead, now when our 22month old wakes up crying in the middle of the night (which is rare now), my husband or I will lay him back down in his crib and either stand or sit next to his crib until he calms down and/or falls back to sleep. This works out better for all of us because we can all get a good night's rest.

Christi - posted on 10/13/2010

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we co-sleep with our 21 month old son. different reasons than everyone else really. my son used to spit up and gag at all hours of the night and if he wasn't right next to me, i wouldn't hear him. my son is also autistic and has horrible night terrors. the dark scares him beyond comprehension so he sleeps with us with two night lights and the bathroom light on. it works for us and we love being able to comfort him after a night terror.

Mary - posted on 10/12/2010

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My daugher is almost 22 months and she slept with us for awhile and then one night she went to sleep in her own crib so we were happy about that. But then she started waking up anywhere between 12 and 1 in the morning crying so I would bring her in for the rest of the night. I loved her being in bed with us but I never got any sleep because she was/is a bed hog, so I had to do the tough love approach for a couple nights and that's all it took for her to sleep most of the night in her own crib. Now she sleeps all night, from 8 until about 5:30, which is wonderful, and then she will cry, I will go get her, change her diaper and give her a drink and bring her in our room and she will sleep for another hour in bed with us, which is the best part of it all anyways..........waking up to her being right there with you. So that is our routine and she can do it for as long as she wants. I totally agree with the others that say it's your baby and you do what works for you and what makes you happy, because these early years in their life are sooo precious and yup, one day you're going to wake up and they're going to be in college! So enjoy every second of it!

Dorene - posted on 10/12/2010

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i coslept w/ my daughter from birth to 14 months old. she is soon to be 22 months old and sleeps in a toddler bed next to our bed. for the past month or so she would start off in the bed then halfway throught the night she would wake up I would nurse her back to sleep but then she wouldn't want to go back. so figuring some time in her bed was OK I kept her in our bed the rest of the night. I figured she would eventually grow out of it. My advice: do what makes YOU happy and comfortable NOT what others or Drs. tell you. You are doing a good job and he won't be in your bed in college.

Kristal - posted on 10/12/2010

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My daughter is 21 months and does the same thing! I put her to bed in her own "big girl bed" and by 5am she is at my bedside waiting to come into my bed! She has been co-sleeping with my since she was born. Just like you said, eventually they will grow out of it, oh well if they don't. It's nice to know that our "babies" still want to spend as much time as they can with us, even if it is while sleeping!!!

Leane - posted on 10/12/2010

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I am very lucky, my 21 month old daughter sleeps in her bed for about 11 hours a night. She is a very good sleeper. However, if I had the problem you have, I would let her sleep with me until she is ready to sleep alone. They will eventually do it when they are ready. Maybe if he is not in a bed yet, you want to get him one and you can sleep with him in his bed and once he falls asleep go back to your bed. That way he may get used to sleeping alone quicker. But I don't see a problem if he sleeps with you for now. They are only young a short period of time.

Rosa - posted on 10/12/2010

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I have been co-sleeping with my son since he was born! He is 21 mos old and I am sure when he gets independent enough he will want to sleep on his own. I think we are the only culture that frowns on this... Others its the norm.

Christina - posted on 10/12/2010

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My 21 month old son was the same way! He had a toddler bed we had bought second hand and he refused to sleep in it.Finally, 3 weeks ago I bought him a new Toy Story bed and blanket and he has slept in there every night since! Hope she sleeps in her own new bed, where she helped pick it out!

Vanessa - posted on 10/12/2010

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We have our daughter's toddler bed right against our bed (like a co sleeper) and she usually stays put, unless she's having an off night (like if the day was particularly busy or something like that) if she ends up in our bed, then i usually leave her there.
Everyone gave me the same grief when we originally started co-sleeping with our first born (now 9 years old) I heard it all, including he will "never" stop sleeping in our bed. He did. I promise ;)
So did my (now) six year old.
My three year old still, very occasionally, crawl into bed. I'm sure it will pass, as it did with his older siblings.
If you are ok with co-sleeping, don't let anyone guilt you into not doing it. He *will* grow out of it eventually, why not enjoy these cuddly moments while you have them?

Regina - posted on 10/12/2010

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I have the same problem. I am a single mom and my 22 month old sleeps with me since she has learned to climb out of playpens and cribs. It is getting to the point now where if I am not in bed and she turns over and doesn't feel me then she wakes up screaming her head off until I come and lay with her until she falls back asleep. I just did this all through the night last night. I made a purchase of a toddler bed that she picked out and laid on to test it and the sheet sets and blankets...maybe because its her taste she will sleep there. I am open to suggestions.

Thelma - posted on 10/12/2010

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Hi, my little girl is 22 months old and has slept with us since day one. It has its disadvantages at times...eg, first the bed was getting to small but that was sorted out by getting a king size bed, then it was getting difficult for me and my husban to be intermit, but now we have to have our time after she sleeps at night and in another room. But i can tell you that it is good for her because she gets alot of comfort from us and feels safe. I have also had other tell me to discourage this behaviour but i look at it this way, she will not be small forever and will eventually be comfortable enough to sleep on her own. I find it bonds us together as a family and its good, i don't care what others say because it makes us all happy.

Christine - posted on 10/12/2010

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My daughter is almost 4 & my son is almost 2, they both sleep with me. We are happy about it. Just think, when they're older(maybe like 7 or 10), they won't come to your bed anymore even you beg them. Why don't you enjoy it while you can!

Ruby - posted on 10/11/2010

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well my 22mth old just started doing the same thing!! we have let her cry it out but never longer than 10 min., she eventually gives in and goes to sleep. However, we don't always let her cry, sometimes we are so tired ourselves we just give in and bring her to bed with us. I have also put her play pen in our room and when she wakes up, I have just laid her down in there and she stays quietly, but I am trying to get her to stay in her room. If she sleeps with us, I don't sleep! Good luck and I guess we will just have to deal with it one way or another!

Christina - posted on 10/11/2010

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My son is 21 months old, and we just got him sleeping in his own bed/room about 3 weeks ago! I don't see a problem with it, as long as you are fine with it! We wanted our evenings back, and finally made the effort to get him to sleep in his own bed, it took about 10 minutes of him crying the first night, and now he crawls into his bed all by himself!

Jodee - posted on 10/10/2010

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My daughter is 21 months old and co sleeps with me and my husband (her biological father). He sleeps on one side, she is in the middle, and I'm on the other side. She slept in her own bed until she was 8 1/2 months old and then decided she was not going to do it anymore. When she was 6 months old we bought her a new BIG crib and she has hated it ever since, but the others were just getting too small. EVERYONE discouraged me from co sleeping and I still get some dirty looks every now and then, but honestly it's the only thing that worked for us. The Dr. even told us to just let her cry it out ... phhh ... I tried that for 2 days straight and it changed who she was. The next day she was clinging to me all day long as if I was going to leave her un expectedly, and she was all of a sudden afraid of the dark. Plus while she was up crying all night long, I was up listening to it all night long. I was upset about it at first bc I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep well. But it actually turns out I sleep better! And I keep thinking there will come a day when she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, much less snuggle or sleep in the same bed ... so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I think when she is older and can understand more we may be able to start working on sleeping by herself. But if we have another baby, I plan on putting it to sleep alone in it's own BIG crib from birth! Just to see if that's what we did wrong, or if she really did make that choice on her own to not want to sleep alone.

Colleen - posted on 10/10/2010

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I'm in your exact same position. I don't see anything wrong with it...It's nice to cuddle up with the little guy. As long as no one is loosing sleep, I think. This is how the family unit has been since the beginning of time. It builds strong healthy, self confident children!

Lisa - posted on 10/10/2010

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We Co-sleep with our second. I am stil BF and it made it much easier to get sleep at first. SHe is now 22months old and is starting to take a toll on us in bed. We started the transition to her toddler bed 2 nights ago. I will say by the 2nd night she slept 4 hrs without waking. We do not belilev eint he ol cry it out, we let her cry, but we are right there comforting her until she is able to fall aseelp again. THis has worked wonders as a mixed tough ove method=) Yes she cries becasue she can not come to our bed and nurse, but we sit with her and rock her or pat her little back unitl she falls asleep again.

Candyce - posted on 10/09/2010

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nip it in the butt now. we put a sleeping bag at the foot of our bed for our daughter to sleep in if shes scared or lonely, but our bed is our bed that bed is a boundry that is not to be crossed but to each his own if thats what works for you its all good right

Marie Jayne - posted on 10/09/2010

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My LO of 21 months starts off in her cot (which is at the side of ours) then usually about 4ish she will wake up wanting a feed so i take her in the little bed with me for a feed then when shes had that we go back to sleep together for an hour or so (longer at the weekend with any luck)
As it happens last night she wasn't very well so we ended up together all night, tho rather a restless night for us both, i didn't mind. Personally i don't think of it as a problem, I actually miss her when she sleeps thro'. lol. As long as you're okay with it then why worry.

Kathy - posted on 10/08/2010

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I have been co-sleeping with my 22 month-old son since birth! I also did with my older children until they were about 2-3 years-old. I also breast-fed all of my kids until they were two. I think is was just easier to keep them in bed with me! Then I actually got some sleep too. My older children are 9 & 6, and they have been sleeping in their own beds now for years without any trouble!

Jamie - posted on 10/08/2010

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Some kids may grow out of it but others will get accustomed to the idea and will be really hard to transition when you are ready for them too. My advice is to try and get him to transition. I did co-sleeping with my oldest and I wasnlt able to get her to sleep in her own room til she was 11 months and it was a very hard transition with many long nights with no sleep. But as he see's the idea and learns that he is a big boy and should sleep in his own bed like mommy he will adjust well. But every child is different. I would my daughter back in her bed when she got in my bed and tell her, you are big girl now and big girls sleep in there own rooms like mommy and daddy and she eventually got the concept and when it came time to put her in her toddler bed she was happy and did very well! it just takes time, consistency and patients. I wish you the best and hope it works out for you.

Tina - posted on 10/07/2010

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I had to post on this one. You hear so many typically sounding off on what's the "right thing" to do by not having your child in the bed with you. I am a mother of 3 gorgeous boys, 14, 8, and almost 22 months. I never really planned on having any of my sons in the bed with me, however it just kind of happened that way and was best for our situation at the time. All three of them had/have a crib but not one of them got used. I did not breast feed my first so I can not say it was for that reason. I just worked for us. Each mother and child is different, so it is all about what works best for you. No one is there in your shoes and can tell you what's right for you and your little one.

With my second son I did breastfeed him and he also has severe eczema, so it worked out that even when he did sleep in his own bed later on I was up most of the night rubbing creams on him and trying to get him back to sleep. Having him in the bed helped him and I both get some sleep.

This time around actually I did know that my baby was going to sleep with me. This is my last child and call me selfish but I really wanted to enjoy every last moment with him that I can. I love waking up in the morning by a little hand on my face saying "Mom...Mom...Mommie!!!! "

With each one of my boys they felt a sense of security always having one part of their body, typically a foot or leg touching me. Also gives me a sense of security as well.

Almost forgot to mention...it can be hard transitioning them to their own bed, but this will happen even if they go from crib to toddler bed to big boy bed. With my first it took him a bit to go to his own bed, and the second one still wants to sleep with me but he's been in his own bed for about 2 years now. After some time and lots of encouragement they will be fine in their own bed...and you'll find yourself missing them in the bed with you....or at least that's how I feel :0)

Mindy - posted on 10/06/2010

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My son who will be 6 still sleeps in my bed. it is hard to break but whatever gets him to sleep all night is great! My daughter will end up in bed with me also. Not every night but some nights. i think they will grow out of it when they are good and ready to not sleep with me.

Amanda - posted on 10/06/2010

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we cosleep with our son who is 21 months. I believe it is a good thing and helps a child developmentally. It gives them confidence when they have a close relationship with their parents. From dependence breeds independence. If and when you are ready for him to sleep in his own bed, just do it gradually. We have started this with our son bc we are due to have another baby in January. It was an unexpected pregnancy, so this is happening a little sooner than I would have planned, but it is going well. We rearranged our room and placed a twin bed in there for him. We let him get used to the idea of it for a few weeks before we actually started working on him sleeping in it. Some nights are better than others(we have had a few colds to deal with), but he usually makes it through until sometime between 5:30 and 7am. Then he comes and snuggles for a little bit in bed with us, before we get up. To get him to sleep at night, I lie down in his bed with him until he falls asleep. If he wakes up in the night, I give him some milk and give him a snuggle and a kiss and lie him back down. He usually goes back to sleep pretty easily. We do some back and forth/compromising and try and keep it as low stress as we can.

Melanie - posted on 10/06/2010

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Well i don't know what has happened lately but my little man has stayed in his bed all night for 2 out of the last 3 nights..hurray!!. i kinda miss him though lol. Let's hope that it continues though :-)

Gyllian - posted on 10/06/2010

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I was a Co sleeper growing up i didnt have a problem with it haha but my mother will vouch that it really never stops i showed up in her bed well into my teens and most times i didnt even know how i got there haha it starts like a mental thing and eventually it becomes a habit thats hard to break

Melanie - posted on 10/04/2010

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Thanks for your comments guys they were very helpful. Its nice to hear what other mums think :-).

Kristen - posted on 10/04/2010

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I have gone thru both sides of things with each of my kids! My daughter is going to be 7 this month and she slept in my bed from newborn till just after she turned 3. It worked for us because there was no one but us in the bed at that time and we shared a room anyways. She was VERY attached to me, and I feel her transitioning into her own bed was hard because of this. She used to have to wrap her fingers in my hair or at least holding my hand to fall asleep and I adored that time mostly, but there were days where it wasnt all that possible to meet that need and then it was a nightmare =/ Now, as for my son who is 21 months old, he has never slept in my bed more than a few occasions, he sleeps great for me besides the nights he is sick. Doesnt try to climb in my bed, doesnt really try to leave his either (he went from a crib right to bunk beds at 1 year old) till Mommy or Daddy come and get him.

Talking to him about being in his big boy bed, and how cool it is and things like may help him stay in his bed. But as for what others think, he is your son and if he is safe and healthy, their opinions are just that, their opinions!!

Good luck!!!

Carrie - posted on 10/02/2010

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I have mixed feelings about it, but have a similar problem. Our daughter often wakes up around 3 or 4 and wants her father to sleep with her (he puts her to sleep so she associates him with sleep time). We have been giving in only to get sleep, but I have a good friend with a 4-year-old who only recently stopped (somewhat) sleeping in their bed and it has been a huge struggle for them. I think it is fine as long as you are ready at some point to kick him out and stick to it. I should add when she was younger we took our daughter to Dr. Ferber's Sleep Clinic. His intern told us it was fine to sleep with your child as long as you did consistently and that was what the whole family wanted. Many other cultures do it all the time.

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