Help!!! My 21 mo old is out of control!!!!

Mindy - posted on 10/27/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am just not sure if the way my daughter is acting these days is normal, nor how to change it, and no one in my family seems to be able to help because they all say none of us ever acted this way as children. My daughter throws wild tantrums over everything, esp if you tell her no, or take something away..she throws things at us as hard as she can, kicks us, hits us, throws herself on the floor wildly, smacks her arms down as hard as she can on our coffee table and kicks it. Time out does nothing for her, we have done it since she was younger and it doesnt phase her at all, nor does us yelling at her or taking tings away from her, it just maker her more mad and throw worse fits.She honestly goes out of her way to get into trouble, always trying to get into or get things she knows she cant have or get into, just to get us going, because as shes doing it, shes looking at us to make sure we see her. and this isnt an attention problem, because she gets way to much as it is. Like just now for example, i told her to get off the coffee table she was climbing on top of, and she got off, grabbed a toy and heaved it at the tv as hard she can looking at me.....The restraint issue is another problem, hates car seats, high chairs, stroller, etc..she will literally buck wild like shes on a bull screaming and going nuts and throwing her body all over if shes in the carriage for more then 5 min, it has gotten to the point where we cant take her anywhere. If we try and let her walk around, she wont hold our hand or walk with us, she just takes off and starts pulling things from shelves. Does anyone else experience behavior like this? I would love to hear from others for help here, cause I am losing my mind

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Natasha - posted on 11/04/2010

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My son has this behaviour & we found it was getting worse, especially the hitting & throwing things. I have been quite consistent with holding his hands & making sure he looks me in the eye & I say "You do not hit Mummy!" We have been trying it for a month now & it has had wonders. He still gets upset & I can see when he hears no he wants to come & hit me.But I say "No you do not hit Mummy" before he even tries & he won't do it. I found it is usually when he wants me to read one of his Thomas the Tank Engine books at the most inconvenient times. I usually tell him "I'll read it after Mummy, has eaten" or "You read it to Mummy, whilst I'm eating breakfast". This has helped.

My Husband, Son & I were in a shop & our son was trying to run wild all around the shop. My Husband & I tried to both hold his hands between us & get him to walk where we wanted to. Our son would not have a bar of it. My Husband & I were getting flustered to the point, where we thought we would just scoop him up & walk out. I said we have to start correcting his behaviour from this age, otherwise he'll never learn. My son was almost hysterical. My husband picked him up & held him tight, made him look him in the eye until he calmed down. My Husband kept his tone calm & then started pointing things out in the shop to distract him. We did not move from the spot, until he had stopped throwing a trantrum. We didnt care if people were around watching either, I'm sure they have had similar experiences with their own kids. Anyhow, we were able to continue on with our shopping in peace.

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i am not an expert but try not to say 'no'. i know it is really hard i am working on this every day. my son says 'i wan't juice' and i don't want him to have it at the moment so i will say 'after your nap you can have it, but not right now, after your nap.' he does get mad but not for long because he knows that i will give it to him after his nap. you will have to let her scream and wait it out. the first few times we did this i had to listen to him scream for 1 1/2 hours. then 1, 45, 30, 20 now 5-10 minutes. don't hold them during the fits just stay close, turn on the tv, read a book. act like it doesn't bother you that they are screaming. i did turn on the tv on one of my son's cartoons (to distract, not because he wanted it on) so he would calm down. also, don't give into something or make bargains once they start screaming. lets say, you are going to the store and you know they will scream for something. before you get there (now is when you can bargain) tell them 'if you don't scream while we are in here you can ____' then remind them that they won't get ________when the fit is beginning.



about the throwing of things. threaten to throw all of her toys away if she throws them. when she taunts you have a clean garbage bag ready start putting the toys into the bag as soon as she launches it, that was the deal. once she starts calming down talk to her about was happened. don't give her all of her toys back, give her A toy. then tell her she can have more if she behaves, if not you will take this toy back.

all i can say about being on the table is either move the table out of the room or just go over and take her off every time she gets on it, don't say anything just keep taking her off. she might think it is a game try to get her to play another game like peekaboo from behind the table you can see her if she is on top so she needs to be on the side.



good luck, i hope this helps.

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Tiffany - posted on 11/10/2010

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Oh didn't you know that little bitties have your number?!!! The better the reaction, the bigger the behavior!!! Stick her in her room when she starts to act that way, just scoop her up, put her in her room, and she stays until she calms. in her crib is fine...don't talk to her, don't explain, just do it. Every time she throws a big fit...if she throws a toy, that toy is now yours, put away...no comments, just do it...she'll realize over time that she won't have you or her things if she acts like that...fits don't "pay off." When she's nice, lavish her with smoochies and games and fun so she knows that's where the pay off really is!!! She might fuss louder for a while but it really will quit!!! Good Luck!

Melanie - posted on 11/01/2010

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thank GOD i am not the only one! i am soooooo frustrated at my son at the moment and i feel like i am trapped in my house because i am too embarassed to take my son out any where. i took him to the shop today and he was being naughty by running off so i picked him up and carried him. this gave him the oppurtunity to pinch and hit me as well as start screaming. he also throws things around the house as well and has some almighty tantrums that continue for ages. i try to ignore him or distract him but that only works sometimes. i really hope that it is a phase that they go through because i am really at my wits end!!
your not alone.

Shuaniqua - posted on 10/27/2010

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I'm having some of the same problems with my daughter. She tells me NO all the time. If she can not get her way she will throw a fit that will last what seems like forever. I know she know what she's doing because as you said my daughter will cut her eyes at me to see if I'm looking so she can do it again. If I pop her hand hand she sometimes hit herself back. Puting her in time out doesn't seem to work she will just scream, cry, kick, and wild out all over the floor. When we're out she's pretty good, but she has her time where she feels like she has to touch everthing and does try to run. I mom also tells me that we never acted like that when we was young not even her daycare kids. Which makes me feel like I doing some wrong. What makes it even harder is that her goes over dad every other weekend. So I have no clue what he has her doing over there. Every time she comes back she wilds out even more.

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