What am I doing wrong???? does he not like me???

Alia - posted on 10/28/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi I am struggling to understand my 22 month old, does he not like me?? He loves being with his dad ( will try new foods with him, his face lights up when he comes home) and it seems like he just doesn't care much for me. It hurts most when he doesn't want to come to me when he is upset/ hurt. I have been the sole caregiver to my son, which is why its more difficult to understand him. I hear it all the time from other moms how their children come to them for comfort.. that at some specific time, (nightime, when they are hurt etc.) they only want their moms. Why doesn't my son need me?? I am so sad right now because he just woke up all upset and howling so I rushed to help him, soothe him but he was just reaching out to his dad who was asleep.
Its very easy for him to let me go he says bye and is back to his fun but when his dad leaves he has these big tears and this whole thing abot not ltting go... I don't get it, does he not like me???

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Erika - posted on 12/10/2010

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awe... hugs to you! of course he loves you and needs you. i find they have a hard time expressing how they feel and what they want. my daughter sometimes gets "mad" at me and wants nothing to do with me. and she is a daddys suck. But i know she loves me and would be lost without me. just be happy with the times your child hugs you, cuddles you, kisses you, smiles at you, etc. we all have bad days...

Katie - posted on 12/05/2010

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Children go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. My son is going through this right now, he wants his grandpa or his dad. Several months ago he only wanted his grandma and myself. I know your child still loves you and mine still loves me, and know that you are not alone in this situation.

Lydia - posted on 12/01/2010

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Dont take it too much to heart - my daughter goes through times of only wanting Daddy or Grandma or Pop. She screams bloody murder when Grandma leaves but kind of throws one hand behind her while running off to spend the day with others when I drop her off. Kids can fickle but they love us none-the-less :)

Aniesha - posted on 11/20/2010

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You sound like a wonderful Mum, so I'm sure it's not that he doesn't love you. But I think that as SAHM we get very "boring"! Daddy is more exciting, because he goes away, so it's a treat when he comes home. I can understand it must be hard for you too though. I think sometimes it can be good for us Mums to go away a bit too, even when we don't particularly feel like it, cause it can help baby to appreciate us a little more. I have to admit it's nice when I've been to do the groceries by myself, and I come home & my son is waiting at the door with a happy smile & yells "Mummy!!!". Damnit, we do all the work, we should be the favourites! hahahahaha.

Kassandra - posted on 11/03/2010

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Looks like hes daddy's boy right now but if it were dad around him all the time and mom was the one leaving it would be the other way around this is just a momentary thing. He loves you and needs you. My boy loves doing thing with his dad...He is definatly all boy. Try not to worry too much...My daughter is 5 months and now my son shows jealousy and wants my attention all the time (starting terrible twos doesn't help)...so maybe you should have another one....just kidding...It will be ok. It's just the age.

Vicki - posted on 11/01/2010

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My son has been screaming for his dad lately, if he gets overly tired or upset... and I just don't know what to say because it's never certain when we will see him. He has NEVER been around consistently, and he has NEVER been the one to comfort my son. But still, he screams for dad. Because I keep relaying this to his father, he did show up last night for an hour or so. But of course during the entire time, my boy was a mommy's boy. Maybe he just likes the idea of "dad" in theory. I don't know.

But what I am saying is that of course your son loves you, you are his primary care giver and have been since birth. He will always love you. But he may not always like you! Especially since you have to be mean and say no lots, lol... But it is all for the better good. You need to be a parent, not your child's friend. From what I can tell, fathers are better at being friends, likely due to the fact that they are often absent during the day. This doesn't really apply to stay at home dads, or dads who are the primary care giver, because they too would have to dole out discipline just like us horribly mean mommies. There are times that my son doesn't like me, I'm sure. When I tell him that we can't have that toy, or that treat, or whatever, I'm sure. But he will always love me.

Melanie - posted on 11/01/2010

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my son was the same sometimes until i put him into daycare 2 days a week and now he is a big time mummies boy!.lol

Judy - posted on 10/31/2010

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Both my kids are Daddy kids. They always want to be with their Dad when he is home. I agree with Desiree, I'm sure it has far more to do with the amount of time they spend with you as sole caregiver through the day and the excitement of Dad being home. Is your son affectionate with you when his dad is not around? Given the choice my kids will go to their Dad, but when he is not home they are fine with me and give me all the love they have to give. My 4yo son begs to go to work with his Dad almost every morning, but as soon as Dad has gone, he is quite ok and ready to face whatever we have planned for the day. There is something very special about the bond between kids and their Dad, I try to let him have all the time and love with them as he can as he has to work 5 days a week and doesn't get to spend as much time with the kids as I do.

Desirée - posted on 10/29/2010

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I'm sure your son LOVES you a whole lot, but I was told that I was the same way when I was little. I think it's partially because he is with you the entire day and dad is gone so when he sees or is around dad he wants to be with him, then he sees him leaving and gets upset. It's probably just a stage he is going through, I'm sure soon enough he'll be running to mama to kiss his boo-boos better and won't need daddy to do it.

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