How to deal with the terrible two's early??

Kerry - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter is 11/2 and I believe she may be going through the terrible two's already....What can I do to help the temper tantrums and her not listening to me??

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Arrgghhh...I just went through that. First big thing - TIME OUT. You must teach her time out. Its typically one minute per age. So, your daughter needs 1.5 minute time out. Do you have a high chair. Put in her and lock her in for that one minute, then talk to her AFTER. She's going to cry during the entire one minute (but you are taking her out of the situation or wrong-doing). I face my daughter to the wall. She'll look back. I'll say "No, It's time out" or I'll walk in the kitchen. Its best not to talk. Remember, its TIME OUT.



Take her OUT of the situation and TALK TO HER calmly. I'm a big talker. I'm always talking to my daughter as if she's adult. Someone said "Wow, your child's vocabulary is incredible for 22 months"...my daughter speaks very well because we don't do baby talk. I tell her "Chloe, please do not put an extra DVD in"; I say "Chloe, stop. Do not turn off the TV". She told me this morning, "Turn On", then she says "Turn Off". Tell your daughter after the time out, put her on your lap say "Mommy doesn't want you to do that. When I say No, I mean No. Please don't do X". Someone may say "OH, they don't understand"...she gets the BULK of what you are saying. TRUST ME! You don't have to baby babble to her. Tell her directly and firmly "No, do not throw that". I usually give Chloe 2 to 3 times to misbehave, then time out. I say "don't throw that". She throws it. I say "don't throw that", she throws it. The third time is TIME OUT.



Also, be CONSISTENT. The biggest problem I see with most parents, Moms and Dads, is a lack of consistency. One minute its okay to play w/ the DVD and the next minute its not. My daughter knows that our 60 inch TV is ALWAYS OFF LIMITS. There is no in-between. My laptop for work is OFF LIMITS. I never let her bang on it. I bought her a laptop. She cries. So what. You cannot at any time play on my work laptop. I believe as a parent, you must be CONSISTENT. My nice TV is OFF LIMITS. Hitting is NOT NEGOTIABLE. We don't hit.



Also try REMOVING her from the situation. If we are out eating, we don't throw food. She's removed from the restaurant. Its hard being a parent, but worth it. We've had to wrap up the food faster than we'd like; we've had to walk her outside to calm down, but its worth it. Remove her from the situation! Also, its a battle of wills at time. Don't ever let your daughter think you aren't willing to go all the way. If you say ' don't throw that, and she throws it", then say "Okay, we're going outside"...don't just say it, DO IT.



If she's hitting, hold her hands down and talk to her firmly. Get up close to her in face. Say "No [baby's name], no hitting". Stare her in her eye for 60 seconds; get her ATTENTION. My daughter now rarely hits anyone just because. She use to; terrible 1.5s! When she was 17 months, she started that. She's slap me so hard. No more. She'll move her hand to motion, then pull it back. I'll say "Were you going to hit Mommy?" She says "No"...but I laugh inside, she was!!! But she's learning SELF-CONTROL!



I'm happy to say my daughter is such a joy. She's disciplined. I can eat out, go out. We took her to Craft Steakhouse in New York ($400 dollar meal) w/ 2 other adults, very fancy. She wore her bright red tutu skirt. Everyone said "Wow, she's so well behaved". Disciple begins AT HOME. Not in the restaurant. I work with my daughter alot at home, so that when we are away from home things go smoothly. We don't throw things AT HOME. We don't hit at home. We don't slap Mommy's face at home (she did that alot; we did time out AT HOME). Moms who only disciple in public when they feel embarrassed make me so angry "Oh, Jonny don't do that...", but when you go home w/ them, Jonny does whatever he wants!!!! I had a friend who never disciplined her daughter, so we all went to a restaurant and this daughter was a COMPLETE EMBARASSMENT. The mother wanted to cry. I felt bad for her, but the child, the monster, was of her own making. If you don't discipline at home, then you can expect a monster in public! From then on, she disciplined her daughter at home. Rarely does a child exhibit new behavior in public, they've done those very things at home that you have maybe overlooked and smiled it.



You must be consistent AT HOME, NOT JUST in public when you feel ashamed! You are the leader; you are boss! Your child will take your cues from you.



Good Luck! Happy Travels...

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