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Need advice on separation/divorce

Vicki - posted on 11/24/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband left me several months ago and it still hurts. These are the first major holidays since he left and they are extremely difficult. I have three girls who are 12, 11 and 7. I was a stay at home mom but I am not back in college to get my degree and find a way to better my life. I just dont know how anyone goes through this and what they do to help them through this. I see a therapist, I am on medicine for depression and anxiety but I still hurt and feel so empty inside. He left me in the night with a note saying he didnt love me anymore. I never saw it coming. I miss him and the way my family used to be everyday. The day he left me he went to another female he had been talking to. They are now engaged and yet we arent even divorced yet. He says I am making things worse because I wont make my kids go to visitation. I let them decide if they want to go and most of the time the older ones choose not to go. He is mad because I wont let him have the kids around this lady and her kids. I think they have been through enough and dont need to be around her considering she broke apart the family. I hate this and dont know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Amanda - posted on 04/01/2012

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It has been over a year since I found out that my husband cheated on me with another woman, and after the verbal abuse and other things that put up with I am the one who did file for divorce but like you I was upset that he would even do this to our family. It took me a good six months before I got to a good place and I am a better person because I let him control me and I lost myself in the relationship. I am finally getting the me I lost and I am in school getting my degree as well as working. It will get better - stick with the therapist because it has helped me as well. I am not divorce yet and my soon - to - be ex is dating another woman with kids and they go and do things with her and him when they go down their on the every other weekend. My kids are 9, 7, and 5 though. I don't know about the state you leave in but judge here where I live don't like when other spouse is dating before the divorce is final. The kids are enough at least the 12 and 11 year to decided if they want to go or not - you do what is right for you family and forget if he is mad because this is on him because he LEFT!

Sylvie - posted on 12/27/2011

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I am going through something similar. My husband has cheated on me 3 times and I'm in the middle of getting a divorce. Not quite sure how to help you but my girlfriends are the ones getting me through this. I haven't even told me girls yet because it kills me knowing that i am the one ending the family. Your kids are a little younger than mine and they really don't like doing anything with their dad. They have lost faith and trust in him. I don't push them at all. I let them decide what they want to do when it comes to their dad. Your kids have been through enough. Don't push them and don't even worry if he's mad at you!!

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