Sophia - posted on 11/21/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )
Due to stress my milk didn't fully come in for 7 weeks! After 1 month of frustrating bf'ing I was diagnosed with PPD. Finally I stopped putting him on the breast and pumped instead. I was getting more sleep and he was happy with breast milk in the bottle. Not saying I love pumping, I hate that too but it doesn't bring a wave of depression and anger over me like actual bf'ing does. well, I've pumped for a solid month and a half every 3 hrs and now if I wait longer my breasts get rock hard and lumpy. I'm told I have clogged ducts so I put hot washcloths, massage, cold packs, even cabbage ! Yes cabbage the veggie! so it's been 4-5 days of feeling like I have the flu, no fever though and I feel like I'm stuck this way now! I was told to breastfeed only no pumping. I thought "ok my milk is in I can do this".... As soon as I put him on the breast a wave of anger and depression came over me again! Haven't felt it in a month and a half. I'm thinking of quitting breastfeeding now. I am pissed off, sad and sick of hearing women say what a beautiful bonding experience it is for them. I don't relate. I hate bf'ing so much it makes me hate being a mother. Pumping I didn't feel depressed. anyone relate to this!? Is breastmilk that important!? He's about a week shy of 3 months and gotten all breastmilk and some formula. I'm sad thinking that I won't be able to pump again because I'll keep getting clogged ducts! Oh And my pump is the medela hands free one.... Expensive!!! Should I rent a hospital pump!? Ugggggh !!!!!!!!!!!!