Crying it out method

Cisy - posted on 05/13/2010 ( 43 moms have responded )

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I'm just starting the CIO method and it's so heart breaking. I wanted to see if any moms out there doing the same thing.

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Stephanie - posted on 05/24/2010

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@Ann, It's clear that you don't understand the concept of Cry It Out because you don't actually use it yourself! Cry It Out means leaving your baby to cry until they stop crying on their own because no one is coming, if you never let your baby cry for longer than 15mins you are not following true to form Cry It Out, so pat yourself on the back you are responding to your child's needs in a timely manner! : )

@ Cisy, I personally would never let my baby cry for 40mins! There is no reason to force an infant into independence. I was at the zoo the other day watching the Gorillas and one of the gorillas has a 1 year old baby who is never very far from her mother, the baby even slept wrapped in the mothers arms! Animals tend to mature faster than humans and that baby gorilla who is spending all of his time with his mommy is going to grow up and be an independent gorilla very capable of making his way through the jungle without his mom forever by his side. I should also note that most animals can walk and move around on their own very shortly after birth but as mentioned they stay very close to the mums, until they are old enough to fend for themselves! Why are humans so convinced that we have to force our helpless babies into independence?? Do what you feel is right but my opinion, which is what you are looking for, is that I feel you are not secure in your decision to let your little one CIO. That is your instinct talking and you should probably listen to it, CIO is not for you. : )

Nicki - posted on 05/21/2010

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Laura as someone who has worked in early childhood and has a degree in ECE I would never just leave a very small baby to cry and even though I do not know how it is with early childhood centres where you are from I hope any professional would not just 'leave them there to cry'. Every child is different and every age is different so at work I will get to know a child what their needs are and what their parent wants for them and will work with that to make sure their routine works and they are comfortable with going to bed as well as everything else.



As a fairly new mother (which is of course completely different from work) I agree with Tanya, very young babies just don't understand why you aren't comforting them. I'm not saying never let them cry but all things in moderation and find what works for you. I know for me the first three months my little man would sleep well at night but fought sleep during the day, it felt like the same thing never worked twice. Eventually he 'got it' suddenly will now go down easily and sleep mostly without any help from me. This is how I feel about it and I know other people have different views which are of course perfectly valid.



Above all I think the most important thing is doing what feels right for you, sometimes we get way too much information from many places that all mean well but we can just do our best and what works one day might not the next. I think maybe Cisy if you find it heart breaking then this might not be the method for you.

Kelsey - posted on 05/26/2010

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I've been using this method with my daughter since she was about 3 months old, and I'm so so so glad I did. Usually she's only fussy because she's tired so I make sure she's not hungry I changed her swaddle her up and put her in her crib with a pacifier and at first she'd cry for about 10 minutes and then just pass out. It was tough but I would go outside and just sit there then if she was still crying I wouldn't pick her up but I would talk to her for a bit and then leave again. Now, a month and a half later, its only takes 2 minutes and she's out. I'm so glad she can put herself to sleep it makes my hectic schedule slightly less chaotic! Be strong Mama, you can do this, its worth it in the end!

[deleted account]

I have tried doing this but I've had the adverse effect! All babies are different and some babies are more compliant to this, whereas my little guy just cried harder. And then it was even harder for even me to calm him down, he was just too upset! My theory is that babies don't just cry for nothing at this age, you never know if their tummies hurt, they have a headache, or they just need a cuddle, etc. A lot of the time he was crying because he needed to be burped and he was in pain! And after I picked him up and burped him I'd put him right back down and he'd fall right back to sleep. When my little guy gets older, I'll try this again but in my case it's caused more harm than good!

Tanya - posted on 05/21/2010

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The study that I posted says that it is they lack of response to the crying that causes stress. Not the crying itself

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Community - posted on 05/26/2010

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Lauren - posted on 05/26/2010

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I personally think this is a terrible thing to do. I would never let my child "cry it out." I have put my daughter on a schedule, she goes to bed at 9pm and wakes up at 7am. If she wakes up in the middle of the night I am surely going to go see why. And that is what works for us. She has been sleeping in her crib since she was 6 weeks old and she knows that when I set her down it is time to go to sleep and that is exactly what she does. When she does wake up it is usually because she is hungry, then she eats a little and goes back to sleep. I guess I just feel like if I teach her what to do and when to do it I can eliminate the need to let her cry it out. I don't think that she cries just to cry. 99% of the time she has an issue that needs to be addressed, hungry or diaper change or sometimes she cries when she is tired and needs to be rocked to sleep. Crying it out makes me uncomfortable and I want my daughter to know when she cries someone will be there to console her. But different things work for different people and in my house there is no need for crying it out.

Gina - posted on 05/26/2010

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Yes, attachment parenting for me has been great; it is hard work though, but the kids are better off in the long run. .

Lindsey - posted on 05/25/2010

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I agree -- I love attachment parenting. Our baby almost never cries, and everyone is amazed at how good she is. We never let her cry and now she's quite content in many circumstances.

Lindsey - posted on 05/25/2010

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Don't do it! It goes against everything a mother feels and there is a reason for that. Check out Dr. Sear's Baby Book for some new methods. Think about it -- it's heart breaking for you, and heart breaking for the baby. This doesn't make any sense. It desensitizes you to their cry and breaks down some of the nurturing instinct we have. It also breaks down trust between the baby and you. How would you feel if you were left to cry for hours with no way to move or talk? Of course, we wouldn't like it. I know it's tough to get sleep and you want your baby to be able to self-soothe, but cry it out is not the way to do it. I used to be a strong advocate myself, but after reading Dr. Sears book, I have done a 360. Comfort your baby. That's what we were designed to do.

Cisy - posted on 05/25/2010

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I know this is a touchy subject. Some of my friends with 5-10 year olds all swear by it. They said it's the best thing they every did. My hubby and I just can't do it to her. We decided to scratch that method out and work on something else. We don't mind her sleeping with us but I do want her to be able to sleep on her own. I heard that co-sleeping children don't sleep on their own til 3 or 4 and I think that's not what I want. She had just starting teething so I'm going to cuddle her and comfort her for as long as she needs it. Maybe we'll work on some alternate sleep method a few months later.

Julie - posted on 05/25/2010

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I have to say it breaks my heart to see how many people let their infants cry it out. A baby who is only 4 months old is not crying because he is trying to manipulate you. He is crying because he needs you. He does not know how to comfort himself and needs you to help him. Letting him cry it out does not teach him how to comfort himself. It damages him. Please don't do this to your children!

Ann - posted on 05/24/2010

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Rachel, Well now your saying you let your baby cry for a min., before it was a terrible thing to do to your baby...I don't think any logical Mother let's there babie's cry for a LONGGGGG periord of time Rachel, I know that I don't do that either...I NEVER let my son scream and cry any longer then 15 mins or so, as far as calling me a PSYCO goes, you really are a real mental person that's need's help for calling someone a PSYCO that you don't even know...maybe next time you should keep your nasty comment's to yourself and Just answer the Question(instead of giving a mean remark)...your INSANE!!!!

Rachel - posted on 05/24/2010

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Ann, you're going nuts. I let my baby cry for a minute.. Crying-it-out i another thing all together. It means letting the baby cry til she can't physically cry anymore. I would NEVER do that to my darling.

You're a psycho.

PJ - posted on 05/24/2010

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I started CIO at around 2 1/2 months. It was hard at first, but it does get easier quickly. I did it because I work at my in-laws most mornings and he needs to learn to sleep anywhere without needing me to rock him to sleep. I found using the baby monitor really helped as the crying doens't sound exactly like your baby's cry, and a supporting Daddy really helped too. Also I quickly learned the difference between his something is wrong cry e.g dirty nappy and his I'm tired cry, so I know when he needs that extra bit of attention to get to sleep. Just stick with it, you and baby will be will both appreciate it in the long run :D

Ann - posted on 05/24/2010

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Gina, what you Just went off about make's NO sence to me at all...SORRY!!!! I don't think letting your baby CIO SOMETIME"S or when you have to, is pushing them into INDEPENDENCE at all, yes, baby's are only baby's for so long and we all should value that, you can't say ( no Mom can) that when your baby's crying for whatever reason that there is something very very wrong with that child!!!! NO SORRY, I don't agree with that...when I KNOW my children are sick, hurt teething, or whatever I hold them all day long.....BUt when I know that there crying because they Just want to be held and that's all there is to it, then I'm sorry, I can't do that, when there are other thing's that need to be done...that doesn't make me or anyone else a bad parant!!! Or pushing them into Independence...that's riducoulas!!!!!

Gina - posted on 05/24/2010

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I am a mother of six. My olsest will be 17 this month and my youngest is only 4 months old...I never let my babies "cry it out." Believe me, soon enough, your children will be independent on their own. You do not need to artificially push your children towards independences; it is beyond their capacity at this young age. Think about it: what if you had a bad day, your husband comes home and you "just want to talk." He is tired himself and he says "hey, what's your PROBLEM!!! You have nice clothes, a clean house, and food...I am not going to let you MANIPULATE me with all that talking stuff. Here, I'll put you to bed...if you talk again, really don't bother because I am not listening anyway."

Ann - posted on 05/24/2010

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Rachal, Lori, and all you other Mom's right now that think HOW TERRIBLE it is to let your baby's cry SOMETIME"S, and as soon as they do cry your right there....so I guess when your driving a car and your baby start's to cry or fuss, do you SLAM your Brake's and pull to the side of the road to comfort your baby...???? PLEASE, if you think all Mom's that let there baby's cry it out when they need to, are Horible, I think Mom's that go to there child's ever need whether there baby's/toddler's are INSANE.....Baby's cry, Dog's Bark, Cat's Meow....Toddler's whine!!! Give me a break Mom's, get a grip!!! I'm a very good Mom of 3 beautiful very smart children, I'm not a bad Terrible Mom because I have to let my baby cry for a couple of mins. while I get my daughter what she need's and so I can get dressed, unless any of u Mom's that Never let there babie's cry and think it's so AWEFUL, do u know a way I can get my daughter dressed and get her feed and get what I need to get done in my house with holding a baby all day long, because GOD FOR BID I LET HIM CIO for a couple of mins.!!! Yes, there are alot of baby carrier's out there and I have 2 of them, but I can only put him in a baby carrier when were OUT not when were home, it's to uncomfortable for me to try to get stuff done....Mom's Let your baby CIO sometime's...it doesn't make u a bad MOMMY!!!

Ann - posted on 05/24/2010

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Yes, I do have to use the CIO method with my 5 month old, I hate doing it sometime's, but I have a 3 yr. old daughter that need's me to and I can't do everything for her or myself and hold him at the same time...and he LOVE"S to be held! So when he is changed and feed and I can't hold him then I'm screwed! I try not to let him cry for to long, but it has to be done. Try not to feel to bad about it, u have to do what you have to do. It doesn't make you a bad mother in anyway...Everybody has to do it sometime's, I really don't buy that some Mom's NEVER let there babie's cry it out, Come on!
My 5 month old is my 3rd baby, and my other 2 children (15 and 3 yr. old) turned out Just fine! Good Luck

Lisa - posted on 05/24/2010

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I think you should look at the new report out that says how this method can damage the delevlopment of young brains. A baby cries becuase it needs you. My children cry i'm right there.

Rachel - posted on 05/23/2010

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I think letting them cry it out is a terrible thing to do.. The baby is crying because he/she needs something! Us adults are just not understanding what they need. Help your baby!

Lori - posted on 05/23/2010

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absolutely not. that is considered abandonment in their eyes. Love that child like there is no tomorrow and you will build a life long bond and security with him. they need to feel secure!!!! He will fall asleep in your arms, or on your breast with no problem you just need to understand his cues. Time is precious and they grow up fast, don't miss out on every opportunity to hold that child

Agnieszka - posted on 05/22/2010

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i agree with Courtney.
personally, i don't believe that babies cry for no reason at all, they just exaggerate. but if a small thing really does feel like a big problem to them, i'd just comfort them. one day, when the time is right, they won't need it anymore. by then, respond to their needs but encourage them to deal with things themselves too, in a positive way. let them learn at their own pace, if you think you have enough time and can emotionally afford it.
that's how a perfect mom-baby relation would work in a perfect world. how it works out in a real world, depends on your patience, your baby, and what you need to get done. just do stuff your own way and don't feel too guilty if things aren't perfect at times, as it seems like you already are a good mom and that's enough, keep it up:)

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2010

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my doctor told me to start that when my baby was 2 months old ... i think he's out of his mind. i would never just let my little guy lay there and cry it out!! he needs something from his mommy or he wouldn't be crying in my opinion!!

Courtney - posted on 05/22/2010

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I got very lucky. My little guy only cries if he is hungry. He wakes up cries to eat and back to sleep he goes. He sleeps most of the day. We have to wake him up to do anything. He sleeps through everything including shots. I have the opposite problem in a way-getting him awake. Good Luck with the CIO method. I did it with my oldest who is now 6 when he was 2 years old and we are doing it with my 1 and a half year old cause he doesnt want to sleep he wants to play so he cries for a few minutes before he calms down to sleep. To each his own we chose to wait till the kids were older, but Im a stay at home mom. My friend did it with her daughter when she was 4 months but she needed her to sleep through the night-she was a working mom. It all depends on your situation. Please do not let anybody make you feel bad for your decision. They dont know your personal situation-even if you tell them they are not living your life. You know what is best for you, your family, and your baby. Enjoy

Anna - posted on 05/21/2010

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I do have a hard time swallowing the idea that crying it out is detrimental to a baby's development. If that were true, then children with Colic, who cry excessively for hours on end, would be damaged physically, emotionally, and intellectually as well, and to date no study has shown any adverse reaction from that.

Sam - posted on 05/21/2010

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I could never leave my 4month old baby to cry, it breaks my heart to know all she is crying for is because she wants me! Why would I take that away from her? Plus recent research has shown the stress from crying it out is harmful for them. Please look into Dr Sears methods for helping children sleep, it works for me!!

Tanya - posted on 05/21/2010

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Crying-it-out 'harms baby brains
Leaving young babies to cry themselves to sleep can harm their developing brains, a parenting expert claims.
Dr Penelope Leach says recent scientific tests show high levels of the stress hormone cortisol develop in babies when no one answers their cries.
If this happens over long periods and repeatedly, it can be "toxic" to their brains, she says in a new book
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/educa...

Crystal - posted on 05/21/2010

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i just let londyn play untill shes tried and than she falls asleep with me or daddy next to her than when she sleep i put her to bed but than again shes really good and sleep from 9/10 when dads goes to sleep till 6/630 from when she was 4 wks.. i would have done the whole tuff love myself but daddys a softy and doesnt like to c his baby girl cry i guess we will c how that goes when she older... lol good luck sweet do what feels best for u plus i put her down with a teddy thats a little blanket too and she cuddles that works everytime

Laura - posted on 05/21/2010

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Until about a week ago my 4 month old would fall totally asleep in our amrs and then we put her down. Sometimes she would wake up again and we´d have to start from the top.
i was going to wait till she was about 6 months to try anything but then my sister-in-law mentioned that in daycare, they won´t do that. They just leave them there to cry. The idea horrified me and even though she isn´t going to daycare till September, I wanted to give something a try b4 6 months as we will be travelling to US (i am in Spain) and she will be dealing with time change etc.
So I decided to try the pick up/put down method and it´s working great. I lgihtly awaddle her then a cuddle and down she goes. I let her cry for about 5 minutes and pick her up, soothe her for about 5 min, then down again. It has been working and by the 2nd or 3rd time, she´s out for 7-9hrs at night and 1-2 for daytime naps. Sometimes with a pacifier and sometimes not, I take it out after she falls asleep.
the prob I have with CIO, which s recommended by docs in Spain, is that even after meeting all their physical needs, how do you know they just don´t need to be held? i have heard it works though but luckily i haven´t had to do it.

Amber - posted on 05/20/2010

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To all parents who are co-sleeping. Please be very careful if you choose to do so. I did this until my daughter was about two months old, I was just too exhausted to keep running between her room and mine. then a friend told me about a guy she knew that rolled over in his sleep and suffocated his 6 month old daughter to death.Not only did he have to deal with the devastation of losing a child, he also went to prison for it. i decided at this time i would much rather deal with the exhaustion. I don't let my daughter cry it out. I'm her mommy and i feel it's my job to sooth her. Try a "womb sounds" teddy bear or something that plays music and a binkie. this works for me. She usually sacks out after no more than 10 minutes.

Meghan - posted on 05/20/2010

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I went back and forth until I ordered to books from Dr William Spears and now I use his method of co-sleeping and attachment parenting. I have the happiest, calmest baby I have seen.
http://www.askdrsears.com/
I am not against the crying it out method, just not my way. Whatever works for each family is the key.

Jamie - posted on 05/19/2010

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I am trying to help my little girl fall asleep without being on my breast. She usually does fall asleep on me, but when I move her to bed she usually wakes up a bit. I started watching the clock...after she fusses for exactly one minute, I go in, give her back her paci and put my hand on her chest and shush her. Once she's quiet, I leave the room. I listen and every time she fusses for a full minute, I just go back in and do the same thing. That way I am reassuring her that I will help her out and I'm still here, but she gets a chance to try to fall asleep without being in my arms. Sometimes I do this for 10 minutes or so, but usually it only takes 2 or 3 times and she never gets really worked up. I only do this when I know she is tired and needs sleep. Good luck!

Tanya - posted on 05/19/2010

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The only reason a bay this young stops crying is b/c they have given up hope that anyone is ever coming. I couldn't do that to y baby.
http://www.businessballs.com/erik_erikso...'s_basic_virtues
Eric Erikson say that a baby this age is trying to find hope in their world by find trust in their mothers.

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2010

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i beleive because the baby is all snuggle inside its mummy for 9 long months theres no need to sit it in a corner and let it cry pick it up and have a cuddle, :) thats wat i do but as my son is getting older he needs to sit back and have a sook

Cisy - posted on 05/17/2010

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Thanks Moms...I tried it for the first night and after 40 mins of hearing her cry, I ended up crying and picked her up. I went in every 10 minutes to pat her and try to callm her. First 2 times, she would calm down, I'd kiss her and walk out. Then she'll start crying again. I'm exclusively breastfeeding and I know she uses me as her soother and I want to break that. She stopped taking bottles.

I plan to try it again but it's so hard. Is it so bad for her to sleep with us til she's going to preschool? LOL

Leslie - posted on 05/17/2010

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I don't agree with this method, although you are the mother and you know what is best for your own child.

I just want to know what is the point, to self sooth? Both my sons were fine at soothing themselfs to sleep, and I never let any of them cry for more than 5 max 10mins. We have a bedtime routine, and when its over they go to bed. I'm in no way bashing what you are doing... I just wonder why, and why start so young? Honestly, I'm just wondering, NOT judging...

Sarah - posted on 05/15/2010

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Yes. Once my daughter is fed and changed I let her lay on her mat and practice rolling over and if she gets frustrated I just let her cry a little bit and then I will hold her if it get to be out of control. Or if it is bed time i let her cry and she will fall asleep. I won't let her cry for a long period of but most of the time it seems like she is frustrated trying to move around if I don't let her cry then she won't learn to do anything. It is heart breaking but my daughter is trying to learn how to crawl already because I let her cry through her frustration.

Nicole - posted on 05/15/2010

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No, I am not doing the cry it out method. I have no interest in it and I am pretty sure my daughter would agree. We rock in the rocking chair and/or she eats until she falls asleep. On the way to the crib, she wakes up a little but is still very relaxed. When she is put in the crib, I stroke her forehead in the downwards motion over her eyes and she falls back asleep.



The way I figure it, she gets a good night sleep and that is my goal. She will eventually learn how to do it herself as she gets older mentally and physically - when she is ready. In the meantime, I am willing and able to facilitate it - in the same way that I support her other bodily functions (diapering/burping) etc.



But the truth is, I have never actually tried to put her to bed without being fully relaxed. I guess I will try when she is a little older and starts solids - at about 6 months... and then we shall see what happens :)

Anna - posted on 05/15/2010

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I'm doing it for my 4 month old. Yes, it's hard to hear him cry like the world's ending, but I know that he's been fed and changed, and that his only real issue is that I'm not rocking him to a sound slumber. I'm doing it so that he will learn how to put himself to sleep without my help, which is difficult for both of us but important. So far, I've had great success. I go in to check on him every 10-15 minutes, make sure he can reach his lovie, stroke his head, and remind him how much I love him. I think he longest he's cried was 30 minutes before zonking out, and he's improving all the time. I did hear a suggestion, for those parents who can't or won't just leave them to their own devices in their rooms: one mom would sit in a chair by her son's bed and rub his back/sing/say supportive things while he cried until he fell asleep. The next night she moved the chair farther away, then farther the next night, and so on. She accomplished getting her son to fall asleep on his own in about a week and a half this way, which is generally longer than the CIO method, but it made her feel better. You might try it if you're having a really tough time letting your little one cry.

Rebecca - posted on 05/14/2010

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I did it with both my girls, alot of people dont agree with it, but for me it worked really well, i would ALWAYS make sure their needs were met, as some of the other mums said, and then i would lay them in their cot, tell them, its bedtime now, give them a kiss and leave, my girls never cried more than 40 minutes, if they started to scream, constantly, i would go in and soothe them, tell them i was still there, after a hard few days, they both go down, without a peep, and they both sleep from 8pm-8am, every night, and from 11am-1pm every day, sometimes till 2pm. It was hard but very worth it, they soon learn, that crying all the time, is not going to get them everything they want, and they learn quickly how to let you know, in another way. My eldest daughters has just started the tantrums..... oh no, here we go again...

Whitney - posted on 05/14/2010

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I did this with my daughter when she was about 3 months old. It was tough for the first couple of nights. I would let her cry for 15 mins, go in and comfort her (I held her, some people say not to do that) and then lay her back down again after a minute or two. The first night I did that three times before she fell asleep. By the end of the week, she cried for a minute or two and was fast asleep. Now at 4 months old, I can lay her down and she puts herself to sleep no problem.

Hang in there!

Becky - posted on 05/14/2010

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I do it.. I always make sure all of her needs are taking care of and if she still needs to cry I put her down. I did this with my first daughter as well and it work very well. Now my youngest knows that when she is crying just to cry she wont get anything. She will start crying and then stop and look around to see if anybody is coming and if nobody is she just stops and goes back to playing. It is heart breaking in the beginning but in my experience it works. Don't let anybody make you feel bad about this. I have read some pretty harsh comments from people about this on here. When it comes down to it its your baby so do what you want and need to.. My oldest is now 3, happy and very independent because she knows I don't come running every time she needs something..

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