Does anyone have an opinion on controlled crying im thinking of trying it

Kim - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I am thinking of trying controlled crying as my 5mnth old wont sleep waking every 3hrs and he will only go back to sleep with a bottle i have tried giving him solids at 5pm then his bottle at 6pm in bed by 7pm to make sure he is full but is still waking 3hrs later.

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Ashley - posted on 08/04/2010

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oh ok whoever said you were letting your kid cry for hours? it should take at most the first night or 2 40 min for them to fall asleep..the next few nights after that less then that..my son did wonderful on it..hes now down in 5 min instead of the rocking for hours then hes up to almost midnight bc he cannot fall asleep on his own. and i know other mothers out there can relate to trying EVERYTHING to get there LO to fall asleep. babies NEED to learn how to self soothe and at 6 months they are very capable of doing so! for the moms out there that are doing the crontrolled crying my hats off to you there is NOTHING wrong with this method..and as for the method causing brain damage and permanent harm to your child PLEASE..that is not even true..so before you make your comments..please be aware that us mothers HAVE tried everything else..and there is a method to the madness.

Cherie - posted on 08/04/2010

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Honesty, I agree with you. I do not knock anyone else's parenting style. All I was saying is what works best in my household. The controlled crying I cannot understand is where the child is left to cry, by themselves, for hours. That's a bit extreme in my book. But, if that's how another parent wishes to parent their children, I cannot disagree with them. That is completely their choice.

I do also understand the single parent side. My first husband was NEVER around for my older boys. By choice or by military, he was not their for the first 7 years of my eldest son's life and has never been around for my middle child (we began divorce proceedings when he was an infant). I have raised my boys by myself and yes, sometimes I would let them cry in their crib. Yes, we all do need some space. But when that space consists of... "Ok baby, you can cry. I'm going to do the dishes and vacuum the house and wash the laundry and scrub the floors and when I'm done with that, if you're still crying, I'll tend to you." That is what I see in many cases of controlled crying.

Again, I'm not knocking it, it's just what I see from my perspective. And it does not work for my family.

Stephanie - posted on 07/14/2010

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I think he is use to waking up for him. He cries every 3hrs to make sure your there. My 5month daughter Sophia was like that. So when ever she cried for no reason i would just put her in her cot in her room and close the door and let her cry for a bit then go in calm her down and if she kept crying i kept doing it. Now she sleeps all night starting to go solids and when ever she crys for no reason i just have to walk into her room and as soon as she see's the cot she behaves. I dunno if that helps but its tough love. I had to do it cuz it was driving me insane. Hope this helps

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Sarah - posted on 08/10/2010

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I noticed many moms put their babies to bed at 7 or 8. I started putting all my kids to bed at like 10 because that is about the time I want to go to bed so then if they sleep only six hours or even four at least I will be sleeping that time too. Then as they started to sleep later I would just make their bed time earlier until I got to 8. Maybe 7 feels more like nap time for some reason. My son won't sleep through the night if he goes to bed that early and he's five. This is just what worked for me everyone does things differently . Good Luck!

Charity - posted on 08/10/2010

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for the past week, my son has been waking up during the night hungry (every night, as opposed to occasionally) after he was sleeping through the night well. He is 6.5 months now and started on solid foods. My mom suggested cereal before bed, so the past three nights, he has had one tablespoon of cereal mixed with breast milk in addition to nursing at bed time and so far so good. I know the general recc for breast fed babes is no solids before 6 months, but maybe you could ask your Dr about a little cereal for your babe, if he is hungry at night, it may help him too?

Honesty - posted on 08/10/2010

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First off Erin when I say those links are bull, I'm meaning that it saying it's going to cause your child brain damage is bull. If you would have READ my whole comment I said that MY parents did it to me and I'm sure their parents did it to them and we ALL turned out just fine, no brain damage here. I'm not trying to make excuses about letting my child cry. If your getting all offensive because I made a comment over the links you posted that was not the intention. No need for you to start ragging on me because of my method, and if you READ my whole comment you would have READ that it was just my opinion so no need to get an attitude with me. Not everyone does the same thing and not everything works for everyone either. My child is my first priority!!!!!!!! I'm not going to apologize for doing the cc crying because you dont like it. I know my child and noone else does. I do what works for us!!!!!!!!!!!



NO offense but when you say that your husband isn't there half the time and your basically a single parent no your not because your husband IS there. Try not having a husband period or one thats gone for a year because he's deployed and even weeks at a time because he's out in the field, then you can say your basically a single parent. You will never know how hard it is to raise your child on your own till you have NO help at all! When that happens I'll gladly take your preaching.

Charity - posted on 08/06/2010

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I have never allowed my son to cry for long. I also rarely have a problem putting him to sleep (only when he is sick or teething, so obviously needs the comfort of being rocked). I don't agree with whitholding food at night, when my son occassionally wakes at night, nursing always puts him back to sleep, so he obviously needed food. That isn't to say that some kids are lighter sleepers and wake up when they are not hungry, but if not hungry, they will refuse the food (or at least, mine does). During the day, however, I do occasionally let him whine without picking him up, but when he cries, up he goes. House work can wait :) There have been one or two times that I was frustrated enough to put him in his crib and let him cry, for about 5 min before I went back in to check him. So I can see both sides of the issue and I feel that as a parent, you should strive to be avaliable for your babe any time they need you, but crying for short periods (especially when what is needed is sleep!) can be effective.

Johnna - posted on 08/05/2010

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I agree with most things...but it really does all depend on how your child rolls. I got lucky and when I needed to try the cry it out method.. he would only cry for 30 minutes then he was out. But there are def. some children and families that this method doesnt work for..all for different reasons. But what I have learned is if something you are trying doesnt work, try something else and if that doesnt work..try something else..its really all you can do. :0) And just because after trying so many things that arent working you just lay the baby down and say Alright lets try crying it out - it doesnt mean you are giving up...and it doesnt mean youre a bad parent- its just trying something different that day..even if it didnt work the day before.. maybe it will work the next day. (sorry this post is a little all over the place) :0)

[deleted account]

Ashley, if you actually READ my post, you will see that I did NOT say ANYTHING about leaving a child to cry for hours. Don't put words in my mouth. READ.

User - posted on 08/04/2010

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I personally am not really a fan of crying it out, although to help my son learn how to sleep through the night at times I did leave him to self settle, but I had a rule that if he cried continually for 5min I would go in and settle him, but put him straight back into his cot, and so on. A lot of the time he would cry for a bit, but stop before the 5min mark (so I didnt go in) and start again, but then stop. I just think that controlled crying can be dangerous, especially if you are leaving your child to scream for long periods of time. What happens if your child is crying because they have a fever? My son had a reaction to his 6mth immunisations and woke with a fever during the night, and I shudder to think what would have happened if I had not got up to him and offered him panadol. I guess its all about figuring out your child, and what works best for you and your household. I hope things get better for your little one soon xo

Stifler's - posted on 08/04/2010

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hahaha so true. my kid never "cried for hours", it was like half an hour max. and now he just goes to sleep in like 5 minutes after i put him down.

Morgan - posted on 08/04/2010

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Try Dr Ferbers how to solve you childs sleep problems :)
Its amazing and will teach you how to do the cc properly!
good luck!!

[deleted account]

I am not trying to attack either, but I am not of fan of people making excuses either. My husband works long hours and is a college student at night, so I am frequently a single parent. I work full time as well, and I am exhausted when I get home...there are still chores to be done and meals to be cooked, but I don't allow those trivial things to get in the way of my parenting. My child comes first! So what if the house is a mess? No one is going to suffer from clutter, dishes piled in the sink, and laundry unfolded in a basket. Besides, you can get things done when your child is napping or goes to sleep for the night...you don't have to leave him/her crying in their crib alone while you accomplish things. They won't be little forever...slow down. Cherish the moments. You'll have plenty of time to keep the house clean, etc. later on down the road.



Oh, and no offense, but who are you to say the links are bull? Have you done your own study of the effects of crying it out? If so, I'd love to see them...and if not, then please be sure to note that its just your OPINION and not fact. Thanks!

Stifler's - posted on 08/04/2010

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HAHA when my baby was born I didn't let him cry, I picked him up every time and fed him. It was crazy. Then at 5 weeks I'd had enough and let him go to sleep by himself. Whenever he made a peep we were like "what's wrong.. is he wet?! HE MUST BE HUNGRY". It has caused a LOT of problems for us.

Honesty - posted on 08/04/2010

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Not trying to knock the mothers that don't agree with the controlled crying method etc. The links are bull! Our parents did it to us, I'm pretty sure 100 years ago they did it too and we all turned out just fine. Sometimes as a mother you have to let them cry in their crib for your own sanity. Especially when you A) are a single mother with no one to help you B) your spouse is deployed and you are no where near family to help you. So these psychiatrists that say you shouldn't do it I'm pretty sure have someone to help when their child is crying and won't quit cause A) she's tired or B) just needs to cry. Yes all babies cry for a reason but you do learn to distiguish between their cries. My daughter fights her sleep all the time even when I hold her. I don't think it's true that if a baby is crying and your holding her everything is alright in the world. Sometimes when my daughter cries and she doesn't quit, she's been changed, fed and all that good stuff I will lay her down in her crib or her pack and play and sometimes that does the trick and she quits crying. Sometimes babies need their space just as we the adults do. You don't have to agree with this method but it's how I the parent do it. Every parent knows their child and their childs needs and not every parent does the same things. This is just my opinion like I said you dont have to agree with it and I'm not trying to knock other mothers on there methods. I personally dont like it when I ask for advice and people throw the whole well Dr so and so said this. If I'm asking you for advice I dont want to know what this Dr said or I would have asked them. I'm asking you and I want your advice, but thats just me. We all learn from our children and if this is your first if something you try doesn't work out with this one you will know on your next child not to do the same thing. It's a learning process, and yes it is hard at times but we all have to do it once or twice and so on. Good Luck with getting your son down. I hope all the advice you've gotten has helped. I do hope that I didnt come off as mean or angry that was not intended but I just felt I should mention that to you. You know your child and that's all the matters. We've all given our advice and you can take it or leave it :). My mom always tells me that, You make it work for you :).

Cherie - posted on 08/03/2010

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I can't do the controlled crying thing. Nope. Congrats for all of you that works for, but my babies are crying for something. Yes, I can tell the difference in her cries and the ones that are for naught - they've been feed, are changed, aren't sick, etc. Those 'other' cries are the cries when she needs her Mom. Just because. When she has those cries, I pick her up and the world is right again. I will say, that I do give her a minute to see if she settles on her own. A minute, not hours.



My ex-mother-in-law wanted me to do the controlled crying thing and letting my oldest 'cry himself to sleep'. I would have no parts of it. I'm with Sarah. They cried, I cried. No thanks. I want to cuddle with my little as much as I can - without spoiling - because all too soon, that time is gone. My 12 year old and 6 year old sons, who used to be cuddlers, are proof they DO outgrow 'Mommy time'.

Ashley - posted on 08/02/2010

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ohhh im in the process of doing this! tonight is night one! im having the same issue! up until about a month ago he always slept thru the night..but recently been waking every 3 hrs and cant put himself back to sleep..mommy and daddy need theyre bed back and a full nights rest..so starting tonight im currently trying this..it DOES work..but routine and sticking to it is the ONLY way it will work..if you have tried everything else..i say go for it..they will still love you when they wake up the next day! they just need to learn to self soothe!

Gyani - posted on 08/02/2010

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i agree with Em..when babies cry there is usually a reason...i wouldnt just let them cry

Em - posted on 08/01/2010

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I dont like it personally. Theres a difference between cries, you learn to tell the difference between hungry, tired, pain etc cries pretty quickly, and whether they just having a whinge or really needing your attention, even for just a cuddle. I have never tried controlled crying and never needed to, my boy will sleep when tired and wake when he needs to. All good :) if he hasnt slept much one night, ill sleep when he does during the day (or after work!!!) Each to their own and if it works for you great but just doesnt fit for our style of parenting i guess :)

Honesty - posted on 08/01/2010

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I tried this with my daughter when she was 5 months. I had mentioned to a friend that she still wasn't sleeping through the night. My friend told me she was old enough/ big enough (weight wise) that she shouldn't be needing to be fed at night. She woke up the first night only once, i rolled her over on her stomach and patted her butt till she fell asleep. She slept all night and has been every since no waking up. If you hear him crying, set a time limit to see if he will self soothe. Say 5 miniutes later he still isn't calming down, go into the room, do not turn on any lights or pick him up. Just put him on his stomach, give him a paci if he will take one and pat him till he goes to sleep. Hopefully you dont have to do this. I know alot of people say don't do the controlled crying method and yes it is their way of communicationg but all cries are different. I know when my daughter is just having a hard time going to sleep, its a total different cry than one of needing to be fed and so on. When you put him down at night give him a bottle and lay him down. Since my daughter was born I would rock her to sleep with a bottle, I was told that I was working too hard to get her to sleep. i started giving her a bottle and putting her to bed the same night i did the controlled crying. I go and check on her a little while later and if she is asleep and it is still in her mouth I take it out and leave her alone. Good Luck I hope things are and will work out for you.

Johnna - posted on 08/01/2010

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I havent read any other posts on this particular conversation so forgive me if Im repeating something.. Have you read the Healthy Sleep Habits; Happy Child book? Its awesome. I was having the same issues but I found out that if a child gets less sleep during the day he will sleep less at night, and the more sleep they get the better they will sleep at night. So the book taught me to put my son down for a nap every two hours, yes it cuts into your social life and errand running life but its a must for baby to get enough sleep. Thats not saying youre going to lay him down and hes going to smile and go to sleep- he might cry for anywhere from 2 mintues to 30 minutes, but they ALWAYS fall asleep. My child cried for about 30 minutes the first time i tried it and then slept for 2 hours, then on his next nap didnt even cry because we played so he was ready for a nap 2 hours later. Also, have you tried creating an evironment for him while hes sleeping? I have found that my child sleeps better is it is completely dark in the room, and I have one CD of natural sounds that plays for about an hour, and he has a fan for white noise (thats soothing for him) and a sleep sheep to play ocean sounds that plays when the songs on his CD are changing.. and when he startles himself out of a sleep he doesnt cry anymore because those sounds and noises remind him where he is and he doesnt get scared he just goes right back to sleep. ...Hope this helps. :0)

Stifler's - posted on 07/31/2010

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I am of the belief that they cry when they're cranky and tired. If they're screaming and stuff they probably have colic or reflux.

[deleted account]

oh no! i know one mum who had great success with cc. three nights of crying then on thr fourth night her on slept through and has been ever since. i tried it! no ways! to hear my baby cry and scream and thrash and have real tears pouring down his little chubby cheeks for over three hours! THREE HOURS! did it for two nights, i cried the baby cried, me and my partner nealry murdered each other. wont be trying it again. am trying the no-cry sleep solutions now

[deleted account]

A baby cries because it is their way of communicating a need. A 5 month old is much too young to be crying to manipulate you...so he is communicating a NEED, whether its a need to eat, be comforted, etc. You need to research the harmful effects of letting a child "cry it out." Might I suggest you read The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

Stifler's - posted on 07/29/2010

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I don't know how you girls that don't controlled cry do it. I let Logan cry himself to sleep at 5 weeks like put him down and let him whinge, pat him after a minute then wait 2 minutes then 3 til he was asleep. He's been going to sleep alone forever and it's so much easier than rocking them to sleep etc. Eventually they don't even whinge or cry and just go to sleep when you put them down at nap time.

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