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Feeling of failure

Jessica - posted on 09/15/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a son born Jan 2010 and I have been struggling with this feeling for a while now. I labored with him for 13 hours and was only a 4 before the Dr said I needed a c-section. They monitored my contraction internally for an hour before coming to this decision and they said my contractions were strong enough to allow for progression but I stayed at a 4. I could even feel them through my epidural. For some reason deep down inside I feel as if I rushed into the decision to have a c-section (my emotions were out of control). I can't help but read these stories of other mothers who went through what they call "birth rape" or birth on their schedules and for some reason I feel that I went through that as well. Because of this I feel as if I failed as a woman being unable to birth her child naturally. I want to do a VBAC with my next but my husband thinks I should just go for the planned c-seciton. Is there anyone else who has experienced this & how did you cope with these feelings.

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Heather - posted on 09/29/2011

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My son was also born in January 2010 and I had a scheduled c-section with him. I had not one contraction or pain like that... so I really went through this feeling of not being a real woman. I just try to think about the reason why I had the c-section (my son was way too big to pass, my doctor said) and I try to think about the risk I could have caused him and myself if I actually did have a natural birth... because they weren't 100% sure that he was too big whenever we decided on the planned c-section. But, after I had him my doctor said there was no way I could have passed him through naturally and would have had a c-section anyway. I still struggle with it sometimes, because I missed out on the experience any mother is "supposed to have" ... but in the end it is what was best for my son which is the most important thing.

Denikka - posted on 09/15/2011

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Whenever a birth plan doesn't go the way we expected, it can be a huge let down. Especially with the first child.

Think about this. It's your wedding day, everything is going well, and then someone knocks your cake over and it splatters on your dress. Devastating right? That's what happened with your birth plan.

You just have to remember that the end result couldn't have turned out better :) You have a happy and (I'm hoping) healthy baby. THAT'S the important part. It doesn't really matter HOW they came into the world, just that they got here.

There is no reason that you can't do a VBAC with your second. If that's what you want to do, go for it :)

Just remember that things happen, and sometimes it's out of our control. A birth plan is not set in stone. It's what we WISH would happen. Be flexible and focus on the end result :)

Good luck :)



ETA:

If you feel like you were pushed into a c-section by your Dr last time, arm yourself with as much information as you possibly can for the next time. Know what's happening to your body. If you think it's a good idea, get a doula to advocate for you in the delivery room (as it seems your hubby is more on the pro-C side). A mothers best friend is information. Know what you want and how to get it. But still be flexible if something happens that's out of your control :)

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