feeling trapped

Cheyenne - posted on 09/27/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

406

17

23

hi im 21 and i have a 20 month old and and another on the way in dec. lately ive been feeling trapped like i cant go or do anything without my son. im a stay at home mom while my bf works one full time job and one part time job. i guess i just need to vent because i dont feel its fair to me to be doing all the work for our son. i cook and feed him, do all our laundry, clean up after him, get up with him in the middle of the night, im awake with him if hes up until midnight. its always me. and i know i've had people tell me why dont i go to work and my bf stay home, but it wouldnt work. my bf CANNOT handle our son. he sleeps all the time and i have found my bf sleeping on the couch while hes supposed to be watching our son for 20 min while i take a shower or run to the store for milk. and he is a very heavy sleeper so he cant hear our son wake up. i have 1 good friend and thats all( im not joking). i had 2 other friends but i couldnt handle them blowing me off or not wanting to talk to me when i needed them. we live with my bf parents and they both work full time as well so im pretty much here by myself unless my bf is sleeping from working graveyards. i occasionally get to take the car to my moms house for a few hours but thats about it or if my son has a doc appt. im just feeloing really trapped and helpless. its a dificlt situation for me because my bf does work and he needs the gas to go to work everyday( 60 miles to and from work) so there will be times where i wont even leave the house for a week at a time. ive kinda stoped wanting to make new friends because i dont se the point if i cant even get out of the house and take my car somewhere without my bf permission. and with a new baby coming into the pic im worried things between me and my bf will get even worse. and i wont be able to handle 2 kids by myself. if anyone has gone through this please help. and i was in couseling but i had to stop because my bf didnt think i needed it so i stopped so we wouldnt break up.

and ladies, if you dont have anything nice to say about this then i would suggest dont reply. i have enough problems and i dont need to deal with aruging to someone i dont even know.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Danielle - posted on 10/05/2011

130

31

18

hi hun i know how you feel. i've got my family around me but still feel stuck so to speak, are there any mom and toddler groups near by, either walking distance or on the bus.

where do you live hun, cos here in the uk we have barnardo's who help parent's with different things and childcare to give you respite.

Mindy - posted on 10/04/2011

1

6

0

I feel your pain. I have a 19 month old and a two week old w/ me right now. My car was stolen and I can't really leave the house much at all. I try to get outside as much as possible, for the fresh air and to wear my son out. You can't always be everything to everyone else or you're bound to break. Have you thought about doing public assistance to aid you in going back to school? Just a thought. You're going to be alright baby girl, trust me.

Ashleigh - posted on 10/04/2011

15

0

0

Hey it doesnt get any easier... not until they hit school (well thats what i was told) i know exactly what your feeling like... But i dont have my licence (im afraid of failing) i have 2 kids 20 months and 6 months i dont have any family (because they all drop kicks who i dont want my kids around) i live 9 hours away from my home town and have NO friends the best i could do was circle of mums and even now i dont have any friends.... i have my kids and my fiance and inlaws and let me tell you while i was living with my inlaws it was not a pretty sight. But then everything happens for a reason. the best thing is in 6 years time (if you dont have anymore) you can work go out with friends etc... try asking your inlaws or your mother to watch the bubba for an hour or two and get a coffee with your bf.... you need some couple time try and remember what got you two so attracted to each other to begin with.... But all i can say about him controlling is if its abusive get out... you dont want your children growing up in an inveronment like that (and im not saying he is abusive, but if it ever happens you need to do what is right for you and your kids)..... goodluck

Tiffany - posted on 09/28/2011

310

24

29

i felt the same way when i was staying home w my daughter when she was about 7 months i felt like i was gonna break. everything will be ok. have u tryed going for walks during the day or going to the park it feels like a break bc they kind do entertain themselfs and occasanally there is other ppl there so its nice to be social.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

11 Comments

View replies by

Donna - posted on 10/11/2011

1

20

0

Oh my hun I want you to know as you can already see you are not alone, we all feel this way at one point or another I have 4 children 3 of them are my biological children the other is my step daughter but she lives with us and has since she was 13 so it's like shes my own, and they are 17,15,11 & 21months and I know I felt this way really bad cause I was use to going with my friend and like u I have only 1 friend then i got pregnant and once she was born it was okay at first but am here all day my hubby works long hours and weekends to make extra money and I don't drive so I am here unless my friend calls to go for coffee but i take the baby with me,so that doesn't help I have thot about going to work but it wouldn't be worth it with day care fees,so u are not alone we are all feeling this way and it does get better.if u ever need to chat im here donna.bennett07@yahoo.ca
Hang in there but remember to keep yourself happy and healthy cause you baby needs u and don't feel guilty for taking time to your self u deserve it..

Justina - posted on 10/10/2011

1

2

0

I know how you feel..I m 30 yrs old with 5 kids. 13, 11, 7, 2, and 1. I never get to go anywhere alone or even with just 1 child. I always have at least 2. I homeschool our 7 yr old which makes things even busier. My 2 yr old has therapy 2 hrs a week and my 7 yr old has a TSS 10 hrs a week and a BSC 2 hrs a week, all at our house. She also has a therapy camp 2 days a week and I have to be here to get her on the van and off the van. With all of this going on it makes it difficult to leave the house. But, our local gym has a daycare open certain hrs a day and if you join the gym the daycare is free, so I try to get there as much as I can. I might not have anyone to talk to but it gives me a little alone time to breath and get in shape. But, like you I only have 1 friend and sometimes she is to busy to talk. Things will get easier...:)

Alexandra - posted on 10/10/2011

581

24

1

the meetup website has groups in the USA, i don't know where you are. I have a almost three, an almost two and a 5 month old. It gets busy busy. Try to see things in a positive way, you can do it.

Alexandra - posted on 10/10/2011

581

24

1

i think you should look for mommies groups online. if you can't get out of the house, then you can schedule playdates at your house and the mommies and babies will come. I also think you should continue therapy. you must be at your best to take care of your children, if therapy is what it takes, then it is what it takes. having contact with other mommies and babies will be good for you. go to meetup.com website, there are a lot of groups there. get your partner involved with your babies when he is not working. you all go to the park, or library story time, or even go to do grocery shopping together. i feel you probably need to speak.

RACHEL - posted on 10/09/2011

1

4

0

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND !! i am 26 and i have a 4 1/2 year old and a 20 month old and i fell trapt too. my husband is disabled and a stay at homeparent as well and i t is had for me to even have 2 mins to myself let alone 2 hours. there are times i dont leave the house by myself and it drives me crazy i hate having to ask for time to myself becasue it is like talking to a brick wall even though he is here he still doesnt help much at all and he acts like it will kill him to watch them for even 5 seconds he cant handle them but yet i feel if he would watch them i would be able to go to school and have a job but with him not wanting to change diapers and suck it up it makes it hard for me to breathe so i know how you feel believe me.

Courtney - posted on 10/08/2011

20

6

0

I can totally relate to feeling trapped. I have 4 they are 7, 3, 1, and 8 months. My husband works the night shift and sleeps all day which means I have to do everything else to run the house and take care of the kids. My husband gets up to eat and shower it sucks. I thought about going back to work, but with 3 in daycare and my 8 month old having lots of therapy I feel like I cant ever leave the house. The best thing that I did for myself-mind you I dont know where you are financially- is hire a sitter for two-four hours a week I started with a high school student when we didnt have much money now I use a nanny since I have 4. When the sitter comes I leave her the car-in case of an emergency and I walk and walk. Since things arent to far I may walk to Jewel and get a few items we may need or to the nail place, or get a hair place, sometimes I just go to the pet store and play with the puppies. Most of the time i just walk and take time to myself it really helps calm that trapped feeling. If its really bad and the sitters not due for a few days Ill strap the kids into a stroller and walk. If counseling helps you Id say go back. You need to take care of you so you can take care of them-vicious cycle I know. It does get easier when they get older. When my 7 year old started school I got to meet other people in the neighborhood that felt like I do and we would talk after we ropped off the kids. There are days when I realize I havent talked to another human person for a week at a time other then my kids. Hang in there. If you ever need some body to vent to feel free to e-mail me. car2192000@yahoo.com. Good luck I hope i was able to help a little to let you know you arent alone-until I read your post I was starting to loose it. Your post really helped me so thank you for voiceing what you were thinking!

Claudia - posted on 10/07/2011

11

33

0

I am sorry you are feeling this way - it is not fun - I felt like that too (my bub is 21 months), and being pregnant again with the hormones surging - my heart goes out to you. Keep your chin up - all my friends who have had the 2nd bub says it gets better/easier. It does take men a while to 'become' dads - we have 9months to really bond and deal with what is about to change our lives they don't - My husband is a lot better now but at 1st I was a little nervous that it was gonna be a 1 woman show - my other friend said it took her husband 2 almost 3 years until he got it - I hope I am not making you feel worse I am just trying to say men can be clueless and you just have to take each day as a fresh start and be strong for your bubs until he gets it or decide you want something else and change the situation.
Do you have any playgroups you could maybe walk to or a park that way you get out of the house and can get some adult time and some social time for your little one? Sleep changes everything too - I know that being an at home mum means you are cooking, cleaning and the list goes on but if you can take naps when your little one sleeps you should really try to sleep - I can only go on what I felt and it was the days I was really sleep deprived that I felt desperate, trapped and lost. Is there someone you trust that could come and watch your bub and give you a couple extra hours sleep here or there?
I hope this helps - you are not alone even when you feel like you are
Hugs,
Claudia

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms