Grandparents Overstepping Boundaries

Heather - posted on 04/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My mother is really overstepping her boundaries and interfering with the way my husband and I want to parent. It's tough because my parents help me out alot by watching my son and buying him different things. She just doesn't think he should have rules. How should I bring this up without it causing a bigger problem?

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Gail - posted on 04/27/2012

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I am a grandmother that oversteps boundaries. I am the primary caretaker of my 2 grandchildren. My live with them and my dil is gone 60+ hours a week for her job and many hours doing who knows what. I have a life treating medical condition and could die any day. My 3 year old grandson also has it and only has a 64% chance of surviving to age 20. It changes your perspective on a lot of things. Eating candy before dinner doesn't seem like a big deal.



Anyway, kids are able to understand that they can have grandma rules at her house and home rules at home. A grandparent "spoiling" a child can be good for them. My kids grandparents weren't involved with them, were no help, and didn't give them anything. My mom sent each $5 at Christmas. I had involved grandparents that took me places, did things with me, were there with I was sick, and gave me presents and I have great memories of my grandparents.



You can learn how to parent your style even if your mother doesn't follow your rules. Divorced parents go through this all the time. They can't tell the other parent how to parent. When the kids come back from visitation with the other parent there can be a transition time that it takes the kids to adjust. The kids can try to play one parent against the other. The solution isn't to complain to the other parent. The solution is to deal with the issues with the child. "That may be how things are done at dad's house but that isn't what we do." You can do the same kind of communication with your kids about your mother without saying anything bad about her. "Grandmas are special and you get to eat extra candy at her house."

Sarah - posted on 04/24/2012

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When I went through this with my mom I told her that I didn't like that my kids could do whatever they wanted. Everytime they were at my parents I would have to retrain my kids and tell them whinning wasn't a way to get what you want. My mom would always give my kids whatever they wanted if they whined about it. I just told her I understand she is grandma and you want to spoil them but they still need some structure. She would give them candy a lot before a meal and I told her I don't mind if she gives them candy after they eat. They need to eat healthy first. Just tell your mother how you feel and be understanding of her perspective and hopefully everything will work. My mom continued to spoil them but not as bad but I was ok with that because she had cancer and I knew she was just doing it because she wouldn't be here much longer to spoil them at all. Because I did understand where she was coming from she was willing to try to understand where I was coming from and made compromises. Good Luck!

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