Husband has been putting off having another baby

Michi - posted on 07/05/2011

I say talk again. Definitely keep the lines of communication OPEN! We all know that we are the ones that will have to do that, b/c our husbands/partners will not. If this is so important for you, it should be to him as well (to want to please his wife). Instead of him always making an excuse he needs to let you know exactly what he is feeling so that you are not confused about where his head is at with this situation. Honestly, my husband knew from the get-go that I wanted more than one, preferrably two when we got married. I am an only child & I swore that I did not want to put my kids through that. As soon as my daughter was 6 months, we started trying and we got pregnant. But it was definitely something we were both comfortable with. This is the place both of you need to be before making this commitment. But be sincere and loving when you approach him with this. Do no prolong confronting the subject b/c eventually you will resent him and that is not a good situation. He, as your husband, needs to listen to you and you need to express your true feelings - seriously to him. Plus you don't want your child to be an only child. Maybe you could start there. :)

Julia - posted on 07/05/2011

if you can't talk about it with him that is not a good thing...bring it up...he may have some underlying fears about having kids that have never been voiced...always good to find out about them before pregnancy...

Helen - posted on 06/30/2011

Hi Joyanne, maybe you need to read between the lines in what he is saying. It sounds to me like he is wanting more security before you have another child together. Its easy for us mummies to forget sometimes that the men see themselves as 'the provider' and feel that the shoulder a lot of responsibility in regards to providing for you and your children. Perhaps he sees the additional child as an extra burden in this responsibility. I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, but its always worth considering the other persons perspective and the reasons BEHIND what they want/ don't want. It makes communicating and working through the issues a lot easier. Good luck x

Dale - posted on 06/30/2011

Before trying for my second child my husband went back and forth. At one point he would say he was done having children, and at other times he would say eventually. Eventually we decided when the time was right for both of us. Honestly men see all aspects of baby preparation more than women. Perhaps your husband is not where he planned to be when having a second child and is trying to postpone it until he achieves that. That is a lot of the father's concerns, although they do not say so. Don't force trying because if he is at least open to having another one then it will happen eventually. Ask him in a light manner, so there is no pressure on him. If you pressure him he will feel corned between wanting to make you happy and wanting what he wants at the same time. Be sure to discuss your concerns as well, but remember, although plans are good there is always room for change. Communication is key with the idea of a baby first and foremost, you want to make sure you are both on the same page to avoid any resentment later in life. Good luck, and remember if you both want a baby it will happen regardless of the conflict of timing.

Alexandra - posted on 06/24/2011

from my point of view, you should always talk clearly and openly to your husband about anything.

Joyanne - posted on 06/24/2011

well before his reasons were:
1. TOO soon
2. Not enough money
3. wants the first one out of diapers before we have another one
4. when we buy a house
and some other I can't think of, but everytime I ask its a different reason, so I don't know some of me says "well if he doesn't help out with the first, why in the heck do I want another one with him. It's just very discourging when we actually sit down and talk about it.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/23/2011

So you can see no reason why he wouldn't want another one, at all? He hasn't said something?

Joyanne - posted on 06/23/2011

wouldn't be exhausted from the first one he doesn't feed or change her so i doubt it's that.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/23/2011

Lol :) Mirena, I need that. I got pregnant 1 month after having my son so now we're due with second boy in September

I meant it as more of a fantasy to dream upon anyway, Amanda. Most of my advice has silly/ridiculous peices of it that sometimes throw people off. A lady was talking about having issues with holding her bladder after having a kid, I said buy a viberater to get those muscles working again lol
Another was asking what she should do on her resume, I said lie. It's just advice, take it all with a grain of salt anyway.

Joyanne. What has he exactly said to you the few times you have talked about it? What do you think could be causing him to say 'wait'? Is it his job? A promotion he's waiting for? Exhausted from the 1st one still? Wants a bigger house? Wants the first one to be out of diapers before having another? (don't know why but a lot of people wait for this reason)

He really should be talking to you hun and it might help some of us offer better advice to help more specifically if we knew what you have talked about. How he has reacted. What you said during these talks

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2011

Sorry Nichole, I really wasn't trying to be snarky, but turn the tables around. What if you absolutely were dead set against having another child and your husband poked holes in his condom or something of that nature and you got pregnant? How would you feel then? It isn't a cool thing for anyone to do.

Joyanne - posted on 06/23/2011

I have Mirena so that wouldn't work anyways lol

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/23/2011

They already have 1, what's the big deal? I think you saying my advice is terrible is terrible. Thanks :)



She just needs to talk to him and figure out why he doesn't want one. He should be talking to her expecially if it is such a big deal, so even if you dont' want to just spring 'I'm pregnant' on him, fine. But he needs to open up and care more about her feelings at least

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2011

Sorry Nichole but that is terrible advice. Never ever trick a man into fathering a child. Joyanne, just try to keep the lines of communication open. He may have reasons that are very sound to him. Being open and honest is the only way you can resolve this situation.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/22/2011

Just have another. You talked about it, he wants to do it. Do the whole 'omg oops I must have missed a pill'. Whether you wait until your current one is 5 or 3 - it's not going to be that big of a difference and I totally agree with it being better for some women (raises hand and jumps up and down lol) to have 2 kids close in age. I'd say talk to him 1 more time, tell him you want another and don't want to wait, period. If he tries stalling, try to understand why but if it seems like a lame excuse?! Why keep pestering.... :P I know communication is key but time is also key on these things..... time to move on in life and live it instead of stalling about it

Joyanne - posted on 06/22/2011

i go back and fourth on that see i am a stay at home mother, so, if I wait until she is 5-shes off at school then, then i have to start over with anouther one no thanks.

Joyanne - posted on 06/22/2011

we only have one right now and we want 2.

Rebekah - posted on 06/22/2011

My husband does this. I am wanting a 2nd child and he keeps on telling me no. For a lot of reasons. I talked to him about having a nother one when our daughter is in kindergarten and he agreed with me. He just did not want to have 2 babies in diapers. I understood.

Erin - posted on 06/22/2011

Definitely talk. Open communication is key. Maybe there is something bothering him at work or is feeling stressed about something. Give him the chance to explain and tell him how you are feeling. How many kids do you have now? How many do you want to have?